Reserves about traveling with family?

[gap2368]

My husband and I have been invited to go to WDW in November with my mom (59), brothers, sister-in-law (ages 30-33) and my nephew (will be 19 months during the trip).
They plan on staying at Coronado and getting the free dining plan. Only 2 days in the parks, plus the Christmas party one day. My mom is paying for the whole trip, we only have to buy our own plane ticket (that is not the problem!)
Our concerns are traveling with family who doesn't always get along when we are home. My mom and I are Disney freaks (with me knowing MUCH more than her) so I really want to go on the trip. My mom really wants me to go because of all the knowledge of WDW. Whether we go or not, I will be planning the whole trip for them (fastpasses, ADRs, etc..)
My bro and SIL are very strict with my nephew's schedule. They have already started asking questions like "How long will it take us to get back to the hotel when the baby has a meltdown?" I don't think they want him napping the the stroller in the parks.
I fear they will ruin my trip!


Any advice for traveling with family that could be complicated? Is the trip worth it knowing that a 19 month old (and his parents) could ruin it for us? (we would be staying in a room with my other brother, and we are ok with that, FYI.)

Sorry for the rant, any advice is welcome!
Thanks in advance!

yes go but try not to plan any thing for your brother and SIL for the baby nape time let them go back to the hotel for the baby to nape. know that with this many people you may not get as much done as you would with less.

 

[DisneyHardin]

I would definitely go. If the only requirement of time spent together is dinners, that doesn't seem like a big deal to me. I would ask your brother and SIL what time is best for dinner and plan your ADRs around the baby's schedule.

I have a feeling the first time they leave the park when the baby is having a meltdown and find that it is a major time sucker and that the baby is most likely calmed down by the time they ever get back to the hotel, they may change their tune about wanting to leave when he gets fussy.

 

[Hikergirl]

Yes I would go but with everyone understanding that we won't be spending every walking minute with eachother. Also, I'm not sure I'd be willing to plan for anyone else. I would offer my knowledge and advice but the planning of what they want to do is on them. I won't be responsible for someone elses disappointment on their trip.

 

[cel_disney]

Yes I would go but with everyone understanding that we won't be spending every walking minute with eachother. Also, I'm not sure I'd be willing to plan for anyone else. I would offer my knowledge and advice but the planning of what they want to do is on them. I won't be responsible for someone elses disappointment on their trip.

These are valid points here! I often feel if I have put in effort to plan for someone and then they 1) don't follow it (my work wasted). Or 2) don't enjoy it (it's my fault) that it takes a toll on me if my mindset from the get go was that all of those things I am doing because I enjoy it and that I won't take it personally. I have found that things work out better if I coach the person in planning out their days (usually sitting over coffee and touring plans and MDE and some paper!) - they are more vested in it that way and it seems to improve their enjoyment and understanding.

 

[knlasv]

Thanks everyone for the great advice! We hadn't thought of some of the things you said!

 

[Keyser]

I guess the thing I'd ask is how important it is to have this trip go "your" way and how much you are willing to compromise for the sake of the trip. For us, the time for trips is usually a bigger issue than the money, so no trip is "free". It's totally reasonable to say "I can only take one trip, so when I take that time away, I want to make sure it's the one I really want." If going on the trip is not going to otherwise affect you, though (e.g. taking the place of your next planned trip or something), I'd encourage you to try compromising. Go in realizing that it's not "your" trip, but it's one you are getting to come along for, and will probably get to have some fun stuff out of. If the only way you will enjoy the trip is to do it your way, and others will have to adapt to you, that won't be good either!

It seems that each of you has a few things needed for this trip to be acceptable:
1) Mom: 5 TS meals together, plus everyone together for Mickey
2) Brother and SIL: Nap times for your nephew.
3) You and husband: Trying new restaurants.
4) Other brother(s): ???
There are probably more, for each of you, and you should make sure that you really have a good sense of what will and won't be an expectation for everyone. For instance, if some of them will be the "I have to sleep in and not make rope drop" types, you need to know that at the outset. If some are expecting to all be together every minute, you need to know that or have them change that expectation. Or, if your Brother and SIL (or others) have a requirement of "must have character meals each time" or "everyone has to leave when we do for our kid's nap", then that really might not work with your priorities. They probably have a "need to be back by X p.m. at night" requirement also, but might not have said it yet... But likewise, you need to think about whether you not doing the parks exactly the way you want to is going to "ruin" the trip for you. Will you be OK moving at a different pace, maybe going to a few attractions that aren't priorities or missing some outright, scheduling restaurants that the nephew (and others in your family) will be OK with (thankfully, most Disney restaurants are at least OK for kids), scheduling so that you at least meet up at the right times, not doing every activity that you would like?

When we've done parks with others (not WDW), we've never done things the way we'd do them on our own. But, we still had fun, and getting to spend time with friends or family made up for all the "missed" opportunities. Basically, the key is to figure out what each of you _really_ needs for the trip to be good, and then see if those are compatible. For instance, I am a roller coaster fan, and I've had to sometimes say - I want to ride roller coaster X (and then found a way to do that in the visit), but then deal with not getting around to riding roller coasters Y and Z. If I could not have enjoyed the park without doing X and Y and Z, I wouldn't have enjoyed the trip.

As someone who kept our kids on strict nap schedules (even on a Disney trip once!), I sympathize with your brother and SIL's concerns, so I am a little biased there. If they tell you that's a priority for them, make sure you understand their schedule needs (the good thing is that it really will be a schedule, that you can plan around). If they've been keeping a strict nap schedule, they are already very very familiar with the "I can't do X because of naptime" issue, so they will probably understand very well that they have to give up some things for the sake of the naps. Don't try to tell them "oh, I know lots of people just have their kid nap in a stroller or during a show, yours can, too" - for our 2 kids, one of them NEVER napped in a stroller, period, and the other one sometimes could, but never well/enough. There are good points and bad points to strict nap schedules, but one of the bad ones is that if you don't follow the routine, it can really throw things off...

 

[bumbershoot]

As someone who has a child who naps I really don't understand how they would be ruining it for you? ....I assume they aren't expecting you to leave the park then?

Because of the concerns, I assume that an expectation that they leave the park as a group is exactly how it's going to help to ruin the trip.

I can't even imagine leaving for naps. An hour to get from where they are in the park to get to the resort, a two hour nap perhaps, then another hour to get back? Ugh. As a parent I would cry each time.

So glad my 17 month old could roll with things. Nursed to sleep on POTC and later small world, was cool being carried or in the mei tai while he slept, etc. we had our first day trip to Disneyland at that age and first two day trips to SeaWorld and his lack of schedule or needs for anything but me, milk (not a big food guy at that point), and dad made it so easy. Therefore the schedule thing mystifies me!

She said our 5 table service meals on the free dining plan should all be together and she wants everyone there when my nephew meets Mickey at MK.

5 TS means 5 nights. And only two full days plus a party? I'd be upgrading my ticket lol.

Actually, the way I DO deal with extended family trips is that we stay longer. That way we can roll with the group-mind thing, then have OUR trip. We don't necessarily explain it that way, but my family lives in FL and they get lots of day trips (nowadays to Universal) and certainly understand that group is different than single-family.

Also be sure they have a good stroller....

Definitely. My 4 year old cousin couldn't use her stroller for a few hours because they didn't cover it during a meal and there was a big storm that passed through.

If I were you, I would think long and hard before agreeing to join this trip because you and your DH may be the ones who are the "troublemakers" this time. As a grandparent we all planned our first trip back as extended family when my DGD was 4. We included my sister in law, who was a Disney Vet because she wanted to share Kady's first visit. It was not a disaster, but there was a huge mutiny by the time we got home. She knew the ropes, so to speak, but that was not how we wanted to roll. Her ingrained touring style was hers, but it was kind of rough on us. SOmetimes being the one who knows is not the best place to be.

Sounds to me like the group hadn't opted to allow people to do their own thing.



Communication is key. Throw any passive aggressiveness out the window. Say what you mean and assume others are doing the same. (Even if someone is being PA, if you all agreed ahead of time to ditch that "communication" style the PA person can't complain when you take them at face value)

Teach the toddler-parents how to use MDE to reschedule their FP+s if needed. Make arrangements on how child swap will be handled. Etc.

And lengthen your tickets and make a reservation for the two of you starting the day family leaves.

 

[GillianP1301]

I could never do a large family trip, it would drive me bonkers. I would spend all my time worrying about everybody else and end up miserable myself. I think if you're going to do it, then lay out ground rules and to me the first would be you're not going to spend 100% of your time together. I would book ADRs and FP+s in common and have those at meet up points, but any of the touring in between each family would be responsible for on their own. You may still end up doing things in common with siblings or parents, but it wouldn't be the expectation. That way, everyone gets to plan their own time and if the nephew needs a nap, that will be on the parents to figure out.

 

[Nancyg56]

Sounds to me like the group hadn't opted to allow people to do their own thing.



Communication is key. Throw any passive aggressiveness out the window. Say what you mean and assume others are doing the same. (Even if someone is being PA, if you all agreed ahead of time to ditch that "communication" style the PA person can't complain when you take them at face value)
.

Actually, I wanted folks to do whatever they wanted to do. If that meant that we stopped to look in a gift shop, spend time admiring an attraction, whatever...there should not be a general trying to corral them to the next attraction. I was pretty clear before we started this expedition that my DD, DSIL and their DD were planning to spend time alone with their little family. I should not have had to explain to my Sis IL why they still wanted to do so. My DS and his DW also wanted to meander away from the group. That should have been respected. It is one thing to agree to something in advance of a trip and another to agree and then try to change the rules upon arrival because you agreed but really did not mean it.

I think that people really do need to be very honest with themselves in regards to vacationing style, especially if they are traveling with people who have a different way to vacation. I thought we were all pretty clear that first: my 4 YO DGD was not going to have the pressure of having all of us hanging on her every smile. Her parents were going to manage her and we were just along for the ride.
Second: we all were committed to dinner together, that was it. And if dinner did not work out for someone, fine. No guilt.
Third: no one gets to push anyone faster than they want to go. You want to run....go for it.

My group finally had had enough and while no one said too much on the trip, Sis il was never included again, It was her or them. I opted for them.

 

[Momtomouselover]

I guess each child and family is different. On our first trip I was the mom with the 22 month old who needed naps. It was no biggie really. We usually made it to the parks early and then I headed back with my son right after lunch. After 4-5 hrs I enjoyed the break as much as he did. Sometimes he would fall asleep on the way back and I would transfer him to bed and have a nice little break (read on the porch, enjoy an adult beverage, rest myself). Sometimes he would sleep two to 3 hrs. I would then give him a snack and then head back out. Keeping this schedule for us meant no breakdowns and overtired whining child. We then had several hrs in the evening to enjoy as well. Other family members sometimes came back for a break or we would just meet up later. We did not eat long sit down dinners 5 nights in a row though. Some nights we kept it short. It looks like you only have 3 nights for dinners though. I would just make some reasonable accommodations for everyone. I mean if the child gets fussy one of the parents should either take them out of the restaurant for a bit and if need be leave earlier.

I think everyone needs to be willing to compromise a bit and be willing to split up at times. I also wouldn't assume your SIL and brother are being unreasonable. My son did not easily fall asleep in a stroller or with a lot of noise around and it was definitely not worth it to skip naps. On rare occasion if he fell asleep in the stroller I might walk around the parks a bit or look in some stores then head to the resort but I never entirely skipped a nap. It's also helpful to stay somewhere onsite that is easy to get too.

As far as rides, when my son was young I skipped a lot of the big rides but sometimes someone offered to watch him so I could go on SM, or BTMRR or Soarin... I was appreciative of that and maybe that would be a nice thing to do. One day you might have your own child(ren) and someone will do the same for you. Other times I would take him to a play area or a younger ride and meet up after. You can't expect child to wait around for hours while the adults ride. Of course, I never expected anyone else to care for my child beyond that.

 

[Love Tink]

https://disneyworld.disney.go.com/special-offers/resort-stay-dine-package/
We do not have it booked yet, but will be doing so within the next 2 weeks. Hoping the offer for Coronado is still available when we book!

Have you checked into this? Coronado rooms went pretty quickly. I think most were gone the day the offer came out. All I see available now is suites. The number of rooms available for free dining seemed especially limited this year.

 

[Love Tink]

Our concerns are traveling with family who doesn't always get along when we are home.

This seems like the crux of the matter to me. Is the trip maybe going to be miserable not because you might have to compromise on some of your touring, but because you all don't get along? (No judgement - my husband and I have three boys and, at some point in every vacation, every one of us is fighting with every other one of us.)

If you are a "Disney Freak" and go a lot, I can't really see why you would be that upset about not being able to tour exactly the way you like. Maybe if it was a once-in-a-lifetime trip... But you probably go a lot. Isn't it okay for this trip to be a little different, a little slower, because you get to share it with your family?

We go to WDW and DL a lot and a few times we have gone with big family groups or with my parents. Those trips are a bit different and come with frustrations ("Get mooooving, people.") But they also supply unique memories that are only possible when you get a group like that together. I like both kinds of trips. It is okay to me that they are different.

 

[HopperFan]

I voted yes because there was no maybe, but it certainly wouldn't be without conditions.

- Your hotel is already chosen ... but I would not ask to be in connecting/adjoining rooms. Space is good.
- Your Mom wanting the 5 meals with them together .... and you wanting to try new ..... that is tough and could be a deal breaker for me especially if she wants to do character meals for the baby. I think I would stick with the "lunch" meal together (since a baby at dinner can be draining) and then I would book the new places I want to try and pay for them OOP. This also allows you two to leave the group and have some time on your own in the evenings.
- You don't say what the plan is on the other two days except for the party .... I do think on party night a table service for an early dinner before the party is a good idea. It allows the baby/family to rest all day and maybe gives you some free time to do Disney Springs.
- If I were not able to try some nice eats that I was looking forward to, and was expected to stay together .... aka trip revolves around the baby ..... I probably would not go.


Below is what I posted elsewhere asking about big group trips .....

Have done it many times = good, bad and ugly.

- Agree on dates even just overlap dates.
- Let everyone book which hotel THEY want to stay at, hard feelings happen when forced to stay somewhere you don't want.
- Hotel time is purely individual family time.
- In lieu of pool time, we arrange for a water park day, make a day of it, great way to holiday together!
- Have everyone submit a list of restaurants they are very interested in and focus on crossovers to eat together.
- Book lunches where possible so no one has to get there early or stay late, allows flexibility.
- Let individual or smaller groups book dinners where they want.
- Maybe on one day where there is feeling all can commit, set up a group dinner.
- On any given day you can decide to eat a QS meal together. Flexibility is key.
- If connected be VERY clear, that if someone changes their mind about a meal they are not to attempt to unbook themselves. You could lose your ADR. Just tell them at the podium.
- Never agree to meet early in morning, on any given day there can be glitches, nothing worse than waiting on someone and be late.
- You can connect in park if multiple parties arrive early. Cell phones have made these trips so much easier.
- Once went with friends I know to always be late, I insisted we meet at 11 am, good thing as we got lots done before they rolled in.
- FP+, really depends on group compatibility. If you think you'll like same things, book together in time frames you are sure you will be together.
- I personally coordinate FP+ times with the others and we each book/control our own.
- Allow for great flexibility. Everyone travels different. Even if we are hatched from the same family.
- Backup plans for your family. I always keep a Plan B. We once had plans for full day at MK together with family. By lunch they wanted to leave since DH doesn't go often we weren't leaving, so plan B started with a great lunch, doing lots of attractions that we enjoy, a relaxing dinner and then getting early spots for MSEP (to which some of them returned to watch). This was a "family reunion" aka not folks we often see. We had no clue we would need a Plan B, but it worked out fine because we didn't let it bother us.

I think it's clear to remember that this is everyone's vacation and everyone vacations different. Be together as much as you can stress free, then allow for families to do their own thing as well.

 

[michelepa]

Thanks everyone for the quick replies! We definitely were not planning on leaving the parks when they leave. Since my mom is paying for the trip, I asked what she expected as far as everyone hanging out together. She said our 5 table service meals on the free dining plan should all be together and she wants everyone there when my nephew meets Mickey at MK.
Since the dining plan is what is most enticing to my husband and I (his favorite part of any vacation is the food) we will be trying new restaurants. I don't want this part ruined considering it is what we are looking forward to the most! (We don't have kids yet, so maybe this is just me worrying too much!)

Many posters don't seem to be taking into consideration what I think is the most important aspect of this trip. Your mother is paying for it~ so this is your mother's trip first and foremost. Since you wrote that your family already has issues I would not go on the trip if I were you let alone be the person planning it. You are in a no-win situation. It is very unlikely you will all be on the same page and it doesn't matter how much you know about Disney everyone wants different things in a Disney trip. Plus the fact that there is a baby involved and its not yours so no matter what great advice you have for your brother and sil concerning the trip they are going to do what they think is best for their child's needs even if it doesn't make sense to you or the schedule.

I find Disney to be very stressful and if on a normal day there is family friction ~Disney might not be the place to go.

This is not going to be anything close to a free trip ~you're going to work for every cent! But if you are going to move forward with the trip I would get a lot more information from your mom about what she wants and expects because I think once the planning begins there will be more to her wishes. I would also have her speak with the other siblings about her expectations. Although you can advise you will all need to make the final plans together or there will be a lot of complaining.

Good luck!

 

[mjkacmom]

I had 5 kids pretty close together, so a set nap schedule was a must. At 19 months, that would be 1 - 4. I loved knowing I had a few hours free, and my evenings would be spent with a well rested toddler. No need for everyone to leave the parks.

 

[Momtomouselover]

Another consideration is how much vacation time do you have. I mean if this time is so valuable to you that you think compromises might ruin it or keep you from having a fun trip I would seriously consider whether it is worth it. However, your mom is paying so she probably wants everyone there if she is making that offer. If you don't have a very limited number of vacation days I would say go for sure but just be prepared to tour differently then you may normally do by yourself. This doesn't mean you can't carve out sometime or your brother and SIL can't let their child nap but compromises will have to be made in other areas. For instance, who picks where to eat? Maybe each of you should get a choice? Is this a deal breaker for your husband? Is your mom easy going and ok with everyone choosing locations and sometimes separating as need be?

 

[Mitzicat]

Even when it was just 4 of us, our parents would get tired and want to go back to the resort. They left, my sister and I stayed. Easy as that. They had a copy of the schedule and we knew what our plans were. Everyone was happy.

Set the expectations before the trip and no one can say they didn't know.

 

[Tucker24]

A sit down with them to understand their expectations is always good. When I did my sit down I tried to make it about them meaning what do you really want to do with the kids or what do you want to experience. To tell you the truth it went in one ear and out the other. It took us several days and a lot of frustration to realize that they would rather go shopping on their own and then meet up with us later. Having traveled with kids that mid day break is invaluable. A happy/ rested child will make for a better trip for all. I would think about picking child friendly restaurants and picking dinner times that don't invite break downs. Don't make too many family times late in the day when the child should be winding down for bed. I would plan together family times around what works best for the child and then do your own thing when they are resting or in bed. The rides and fast passes will also be different so maybe plan a few together but do your own thing as well. And lastly there will be break downs. Disney is a lot to handle at a young age

 

[momimouse27]

I would go, but agree with all those who have said to have a sit down meeting in order to set expectations. If the family with the child has never been, then they will not really know what to expect either. I would venture to guess that they really don't have any idea what leaving the park for a child to nap means-physically, I mean, and how long it takes to go and come from a park on a bus. Another thing I wondered about is, if the brother and SIL are very regimented with their child, i.e. bedtimes and naps, I'm wondering if they are aware of what it means to go to the Christmas party(you mentioned going)? Even though you can go in at 4, the bulk of the party and events happen after dark and well into the wee hours, as you probably already know.

Also, a suggestion. Your mom really wants to have your TS meals together and that revolves around the napping of the child. You might think of doing a breakfast TS or two instead of dinner. When mine were little, at least, they were more alert and happy in the morning getting started instead of in the afternoon after they woke up cranky from a nap. If you could somehow snag a CM ADR then you would have a meal together, get to see the nephew meet Mickey the first time together and it wouldn't impede anyone leaving and then getting back for a set ADR time. Or you could consider going to CM for the first evening of your arrival, getting that part taken care of.

Have fun being with your mom and just be glad to be at Disney!!

 

[dkrauss]

My husband and I have been invited to go to WDW in November with my mom (59), brothers, sister-in-law (ages 30-33) and my nephew (will be 19 months during the trip).
They plan on staying at Coronado and getting the free dining plan. Only 2 days in the parks, plus the Christmas party one day. My mom is paying for the whole trip, we only have to buy our own plane ticket (that is not the problem!)
Our concerns are traveling with family who doesn't always get along when we are home. My mom and I are Disney freaks (with me knowing MUCH more than her) so I really want to go on the trip. My mom really wants me to go because of all the knowledge of WDW. Whether we go or not, I will be planning the whole trip for them (fastpasses, ADRs, etc..)
My bro and SIL are very strict with my nephew's schedule. They have already started asking questions like "How long will it take us to get back to the hotel when the baby has a meltdown?" I don't think they want him napping the the stroller in the parks.
I fear they will ruin my trip!


Any advice for traveling with family that could be complicated? Is the trip worth it knowing that a 19 month old (and his parents) could ruin it for us? (we would be staying in a room with my other brother, and we are ok with that, FYI.)

Sorry for the rant, any advice is welcome!
Thanks in advance!

Much good advice here...........one thing to consider is staying at Coronado and how the brother & SIL move back and forth. You're talking about bus accesses only here(although Uber is available )........just make sure they understand what that means...........but then again its only 2 park days. With 5 meals that seem to be "mandatory" attendance..........your spending a lot of time in restaurants.........not sure how that will work with the youngling...........let alone touring.

I'd be clear about what going to MVMCP is about..........I'm doing my first extended family trip during November also (my brother, SIL, nephew 6 and niece 11), we too are doing the party. However, on that day we're planning the morning/afternoon off for the pool/rest. We'll arrive at 4pm for the party. The party runs until midnight..........will that be a problem for your nephew? Its a question to raise.

For our November trip I'm doing the planning and doing everything I can to keep the lines of communication open. We're doing 7 days/6 nights.........there's one day that my brother and his family will visit my SIL's relatives........the other days we're planning together.........we only have 1 day (our first in the MK) that we touring all day with no break........but we're leaving at 7pm........more due to a scheduled party night..........but it works to our advantage. Most days are planned with an afternoon break...........not so much for the kids but for me I need a break. We've also scheduled 1 TS meal each day............only 1. We do that to keep our restaurant time to a minimum. This is my families first time (my wife and I have been 5 times in the past 3 years) so we want to maximize touring.

Again the key is communication and being flexible. What we have is a plan.........there are options within that plan. The only day really planned in any detail is our first day in the parks (at MK) after that we have ADR's and an outline. When we get FP's it will be a more detailed outline...........but still open enough for changes.

Hope it all works out for you..............have a great time.

Doug