? Regarding leaving child alone in room

[kevschickee]

IMO as an adult rape victim - that only goes so far - most teen girls and young women cannot beat off an attacker and young women from teen years to their twenties are at the highest risk for having a sex crime perpetrated against them - and we HAVE to stop blaming the victim for the actions of the criminal or the pervert.

how in any way did my post blame the victim? Yes a teen or young adult is stronger than a child and would have a better chance to fight back. Thats not saying they would be able to but would have a better chance.

 

[bellebud]

someone already mentioned about the fire alarm (or the actual hotel fire)... but I just want to remind everyone who does leave any child alone in the room, to first go over what to do if the alarm goes off. it happened to us last week in niagara falls (the alarm went off). It happens all the time. so just be sure to add it to the list of "don't answer the door", etc.

 

[tinkermom23]

I totally agree with this! But, I have to say I would trust one of my then 11 year olds with a choking 3 year old, before I would trust my 70 year old MIL. My MIL would be patting them on the back and trying to get them to drink some water. Everyone (and every situation) is different

YES! I would definately trust my DS9 to know what to do in a choking situation because we have talked about it and he has learned basic CPR in a class, however, my MIL, not so much!
She would keep watching her TV program or chatting on the phone, thinking my child is over-dramatic and I am over-protective.
IMO, age is not the deciding factor, every person is different! Common sense seems to be nonexistant for some people.

 

[Octoberbabiesrus]

IMO that kind of "Beware!!! There's a pedophile behind every corner!!!!!" paranoia just fuels irrational fears. In reality, children who are abused, kidnapped, etc are usually the victims of people they know. Not just some random creep .

yah I can vouch for that. A friends daughter was molested by the step dad this past month. No stranger involved.

 

[Don Disney]

IMO that kind of "Beware!!! There's a pedophile behind every corner!!!!!" paranoia just fuels irrational fears. In reality, children who are abused, kidnapped, etc are usually the victims of people they know. Not just some random creep .

"CREEP" refers to"strangers"-yes!!! BUT,isn't ANYONE who would harm a child,or adult for that matter a CREEP?

 

[Don Disney]

I am reading some of this stuff,and I don't believe there is a good enough reason to leave a CHILD alone!! Some of you are obviously living in some kind of fantasy-land!!!(no pun intended).You best wake up and READ the back of the "milk carton"!! THERE ARE SO MANY MISSING CHILDREN!!!! WAKE-UP PEOPLE!!!!!sad2:

 

[longstangetrip]

I am reading some of this stuff,and I don't believe there is a good enough reason to leave a CHILD alone!! Some of you are obviously living in some kind of fantasy-land!!!(no pun intended).You best wake up and READ the back of the "milk carton"!! THERE ARE SO MANY MISSING CHILDREN!!!! WAKE-UP PEOPLE!!!!!sad2:

The media has gotten to you. One child missing is way too many, but you have to live your life smart, not scared. 115 out of 700,000+ reported missing kids were stereo typical stanger abductions in 2008. All kids are different and many 8-12 year olds would be smart and safe while their parents got coffee. Each parent usually knows their own childs' strengths and limitations. I hate that so many kids are scared of everyone. Sometimes they need to ask a grown up for help and many are afraid to. They haven't been allowed to listen to their instincts, their gut, but instead rule out everyone.

 

[livie1205]

I am reading some of this stuff,and I don't believe there is a good enough reason to leave a CHILD alone!! Some of you are obviously living in some kind of fantasy-land!!!(no pun intended).You best wake up and READ the back of the "milk carton"!! THERE ARE SO MANY MISSING CHILDREN!!!! WAKE-UP PEOPLE!!!!!sad2:

wow how long until you move to the woods and live off the grid?That is waaaayy to paranoid.I know there are lots of bad people in the world but more often then not in is not a stranger that does these things.I want my kids to stay safe,they are my world BUT I do not want them to be worried at every turn.There are not more bad people now then when we were kids we just hear about it at every turn because of the news media.

 

[picktails]

After reading all of these posts, there seem to be 2 different parenting styles. There are those (like me) that encourage independence. Mine went to sleepaway camp starting at age 9, where they are responsible for quite a lot on their own. The camp is very large and they walk (in groups) to activities, take care of their own hygiene and personal space. The camp accepts children as young as 7 for 8 week sessions.
Then there are the parents who don't believe children should be in the position to experience such freedoms at a young age, and only start letting them "go" as teenagers. I have found these kids to be much more afraid of life.
I am not judging, but as a child who was permitted to ride the bus to Manhattan with friends to see Broadway shows as young as age 12, I absolutely trust in the value of instilling confidence and decision making in children when they are ready for it. IMHO many children make BETTER decisions in difficult situations than scared adults. I was raised not to worry all the time but take the world by storm.
DS16 is leaving for 10 days in Europe on Monday and I'm jealous!!

 

[RACHELSMOM1]

As with the others I would say it depends on the child - but you do need to be a bit paranoid and be aware that "stuff" happens - you could trip and hurt yourself, be involved in an accident somehow and not be able to get back to the room - what then? What if something happened in the room - what is your "contingency" plan if an electrical appliance overheats, the fire alarm goes off, the phone rings, housekeeping comes early - sorry, I am the paranoid mama here....

Tessa

You sound just like me, I imagine the worse case scenarios, always!! I couldn't be any more paranoid than I am when it concerns my children. I don't know if I will ever get over it. I will not even let my 8 & 9 yr olds go on the pirate cruise!! I guess it depends on the maturity of the child, but I will not be able to leave any of my kids in the room alone.

 

[2cats1kid]

My DD is 11 and yes, she walks to the local shop by herself, has stayed in a hotel room by herself, and last night when she and a friend asked if they could go for a walk round the neighborhood I let them. I worry about her, but I let her do it.

Childhood is (or should be) all about learning to be independent of your parents and indeed wanting to be independent. Parenthood these days seems to be about keeping your child at your side as long as possible. Can't you see the essential conflict in this? So when I feel worried or anxious about giving her her freedom, it's not because deep down I feel she shouldn't be doing it, it's about this conflict which is largely a modern creation. Heck, by 8 or 9 a century or two ago a lot of kids were working and bringing home a wage to help support the family! (Not saying this is a good thing, just saying.)

A lot of people in this thread have talked about maturity, independence, confidence, etc. How the heck are our children meant to learn these things, when they are never given the opportunity?

 

[disneymom2one]

I so agree with this. This thread has really surprised me! Our daughter has Asperger's (albeit on the high end) and I consider us to be relatively overprotective parents. Still, we know our ultimate job is to encourage her to become independent. Do I worry? Absolutely! But we never say no to an opportunity to stretch - just a little.

So yes, she does stay in the room for little periods of time and has since she was probably nine or ten. It's usually for less than ten minutes - maybe while her dad and I are packing the car. She's always awake and we've gone over and over the rules - don't open the door, no balcony time. Basically she sits on the bed and watches television.

For the past year, she's also been allowed to go to the food court and refill her mug and get a snack. She's almost fourteen so she's been doing it since just before she turned 13. I'll qualify that by saying that we go to WDW a lot and we almost always stay either at POR or AKL. We take proper precautions - cell phone, time limit, etc. Do I worry the whole time she's gone? Of course I do. I'm still a mom. But I know she's a smart kid with a good head on her shoulders. We've gone over and over what to do if anyone (other than mom or dad) approaches you. Is there a chance something could happen? Absolutely. I'm not naive. But I think the chances are slim enough and the rewards (watching my Aspie get more and more sure of herself) are well worth it.

Interestingly enough, we don't feel secure enough to let her stay home for any period of time more than fifteen minutes. I don't thinks she's ready for that. She does, however, stay in our office occasionally this summer while we teach class (college). It's often as long as an hour. Again, we have rules. She's not allowed to leave for any reason. If anything goes wrong, she's to immediately see the secretary. There's also usually at least one faculty member right there on the hall.

I think our bottom line philosophy is a gradual road to independence with plenty of boundaries. We only allow independence once we're really comfortable. I know the whole "going to the food court" process probably started with us walking with her and allowing her to get her own drink, then maybe we let go through the line and get a snack. Then we started walking just to the door. Then maybe for a couple of trips it was "you can go but we'll be right here at the pool." It's also a really natural process that doesn't feel forced but yes, the end result is that we want her to be a pretty independent human being within the next few years.

My DD is 11 and yes, she walks to the local shop by herself, has stayed in a hotel room by herself, and last night when she and a friend asked if they could go for a walk round the neighborhood I let them. I worry about her, but I let her do it.

Childhood is (or should be) all about learning to be independent of your parents and indeed wanting to be independent. Parenthood these days seems to be about keeping your child at your side as long as possible. Can't you see the essential conflict in this? So when I feel worried or anxious about giving her her freedom, it's not because deep down I feel she shouldn't be doing it, it's about this conflict which is largely a modern creation. Heck, by 8 or 9 a century or two ago a lot of kids were working and bringing home a wage to help support the family! (Not saying this is a good thing, just saying.)

A lot of people in this thread have talked about maturity, independence, confidence, etc. How the heck are our children meant to learn these things, when they are never given the opportunity?

 

[My5Mouseketeers]

I am reading some of this stuff,and I don't believe there is a good enough reason to leave a CHILD alone!! Some of you are obviously living in some kind of fantasy-land!!!(no pun intended).You best wake up and READ the back of the "milk carton"!! THERE ARE SO MANY MISSING CHILDREN!!!! WAKE-UP PEOPLE!!!!!sad2:

I have read the back of milk cartons and MOST of those children were taken by someone they knew or the child ran away. I know that is not the case every time, but as someone posted earlier most bad things that happen to children are done by someone they knew and trusted.

 

[mjkacmom]

My DD is 11 and yes, she walks to the local shop by herself, has stayed in a hotel room by herself, and last night when she and a friend asked if they could go for a walk round the neighborhood I let them. I worry about her, but I let her do it.

Childhood is (or should be) all about learning to be independent of your parents and indeed wanting to be independent. Parenthood these days seems to be about keeping your child at your side as long as possible. Can't you see the essential conflict in this? So when I feel worried or anxious about giving her her freedom, it's not because deep down I feel she shouldn't be doing it, it's about this conflict which is largely a modern creation. Heck, by 8 or 9 a century or two ago a lot of kids were working and bringing home a wage to help support the family! (Not saying this is a good thing, just saying.)

A lot of people in this thread have talked about maturity, independence, confidence, etc. How the heck are our children meant to learn these things, when they are never given the opportunity?

Couldn't agree more. I think some parents are doing their children a huge disservice by retarding their independence. Do they really expect that once their children turn 18, they will be mature enough to leave the bubble? Baby steps, letting go a bit at a time. I can't imagine not allowing 11 year olds to walk around the neighborhood. Good for you.

 

[dennyboy1]

We stayed in the POR last august, after a day in the parks we sometimes took them back to the room while DD babysat the other 2 for half an hour while we went for a drink and a smoke at the pool bar - probably wouldnt have done it if we didnt have walkie talkies or mobile phones though and they were told not to open the door to anyone, it was a chance of a bit of relaxtion after a hectic day tbh

 

[crisi]

how in any way did my post blame the victim? Yes a teen or young adult is stronger than a child and would have a better chance to fight back. Thats not saying they would be able to but would have a better chance.

I don't know about your post in particular, but there is plenty of "if your child gets molested because you weren't right there, its your fault" being implied on this thread (e.g. WAKE UP PEOPLE).

We all choose appropriate levels of risk for our children. Some people let their kids walk down to the store alone. Some let them ride their bikes or skateboard or play football. Some let them take class trips - some let them travel independently. Some let their kids eat high fructose corn syrup or permit them to be overweight (I think a much bigger risk myself than child abduction or abuse by strangers). Some people don't breastfeed. Some breastfeed their kids until they are four or five. I know of someone whose eighteen year old daughters are never left alone with men - and on their eighteenth birthday are married off to young men they have spent very little time with in arranged marriages. None of us are going to be perfect parents in the eyes of someone else. I think the important thing is that YOU understand the choices YOU make when raising YOUR children.

 

[Don Disney]

wow how long until you move to the woods and live off the grid?That is waaaayy to paranoid.I know there are lots of bad people in the world but more often then not in is not a stranger that does these things.I want my kids to stay safe,they are my world BUT I do not want them to be worried at every turn.There are not more bad people now then when we were kids we just hear about it at every turn because of the news media.

I am not "paranoid",just very thoughful of any situation that is potentially dangerous for my little ones,and not knowingly putting them in a position that could turn out to be very bad.I have been called overprotective,and that's fine with me.I also have no plans to "live off of the grid",I'll just stay where I am with my eyes and ears wide open.Being from South Jersey(no longer there),and having spent plenty of time hanging out in Philly,NYC,Baltimore,AC,and everywhere in between,with some good,and not so good people;I have a pretty good sense of what is and what is not potentially dangerous-and I still say leaving kids alone at young ages is just an accident waiting to happen.SO,if that makes me "paranoid",so be it! Just call me "better safe than sorry"!

 

[jodifla]

I am not "paranoid",just very thoughful of any situation that is potentially dangerous for my little ones,and not knowingly putting them in a position that could turn out to be very bad.I have been called overprotective,and that's fine with me.I also have no plans to "live off of the grid",I'll just stay where I am with my eyes and ears wide open.Being from South Jersey(no longer there),and having spent plenty of time hanging out in Philly,NYC,Baltimore,AC,and everywhere in between,with some good,and not so good people;I have a pretty good sense of what is and what is not potentially dangerous-and I still say leaving kids alone at young ages is just an accident waiting to happen.SO,if that makes me "paranoid",so be it! Just call me "better safe than sorry"!

You really should check out FreeRangeKids. It would put in check some of your pretty unlikely fears.

 

[momx2]

You sound just like me, I imagine the worse case scenarios, always!! I couldn't be any more paranoid than I am when it concerns my children. I don't know if I will ever get over it. I will not even let my 8 & 9 yr olds go on the pirate cruise!! I guess it depends on the maturity of the child, but I will not be able to leave any of my kids in the room alone.

I'm sorry, I really don't mean to flame you, but you do know you are handicapping your children? If you are this paranoid you really need to seek professional help to deal with this situation. I think you're probably a great mother in every other way and obviously love your children, but your children will likely be emoitionally harmed by this sort of behavior.

 

[Don Disney]

A little "fear" is healthy;and as far as unlikely-ask anyone who has lost or had a child hurt how "unlikely" it was. It is people who think"that would never happen HERE,or to US"that want to blame someone else if,or when something happens to somebody close to them. Thank goodness I don't think like that! I'm not saying lock-up your kids,just saying be AWARE that stuff happens,thats all.Bad people count on that kind of thinking.