Riddled With Guilt

[Biscuitsmom31]

Perhaps I should've posted this under a pseudonym but I'm going to face the music as myself. I'm having a dilemma over an ipod.

First off I have 4 kids: DS 11, DD 10, DSD 10, and DS 6. All of them are about to turn a year older this and next month. Well, DS 11 and DD 10 are getting ipod nanos for Christmas from their dad (Ex). DH and I don't have $150 to fork out to buy one for DSD 10. We were only planning to spend $50 apiece on the kids. But, we did feel bad that two were getting nanos and two weren't. I mentioned this issue at work the other day during lunch.

So, today one of the lawyers I work for comes in and hands me an unopened box containing an ipod touch. She claims she bought it for a girl she was mentoring for her birthday 6 months ago. But the girl already had one so it's been sitting on a shelf in her closet for 6 months. She heard me talking about DSD and thought it was God's plan for me to have it.

It's an incredibly sweet gesture but I personally think this $230 ipod touch is too nice for a 10 year old girl. In fact, I bet she would be happier with one of the colorful kid-looking nanos. It seems a terrible waste to me. I have tried to give it back a couple of times but she insists that I keep it and not feel bad.

What to do??

 

[momof1princess]

could you maybe talk with the boss and let her know your daughter isn't quite ready for it yet and ask to donate it to a christmas wish charity?

 

[themarquis]

It strikes me that you could try selling it on ebay or craigslist, and then take the money to buy a more appropriate ipod. You could give the lawyer the remaining money, or donate it to needy kids or something.

It seems like if you explain the problem to the lawyer, they might tell you to go ahead and do that with their blessing. You could frame it as an issue of "I'm so thankful for this, but I'm afraid a young child would break or damage it ... a cheaper, more kid-friendly nano would be better for a child ... do you mind if I <blah blah blah>" and then emphasize that you'll donate the rest of the money or something like that.

 

[mlynn]

I would be so happy!! How nice of her to think of you. Maybe find out where she got it and trade it in for the one you would lke your daughter to have. Or find out where she got and see if you can get the insurance on it. My nephew 14 paid $20 extra for his ipod and it was the best thing he ever bought. He has had replaced 2x's

But make sure when you can Payit forward. Because that was from her heart that she thought of you.

 

[Biscuitsmom31]

But make sure when you can Payit forward. Because that was from her heart that she thought of you.

Yes it is extremely nice of her and the last thing I want to do is be rude or ungrateful.

 

[BriarfoxinWA]

It strikes me that you could try selling it on ebay or craigslist, and then take the money to buy a more appropriate ipod. You could give the lawyer the remaining money, or donate it to needy kids or something.

It seems like if you explain the problem to the lawyer, they might tell you to go ahead and do that with their blessing. You could frame it as an issue of "I'm so thankful for this, but I'm afraid a young child would break or damage it ... a cheaper, more kid-friendly nano would be better for a child ... do you mind if I <blah blah blah>" and then emphasize that you'll donate the rest of the money or something like that.

I think this is a great idea.

 

[Briarmom]

If you're going to spend about $50 apiece, you can get the 10 year old an iPod shuffle.

That was so very sweet of the lawyer to think of you that way. I'd just ask if it's possible to donate it to charity.

 

[LanaJayne]

I think the ipod touch is so much better than the nano, especially since it can be used to watch movies and access the internet as well as play music. I do agree it is a bit much for 10/11 year olds, but would be really nice to have since 2 of the kids will have nanos.

If it isn't opened, maybe it could be exchanged at the apple store for an ipod nano and some accessories (itunes cards, cases, speakers, etc.)

What a nice gesture from your co-worker.

From our experience, our oldest started with a nano, but received an ipod touch from a family member and really, really likes that so much more. I think it is the access to youtube and movies, etc. that makes it so appealing. Could the older 2 get birthday/christmas money and upgrade to the ipod touch if they choose to and if not then they would have nanos and there would one itouch in the family. (We have 2 kids, close in age and they share the ipod touch.) This just gets crazier and crazier!!!

I would try to exchange it at the apple store first. Good Luck!! It is a good problem to have!

 

[EpcotBeauty]

Just thank her graciously and don't look a gift horse in the mouth.

ETA: I think it is in very poor taste to ask the lawyer to donate it to charity. You (general "you", not saying the OP would do this) are basically throwing her gift in her face....tacky.

 

[Darcy03231]

As she gave it to you to give to your daughter that's what I would do, with many thanks. She wanted your daughter to have it. If it were a case of donating it to a charity she could have done that on her own.

 

[RitaE]

I also would ask the Lawyer if it is ok to sell it. Maybe you could get the 10yo an iPod Nano and the little one a cute little shuffle then?

I wouldn't feel comfortable with two of my children getting Nanos and one child getting a much nicer gift - that is bound to cause some hard feelings.

 

[cinmell]

Just thank her graciously and don't look a gift horse in the mouth.

As she gave it to you to give to your daughter that's what I would do, with many thanks. She wanted your daughter to have it. If it were a case of donating it to a charity she could have done that on her own.

I agree with the two posts above. How thoughtful of her.

 

[Biscuitsmom31]

I wouldn't feel comfortable with two of my children getting Nanos and one child getting a much nicer gift - that is bound to cause some hard feelings.

I'm worried about that too. Especially with the nanos coming from their dad. DSD will also be getting nice gifts from her mother/mother's family. I'd hate to buy them $50 gifts and then hand DSD a $230 gift. It's really DS 6 that gets the shaft (gift-wise) since he doesn't have any other parents than DH and I. Then again, having both his parents together raising him is much better than any gift.

 

[wilderness01]

I would thank her and give it to your daughter. I wouldn't look to sell it or give it away to charity. She could have done it herself, but didn't.

 

[DawnCt1]

As she gave it to you to give to your daughter that's what I would do, with many thanks. She wanted your daughter to have it. If it were a case of donating it to a charity she could have done that on her own.

EXACTLY! I would be extremely insulted if someone gave me a gift that met a need (and it does meet more than a need), and I found out that they sold it or donated it. I could have done that myself and taken a tax deduction.

 

[wilderness01]

I'm worried about that too. Especially with the nanos coming from their dad. DSD will also be getting nice gifts from her mother/mother's family. I'd hate to buy them $50 gifts and then hand DSD a $230 gift. It's really DS 6 that gets the shaft (gift-wise) since he doesn't have any other parents than DH and I. Then again, having both his parents together raising him is much better than any gift.

DS 6 will never know the price of one ipod compared to the next as he is much too young. I bet if you get him a shuffle, although for my son, 6 would be too young, he would be thrilled. He is too young for anything else.

 

[robinb]

You're in a tough position. Your ex is certainly within his rights to buy his kids whatever he wants without considering if you can afford the same thing for your step-DD. OTOH, it will cause strife if one kid has a nicer MP3 player (the iPod Touch) than the others (the Nano). I have an iPhone and the "coolness" factor of the Touch (the same unit without calling capabilities) far surpasses the Nano. And you probably should stick with Apple products now so you can use the same iTunes program to load playlists on everyone's MP3 player.

Maybe you can sell the Touch and use the proceeds to buy a Nano and a nice case and an iTunes card with the remainder.

 

[Biscuitsmom31]

DS 6 will never know the price of one ipod compared to the next as he is much too young. I bet if you get him a shuffle, although for my son, 6 would be too young, he would be thrilled. He is too young for anything else.

I don't think I'll be getting an ipod of any kind for DS 6 for a while. Right now his favorite thing in the world is the dump truck my parents gave him last year. He'd probably be much happier with similar items.

 

[Darcy03231]

I'm worried about that too. Especially with the nanos coming from their dad. DSD will also be getting nice gifts from her mother/mother's family. I'd hate to buy them $50 gifts and then hand DSD a $230 gift. It's really DS 6 that gets the shaft (gift-wise) since he doesn't have any other parents than DH and I. Then again, having both his parents together raising him is much better than any gift.

This is a battle you'll never win. DH and I have four kids between the 2 of us (he has two from his first marriage and I have two from my first marriage). There is no way you'll ever make everything equal, the same or fair for all four of them so don't waste your energy trying to. DH's ex-wife is in a much better place financially than my ex-husband so his kids have definitely made out better than mine on material things. On the flip side his ex-wife is an alcoholic and is emotionally unstable. His children have had to deal with that too. My ex isn't in a great financial situation (he's on disability due to a severe car accident that happened after we were divorced. The other driver didn't have insurance and the ex only had a minimal amount) but he loves his children very much, is there for them whenever they need him and they know it. If you ask me, my kids have the better deal.

 

[Handbag Lady]

As she gave it to you to give to your daughter that's what I would do, with many thanks. She wanted your daughter to have it. If it were a case of donating it to a charity she could have done that on her own.

I agree. Accept the gift graciously and write a thank you.