Reporting Someone on Facebook

[luvsJack]

No one is glad the OP's daughter is having problems. No one has said that at all! However, sometimes when you decide to ignore a rule that is in place for a good reason, bad things happen.

The OP and her daughter have been having issues on Facebook for a while now. Maybe they need to realize it just isn't something they can handle, or something they need to do right now.

The OP should deal with the bullying. But she should also pull her daughter off of Facebook until she is a bit older and can deal with the drama better. Let things calm down for a while and let her daughter mature a bit.

Uhmmmm. No we haven't . On any threads about facebook, I have always stated that we have had no problems.

Personally I think for most adults its nothing but a way to brag about "what I do, where I am going, and what I bought" but that's just me. I ignore those and stay in touch with old high school friends.

Until now dd's use of facebook has mostly been games. She does communicate with her friends and its usually "lets get together and go see Eclipse" and they all meet up. She is only friends with friends (or what we thought were friends). She doesn't friend anyone that is just a friend of someone else or someone she's heard of or met briefly. I have gone over her friend list very carefully when this all started, I know every kid on there either from school activities or church.


AGAIN: I get the rule. I know its a rule. BEING 4 months older would not have changed one blessed thing. It would be just as bad then as it is now.

 

[luvsJack]

Are the others that are harassing your DD doing it outside of Facebook (Sorry, I got lost in the thread)? If so, I'd contact your local police department, and see if there's something that can be done, especially if (and I hope I've got it right) the 16 year old boyfriend is doing something outside of FB (emails, texting, etc.)

There are laws being passed that make cyber-bulling a crime as the bullying went to such extremes and the victims committed suicide. I don't know if your area has them or not, but it might be worth it to check...

That is our next step. thank you. These are girls that I really cared about at one time so I hate to take that step but dd comes first.

dh wasn't able to talk to the father last night (he didn't answer and I didn't think he needed to go over there until he calmed down a bit). He will try again tonight and over the weekend.

 

[jazzielady]

Kudos to you, LuvsJack, to continuing to counter against some of these posters.

At least you have a few people supporting you. When I posted my similar story and question a few weeks ago, the entire thread, which went on for many, many pages, absolutely no one supported me. It was all bash and trash on me. I finally just shrugged it off and stopped posting on the thread.

Everyone just kept bringing up about how my dd wasn't 13 yet and that because of my intervention, she was going to be ostracized by the world. Didn't happen. At least no one has brought up that aspect of your situation yet.

All I will say is that some 12 yo's are mature enough to handle fb, some aren't. 13 isn't some magic age where all of a sudden a child is able to behave appropriately. And just because a comment is made on fb doesn't give someone a pass, regardless of age. If someone made that comment (the one made to my dd on fb) within my hearing, you can bet your last dollar I would say something.

So again, good for you for continuing to defend yourself, you're doing exactly the right thing, defending your daughter.

 

[luvsJack]

No facebook, no drama, no problem.

Be her parent, not her friend.



None of my kids have cell phones, texting, IMing, facebook, etc. They never complain about it. They never ask about it. Guess I'm an abusive parent for not allowing them access.

They will get the opportunity soon enough. Let kids be kids.

I am her parent, not her friend. I made a decision to allow her to have a facebook page after one of her friends was over and I closely watched the interaction between all the kids during the week the child was here. And that is exactly the way dd still uses facebook today and the way all 80 of her friends use it--except these 2 plus the bf. (and before any one says "she can't possibly have 80 close friends that you know"--its her friends from school, the youth group and Acteens group from church, her cousins, one aunt and both brothers and sils)

I thought we had most of the privacy stuff set so that I didn't worry about people seeing her info that were not her friends. My concern was with strangers not with friends. I never dreamed her FRIEND (on facebook and IRL would do this to her). Not some new girl or someone part of the "it" crowd or some random stranger but her FRIEND.

She has a cell for reasons other than just communicating with friends. I am not going into that here. But that was another decision that was made after much thought and trying other solutions (like letting her use my phone).

I do not just allow dd to do things or have things because everyone else is doing it or has it. She is usually well behind her friends on getting a lot of stuff. She has friends that are allowed to date, she has friends that are allowed to go places with older teens who are driving, she has friends that for whatever reasons have parents who have made the decision to allow their kids to do a multitude of things that dd is not allowed to do.

Just because someone allows their child to have something that you do not allow for your children does NOT mean they are trying to be their child's friend and not their parent. No more than it means you are being mean or abusive to your kids for not allowing it.

I would be nice to ask a question and get a little less holier than thou judgment.

Oh, I forgot . . . this is the DIS.

 

[luvsJack]

Kudos to you, LuvsJack, to continuing to counter against some of these posters.

At least you have a few people supporting you. When I posted my similar story and question a few weeks ago, the entire thread, which went on for many, many pages, absolutely no one supported me. It was all bash and trash on me. I finally just shrugged it off and stopped posting on the thread.

Everyone just kept bringing up about how my dd wasn't 13 yet and that because of my intervention, she was going to be ostracized by the world. Didn't happen. At least no one has brought up that aspect of your situation yet.

All I will say is that some 12 yo's are mature enough to handle fb, some aren't. 13 isn't some magic age where all of a sudden a child is able to behave appropriately. And just because a comment is made on fb doesn't give someone a pass, regardless of age. If someone made that comment (the one made to my dd on fb) within my hearing, you can bet your last dollar I would say something.

So again, good for you for continuing to defend yourself, you're doing exactly the right thing, defending your daughter.

Thanks. I really think what some need to see that regardless of the rule, its not the kids that are over 13 in this situation that are mature enough for fb. Dd is doing exactly what I would expect her to whether she was 12 or 16 and I am really proud of the way she and her friends are handling all this.

Instead of jumping on the age thing, I would like to see people take a lesson from this. Cyber bullying or any kind of bullying like this can come from anyone. Even if someone is your child's best friend, this kind of evil can raise its ugly head if they get angry enough about something. Blocking strangers from seeing info online is good, but you need to know if someone that you thought of as your child's friend suddenly turns on them--regardless of how old your child is.

 

[Anjelica]

It's a matter of maturity, both for the mother and daughter.

I never want to be the parent that says.."well, all the kids do it". That's never an excuse. A parent should never feel they need to bend to any societal pressure. Parents today seem to want to comform as much as their preteens/teenagers.

What ever happened to the old saying, "if your friend jumped off a bridge, would you?" I remember telling my parents how the other kids got to stay up late, or buy something silly, etc. My folks didn't allow me to do these things because they loved me and wanted to create a safe environment for me.

This can be applied to all these wonderful technological advances.

The most important thing is to know YOUR child. My parents wouldn't allow me to get my drivers license at 16. They didn't think I was mature enough. Just because Facebook rules say 13, that doesn't mean it's a good place for YOUR child.

Facebook does have age rules. How can you report a kid on Facebook when your child shouldn't be on it in the first place. It's like calling the police and telling them someone stole your drugs. lol

Agreed!!! There is an lady in our neighborhood who recently posted about possibly giving her 9 year old a facebook account because "all the other kids have one".

Geez people - just because Susie has a facebook does not make it right that your child has a facebook page. I truly wish facebook would change their rules to even higher than the 13 age limit - I can't recall the amount of times on these boards alone we have seen where drama gets created on facebook. Will it get rid of all the drama in a childs life, no. But will it hopefully cut down on some of it, yes.

OP - I certainly don't wish for any child to be bullied, etc. but its hard to report someone when your child isn't following the rules either. I have no idea if facebook checks to make sure the person reporting is on the up and up before they actually look into a matter.

 

[Darsa]

I would be nice to ask a question and get a little less holier than thou judgment.

Indeed! And I have to commend you on keeping your temper with the superior types who feel that they are better parents just because they parent differently than you.

 

[phamton]

I would simply unfriend the trouble-makers and the problem on facebook is solved.

 

[luvsJack]

Agreed!!! There is an lady in our neighborhood who recently posted about possibly giving her 9 year old a facebook account because "all the other kids have one".

Geez people - just because Susie has a facebook does not make it right that your child has a facebook page. I truly wish facebook would change their rules to even higher than the 13 age limit - I can't recall the amount of times on these boards alone we have seen where drama gets created on facebook. Will it get rid of all the drama in a childs life, no. But will it hopefully cut down on some of it, yes.

OP - I certainly don't wish for any child to be bullied, etc. but its hard to report someone when your child isn't following the rules either. I have no idea if facebook checks to make sure the person reporting is on the up and up before they actually look into a matter.

I reported it myself not dd. So they can check all they want. That's one of the crazy things. This girl was and still is on my friend list. I could have seen everything she is saying without looking at dd's page.

If dd's page gets deleted because of age, so be it. THEN I will say to her "this is just the consequences of being younger than the stated age". I do not think that this girl and her bf saying evil things is a consequence of being 12.

As I have already said, I am not being her friend and the decision was not made "because everyone else has one".

To solve THIS problem, the age would have to be 18. AGAIN: EVERY other kid involved is over 13.

 

[Anjelica]

I reported it myself not dd. So they can check all they want. That's one of the crazy things. This girl was and still is on my friend list. I could have seen everything she is saying without looking at dd's page.

If dd's page gets deleted because of age, so be it. THEN I will say to her "this is just the consequences of being younger than the stated age". I do not think that this girl and her bf saying evil things is a consequence of being 12.

As I have already said, I am not being her friend and the decision was not made "because everyone else has one".

To solve THIS problem, the age would have to be 18. AGAIN: EVERY other kid involved is over 13.

You reported it - but I thought the page it was being posted on was your daughters? Would they not check both the page it was posted on and the poster itself's accounts?

I don't disagree at all that this is a consequence of being 12. I think, honestly, its a consequence of kids being immature. To help alleviate the situation and make sure your child doesn't have to worry about drama on facebook may very well be to have her remove her page. I don't think that is the answer you want but it would help alleviate quite a bit of stress in your and your daughters lives.

If these people who are being mean to your daughter are not doing anything illegal or against the rules then you need to find a way to take your daughter out of the situation. If there is drama in a room full of people most people would remove themselves from that situation/room so as to not deal with it. I think the same thing goes with facebook - if drama continues with your daughter on facebook, even if she is not the cause, etc., it may be better she just remove her account. You can't control other peoples actions but you can control the situation with facebook by removing her account.

 

[cheermom1]

Still say that that this is the op's choice to let her dd be on fb. We need to remember we are not this childs parents! So her being 12 has NOTHING to do with what these other girls are doing period. What ever happened to self responsibility? Why is it that op and her dd is to blame for what others are doing? I don''t get that at all.

Anyway op I hope that these girls get a lesson about being so mean and that they can get in trouble and it is wrong no matter how old the person is that they are doing it to.

 

[Halloweenqueen]

It's not a "holier than thou" attitude. It's just not the advice you wanted.

It's funny how people come on the community board for advice, but get uptight when they don't get what they want to hear.

OP, we ALL are sorry your daughter is getting bullied. Some of us just offered the simpliest, safest solution. No Facebook...problem solved.

 

[cheermom1]

It's not a "holier than thou" attitude. It's just not the advice you wanted.

It's funny how people come on the community board for advice, but get uptight when they don't get what they want to hear.

OP, we ALL are sorry your daughter is getting bullied. Some of us just offered the simpliest, safest solution. No Facebook...problem solved.

But you see what the problem is is that her choice is not to delete the account and we should respect that weather you agree or not. Now that you know that she doesn;t want to delete the account either you can answer her question or not. But that doesn;t mean you can keep telling her to delete the account b/c clearly she doesn't want to. So if that is all you are going to do than there is no need for you to keep posting. This is for everyone who can't let it go that she doesn;t want to delete the account. That again is HER choice not anyone else's!!!

I am not saying you have to agree with her but what I am saying is to stop pushing her to delete it when it is clear that is not what she wants. I know you don;t want someone to keep telling to do something you don;t want to do and feel you shouldn't. Why do it to someone else?

 

[Halloweenqueen]

But you see what the problem is is that her choice is not to delete the account and we should respect that weather you agree or not. Now that you know that she doesn;t want to delete the account either you can answer her question or not. But that doesn;t mean you can keep telling her to delete the account b/c clearly she doesn't want to. So if that is all you are going to do than there is no need for you to keep posting. This is for everyone who can't let it go that she doesn;t want to delete the account. That again is HER choice not anyone else's!!!

I am not saying you have to agree with her but what I am saying is to stop pushing her to delete it when it is clear that is not what she wants. I know you don;t want someone to keep telling to do something you don;t want to do and feel you shouldn't. Why do it to someone else?

I didn't post to push my agenda. I don't care whether or not she decides to delete the account. I was responding to her statement that people with opposing views are trying to be condescending.

 

[maxiesmom]

I am not saying you have to agree with her but what I am saying is to stop pushing her to delete it when it is clear that is not what she wants. I know you don;t want someone to keep telling to do something you don;t want to do and feel you shouldn't. Why do it to someone else?

Because they will continue to have problems unless they delete the Facebook account. The mean girls can be mean faster than the OP can edit or report their bad behavior. Simplest solution is to get off of Facebook for a while.

If the OP chooses not to, I predict this will not be the last post about dealing with nasty stuff on Facebook. You simply cannot force others to be nice or to agree with you. If they keep unfriending people that they have a disagreement with, or don't like the same singers, pretty soon there will not be any reason to be on Facebook.

 

[Anjelica]

I didn't post to push my agenda. I don't care whether or not she decides to delete the account. I was responding to her statement that people with opposing views are trying to be condescending.

ITA!!! I'm not losing sleep over this. And I don't think there have been many, if any, posts that people think they are hollier than thou or that they think the OP's daughter deserved this.

People offered up some "helpful" advice without being condescending, etc. I'm sure most of us that are advising to delete the FB account just see it as a solution that will offer the most positive outcome that the OP will probably see during this entire drama.

 

[NotUrsula]

The thing is, your kid doesn't need to be on FB herself for this to happen to her, so taking away the FB page doesn't always solve the problem. Cyber-bullying tends to translate into real-life ostracism very quickly.

I nearly took my DS' head off a couple of months ago when I discovered that he had joined a "hate" group that an IRL former classmate of his had set up for the purpose of harassing a 3d boy. The thing was titled like "Joe Blow is a X*#^$". Joe Blow doesn't have a FB page, but here kids from all over the city are linking their pages to a group page designed just to harass him, and that kind of talk spills over into real life. (Needless to say, DS does not currently have a FB page; by associating himself with something like that without heed to the possible consequences, he demonstrated to me that he's not mature enough to be using his real name on the Web. I figuratively kicked his butt to the moon and back.)

As to the original question, I have no issue with reporting TOS violations to FB, but the person doing the reporting should be the person being harassed, not a parent. If you are going to learn from standing up for yourself, you have to do it YOURSELF.

 

[danalee]

OP, I feel for you & your DD. Hopefully it will all stop soon, no fun being bullied online, in your face, on the phone, texted whatever way never easy and never fun.

so I guess this thread would have took another direction if you would have waited 4 months til your DD was 13 to post Half the people will agree and half the people will disagree, thats a given, and on here...well to say its a given is an understatement.

I have kids of all ages on my FB page, parents give there kids pages for games or so they can talk to family in other parts of the country or whatever, it is what it is. Who am I to say its right or wrong, you know your child. They can change the age to 18 and let me tell ya the user number on FB wont go down.

Back to the OP...there is a way to block the page from anyone other than friend that you friend from seeing it. Like your DD would have to invite them, because even if someone looked her up they wouldnt find her. Not sure how you do it, but I know it can be done

Good Luck to you guys

 

[Amy&Dan]

OP, I feel for you. I have a 13yo dd myself and it amazes me how the whole computer world has just upped the anty of bullying. Even if they don't have a facebook page, others do and if somebody gets it in for your kid, they can be bullied all over cyber space via fb and texting in a matter of minutes.

I think you did fine on all counts.

I know some people take a hard stance on stuff like this with the "bullying can only affect those that let it, they are too young for facebook" etc. But in the end, she's YOUR daughter and all bets are off when its your own kid.

How many times do we have to read headlines of kids taking their own life as a result of bullying (cyber or otherwise) to understand that this is serious stuff? Not having a facebook is an option but it won't stop cyber bullying if some kid is intent on doing so.

Good luck to you and to all of us with teenagers or kids, its always been tough to be and parent a teen. And today is no different, and in fact if I had had to deal with this stuff when I was 13, I am not sure I would have been able to.

 

[PrincessTiffany]

Yes you have to be 13 before you are allowed to have a facebook account - but it seems many people choose to ignore that rule.

I honestly feel they should raise the age to maybe something a tad bit higher - like 16 or something. It's just ridiculous that its even 13 IMHO.

I also think the FB age limit should be raised to about 16.

This thread is just one more example of why young children don't need access to their own FB page - it's ridiculous.