"Retard" and "Retarded"

[Nancy]

Just to make you even more angry, this is the worst thing I've seen in a long time:

Last year, at a dance competition, a group of maybe 9-12 year olds danced to "Let's Get Retarded" (a distasteful remake of Black-Eyed Peas "Let's Get it Started." ) They were all in costumes that had something "wrong" or "odd" about them...e.g., a girl in a pink tu-tu with big knee pads. In their dance, they were actually acting "retarded."

I'd have bounced them out of the competion so fast, they wouldn't have known what hit them. I would have truly stopped their music. It's one thing if an idiot dance teacher thought this would be cute, but what were the PARENTS of all those kids thinking? They were just cheering their kids on to beat the band. Afterwards I wrote an angry letter to the company that put on the competition, but didn't receive a response.

I think you posted on that back then didn't you? I would have been furious as the parent of one of those dancers. There is no way a child of mine would have danced to that song (I use that term lightly). I obsolutely detest the use of that word in a derogatory manner. My kids know better but once in a while it comes out of their mouths and they will hear form me big time. I also get upset when someone makes a joke about "old timers disease". I work with someone who thinks it's funny to call it that. I truly believe that growing up with a handicapped person has made ME a better person. I was blessed to have a special person in my life.

 

[minkydog]

This reminds me of the time my DS's best friend ate dinner with us. They got to joking around at the table and the friend called my son a Retard. Well, you could have heard a pin drop at that table...there sat my other son, the mentally handicapped one, at the other end of the table trying valiantly to feed himself. We all looked at each other in utter disbelief. My DS whispered to his friend, "Not cool, man" and that was the end of that. Friend got the message without a shot being fired and he never did it again.

People don't realize the power of their words. "Stupid" "retard" "fool" are worse than curse words in my household. We laugh about the funny things my handicapped son does, but we don't make fun of him in a derogatory way. His life is way too hard to make it a joke.

 

[cardaway]

I think a lot of older folks are just not keeping up with the changes and younger people still hear it. Not too long ago those terms were all over the media.

I work with a lot of people with Downs and I've heard the older ones use those terms.

 

[marlasmom]

Being, as I am, of advanced age, I did not realize that "retarded" or "mentally retarded" was offensive. Now I do. However, we never, ever, made fun of anyone.

I haven't used that term in many years. I also once said "deaf and dumb" and was corrected to "mute." That's a biggie too.

 

[Stitchfans]

Sad to say this goes on for many situations. I agree I wish some people would think before they talk. There would be a lot less hurt feelings.

 

[clori]

I grew up with an uncle who had mild mental retardation (not Downs Syndrome). I don't recall any negativity towards him but he passed away when I was 14. However when I was in 7th grade we had a foster child who was profoundly mentally retarded staying with us. (I don't know the current politically correct terms and am not saying anything that is intentionally offensive). "Gayle" was about 1 year older than me. One time we went shopping with my parents. Gayle and I waited at the front of the store while my parents were waiting in a long check out line. A lady came over to me and said something like "your're parents must have been big sinners to have a child like this". I just said no your parents must have been big sinners to have a child like you. At that point the lady threatened to go tell my parents what I said and a few shoppers were standing around. Someone who overheard the intial converstation went and called the store manager over. By then my parents were over near me and the lady told them I called her a big sinner. Before my parents could say anything another customer filled them in. The lady then said something about teaching children to be respectful to their elders. My mom said something like "I teach my children to be respectful to those who deserve respect" The store manager told the lady to get out of the store and he didn't want her to come back to the store since he didn't appreciate ignorant customers.

On a good note is how one fire department treated my uncle. I don't know how it started but my uncle used to go to the fire department most nights. All he did was sit around, watch tv, talk to the firefighters at the station etc. When he passed away my older brother notified the fire station. The day of my uncle's funeral every fire fighter from the city came to the funeral home and they had another city temporary covering the firestation. My uncle who wasn't a firefighter, a veteran or anything was treated to tribute from the firefighters including the American flag drapped over the coffin etc.

 

[Am_I_There_Yet]

Those with small children, DO start teaching them now to not use those words. It is a HUGE thing to say in all three of my daughter's age levels.

I have one DD8, a DD16 and a DD fixing to turn 21. I've heard it slip past all three of their mouths and I hear their friends use it all the time. I pulled my DD8 aside in the grocery store the other day, mortified after she'd called something mundane (I can't even remember what it was now) retarded.

She's the worst. She lives with her mother, where manners, nor good grammar for that matter, are emphasized. Burping, passing gas and thinking it's funny, speaking like she's never attended school, oh, I could go on and on.

On her weekends with me, it's like we're constantly correcting her and I feel bad. I will not however, put up with that anymore than I have when I heard my own two use it.

DD16 is a HUGE advocate for the underdog and I know when she's let it slip, that it hasn't been meant to be hurtful, it's just something that she hears all the time and unfortunately picked it up. It's sad.

I'm proud to say that it's been rare to hear them say it and I can't remember the last time I heard it. Now, I get on to people for calling things "gay". That's the other new "cool" word.

 

[mickeyfan2]

I have seen the word SPED replacing RETARD in the local teens. It is used in the same way and with the same intent, just a new word.

 

[ckay87]

Using the word in a derogatory manner is a very middle-school thing to do and I'm surprised anyone has encountered adults doing it. No, I'm actually not surprised.

 

[JVL1018]

I'm proud to say that it's been rare to hear them say it and I can't remember the last time I heard it. Now, I get on to people for calling things "gay". That's the other new "cool" word.

That's not new...when I was in high school(grad. 1989) we called everything stupid: "gay".
I don't think I ever thought of it in terms as a gay person, ever. It was just an adjective to me.
Now I don't of course! Older & wiser and all that...

 

[JoyG]

Does anyone know what the correct term is to refer to people who are "mentally retarded" but do not have Down's Syndrome? Is there a term that is not offensive?

 

[missypie]

I think that the uses of words do change over time. I don't think that "mentally retarded" has totally come out of use in the diagnostic/professional sense. In Texas, we still have a state agency called the Department of "Mental Health and Mental Retardation".

I find the word "retarded" to be quite descriptive in the literal sense...people whose development is delayed in some way. (It actually makes more sense to me than "challenged.") Too bad that the term has been mis-used so much that it is now offensive.

 

[Am_I_There_Yet]

I have seen the word SPED replacing RETARD in the local teens. It is used in the same way and with the same intent, just a new word.

Can't say I've heard that one and I'd say that's a good thing!

 

[Am_I_There_Yet]

That's not new...when I was in high school(grad. 1989) we called everything stupid: "gay".
I don't think I ever thought of it in terms as a gay person, ever. It was just an adjective to me.
Now I don't of course! Older & wiser and all that...

I graduated in 1984 and I don't recall ever hearing it. I think the first person I ever heard use it was my oldest daughter.

When I think of "gay", I think of sexual orientation, and to use the word to describe something stupid, has the same meaning to me as using the word retarded. Now, using it to mean "happy" is a whole 'nuther thing, but we know kids aren't using it for that reason.

I remember sitting in the back of a church laughing and chattering with my friends, until a woman got up and walked over to us and told us that our parents should be ashamed of our behaviour. Talk about making an impact on me! I remember that feeling to this day - about 30 years later.

I guess it just goes to show, kids can be clueless.

Bottom line - kids need to be taught respect. It doesn't grow on trees and it isn't in-born. I may get flamed, but I blame nobody else but the parents, for rude children and that goes for me and my own.

 

[babytrees]

This reminds me of the time my DS's best friend ate dinner with us. They got to joking around at the table and the friend called my son a Retard. Well, you could have heard a pin drop at that table...there sat my other son, the mentally handicapped one, at the other end of the table trying valiantly to feed himself. We all looked at each other in utter disbelief. My DS whispered to his friend, "Not cool, man" and that was the end of that. Friend got the message without a shot being fired and he never did it again.

People don't realize the power of their words. "Stupid" "retard" "fool" are worse than curse words in my household. We laugh about the funny things my handicapped son does, but we don't make fun of him in a derogatory way. His life is way too hard to make it a joke.

these are also curse words in my house...you will get in far more trouble for saying stupid than dam. The girls have never tried the retard word out in my presence....doubt they wanna see what that punishment is.

 

[Miss Jasmine]

Gay is another no-no in our house if not used in the proper manner. Hate to say it but I have had to correct DS about the use of another gay term that starts with an "f". I won't even type that word. I swear their mother has no concern with what the kids are saying.

 

[babytrees]

Those with small children, DO start teaching them now to not use those words. It is a HUGE thing to say in all three of my daughter's age levels.

I have one DD8, a DD16 and a DD fixing to turn 21. I've heard it slip past all three of their mouths and I hear their friends use it all the time. I pulled my DD8 aside in the grocery store the other day, mortified after she'd called something mundane (I can't even remember what it was now) retarded.

She's the worst. She lives with her mother, where manners, nor good grammar for that matter, are emphasized. Burping, passing gas and thinking it's funny, speaking like she's never attended school, oh, I could go on and on.

On her weekends with me, it's like we're constantly correcting her and I feel bad. I will not however, put up with that anymore than I have when I heard my own two use it.

DD16 is a HUGE advocate for the underdog and I know when she's let it slip, that it hasn't been meant to be hurtful, it's just something that she hears all the time and unfortunately picked it up. It's sad.

I'm proud to say that it's been rare to hear them say it and I can't remember the last time I heard it. Now, I get on to people for calling things "gay". That's the other new "cool" word.

I hate that one almost as much...I remember the last time it was in vogue...about the time I was my girl's age.

 

[Am_I_There_Yet]

I think that the uses of words do change over time. I don't think that "mentally retarded" has totally come out of use in the diagnostic/professional sense. In Texas, we still have a state agency called the Department of "Mental Health and Mental Retardation".

You're right! I totally forgot about that. I'm really surprised that someone hasn't taken issue with that.

 

[Am_I_There_Yet]

You know, this got me to thinking (scary, I know), but there are other words out there too, that are not very PC any more.

The first one that comes to mind for me is midget. Now it's small person, I think? I'm just finding out about that and I'm sure I've offended someone along the way.

This is another one that kids through around carelessly. I think all 5' 1" of me has been called that a few times.

 

[Hedy]

Let's not forget "special." But really, it disgusts me that people let their kids say such things (and that adults say those things disgists me more).