Restraining order question (long) (update #41)

[kristen821]

You need to call child protective sevices. Those kids need help. Having your dad threaten to kill your mom and tell the kids he will be sent away for a long time is going to screw those kids up-- forever. If you are truly a caring person, forget about your friendship and protect those kids.

You know as sad as it is I didn't even think of calling dcfs. That is really good advice. I knew he was screwing up the kids but the thaught just didn't go through my head. I think it may wake the wife up and make her realize what is more important too! I feel horrible for the kids it is just so sad.

 

[floridafam]

I would also try to call DCF-maybe you wouldn't have to give your name.

Those kids are in need of help. Obviously, the mother is not going to remove them from an unsafe situation so someone has to do it for her.

I'm sure he would be angry that someone called DCF so be careful but I would at least think about it.

 

[kristen821]

I would also try to call DCF-maybe you wouldn't have to give your name.

Those kids are in need of help. Obviously, the mother is not going to remove them from an unsafe situation so someone has to do it for her.

I'm sure he would be angry that someone called DCF so be careful but I would at least think about it.

we don't have to give a name in illinois. I am actually surprised the police didn't do it. You would think they would have contacted dcfs.

 

[floridafam]

That's good that you don't have to give a name.

Keep us posted. Stay safe.

There are all sorts of things you could do-go by some little window alarms, ask the police if they wouldn't mind doing an extra patrol around the neighborhood, etc.

It's too bad the wife won't follow through on anything. I would distance myself from her (even if she is nice) because I wouldn't want to get sucked into their situation.

 

[kristen821]

Thanks everyone for you advice and good wishes. It has been appreciated!

 

[Amlee]

First of all if your friend is willing to put up with this man and not press charges against him, then she had a HUGE emotional problem also. You are letting her bring it into your house. If you friend isn't willing to step up and do something about this man, then you need to stop letting her bring it into your home.

Second if that man and your friend have children involved then contact child serives. That might wake that mother up.

Third the most you can most likely do is get the police to tell the man not to come back on to your land. It would be better if you tell him in front of the police. Since he had not threated you or your family, it would be hard to get an RO againts him. Plus from the sound of it, it wouldn't help.

 

[kristen821]

This morning I left for work about 5 a.m.. There was a car I didn't reconize in front of my house. When I walked out it pulled away slowly. The first thaught that went through my mind was crazy was in somebody elses car. I looked across the street to see if his car was there. Neither his or his wife car was there. His car shouldn't be there since he isn't there at this point. His wife's car wasn't there which leads me to believe she is hiding at someones house again because she is scared. She does this at least a few times a week. I will call her later to find out if something happened between them last night and if he could possibly have been in a black car. I did leave and got really scared that crazy might think she is at my house again and now he saw that I left and now thinks she is in the house alone with dh. I called the police station and asked them if they can have extra cars patrol the block. I know I sound crazy myself and I am just being paranoid, but I shouldn't have to live my life in fear because of this guy. It could have been someone lost, but it really just freaked me out especially when his wifes' car wasn't home. Sorry I just had to vent and if I called a friend to vent at 6:30 in the morning they may not appreciate it!

 

[dmslush]

This morning I left for work about 5 a.m.. There was a car I didn't reconize in front of my house. When I walked out it pulled away slowly. The first thaught that went through my mind was crazy was in somebody elses car. I looked across the street to see if his car was there. Neither his or his wife car was there. His car shouldn't be there since he isn't there at this point. His wife's car wasn't there which leads me to believe she is hiding at someones house again because she is scared. She does this at least a few times a week. I will call her later to find out if something happened between them last night and if he could possibly have been in a black car. I did leave and got really scared that crazy might think she is at my house again and now he saw that I left and now thinks she is in the house alone with dh. I called the police station and asked them if they can have extra cars patrol the block. I know I sound crazy myself and I am just being paranoid, but I shouldn't have to live my life in fear because of this guy. It could have been someone lost, but it really just freaked me out especially when his wifes' car wasn't home. Sorry I just had to vent and if I called a friend to vent at 6:30 in the morning they may not appreciate it!

I hope everything is okay. You did absolutely the BEST thing by calling the police and asking for extra patrols. You need to start a papertrail of all of this stuff!

 

[chell]

Goodness that is a lot to deal with. You said you didn't think she got the restraining order since he called her - at least in my state a restraining order does not stop phone calls, they would have to have a no contact order for that.

I don't think you are being paranoid. Sounds to me like you do need to be extra alert right now. I'm sure your friend is afraid to leave him and she probably is holding out hope that he will get back to his old self sometime soon.

Please keep us updated.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I would seriously consider keeping one of two of these around.

 

[kristen821]

Goodness that is a lot to deal with. You said you didn't think she got the restraining order since he called her - at least in my state a restraining order does not stop phone calls, they would have to have a no contact order for that.

I don't think you are being paranoid. Sounds to me like you do need to be extra alert right now. I'm sure your friend is afraid to leave him and she probably is holding out hope that he will get back to his old self sometime soon.

Please keep us updated.

She also made a comment about him wanting to go somewhere to talk. She didn't go. I did see his car a her house last night too. She was at work at the time and he was gone not to long afterwards. My guess was he needed some clothes.
I agree with you that she is afraid to leave him. For financial reasons and fear of her life. I actually told her that you can't hold onto someone hoping they will change and she didn't disagree with me. She mentioned wanting to go to counsiling so I am sure you are right about her thinking he might change. I think it is to much of a risk to stay with him and now the people that do care about her are backing away because we are starting to fear our lives too.

 

[kristen821]

I would seriously consider keeping one of two of these around.

We have two dogs, but unfortunately they wouldn't hurt a fly and they know him enough that they wouldn't think anything of him walking into our house. They will bark when someone is at the door most of the time, but they didn't even notice him hiding in our house on Thursday night. We love them but they aren't the best guard dogs!

 

[DisTeach1]

Your friend sounds like a trainwreck. I can appreciate wanting to help someone, but not at risk of myself or my family getting hurt. I hate drama though, so I would keep someone like this at a distance. I can't see being friends with someone who is so unstable. I would distance myself and not get involved again. Do you enjoy the drama? It almost seems like it, in a way.

 

[kristen821]

Your friend sounds like a trainwreck. I can appreciate wanting to help someone, but not at risk of myself or my family getting hurt. I hate drama though, so I would keep someone like this at a distance. I can't see being friends with someone who is so unstable. I would distance myself and not get involved again. Do you enjoy the drama? It almost seems like it, in a way.

Ever since this day we decided she can't be at our house. I am willing to help anyone until it brought danger to me and my family. We became friends because her kids are best friends with my kids and she is a neighbor. No, I don't like drama, but her problems with her husband didn't effect me until now.

 

[chell]

She also made a comment about him wanting to go somewhere to talk. She didn't go. I did see his car a her house last night too. She was at work at the time and he was gone not to long afterwards. My guess was he needed some clothes.
I agree with you that she is afraid to leave him. For financial reasons and fear of her life. I actually told her that you can't hold onto someone hoping they will change and she didn't disagree with me. She mentioned wanting to go to counsiling so I am sure you are right about her thinking he might change. I think it is to much of a risk to stay with him and now the people that do care about her are backing away because we are starting to fear our lives too.

Do you know if she has ever talked with anyone from the local women's shelter? They can help her through every step she needs to take to get away from him and help her find a way to make it financially too.

 

[kristen821]

Do you know if she has ever talked with anyone from the local women's shelter? They can help her through every step she needs to take to get away from him and help her find a way to make it financially too.

She knows and claims she doesn't want anyones help. She received information from the police station. She hasn't ever talked with anyone there that I know of.

 

[chell]

She knows and claims she doesn't want anyones help. She received information from the police station. She hasn't ever talked with anyone there that I know of.

Hopefully she will come to her senses soon and realize that she needs to step up and do something for the safety of her children and herself.

 

[lilostitch]

I'm not familiar with the legalities of restraining orders, just sending support and be careful!

 

[KAMLEM]

Your friend sounds like a trainwreck. I can appreciate wanting to help someone, but not at risk of myself or my family getting hurt. I hate drama though, so I would keep someone like this at a distance. I can't see being friends with someone who is so unstable. I would distance myself and not get involved again. Do you enjoy the drama? It almost seems like it, in a way.

That wasn't very nice. How can you blame her? This is not a situation that she put herself in intentionally because she "enjoys the drama", it just happened. She is not putting her family at risk - she is doing everything she can to keep them safe.

 

[kristen821]

Thank you everyone for your support!