"Retard" and "Retarded"

[MareQ]

Does anyone know what the correct term is to refer to people who are "mentally retarded" but do not have Down's Syndrome? Is there a term that is not offensive?

Cognitively Impaired

 

[goofy!]

Sorry to be ignorant, but of all these posts I don't recall anyone indicating
the proper term for some who is &^%^*(

What are we to say? He's "different", he's "slow"? You can see Downs and know what it is. What about all of the other things. Should we ask "what's wrong"

I don't want to start a debate about political correctness, but mentally retarded does not seem offensive to me. Tard and retard I can understand as offensive. Everyone has said what not to say, how bout telling me what is proper non-offensive?

Mother of a daughter with Down syndrome (18) and former board member of the local Down syndrome association. Hopefully I can help just a tiny bit.

First of all, realize that everybody has their own level of tolerance for what bothers them about how something is referred to. But here are some of the most common triggers that might offend that have been discussed in our group over the years.

People with Down syndrome are just that. PEOPLE who just happen to have Down syndrome. So, instead of saying Down's kids or Down's adults (they are not owned by Dr. Downs - the guy who first described the syndrome), it is better to say kids with Down syndrome or adults with Down syndrome. You want to put the emphasis on the kids and people first. I am guessing that this would apply to most groups - ie: autistic kids vs. kids with autism. Kids with a developmental delay rather than retarded kid. It is believed that when you hear the syndrome first, it then puts the emphasis on the syndrome and not the person with the syndrome.

Another thing that can be offensive to some people. There is no 's in Down syndrome. Ie: not Down's syndrome, but Down syndrome. The D in Down in capitalized, the "s" in syndrome is not.

And another trigger for some people. It is not Downs or Down's. That can be as offensive to some relatives as shortening mentally retarded to retard. So, if possible, refer to it as Down syndrome. Although, I have to admit, I am guilty of shortening it at times.

That said, most of the parents/relatives I know will not be offended if you make a mistake in language while genuinely trying to understand. Most of us can't keep up with the latest proper terminology, let alone expect the "typical" public to know. And each group has their own things that offend or might not offend. So, although I am very familiar with what are considered offenses in the world of Down syndrome, I have absolutely no idea what would be offensive in the world of another syndrome. Only if the speaker was clear that they were meaning to be offensive, would most of the people I know be offended.

Don't let fear of making a verbal mistake keep you from befriending somebody with special needs. Just always try to take the gentler approach.

Don't go up to somebody and say: Hey is your daughter retarded? Probably better to couch it in a softer language such as special needs, have some challenges in her life? , etc.

 

[Scutapipig]

Mom of son with Down syndrome here....

Someone earlier mentioned the word SPED. This has been around since I was younger. I posted on another thread regarding this term a while back and everyone seemed to think it was ok. The "word" (I use that loosely) is derived from SPecial EDucation....SPED.

As far as using the words Mental retardation, retardation, mentally impaired, cognitive impairment, Down syndrome, or Mongoloid, I don't have a problem. The majority of the people using these words are trying to gain information and to make themselves more aware of the diagnosis and therefore, will gain my respect. They are attempting to educate themselves and therefore, I have no issues when those words are used in the correct context.

My father called my son a mongoloid when he first heard the diagnosis of Down syndrome. I took no offense since that was the term his generation grew up knowing and understanding. I don't expect everyone to know what the current politically correct term is for the week and I refuse to correct someone when they are simply trying to have an adult discussion to learn.

I WILL correct someone when they are flip or using the word in a derogatory manner.

 

[goofy!]

I certainly understand that used as an insult or a joke the word "retarded" is offensive. No question! However, is the word itelf offensive if used in a legitimate way?

There is more of a stigma to the word "retarded" when it stands alone. When used in its proper context "Mentally Retarded", although it may still make some people flinch a bit, it is still considered proper (at least in my circle). But "retarded" alone now has almost the same flinch capacity as retard.

But as Scutapig said so well above (and what I was trying to say), most people won't be offended at a word if you are genuinely trying to find out more about our kids.

Parents would much rather have a person want to get to know our kids/relatives for who they are rather than be worried about linguistics.

 

[SandrainNC]

It was one of those all day dance competitions and we were grabbing a quick lunch in the lobby. I heard their music start in a muffled way - I assumed that it was "Let's Get it Started" but then I thought I heard the other version;

My younger sister used to compete so I know exactly what you are talking about with the all day stuff. I probably would have been like, am I hearing that right????

A mother on one of my Down syndrome boards e-mailed the black eyed peas about this song. The original song is the "let's get retarded" version and then they were approached by the sports people and changed it for that. Someone from the Black Eyed Peas actually responded to the mom and said they were sorry about her child and they didn't mean anything by the song. She responded back something like "don't be sorry about my child blah blah and yes they did mean something by that song, etc." I remember her posting about it when it first came out. I couldn't believe they actually responded.

Sandra

 

[WDWfan36]

At my high school we arent aloud to say "retard" they say if we MUST say it we have to say " mental retardation"

That's what happened with my school too

 

[SandrainNC]

At my high school we arent aloud to say "retard" they say if we MUST say it we have to say " mental retardation"

I heard a teacher call into a radio show one time and say it. I was like, you have got to be kidding!

Sandra

 

[Cool-Beans]

I still use the word "retarded" to describe someone who is mentally retarded, carrying no rotten conotation. I'd say something like, "mentally challenged" or "cognitively impaired," or whatever is currently popular, but when people use phrases like that I'm left wondering, "Is he stupid? Learning disability? Mentally retarded? What?" It is just more clear that way.

I'll say "autistic" or "Down's" if someone has one of those conditions, but if they don't, "retarded" is accurate. And only carries a negative connotation if you view it that way. If someone has a substitue that is specific, I'm open to it.

 

[Sandy22]

I was taught the correct term is "a person with developmental disabilities" instead of "mentally retarded". "Wheelchair-bound" is also offensive to some people. "A person who uses a wheelchair" is more appropriate.

 

[4cruisin]

Mom of son with Down syndrome here....

Someone earlier mentioned the word SPED. This has been around since I was younger. I posted on another thread regarding this term a while back and everyone seemed to think it was ok. The "word" (I use that loosely) is derived from SPecial EDucation....SPED.

As far as using the words Mental retardation, retardation, mentally impaired, cognitive impairment, Down syndrome, or Mongoloid, I don't have a problem. The majority of the people using these words are trying to gain information and to make themselves more aware of the diagnosis and therefore, will gain my respect. They are attempting to educate themselves and therefore, I have no issues when those words are used in the correct context.

My father called my son a mongoloid when he first heard the diagnosis of Down syndrome. I took no offense since that was the term his generation grew up knowing and understanding. I don't expect everyone to know what the current politically correct term is for the week and I refuse to correct someone when they are simply trying to have an adult discussion to learn.

I WILL correct someone when they are flip or using the word in a derogatory manner.

Bravo. I bet by having the attitude and understanding you showed in the above post, you have educated many people. The correct phrases for disabilities are so varied and change from one person to the next. If I refer to someone as diabled, they may take offense as they prefer physically challenged.

By being tolerant and willing to educate people, you are also teaching compassion.

 

[daughter_of_amid_chaos]

Just to make you even more angry, this is the worst thing I've seen in a long time:

Last year, at a dance competition, a group of maybe 9-12 year olds danced to "Let's Get Retarded" (a distasteful remake of Black-Eyed Peas "Let's Get it Started." ) They were all in costumes that had something "wrong" or "odd" about them...e.g., a girl in a pink tu-tu with big knee pads. In their dance, they were actually acting "retarded." .

Actually... Sadly "Let's Get Retarded" is the actual song the Black Eyed Peas recorded. That is what is on their album. "Let's Get It Started" was the radio edit because it would be absolutely horrendous if the radio stations played the actual lyrics.

 

[VSL]

I'll say "autistic" or "Down's" if someone has one of those conditions, but if they don't, "retarded" is accurate. And only carries a negative connotation if you view it that way. If someone has a substitue that is specific, I'm open to it.

Yeah, same here (although I tend to use other phrases as I just don't like the word 'retarded').

Also, I believe that in the UK, 'gay' actually has a number of meanings, including
- homosexual
- happy
- negative term about something
which is how Chris Moyles got away with saying it on Radio1.

This thing is, the PC terms keep changing as the old and current terms start to carry a stigma.
For example, the term 'psychopath' is no longer acceptable - now, it's 'anti-social behaviour disorder'. I think 'schizophrenia' will be the next to go.
'Manic depression' is now officially 'bipolar disorder'.

Thing is people will always latch on to the current acceptable terms and so they become offensive (or carry a stigma), and they have to be changed again. I do think that in most cases, it really has to do with the intention of the speaker rather than the word itself, because these words were once acceptable and correct terms to use.

 

[sugarpie]

Actually... Sadly "Let's Get Retarded" is the actual song the Black Eyed Peas recorded. That is what is on their album. "Let's Get It Started" was the radio edit because it would be absolutely horrendous if the radio stations played the actual lyrics.

Are you kidding??? That is horrible. I can't believe there wasn't a boycott or something.

 

[minkydog]

I grew up with an uncle who had mild mental retardation (not Downs Syndrome). I don't recall any negativity towards him but he passed away when I was 14. However when I was in 7th grade we had a foster child who was profoundly mentally retarded staying with us. (I don't know the current politically correct terms and am not saying anything that is intentionally offensive). "Gayle" was about 1 year older than me. One time we went shopping with my parents. Gayle and I waited at the front of the store while my parents were waiting in a long check out line. A lady came over to me and said something like "your're parents must have been big sinners to have a child like this". I just said no your parents must have been big sinners to have a child like you. At that point the lady threatened to go tell my parents what I said and a few shoppers were standing around. Someone who overheard the intial converstation went and called the store manager over. By then my parents were over near me and the lady told them I called her a big sinner. Before my parents could say anything another customer filled them in. The lady then said something about teaching children to be respectful to their elders. My mom said something like "I teach my children to be respectful to those who deserve respect" The store manager told the lady to get out of the store and he didn't want her to come back to the store since he didn't appreciate ignorant customers.

On a good note is how one fire department treated my uncle. I don't know how it started but my uncle used to go to the fire department most nights. All he did was sit around, watch tv, talk to the firefighters at the station etc. When he passed away my older brother notified the fire station. The day of my uncle's funeral every fire fighter from the city came to the funeral home and they had another city temporary covering the firestation. My uncle who wasn't a firefighter, a veteran or anything was treated to tribute from the firefighters including the American flag drapped over the coffin etc.

I couldn't find a "happy-teary" smiley but i wanted you to know this story just made my day. My 11yo son is severely mentally retarded and it's nice to know that other people think his life is important, too. Thanks so much for sharing

 

[Cool-Beans]

I think that when people start getting upset over diction, with no regard to intent, that they just want to be offended. No matter what other people do, they'll find a way to be offended. So, I don't worry too much about that.

I used to (and once in a while still do) say, "That is so gay!" Sometimes things were just "gay," but more often they were "so gay." It had nothing to do with gay people. I have one gay friend (my age) who still says it sometimes, too. We meant no offense.

 

[LindsayDunn228]

I think a lot of older folks are just not keeping up with the changes and younger people still hear it. Not too long ago those terms were all over the media.

A lot of older folks still use the word "cripple." I am not crippled, please don't call me a cripple.

Let's not forget "special." But really, it disgusts me that people let their kids say such things (and that adults say those things disgists me more).

I HATE this too. I especially hate the phrase "special needs." If someone has a disability, they have a disability. Special needs just sounds so ridiculous to me and if you call me "special needs" I will correct you and tell you not to EVER call me that.

I have also learned, since my dear SIL became paralyzed, that 'handicapped' is not a very favorable term either. She prefers using the word "accessible" as in 'an accessible parking space'. She does use the word 'disabled', although I have heard to some people refer to it as 'less abled' - stressing the positive instead of the negative

I am a paraplegic. Like my other post, I don't care for handicapped either. It's like crippled. I say "accessible space" as well. I don't mind disabled because that's what I am. Less abled? Sorry, that's just so sacharine-y for me.

 

[4cruisin]

A lot of older folks still use the word "cripple." I am not crippled, please don't call me a cripple.


I HATE this too. I especially hate the phrase "special needs." If someone has a disability, they have a disability. Special needs just sounds so ridiculous to me and if you call me "special needs" I will correct you and tell you not to EVER call me that.



I am a paraplegic. Like my other post, I don't care for handicapped either. It's like crippled. I say "accessible space" as well. I don't mind disabled because that's what I am. Less abled? Sorry, that's just so sacharine-y for me.

For the most part, I do not believe people use terms in a derogatory way. They just don't know better. Acceptable phrases change about as often as fashion does. To correct someone and tell them to NEVER call you that would be very hurtful to someone that did not what term YOU prefer.

To me, education along with understanding, compassion and tolerance would go a lot further than telling me to NEVER call you something.

BTW, the term accessible space means nothing to me. Accessible to whom or what? It has always been "Handicapped Parking" in my vocabulary. Sometimes people take PC to far extemes.

 

[hpsauce]

I think that when people start getting upset over diction, with no regard to intent, that they just want to be offended. No matter what other people do, they'll find a way to be offended. So, I don't worry too much about that.

I used to (and once in a while still do) say, "That is so gay!" Sometimes things were just "gay," but more often they were "so gay." It had nothing to do with gay people. I have one gay friend (my age) who still says it sometimes, too. We meant no offense.

When people use terms that they know offend other people without regard to their feelings, they are being careless and insensitive, regardless of their "intent".

 

[cardaway]

For the most part, I do not believe people use terms in a derogatory way. They just don't know better. Acceptable phrases change about as often as fashion does. To correct someone and tell them to NEVER call you that would be very hurtful to someone that did not what term YOU prefer.

To me, education along with understanding, compassion and tolerance would go a lot further than telling me to NEVER call you something.

Some would rather flip people attitude and then wonder later why they get treated differently. If people don't know what words you prefer there is no reason do get nasty with them.

 

[VSL]

Actually... Sadly "Let's Get Retarded" is the actual song the Black Eyed Peas recorded. That is what is on their album. "Let's Get It Started" was the radio edit because it would be absolutely horrendous if the radio stations played the actual lyrics.

Really?

I'm actually quite shocked about that.