Relationship Age Gap

[FutureDisneyEventPlanner]

What are your thoughts on dating, and marrying, someone significantly older than you?

Let's say 10-15 years older. Have any of you done that?

 

[PollyannaMom]

My DH and I are only three months apart, so I can't speak from experience, but in general, I think the perceived difference starts out big, gets smaller, then gets big again.

Your 15 year example, for instance, is a huge deal if one person is 15 and the other 30, not so much at 30 and 45, but potentially a big influence on lifestyle at 65 and 80.

 

[Marchand63]

I dated a 35yo when 46 - it was ok until I met my now DH. He is 18 mos older.

Now my DIL is 14 years older than my DS - 12 years together - 1 child - still going strong. 22 & 36 when married.

 

[lovesmurfs]

My husband is 11 1/2 years older than I am. We married when I was 22 and DH was 34.

To be honest, I think both sets of parents were concerned about the gap. But it's been 28 years and it works. I've not found a big problem, except the fact that DH's university cut his program about 4 years ago, and he's been unable to find a job ever since. My job is secure and pays really well, so I'm reluctant to follow him to another university for him to receive third of the pay that I currently receive. When we first got married, I followed him and picked up jobs where I could find them.

Health-wise or lifestyle-wise, I've not seen any challenges as of yet.

 

[SaintsManiac]

My husband is 7 years younger than I am. I think it depends on the peoeple. It wouldn't work for everyone.

 

[mrsheppo]

My DH is 10 years older than me. He was 50 and I was 40 when we got married. 20 years later, we are still together and going strong. We have not really had any age or generation challenges

 

[nkereina]

I have acquaintances who are 28 and 41. They recently got married and have two kids together. The age gap has little to no impact right now, but I can see her (the 28 year old) wanting more children where he (the 41 year old) might feel past that point in life now. Also, as PP mentions, when they get to be retirement age, they will again be at different stages in life. When he is 65 and most likely ready to enjoy retirement life, his wife will only be 52. Even if she was willing to retire at that age, most people can't afford it. Especially not with healthcare costs. By the time she can retire, he will be in his late 70s (God willing) and who knows what health issues and other challenges may arise by that age. I know so many retirees who enjoy traveling together and spending winters in Florida, and I just don't see that in their future. Which may be fine for them, but I know its something DH and I daydream about together.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

My grandparents were 13 years apart (26 & 39 when they married). They both died at 90, so Grandma was without him her final 13 years. OTOH, my uncle was a few years older than my aunt & she went first. So, you never know.

I’m 51 now & just starting to have visions of retirement. That could be awkward if I was married to a 36-year-old.

 

[powellrj]

I would have a hard time over 10 years. I need someone who has lived through the same things I have.

 

[RangerPooh]

My grandparents were 14 years apart in age and were married about 60 yeas when grandpa passed.

A friend of ours just went through a nasty divorce. He's 53, she's 30. They were together for 7 years, married at least 5. She cheated on him many times and finally they filed for divorce because she felt that she was missing out on life. He prefers younger women but doesn't understand the need for personal space, girl weekends, and social media. For him this big of an age gap doesn't work even though it's what he prefers; he just refuses to see that his patterns of relationships like this doesn't work. He was previously married to a women with about a 15 year age gap prior to recent divorce #2.

 

[SC Minnie]

DH and I are exactly 14 years apart. Next week we'll have been married 26 years.

 

[MrsDuck]

Hubby and I are 2.5 years apart but my SIL married a guy in his late 30s when she was in her mid 20s. They are very happy.

 

[Hikergirl]

I could never do it, I want to go through the same stages of life with my partner, not after or before.
Obviously from the posts here it just depends on the two people in the relationship. If it works for them, it works.

 

[OhDannyBoy]

Before I met my wife, I was 22 dating a woman who was 41. I went to high school with her daughter and graduated the same year.

We were together a little less than a year, so it wasn't a really long term thing, but I lived with her for 6 months. She had no interest in starting over with kids though and I desired to have a family, so it fizzled out after a short while.

Was it fun? Yeah.
Did we love each other? Yeah, we did.
But we both wanted completely different things out of life so once the honeymoon period was over, so was the relationship.

I'd imagine that is going to be the case with a lot of folks in that position.

 

[gillep]

I have no experience myself, but my mom was married to my dad who was 19 years older than her and it was always an issue as long as I can remember. They were just in two completely different places in their lives and had very different wants and needs. Now, it also was not helped by the fact that they had drastically different personalities and my mom is an extrovert and my dad was an introvert, she also had very little life experience growing up in a small town, it was a disaster waiting to happen. My mom always commented that she felt like my dad was holding her back and she was missing out on life. After my father passed (they were in the process of a divorce at the time) my mom married someone 13 years younger, and honestly it is a better fit for her.

 

[DeniseJH]

My husband is 9 years older than me, and next month we will be married 30 years. No issues due to the age difference at all.

 

[amberpi]

My first husband was 13 years older than I am and we remain friends. Age difference had nothing to do with the divorce, just drifted apart. My last relationships of any consequence were within 4/5 years on either side.

 

[disny_luvr]

My sister recently married a guy 13 years younger than her. It’s the second marriage for her, first for him. All that matters to me is that they are happy. With that said, I’m 10 years younger than my sister, 3 years older than her husband and I feel like I have nothing in common with my sister. I’m curious what attracted them to each other because when I’m with them he seems like me and doesn’t seem to have much in common with her.

 

[dish rag]

A lady 10 yrs my senior would be much older than I would care for.

 

[ShirikiUtundu]

I think within +/- 4 years is a good rule of thumb. I think beyond that is the exception rather than the rule that people stay together.

My parents are 8 years apart (still together; married for over 40 years) and she told me that they didn't have much of a common ground.