Regulating gift cards

[msmayor]

They were a gift, for crying out loud...you'd confiscate a gift because you think he's using it up too fast?

His gift, his choice...if he 'wastes' it on songs and things he really doesn't want, well then maybe the next time he gets this type of gift he'll be more careful with it.

 

[branv]

Well obviously OP you're a good mom, and I think it's wonderful that you take interest in teaching your children about fiscal responsibility. Sadly, not enough people do.

That being said, I must respectfully disagree with making this an issue. If this were an allowance or income, I can certainly understand using this to teach them finance lessons. But this is a gift...and it's his gift. It was given not for something responsible, but as something fun for him to use as he wishes. That is the point of gifts. Certainly if he comes to regret using it all up, that will be a bonus lesson, but on this it's his to learn. I also wouldn't punish him by refusing to give him further funds for Itunes. I get not giving him MORE than normal, but not cutting any funds you would normally given him if he hadn't gotten these gift cards (after all, I doubt they gave him this gift to save you money, it was given to him to give him MORE than he normally gets). I admit I would be peeved if I gave, for instance, my nieces and nephews a gift card or cash and found out their parent had confiscated it as a "life lesson" or forced the child to use it in a way other than the child had wanted. That punishes the child and the giver of the gift who certainly doesn't intend for their gift to bring anything but happiness to the child. The only time I understand a parent stepping is would be to prevent them from buying something inappropriate or truly harmful.

There are so many other ways to teach him this lesson, goodness knows those moments present themselves way too frequently with teenagers . But I don't feel the gift cards are the way to do it; let him get the enjoyment out of his gifts as was intended.

 

[pearlieq]

The kid is 15, time for mommy to butt out and let him manage his own life. He's already legally allowed to work and in a few short months he'll be allowed to drive. I think it's time to let him be in charge of his own iTunes cards.

It's iTunes credits, not a college fund. If he blows them all, he doesn't get to download anymore songs until he earns more money. Not a tragedy--no one ever died from lack of iTunes credits.

 

[4Seasons]

#1 here too, let him spend as he sees fit. Otherwise he won't understand the value of saving or waiting. He'll find out the hard way that when the money is gone, it's gone.

Agreed. I have two teens age 14 and 17. This age is really a chapter in their life where they need to learn some tough lessons ON THEIR OWN.
It needs to be his choice. Remember he needs to be moving towards independence in the next few years and needs to be able to make decisions on his own.
Trust me, during these years you will have MUCH bigger issues to deal with!

No harm will be done if he blows thru the money in the blink of an eye, and when it's gone he may realize that he should have been more careful. And when it's gone and he complains or asks for more money, etc. it's the perfect teachable moment to discuss saving vs. spending and how instant gratification is not always the best option.
Now if it's something like him wanting to go out with questionable friends to some place you have no clue where/what it is, or driving in a snow/icy weather on a new license, something that will put him in danger, that's when you step in.

Please don't do what my mom did to my sister, she micromanaged EVERY SINGLE decision in the poor girl's life. As a result, she is now 35 and almost cannot think for herself sometimes. She's made alot of stupid decisions that have hurt her (most financial). She was never allowed to make those foolish choices as a teen and as a result didn't learn those valuable lessons.
Much harder to learn them when you're out on your own.

 

[Auggietina]

My dd is almost 13. Got an ipod touch and $60 worth of itune cards. They were gone by the time Christmas night was over. They were gifts to her. She is free to do what she wants with it. She then pulled out $20 and asked if she could buy more songs. Sure! It's her money and she earned it, she can what she wants with it.

$80 in a couple of hours was gone to itunes. No biggie and she's been listening to her ipod every day since.

 

[drcmk]

OP--Are you concerned that DS is downloading material that might be inappropriate? My children (age 11 and 13) also each got itouch for Christmas and we have run across apps that are not appropriate for children--including things that are nearly pornographic. As far as we can tell there is no way to implement "parental controls" over what is purchased from itunes other than sitting beside the children as they shop. Does anyone know of a way to restrict inappropriate downloads from itunes.

 

[happygirl]

I'd say let him use them as long as he's not downloading music that not apporiate for his age

 

[It'sWDW4me]

I know how difficult it is to see them blow through their money so darned fast but it's definitely a life lesson that he needs to learn now before he's out on his own in the big, bad world. When he's burned through it and jonesing out cuz there's a brand new song that he just HAS to have.... well, that's when he'll be in the middle of the "save a little for later" lesson. Don't give in and give him $ (or at least, not any more than you normally would) when he gets there or the lesson will be completely lost.

Help him lean how to use his wings, mom. Good luck.

 

[dex08]

I'd let him keep them and I choose #1. He's 15 yo so he knows the consequences if he uses them up all at once. And they were gifts to him to be used. If the gift givers wanted him to have the iTunes cards in February they would have given them to him then. Let him spend HIS gift.

 

[pmgreene]

He's 15? And has only spent 20% of his gift money? Big deal...

As the parent of a 14 and 16 year old I say pick your battles and not regulate how he spends his gift cards. Not to flame you but just a general parent comment -- many parents nowadays are so quick to rescue their kids and not have the children learn lessons through hard-knocks. If he's 15 he is old enough to understand the concept that once money is spent it is gone.

Tell him you may have overreacted when taking the cards and that you trust him to spend them wisely and then LEAVE HIM ALONE about it. This parenting thing is tough but it's ok to admit to our kids that we do make mistakes sometimes.

Just curious... how did he fund itunes purchases before receiving the cards?

 

[eliza61]

The Visa cards no different than an iTunes card, its still $$ to be spent and she just doesn't want him to blow it all if she can help it whether its $20 in CGs or $20 in cash, its still $20 to be saved or blown

I would go with what other PPs have said, tell him he can have it back with the understanding that once its gone, he has to EARN more...... but then my DD5 also earns things she wants, she doesn't just get them

That's pretty much it. It's cash and it makes my eye twitch when he blows it. especially when I checked out the songs he downloaded and quite a few of them are from artist he usually doesn't listen too.

He's pretty good at earning spending cash but he's also the worlds greatest whiner. I gave birth to a mini drama king and I can definitely forsee in March him putting on an Oscar winning performance on how deprived he is because he can't purchase any songs for his Ipod.

 

[okeydokey]

What lesson? He got gift cards for music and he is using them on music. They are his gifts and he should be able to use them however he wants to.

 

[ICF]

the kids 15....time (or past time) to learn the lesson and when it's gone it's gone.

 

[marcyinPA]

So here's the situation.
My youngest son he's 15 recieved ~150.00 bucks in Itunes gift cards from various relatives for Christmas
I ask him today could I purchase a song for my Ipod and I'd give him a dollar.

Long story short, the kid has already used $30.00 bucks on the thing. So I look at the purchase list and basically he's just downloading because he can.

I confiscate the other ones but my husband says to give them back. He thinks jr. should be allowed to go hog wild and when the money is gone, it's gone.

So should we:

1) Let daddy fatcat spend until his little fingers drop off and then in Feb when he's begging to buy a song, remind him of his excess.

2) Force big spender to save for later even if it's his gift.

My 14 year old DS blew every dollar of his Christmas money on an iPod Touch yesterday, when he already owns an iPod. I would have rather him saved the money for when he wants something else (like a Phillies jersey, or a cap, or whatever I KNOW will come up). But the fact is that it is HIS money, and he needs to learn how to spend it wisely. I just told him "Ok, buy the "touch", but that's it for your money. Don't ask me for any money for other stuff."

They need to learn how to manage their money and prioritize. Being without will hopefully teach them something!

ETA: my DS needs to earn his allowance...right now, it's tied to his grades. He's been having a rough time adjusting to high school, and his last three report cards were not the best. Therefore, since he hasn't done his "job", he hasn't received allowance. He knows that his "job" is to acquire honor roll, and then he will get his money. Believe me, he is completely capable of making honor roll. His grades have been low due to missing assignments and late assignments. If it weren't for 0's and half credits, he'd be getting A's. Instead, we're pulling C's. Very frustrating!

 

[My sister's princess]

$30= 30ish songs

That is like buying a CD and a half.... I don't think that is alot of music. When you go and spend a Wal*Mart gift card on a CD you spend $20 in one transaction and you get 20ish songs..... so it sounds about right

 

[Heidict]

They were a gift, his gift. He should be allowed to use them how every quicky he wants to. I couldn't imagine regulating a 15 years old usage of a gift. It was intended for him to buy music with and that is what he is doing. Why make a big deal out of it?

 

[patsal]

Talk with him first, to share your concerns, but then I agree with your DH let him learn now, money only spends once. Remember to follow through though, do not give in later when he wants to buy something and the money is all gone. Better to learn this lesson early in life not after he goes to work and spends his whole paycheck on wants and has nothing for necessities. I have an 18 yo drama king that "forgot " to pay his car insurance--should be interesting to see how that plays out!

 

[2TxAgs]

Hey Eliza61....maybe your teenage drama king just knows how to play mama???

If he's 15, he's not pulling that whiney stuff in high school and getting away with it, is he? Time for him to learn that it won't work with mom anymore either. This is a kid just a few years shy of leaving home, a kid who will in the next year or two probably need to go out and get a part time job. Maybe the lesson here is less about how
quickly the money is gone, but more about how it's time to grow up and take some responsibility!

Good luck. My oldest two are 15 and I know that getting them to take responsibility for things can be a challenge, but that's our job!

TxAg

 

[Scornelius]

When you say he's downloading just for the sake of it, what do you mean? What sort of stuff did he buy? It might seem wasteful to you, but I'd be worried if you had the exact same taste as a 15 year old boy.

He's essentially been given a shopping spree. As long as it's not porn or something, I'd let him spend it however he wants.

 

[rie'smom]

The gift cards were gifts. They are his to spend as he pleases.