Relative with NO tact

[Jennasis]

Dh's aunt and uncle are in town visiting. They came to "see" DH's ailing grandfather who had a stroke a year and a half ago. The uncle is DGF's son. Uncle/aunt haven't seen DGF in over a year (and part of me thinks this "visit" is merely to ensure the inheritance is safe for them because they put in face-time with DGF, but that's another story).

Last time DH and I saw uncle and aunt was at our wedding 3 years ago. His aunt is VERY awkward socially and has many issues, so I've always taken things she says and does with a grain of salt. Well when they arrived at our house the other day, aunt gets out of car, and says, to me, "HI...have you lost weight?" and then proceeds to grab my FAT ROLLS and squeez/jiggle them.

I was speechless, but just ignored the comment and went about our visit. The next day we met for lunch (at McDonald's...her request). Sitting at our table alone with her she says to me "You look tired." ...OK...turns out today I have the raging death flu so perhaps I did look bedraggled. So I said, "Oh, well you know we work our butts off on the farm." Then she counters with "Well you guys DO eat CRAP all the time. All those carbohydrates."

I haven't seen this loon in 3 years and that was the first time I met her! How would she know what we eat??? SHE was the one who insisted on lunch at McD's! So I say back to her, "we eat just fine. I may be picky, but we're not suffering." She then launches into a speech about her healthy eating style (BTW she's the size of a small house, and ate the fries DH and I had bought to split along with a double Big Mac and a large vanilla shake)...at the end of her speech she sums up with "I guess it's just about how you're raised."

I lost my mind. I very calmly but with an air of icy death explained to her that NOBODY on the planet has a better dietary outlook on life than my parents, who follow Weight Watches like gospel, watch every calorie, and are in stellar health.

My poor MIL has been dealing with this crazy for YEARS. Apparently at the funeral for my deceased FIL, the loon gushed to my MIL about how lucky she (aunt) was that HER husband was still alive and loves her so much and takes such good care of her.

DH says this aunt used to chase him around the house trying to pinch his butt until he was in his early 20's.

Ahhh...family!

 

[NY Disney fan]

(BTW she's the size of a small house, and ate the fries DH and I had bought to split along with a double Big Mac and a large vanilla shake)...at the end of her speech she sums up with "I guess it's just about how you're raised."

That's comedy gold!

 

[C.Ann]

Every family has one...or two...or three..or four...or - well - you get my drift..

 

[Stacerita]

Sometimes its hard to believe we are related to some people.

 

[Camicar]

I didn't know my stepmother in law was your dh's aunt. We could meet up at the next family reunion.

Although maybe not. She's not interested in men's buttocks. She's always trying to peer down my shirt and ask "Just how big are your ****s anyway? I bet your dh loooooooooooooooooves them." Then she licks her lips.

 

[Jennasis]

I didn't know my stepmother in law was your dh's aunt. We could meet up at the next family reunion.

Although maybe not. She's not interested in men's buttocks. She's always trying to peer down my shirt and ask "Just how big are your ****s anyway? I bet your dh loooooooooooooooooves them." Then she licks her lips.

creepola!

Luckily she married into the family and has no blood ties. I have a cousin-in-law on my side of the family who also suffers from "foot-in-mouth syndrome". Thank God she's not related by blood!

 

[clarabelle]

I didn't know my stepmother in law was your dh's aunt. We could meet up at the next family reunion.

Although maybe not. She's not interested in men's buttocks. She's always trying to peer down my shirt and ask "Just how big are your ****s anyway? I bet your dh loooooooooooooooooves them." Then she licks her lips.

like the grandma from 16 candles
"Oh look Fred she's gotten her ****ies"

 

[cinmell]

I didn't know my stepmother in law was your dh's aunt. We could meet up at the next family reunion.

Although maybe not. She's not interested in men's buttocks. She's always trying to peer down my shirt and ask "Just how big are your ****s anyway? I bet your dh loooooooooooooooooves them." Then she licks her lips.

 

[Pixie Dust for Me!]

And this would be the reason why we have what we call "the in-laws and the outlaws" in our family. We're lucky that we've established a tradition to go away at Thanksgiving so we only have to deal with them at Christmas. That's all I can take!

 

[Jennasis]

Jumpin jiminy! She keeps gettin' better...DMIL just called. Apparently last night the aunt/uncle decided they wanted Chinese food. So DMIL orders but has to go pick it up. DMIL asks if either of them (her bro or SIL) want to take a 5minute ride to go get the food with her. Aunt turns to her hubby and says "you aren't going with her. She's a crazy driver!" DMIL went alone...happily.

Aunt has NO IDEA what kind of a driver DMIL is since she's never been in the car while DMIL was driving. DMIL drives just fine. Though come to think of it, on our way home from dinner the other night, I drove all of us. Aunt was sitting in the front passenger seat, and grilling me about my driving skills and habits. "You only do the speed limit right?" "You don't drive fast do you?" "You better start slowing down for that stop sign"