Restaurant Tipping

[dnamertz]

Recently, we went to our favourite wings and rib restaurant and were treated rudely by the server. It was pretty quiet inside the restaurant (the patio was busy but we'd spent the day outside so we preferred a quiet dinner inside) and we were told to take a seat anywhere we liked. We picked a booth and the server was annoyed we picked that booth. It wasn't set for diners with cutlery and she was put off that she had to gather the already wrapped cutlery and napkins from the basket next to the menus, that she also didn't bring us.

It fell apart from there.

The food was excellent and arrived in good time so it didn't seem like a kitchen problem. The inside restaurant was quiet and the patio had its own dedicated wait staff so the server wasn't stretched over too many diners. But she still felt like tossing our plates across the table like frisbees, didn't like our soft drink choices, and it was like our re-fill requests hurt her rather personally.

Result: a 5% tip.

And when she saw how much of a tip you left, she probably thought "I can't believe those cheap people only left me a 5% tip".

 

[Corpsebride]

When I was a bartender at a high end cigar bar in Beverly Hills, I waited hand and foot on a party of 8, top shelf booze, martinis, procuring menus from surrounding fine dining restaurants, and having food delivered. My bar back and I were the only ones on staff, and we kept them in food and alcohol for about 6 hours. The bill rang up to about $500.00. They tipped me $12.00. Yes, $12.00. So, Me and my Bar Back followed them out of the restaurant, me with the meager tip and receipt in hand. I asked them if there was anything wrong with the service. They said no. It was excellent. So, I asked them what was up with the $12.00 tip. Apparently, the guy who paid the bill was a stingy guy. His party was so humiliated that he had left such a lame tip. I was handed a fist full of cash , at least $200.00 in cash. (of which I tipped the delivery food waiters from other restaurant, because he didn't tip them "because he didn't eat there..."They left their tables, to deliver food, on plates with silverware etc. ugh.)As his friends were profusely apologizing, cheap guy began to defend his position. To my amazement, my bar back, took out $12.00 from his wallet, and stuffed it in his front suit pocket. I laughed so hard. It was a crazy moment. I told cheap guy, he didn't need to come back, but all of his friends were welcome anytime, and I bought them each a shot on their very next visit. He never came back, but the rest were happy regular customers for the next year that I worked there. I was working my way through college and needed every single penny I made. Seriously, if you don't agree with tipping, eat from the drive through. Your explanation of why you don't do it matters not to the person on their feet running around to SERVE you. It is a service you buy, to have someone place food, and drink as you like it in front of you, and make sure that your needs are met for the duration of your stay. It is not a mystery that if you go to a table service restaurant, you are aware that you will be waited on and served. This service should be accounted for in your budget. Nothing is worse than working hard, and doing your best, to see little to no tip, If you, a waiter knew that would be the outcome in the beginning.... No one wants to be treated like they work for free , because you don't believe in tipping. Everyone in the world knows that in the USA, you tip. And everyone knows that in the USA , if you are a waiter, the tips you get pay your bills, not the paycheck. If I cannot afford a GOOD tip, I eat counter service. As far as tipping less for breakfast and lunch, I dont understand that. The level of service doesnt change depending on the hour of the meal. In fact, when I was a waitress, I hated breakfast service, it was a whole lot busier in the breakfast service than lunch, which was second busiest, and then dinner service was the most relaxed. Breakfast, everyone is in a hurry, wants it now now now, and tons of coffee refills fast fast fast. Same with lunch, Everyone is on a time clock, and needs it fast fast fast. Waiters totally get that. I hate to say it, but for the most part, the worst tips I ever got during my time serving food and drink were from people who had never had a wait job. And never realized how hard it was. And yes, for every shift I worked, Uncle Sam took his share , regardless of how much I really made. I always had to tip out the bus boys, bar. I hope this doesn't ruffle feathers, but that is just an account of my time in the trenches. lol! And, yes, I am an over tipper, I am a regular at a few Disney Resort restaurants, and I always receive amazing service, hellos and hugs from wait staff , even if they aren't serving my table. I want them to know that they are appreciated. And , in turn, they appreciate my business.

 

[Corpsebride]

My family eats out about once a week, maybe twice if there is a special occasion or holiday, and we budget a 20% tip into the meal. It takes a lot for me to cut that tip down (or on one particularly awful meal, zip tip) and I take into account busy times, new wait staff, and if the server lets us know in advance that there is some kind of problem.

Recently, we went to our favourite wings and rib restaurant and were treated rudely by the server. It was pretty quiet inside the restaurant (the patio was busy but we'd spent the day outside so we preferred a quiet dinner inside) and we were told to take a seat anywhere we liked. We picked a booth and the server was annoyed we picked that booth. It wasn't set for diners with cutlery and she was put off that she had to gather the already wrapped cutlery and napkins from the basket next to the menus, that she also didn't bring us.

It fell apart from there.

The food was excellent and arrived in good time so it didn't seem like a kitchen problem. The inside restaurant was quiet and the patio had its own dedicated wait staff so the server wasn't stretched over too many diners. But she still felt like tossing our plates across the table like frisbees, didn't like our soft drink choices, and it was like our re-fill requests hurt her rather personally.

Result: a 5% tip.
.

That is the WORST! She should have gotten a talking to right then and there. She deserved what she was given.
I will say this though, when the problem is obviously not the waiters fault, like if the food comes out wrong, burned, etc. That wouldnt make my tip for them go down. Having to ask for stuff over and over.... that makes me annoyed for sure and will affect the tip. In the past, if there was poor service, like plate tossing or slamming on tables , Ill directly ask, "Whats up? Are you okay?" If I can engage them to lighten up, Im happy to listen. But if it continues, I am also happy to tell them "whats up". I came in for food, drink and no drama. lol I am not interested in paying the dues for what ever happened before I got there.

 

[Corpsebride]

Cash money is worth more than UI, EI, disability, etc when you don't claim this kind of money for years and years. I am in Canada so this may be very different, but we pay cash for lots of things that people don't report. Painter, windshield repair, haircut, even my lawyer for notarized docs takes $20 if you pay in cash and $25 if you pay by cheque or cc. This way we save on tax on top of the service and they save on declaring it. This happens in every profession all over, so it is clearly worth it to not declare everything or people wouldn't do it. And I am not just talking about me or my small town, everywhere (here, I do not know how it works in other places). And while everyone knows it's illegal, I don't know anyone who doesn't do it here or there for different things. And I don't run in a criminal crowd or anything, it's just a reality, so noone will convince me that the majority of servers declare all they make, and 8% is a long ways away from 18 or 20 or 30%.
Those are just the facts.

Like PP have stated, the IRS automatically calculates an average of what they think you make in tips a shift and takes that. And truthfully, there is not a huge margin between what the IRS thinks a waiter made and what "secret" cash ends up unaccounted for. Its not like they take 15% but the waiter secretly made 80% or more cash lol! There were more times than I can remember , that I took double shifts or stayed later because I needed the extra $20-or $50 that I would make. I understand that the argument is there they chose the job, and for the most part, people tip well, and that is that. But , we all know, now for sure, that the economy is extremely bad, so a job like waiting tables, with cash that may be undeclared, will be keeping most families off the streets and the lights on. So, if a tip is not in ones budget, or is not something that is a concern for the guest, at least personal consideration should be.

 

[dnamertz]

Seriously, if you don't agree with tipping, eat from the drive through. Your explanation of why you don't do it matters not to the person on their feet running around to SERVE you. .... No one wants to be treated like they work for free

The food from that drive through is also served by a person on their feet running around to serve you. Heck, you don't even have to get out of your car...talk about service. Do you expect them to do that for "free"?

 

[Corpsebride]

The food from that drive through is also served by a person on their feet running around to serve you. Heck, you don't even have to get out of your car...talk about service. Do you expect them to do that for "free"?

It isn't the same. Driving through takes minutes. When you sit at a table with your family and choose not to tip and it takes half an hour or more, you are filling the spot and causing the waiter to work tip free , taking up space that a tipping family could have. Drive through doesn't wait on your every whim. its almost instant food, in and out , in a bag and your gone. Besides, people go into waiting tables for the tips. People do not go into fast food for the tips.

 

[JadeDarkstar]

id just like to add i read here on dis a few months ago all servers get a min wage in dl area at least, so its not like their working for free. I have been one who have always said even servers deserve min wage just like those fast food ppl. Now yes tips are nice but they are in no way mandatory. That's why ppl get paid min wage.

I do hate those places that don't give there staff min wage and think they should be shut down. I for one wouldn't work any where that pays 2 an hour or what ever some bosses get away with. They shouldn't look forward to a 15-18% tip from all the customers. They should get paid by the boss not by the customers

(gets off the soap box and walks away)

 

[Corpsebride]

id just like to add i read here on dis a few months ago all servers get a min wage in dl area at least, so its not like their working for free. I have been one who have always said even servers deserve min wage just like those fast food ppl. Now yes tips are nice but they are in no way mandatory. That's why ppl get paid min wage.

I do hate those places that don't give there staff min wage and think they should be shut down. I for one wouldn't work any where that pays 2 an hour or what ever some bosses get away with. They shouldn't look forward to a 15-18% tip from all the customers. They should get paid by the boss not by the customers

(gets off the soap box and walks away)

wow. you cannot live on minimum wage. Tips are what makes or breaks a persons ability to pay their rent and bills that month. Obviously, you have never waited tables. And I do not know where in the US is a place that people in service get paid less than Min. Wage. If you cannot afford to tip, or choose not to tip, you are taking the spot and time of customers who do.So, you what you are saying is that you will knowingly take the table and time from a server, knowing that you may or may not tip,taking $$ away from the server. I actually cannot believe I am reading this."They should get paid by the boss, not by the customers." WOW. That's cool. I do have friends who are horrible tippers , or do not think they need to tip at all. Knowing this, I in advance , will tip the waiter myself, and get a separate check. I am a planner, and know what I want to order before I go. At least I know that Ill get great service. After all , its a service.

 

[Malcon10t]

The food from that drive through is also served by a person on their feet running around to serve you. Heck, you don't even have to get out of your car...talk about service. Do you expect them to do that for "free"?

It is counter service. When I worked at Burger King (and this was 30+ years ago), we worked at getting them served from order taking to handing them their food in 90 seconds. Big difference from a 1-3 hour meal being waited on.

 

[Corpsebride]

It is counter service. When I worked at Burger King (and this was 30+ years ago), we worked at getting them served from order taking to handing them their food in 90 seconds. Big difference from a 1-3 hour meal being waited on.

Side bar:
We had dinner at Carthay Circle last week. Alex, the waiter,AMAZING. And the food was excellent. I had eaten at 33 about 6 years ago, as a guest. And I can honestly say that the service, food and decor was as exceptional as 33. What the Disney Folks did to create that restaurant is nothing short of Magical Spendy yes. Worth it .... Oh Yeah!

 

[gacsmom]

To me this arguement is ridiculous. If you don't like the wage you make at the restaurant, get a better job, simple as that. I am not welfare and my extra money should not go towards supporting you, just as I don't tip the guy at the warehouse who worked his butt off in an unairconditioned building to haul my stuff to my house or the guy at Burger King, KFC, where ever to take your order, help make it and then clean up after you.j

People need to take responsibility for themselves, to me, tipping is like charity or giving the guy on the corner 25 cents for playing the flute. If you can't live off that wage, get another job, or go to school to get a better job.

I truly don't mean to be rude, but come on. I can't even believe this is a disagreement other than from people who have come to depend on other's handouts.

PS: If people cannot live on min. wage and you feel bad for them, then why not tip the guy that takes your money for gas, the cashier at Safeway

 

[Corpsebride]

To me this arguement is ridiculous. If you don't like the wage you make at the restaurant, get a better job, simple as that. I am not welfare and my extra money should not go towards supporting you, just as I don't tip the guy at the warehouse who worked his butt off in an unairconditioned building to haul my stuff to my house or the guy at Burger King, KFC, where ever to take your order, help make it and then clean up after you.j

People need to take responsibility for themselves, to me, tipping is like charity or giving the guy on the corner 25 cents for playing the flute. If you can't live off that wage, get another job, or go to school to get a better job.

I truly don't mean to be rude, but come on. I can't even believe this is a disagreement other than from people who have come to depend on other's handouts.

And this is the same argument from every non tipper. It isnt a hand out. It is well earned $$. And of course, the second argument from the non tipper is "get a better job or go to school and get a better job". Like I said before, I worked my way through college waiting tables and bartending. Most customers were great. Tipped accordingly and said good bye. In this day and age, it is unbelievable that someone would say ' go get a better job" I , myself, know so many people who have lost their jobs, corporate , white collar jobs, college grads, who, are now waiting tables, hoping for the tips, to keep the bills paid. Regardless. if you think that the guy on the corner who is playing the flute albeit , to the air, the traffic or who ever passes by is the same as a waiter whose table one sits at, and chooses to get a service is the same, then we will have to agree to disagree.
It is a precedent that waiters in the US at least get tipped , because you cannot live on min. wage alone.Hopefully, and probably, the guy in the warehouse is Union, and for sure earns more (hopefully) than the guy at BK. I don't understand the disagreement either. If you consider the wait staff working for tips the same as accepting a hand out, then we just live in different realities. I can say this, I have gratitude for the customers that tipped me, and helped me pay for books, gas, food, my rent. but by no means do I believe I didn't earn it. Different strokes I guess.

 

[Malcon10t]

wow. you cannot live on minimum wage. Tips are what makes or breaks a persons ability to pay their rent and bills that month. Obviously, you have never waited tables. And I do not know where in the US is a place that people in service get paid less than Min. Wage. If you cannot afford to tip, or choose not to tip, you are taking the spot and time of customers who do.So, you what you are saying is that you will knowingly take the table and time from a server, knowing that you may or may not tip,taking $$ away from the server. I actually cannot believe I am reading this."They should get paid by the boss, not by the customers." WOW. That's cool. I do have friends who are horrible tippers , or do not think they need to tip at all. Knowing this, I in advance , will tip the waiter myself, and get a separate check. I am a planner, and know what I want to order before I go. At least I know that Ill get great service. After all , its a service.

In regards to the minimum wage comment, there are states that will allow tipped positions to be paid less than minimum wage, assuming the employees will make up the amount by tips. An example, Arizona restaurants can pay only $4.65 an hour to a server, and Kansas and KY only need to pay $2.13 an hour. The rest is to be made up in tips. MOST states have something similar. California is an exception.

That said, I agree with you. I have taught my kids to tip well. They will usually check their grandmother's bills, and add to it if needed. They appreciate the work involved, and quite honestly, they don't want to do it. I can understand someone coming from another country and not understanding the etiquette, or if you didn't go to restaurants at a younger age, but for the most part, I would think most people should understand tipping.

And I do find it odd that tipping began in England in the 1700s, yet it is one that now isn't known for tipping.

 

[Corpsebride]

PS: If people cannot live on min. wage and you feel bad for them, then why not tip the guy that takes your money for gas, the cashier at Safeway

~Also, the guy at Safeway probably earns more per hour. It is as simple as that.
I tip. I tip well. I know people that don't tip well. I know from my experience, I get great service. I don't go out to eat at a sit down restaurant when I cannot afford to tip , too. but that is just me. If you do, and that's your thing, that's great. I just don't agree with you. Sure, in a perfect world, we all make more than we need. and everyone is happy.

 

[Corpsebride]

In regards to the minimum wage comment, there are states that will allow tipped positions to be paid less than minimum wage, assuming the employees will make up the amount by tips. An example, Arizona restaurants can pay only $4.65 an hour to a server, and Kansas and KY only need to pay $2.13 an hour. The rest is to be made up in tips. MOST states have something similar. California is an exception.

That said, I agree with you. I have taught my kids to tip well. They will usually check their grandmother's bills, and add to it if needed. They appreciate the work involved, and quite honestly, they don't want to do it. I can understand someone coming from another country and not understanding the etiquette, or if you didn't go to restaurants at a younger age, but for the most part, I would think most people should understand tipping.

And I do find it odd that tipping began in England in the 1700s, yet it is one that now isn't known for tipping.

That is great info! And wow!! England started the tipping. lol! yeah that is just weird!

 

[Malcon10t]

Side bar:
We had dinner at Carthay Circle last week. Alex, the waiter,AMAZING. And the food was excellent. I had eaten at 33 about 6 years ago, as a guest. And I can honestly say that the service, food and decor was as exceptional as 33. What the Disney Folks did to create that restaurant is nothing short of Magical Spendy yes. Worth it .... Oh Yeah!

THIS is one of my major points. To get EXCELLENT servers like Alex, he needs time learning the trade. To say "Get out and get a better paying job" means we would never have excellent wait staff.

I had a Club 33 visit about 6 months ago where we got a "new" server. We had seen him numerous times, but usually as a bartender or an assistant. I found out last month we were the first large table he served and he had been very nervous. It made sense to me then why he needed to check his notes several times for what desserts were available or seeing who had what. He thanked me for making it so much fun for him. He is one of our favorite servers now. I cannot imagine telling one of these fantastic servers to change jobs if they wanted better wages than what Disney pays them.

 

[Corpsebride]

THIS is one of my major points. To get EXCELLENT servers like Alex, he needs time learning the trade. To say "Get out and get a better paying job" means we would never have excellent wait staff.

I had a Club 33 visit about 6 months ago where we got a "new" server. We had seen him numerous times, but usually as a bartender or an assistant. I found out last month we were the first large table he served and he had been very nervous. It made sense to me then why he needed to check his notes several times for what desserts were available or seeing who had what. He thanked me for making it so much fun for him. He is one of our favorite servers now. I cannot imagine telling one of these fantastic servers to change jobs if they wanted better wages than what Disney pays them.

Yes! He was really spot on. He was trained exceptionally well in fine dining service. Not hovering, appearing, almost psychic ability... to know when we needed or wanted something. It really is a craft. And, yes, we tipped him really well. We have the PAP's , and used them for the discount, but tipped on the original bill. That is just our way. The food was beautifully prepared. Dh had the Pork Pot Roast with Smashed potatoes, and I had the Udon Noodles. We started with the Greek leaves stuffed with goat cheese. Everything was amazing. They also have these amazing huge pictures of Walt and Family , Friends, Stars in lovely golden frames. And dining rooms all have names, of which most escape me at the moment. I would suggest getting reservations first though.Oh! And in the dining room where we ate, there is a ceiling painting of Snow Whites Grotto. Unbelievable! I remember eat at 33, and OMG!! Those deserts. Heavenly. I remember our server, would pour Evian into our water glasses after almost every sip lol! 33 was fun. But the level of posh was amazing. I understand why its a private club. It had cache. Well, can you believe it? This conversation has made me hungry? lol! I'm off to make dinner. Pasta I think....

 

[gacsmom]

I worked at Superstore and IGA (grocery stores here). IGA was not union so I got paid no more, Superstore was union so I was paid more, but had to pay union fees and they would never let you go over 24 hours per week or you would be able to claim benefits, so it made no difference and let me tell you, those were some of my hardest jobs, having to deal with rude, crude people (not all, but some), crying kids, screaming mothers, etc. Where was my tip there?

PS: If you can afford to eat at Club 33, then I guess tipping is not a problem for you, but some find an evening out after babysitters, etc very expensive and they should not also have to supplement someone's wages to enjoy their one night out. Their server is getting paid, that is not anyone else's responsibility.
Again, not trying to be rude, but this is truly my opinion. People should take jobs that they can survive on and not expect others to supplement them.

 

[ArchOwl]

I think Miss Manners said it best when she said you don't have to believe in tipping, you just have to tip. Even if you hate the practice, you are still expected to tip at certain establishments. And for those who are saying that the server should find another job for higher wages, I would say that you as the diner are free to chose your dining establishment. If you cannot abide tipping, then do not frequent places where tipping is expected and tell the management the reason for your displeasure.

From the November 9, 2008 Miss Manners column (excerpted):

Dear Miss Manners: My friend from Norway, where they don't tip, had his hair cut.

He offered his credit card to pay for it, and the barber pointed to the tip part and said he was suppose to fill that out.

I said he could put a "0" in or not go back to the establishment.

Do you have any advice for him?

He has lived in this country 25 years, but he goes to Norway every year, and he doesn't believe in tipping.

Gentle Reader: Tell your friend that he doesn't have to believe in tipping. All he has to do is tip.

Miss Manners abhors the tipping system. But she tips without fail. If the service is bad, her redress isn't to cut the tip but to complain to management.

This is because she knows -- as your friend should have discovered after 25 years in this country -- that, in certain job situations, expected tips are calculated into the otherwise-low wages.

It is her strong feeling that to build the service cost into wages and pricing would benefit everyone. Nice people are often in a state of anxiety about how much to tip, and not-nice ones often shirk their responsibility.

Not-nice service people might use embarrassment to provoke greater tips, and nice ones are financially penalized.

If your friend wants a tip-free haircut in the United States, he should ask to have it done by the owner of the business.

Owners aren't supposed to be tipped, although they are only too eager nowadays to encourage their clients to do so.

See what Miss Manners means about its being a system that brings out the worst in everyone?

 

[TheZue]

Tips aren't about how hard somebody's job is. It's about how you personally serve the customer. I've worked at gas stations, retail chains, fast food, and sit down restaurants. The difference in service you give is the difference. Mcdonalds was definitely tough, but I was not personally serving customers in the same manner. You don't get tips for dealing with screaming morons, if that were the case the goal would be to abuse wait staff. You get tips for
doing something for people they could do on their own elsewhere. If I want to carry my own food to my table, get my own drinks, and clean my own table I'll go to fast food. If I want to be waited on and relax the entire time I'll go somewhere that includes tips.

That said I did get out of food service, not really for better pay but because I didn't like smelling like food when I was done. But the things I learned about truly good customer service went a long way when I got into retail sales.