theotherme
Earning My Ears
- Joined
- Sep 28, 2006
- Messages
- 4
So, I usually post under another name, but I want this to be anonymous.
Warning, this is kind of long...
I am worried (have been for a year) that my dbf is cheating. We currently live together.
His background:
He is 23. Works full time and goes to school full time (2 nights per week). He comes froma divorced family where his mother is very up-and-down and his father was somewhat absent most of his life, and has been divorced 5 times (4 divorces due to his infidelity). Last week, boyfriend was diagnosed as Bipolar II and put on Depakote.
Things that have happened:
1) Last year he had a MySpace account. Every time I posted to his board, my comments were deleted. Other girls would post and he would leave their comments on. One day, I knew his password and checked his private messages. He had been messaging a girl from Oregon (we live in TN) and it was fairly innocent with a lot of "where are you - I can't wait to talk to you!". I confronted him and he cancelled the account.
2) I had an instinct last october to check his text messages on his phone while he slept. He had messages from a girl he talks to on AIM (an "old friend" who lives about 40 minutes from here) who said all sorts of not-so-appropriate sexual things about what she couldn't wait to do to him in the back of his car (because they couldn't do it at their homes and they couldn't afford a hotel room). I flipped out and he said he had never seen the messages (in his defense, I dont' remember there being any replies from him). Later that day, he said he called he and yelled at her and that she had apparently meant to send the messages to someone else. He said she's married and has 2 little kids. I found her on AOL and myspace and her profiles said nothing like that, but boyfriend said that "of course she'll say that - she's a slut". Anyway, she sent his a couple other texts saying "hey" following that, but he always said they were just friends.
3) the past year has been full of him being somewhat secretive about who is calling/texting him. He always either has a password on his computer or deletes his history or recently viewed items.
4) I discovered last fall that he watched a lot of... adult videos online. He got defensive, angry, did it anyway forever. In July of this year, he finally admitted that, since we've been together and (says he) wants to marry me, it's not appropriate and needs to learn not to look at it.
There are other things, but they are small and I think I've covered the big things. The only other major thing is that he tells a lot of little white lies. I catch him in them all the time. He always denies it, but I know better. I really love him and I support him. He pays my living expenses and in general takes great care of me. Even if he has done these things in the past, if it's due to him being Bipolar, I'm willing to forgive and forget as long as things get better. But how do I trust and get over all of it? Especially if I am just being paranoid and he never did anything in the first place.
I am 24 and in a very demanding graduate program and I need to just get to the bottom of this situation emotionally. Do you suggest I get counseling? Argh... and I'm worried he's nto being totally honest with his psychiatrist, and that when he begins his counseling in a few months he wont' be totally honest either, because he's afraid of looking bad. I guess I'm looking for any advice - your opinions, and esp. if you have a bipolar SO. Thanks.
Warning, this is kind of long...
I am worried (have been for a year) that my dbf is cheating. We currently live together.
His background:
He is 23. Works full time and goes to school full time (2 nights per week). He comes froma divorced family where his mother is very up-and-down and his father was somewhat absent most of his life, and has been divorced 5 times (4 divorces due to his infidelity). Last week, boyfriend was diagnosed as Bipolar II and put on Depakote.
Things that have happened:
1) Last year he had a MySpace account. Every time I posted to his board, my comments were deleted. Other girls would post and he would leave their comments on. One day, I knew his password and checked his private messages. He had been messaging a girl from Oregon (we live in TN) and it was fairly innocent with a lot of "where are you - I can't wait to talk to you!". I confronted him and he cancelled the account.
2) I had an instinct last october to check his text messages on his phone while he slept. He had messages from a girl he talks to on AIM (an "old friend" who lives about 40 minutes from here) who said all sorts of not-so-appropriate sexual things about what she couldn't wait to do to him in the back of his car (because they couldn't do it at their homes and they couldn't afford a hotel room). I flipped out and he said he had never seen the messages (in his defense, I dont' remember there being any replies from him). Later that day, he said he called he and yelled at her and that she had apparently meant to send the messages to someone else. He said she's married and has 2 little kids. I found her on AOL and myspace and her profiles said nothing like that, but boyfriend said that "of course she'll say that - she's a slut". Anyway, she sent his a couple other texts saying "hey" following that, but he always said they were just friends.
3) the past year has been full of him being somewhat secretive about who is calling/texting him. He always either has a password on his computer or deletes his history or recently viewed items.
4) I discovered last fall that he watched a lot of... adult videos online. He got defensive, angry, did it anyway forever. In July of this year, he finally admitted that, since we've been together and (says he) wants to marry me, it's not appropriate and needs to learn not to look at it.
There are other things, but they are small and I think I've covered the big things. The only other major thing is that he tells a lot of little white lies. I catch him in them all the time. He always denies it, but I know better. I really love him and I support him. He pays my living expenses and in general takes great care of me. Even if he has done these things in the past, if it's due to him being Bipolar, I'm willing to forgive and forget as long as things get better. But how do I trust and get over all of it? Especially if I am just being paranoid and he never did anything in the first place.
I am 24 and in a very demanding graduate program and I need to just get to the bottom of this situation emotionally. Do you suggest I get counseling? Argh... and I'm worried he's nto being totally honest with his psychiatrist, and that when he begins his counseling in a few months he wont' be totally honest either, because he's afraid of looking bad. I guess I'm looking for any advice - your opinions, and esp. if you have a bipolar SO. Thanks.
It really sounds to me like he's been cheating and I know it is so hard to imagine moving on because you get so accustomed to the routines in your current relationship. Its your life and your decision on what to do and I wish you ALL THE BEST, but I just want to say that I think you deserve better than this.
