C) I'm sorry that your parents did not love you. Any self respecting parent that truly loved their child would have introduced overly processed foods with plenty of corn syrup and red dye #40 to their children back in the day. It sounds like you perhaps grew up in a little house on the prairie.
Oh if only I were so lucky!! I remember getting McDonalds once when I was about 9, that was the coolest thing EVER!