Response I received from gift suggestion for DD7 from inlaws

[PolyAddict]

I suggested this as a group gift from her Uncle and grandparents because the kitchen is $200 and I have already hit my limit for her and ALL she keeps talking about is this kitchen, what is your take on the response?




Michel,

**** and I have decided that we will pay for kitchen it but it's going to be your present to her
because I know for fact that *** is very much looking forward receiving this item from
you and not from us or anyone else. I think it is important that we do it this way for her own good.
We have our toys already picked out that she wants and if I don't get those then I'll be in big trouble with her.
However, I would like to wait till the 13 ht, if it's OK with you, before I'll give you one of our Visa card to make the purchase.
Regarding other Xms presents, it is not necessary for you to buy us much other than may be
a $10 dollar Major Video or Block Buster Gift Card for *** and a pair of brown or grey socks for me.

D & L

 

[HappyDznyCamper]

Sounds like they already know what they want to give her but they also know how much she wants the kitchen. I would ask them if it could be a santa gift instead. It's a gift after all, who gives it to her I don't think will make much difference to your DD in the long run.

 

[PolyAddict]

Sounds like they already know what they want to give her but they also know how much she wants the kitchen. I would ask them if it could be a santa gift instead. It's a gift after all, who gives it to her I don't think will make much difference to your DD in the long run.

I have a limit for all 3 DD's (the other 2 are 14 and 16) and if it shows up as an extra "Santa" gift and I tell them it's from their grandparents I don't think they will care. It just would have worked out better if they were giving it to her. She was so last minute with this one but very passionate about it.

 

[disykat]

I'd tell her you didn't realize she had already done her shopping and not to worry about it.

It appears she thinks you have been negligent by not buying the kitchen yourself? I think your dd will be fine without the kitchen. If she asks why Santa didn't bring her the kitchen just tell her that you think Santa had already made his list when she decided she wanted the kitchen.

 

[Lady V]

I actuly think they are trying to be sweet and let the present be from you even though you don't have the money for it. I think they are trying to let you off the hook with spending any extra money on them. I think they meant it all nicely.

 

[HelenePA]

I'd tell her you didn't realize she had already done her shopping and not to worry about it.

It appears she thinks you have been negligent by not buying the kitchen yourself? I think your dd will be fine without the kitchen. If she asks why Santa didn't bring her the kitchen just tell her that you think Santa had already made his list when she decided she wanted the kitchen.

No it doesn't sound like that.. sounds like they are good grandparents and are getting their DGD what she wants! My dad has got my kids more than I have this christmas just because he wants to not because I'm negliegent. He loves to spoil them. Its his right as a grandfather or so he says. I would thank them and let them buy the kitchen. Tell them since they got her such a big gift for christmas not to get her anything for her birthday or only something small.

I wanted to add my dad also brings most of the presents to my house for christmas eve so when they wake up it looks like santa left ALOT of presents.

 

[MissyDVC]

I actuly think they are trying to be sweet and let the present be from you even though you don't have the money for it. I think they are trying to let you off the hook with spending any extra money on them. I think they meant it all nicely.

I agree I think it is very sweet and unselfish.

 

[MiniGirl]

What do you make of it, OP? I think it sounds very thoughtful of them. They want the gift that your dd really, really wants to be from her parents and not her grands. Looks like they don't want to "upstage" you in the gift-giving department but really want their granddaughter to have that gift. As far as having a set # of gifts, I wouldn't worry about it. Your toher girls are older and I'm sure would understand. My girls are 8 and 5 and do not receive the same amount of gifts. My older one has started asking for mre expensive things. We're happy to get them for her, but that means fewer gifts, and at 8 yo, she's fine with that.

 

[LuvOrlando]

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[PolyAddict]

I'd tell her you didn't realize she had already done her shopping and not to worry about it.

It appears she thinks you have been negligent by not buying the kitchen yourself? I think your dd will be fine without the kitchen. If she asks why Santa didn't bring her the kitchen just tell her that you think Santa had already made his list when she decided she wanted the kitchen.

We think alike. This is how I took it so that's why I posted to ask other opinions because I tend to look at it negatively. I know she would be fine. I just wasn't sure what others thought.

 

[PolyAddict]

I agree. If I had a request like this I would also understand it to mean you ran out of money and are asking for help... which according to your post is exactly what happened so why be upset about it? Also, about the part that they think it should come from you. It may be that they've heard your DD speak about the kitchen when you weren't around and are acting based upon what SHE said to them, not what YOU said to them. My MIL would much rather be the HERO and get her name on that relished gift than hand the glory over to me so I would consider it a favor out of love.

Remember, they've raised kids and been there themselves. It sounds to me like they are walking on eggshells here and doing the very best they can to be supportive and to not offend you... instead of being upset I would appreciate the consideration. I also think they meant it with warmth and kindness.

Have a great day

I am not upset. I know how that comes through writing sometimes, though. I can never write what i am really trying to say. I just have that negative vibe from it and i am probably wrong about it.

 

[PolyAddict]

No it doesn't sound like that.. sounds like they are good grandparents and are getting their DGD what she wants! My dad has got my kids more than I have this christmas just because he wants to not because I'm negliegent. He loves to spoil them. Its his right as a grandfather or so he says. I would thank them and let them buy the kitchen. Tell them since they got her such a big gift for christmas not to get her anything for her birthday or only something small.

I wanted to add my dad also brings most of the presents to my house for christmas eve so when they wake up it looks like santa left ALOT of presents.

What do you make of it, OP? I think it sounds very thoughtful of them. They want the gift that your dd really, really wants to be from her parents and not her grands. Looks like they don't want to "upstage" you in the gift-giving department but really want their granddaughter to have that gift. As far as having a set # of gifts, I wouldn't worry about it. Your toher girls are older and I'm sure would understand. My girls are 8 and 5 and do not receive the same amount of gifts. My older one has started asking for mre expensive things. We're happy to get them for her, but that means fewer gifts, and at 8 yo, she's fine with that.

Helene-they are good grandparents and my kids are their only grandkids. that's nice what your dad does on Christmas eve.

minigirl-I wasn't sure what to make of it. I have been asking my mom and sisters and they say to just let them do it, it sounds like she really needs that kitchen.

 

[disykat]

We think alike. This is how I took it so that's why I posted to ask other opinions because I tend to look at it negatively. I know she would be fine. I just wasn't sure what others thought.

I guess so. I'm really surprised at all the people that read it as her trying to be nice. I definitely got a negative/scolding vibe from it. It's all in how you read it I guess?

 

[Not so Dumbo]

More may depend on what your relationship is with your inlaws.
For your daughter's sake I would let them do this for her. I know it may be a huge gulp of pride to have to swallow to let them buy a present for your daughter for you, but in the end it is still your daughter's best interests at heart.

 

[mandysbus]

I guess it could be taken either way....its hard to tell when its typed and not spoken. Tone of voice is everything sometimes, can make it or break it.

My parents ( mostly my mother) tend to go overboard at xmas....she got the 2 biggest Lego Castle sets for DS7. They were only going to get the second largest one with the skull ship but according to her, the giant castle looked really neat and was the only one left at that store so she HAD to get it for him. My mother said that he is their only grandchild and he's only little once so she's gonna spoil him. She did offer to return the larger set if I REALLY didnt want him to have it. Those will get opened at their house and if I remember correctly, they mark some of their gifts "santa".

I used to think that my parents were trying to show us up but I got over it and decided thats just how they are. They struggled to buy my brother and I the things we wanted when we were little, lots of our toys had come from yardsales (which there is nothing wrong with . But now they have the money so my mom likes to buy her grandson the stuff that she had trouble getting us.

We went to Disney with them the other year because my mom started saving for it when she found out I was pregnant with DS.

I guess I'm done now, got me thinking too. I guess if nobody wants to take credit for the kitchen, Mark it a Santa gift.

 

[PolyAddict]

More may depend on what your relationship is with your inlaws.
For your daughter's sake I would let them do this for her. I know it may be a huge gulp of pride to have to swallow to let them buy a present for your daughter for you, but in the end it is still your daughter's best interests at heart.

I am leaning this way. Things are rough around here for middle class families, right now. Since Katrina our homeowner's, wind and hail, and flood have tripled. I'd love to move elsewhere but teen DD's would be heartbroken. Besides, someone needs to care for my aging parents.

 

[Pamlur]

I have handed several gifts off to my daughter so that she and her husband can be the givers; I think that is what grandparents do, a lot of times. My daughter accepts it in the manner it's given, that I want the kidlet to have whatever it is, but I want her to be the giver.