? Regarding leaving child alone in room

[kevschickee]

Take her to bank that is potentially being robbed where she could be taken hostage, shot, or kidnapped??? she is safer staying put where a neighbor can guard my door and I have a system in place if somethiong should happen. There actually was in intruder with a gun that was fired when I got a security call a few years back. Luckily, my mom was visiting and she stayed with her. I always thought how lucky was I, what would have happened if I had her with me? I will NEVER take my child to potentially dangerous situtation that could get her injured or worse. I make choices, you may not agree and do not have to. I am not making a choice to leave her alone to go out and get a cup of coffee. There is a difference. Both may only take 15 minutes but present different situations. I'd just take my child to get a cup of coffee, however I would not take my child to bank robbery. I don't have the luxury of a husband or a sitter I can call in the middle of the night. The call comes once maybe twice a year, if I cannot get a hold of an employee I have to. I am more inclined to trust a younger child that will is more interested in watching Disney channel, rather than a pre-teen or teen that may make a mad dash for the liquor cabinet. Sorry, I have a bad day and my buttons pushed all day.

Then don't take her to the bank take her to your moms or anywhere else. Just don't leave a 6 year old alone. 6 year olds aren't little adults. I am sorry you had a bad day but seeing this stuff is awful.

 

[santa's surpriz]

Then don't take her to the bank take her to your moms or anywhere else. Just don't leave a 6 year old alone. 6 year olds aren't little adults. I am sorry you had a bad day but seeing this stuff is awful.

Unfortunately my does live a couple hours away. I understand your point of view, you should count your lucky stars that you are married and do not face the challenges that single parents have to.That being said I think we both agree that a child should not be left alone for coffee!

 

[sk!mom]

This thread has gotten a lot of feed back. I am single parent and have to leave my dd6 home alone 2x. Both were quick, but I work out a bank and as a manager I am first to be called when the police respond to a alarm. I have to go up to the bank and do a walk thru with an officer. 9/10 times it is a false alarm, but I am so scared that if it was not and there were bank robber having her there is more of a threat and can put her into a hostage situation. I call a neighbor that we both trust on the way to a bank to check in on her in 30 minutes and to call my mom if I am not back by then bc something may have happened to me. So far she has stayed in my bed watching TV, no problems.

Wow- A six year old left alone- that's criminal. I understand your situation but you really need to come up with a better plan. After reading your other thread about the issues your DD is having, I think she may be more fearful than you think.

My DH has to meet the police at his office occasionally when the alarm goes off. Normally the police go in first, after he unlocks the door. After they check things out, they have him do a walk through with them to verify that everything is OK. All that to say- sit in the safety of your car with your DD while the police check the building, ask a neighbor to watch her, but for God's sake don't leave a six year old alone.

 

[amandamims1]

I didn't read through all the responses, but as young as 8, my mom would leave us in hotel rooms or in the house to run to a laundry room or get ice at the hotels.

However, my mom was a single mother and I was a very mature 8 year old. My brother was 7 and my sister was about 3 ( I could get flamed for this *shrugs* ). I don't blame my mom because its difficult bringing all three of us to do a 2 minute chore. We did lock the doors and not let anyone in except for my mother (who always tooks keys anyways).

If your son is very immature for his age, I probably wouldn't do it. If he can handle himself alone for a few moments or knows not to open doors for strangers, etc - I really don't see a problem with it, but thats me.

 

[MariDisney]

I began leaving my DD briefly last year when she was turning 9. She tends to be very mature and responsible. I would go to the Food Court, get a coffe, and come back. SHe has a cell phone and I have a cell phone. SHe did call me once or twice to make sure I'd answer. I also let her go refill her mug a few times while speaking to me the whole time. We were in a room at POFQ that was literally across from the food court. This trip we'll be at CSR, and it will depend on the distance.

 

[santa's surpriz]

Wow- A six year old left alone- that's criminal. I understand your situation but you really need to come up with a better plan. After reading your other thread about the issues your DD is having, I think she may be more fearful than you think.

My DH has to meet the police at his office occasionally when the alarm goes off. Normally the police go in first, after he unlocks the door. After they check things out, they have him do a walk through with them to verify that everything is OK. All that to say- sit in the safety of your car with your DD while the police check the building, ask a neighbor to watch her, but for God's sake don't leave a six year old alone.

the two issues are unrelated, IMO. The last call was so long ago and the issue started all of sudden since he started seeing her again. The problem is I am required to accompany in the police officer in the building. Which leaves her in a dark parking lot alone if there are not two officers present. A neighbor guarding my door, is not really leaving totally her alone. My neighbor sits on my patio with their dog with the old baby monitor in hand. Much different that totally alone in a strange hotel room.

 

[santa's surpriz]

I didn't read through all the responses, but as young as 8, my mom would leave us in hotel rooms or in the house to run to a laundry room or get ice at the hotels.

However, my mom was a single mother and I was a very mature 8 year old. My brother was 7 and my sister was about 3 ( I could get flamed for this *shrugs* ). I don't blame my mom because its difficult bringing all three of us to do a 2 minute chore. We did lock the doors and not let anyone in except for my mother (who always tooks keys anyways).

If your son is very immature for his age, I probably wouldn't do it. If he can handle himself alone for a few moments or knows not to open doors for strangers, etc - I really don't see a problem with it, but thats me.

IMO, children in single parent households tend to be more responsible and self reliant. I was, in the 4th grade I used to get myself up for school, eat breakfast and make it to the bus stop on time. My mom had to be at work at 5:30 AM, and there was not a choice. You do what you gotta do. I think kids surprise us. There needs to be a good medium, if you don't raise them to be independent they never will be. Guidance is key.

 

[cuppycake]

I think this whole when to leave them alone/babysit, etc really isn't so much about fears of what might happen to my child, for me, but rather how well I think that child could handle an emergency.

An 11 year old might be red cross certified, which means that they *know* what to do, but do I trust that every 11 year old who *knows* can handle performing when my 3 year old is choking on her dinner?

Personally, I feel that way too many parents, in the interest of allowing their kids to "be independent" forget that kids are just that...KIDS. Kids do stupid things. Kids freak out sometimes. Kids forget. Even the good ones.

We are living in very different times than even 20-30 years ago when most of us were preteens. The entire neighborhood isn't watching out for every child (in my town, we roamed the streets until some adult told us to get home for bed, but I would NEVER let my girls do this...people don't CARE as much about other people anymore).

I think, too, that a lot of this has to do with WHERE you are...city/country/small town/suburb.....life is different in each place to be sure.

In any case....I'm with the crew that won't be allowing my less than 13 or so year old be alone. I just don't trust that *most* kids that age (these days at least) have the maturity to handle emergencies well. I'm not worried that a creep might try to hurt them as much as I worry about them being scared (after all they are KIDS) in an emergency. That's not worth a cup of coffee to me.

FYI...I also don't think that allowing them to "learn independence" at 8 puts them, as young adults, ahead of their peers who weren't "free" until 14. Four years is a lot of time to learn how to be on your own, and there are plenty of things you can teach without allowing them to be alone (my girls help cook food and know how to do laundry). Some kids aren't ready for it until then. You just have to know your child. It's a very individual thing.

 

[disfan07]

i started babysittign when i was 11. And i had not taken the babysitting class or the red cross class.
this was 9 years ago(i just turned 20)
I babysat for a 2 1/2 yr old and a 4 yr old and i babysat them for about a yr and a half


It really is all about maturity. Most of my friends who started babysitting didnt begin until they were about 13 or 14 and most of them werent mature enough until than. It all depends on your kid...if you think they can handle it then you should be fine with leaving them. If you think they'll have a problem being left alone or being alone when they wake up, than dont do it.

 

[amandamims1]

IMO, children in single parent households tend to be more responsible and self reliant. I was, in the 4th grade I used to get myself up for school, eat breakfast and make it to the bus stop on time. My mom had to be at work at 5:30 AM, and there was not a choice. You do what you gotta do. I think kids surprise us. There needs to be a good medium, if you don't raise them to be independent they never will be. Guidance is key.

Honestly, I believe the same thing. My mom was a single parent from I was 5 until about 11, when she got with my new stepdad. At the age of 5 I was responsible for waking myself up, waking my brother, and making breakfast. I learned to cook around 7, just helping mom out in the kitchen, whatever. I was mommys little helper, and I still am at age 21. My sister was born in 93, about 3 months until my 6th bday. After she born, I helped change diapers, feed her, etc. You do what you have to do. I truly believe single parents are amazing! Was my life harder having to grow up early? Yes. Do I resent my mother? No way! I started working at age 17, but didn't have to. Graduated top of my class. Bought my own car outright at 18. Rent my own apartment, pay my own bills. My boyfriend is 23. We live together but he doesn't own his own car. Didn't pay his own bills until we moved in together. He grew up going on vacations multiple times a year, both parents around, pretty well off.

No one knows how hard it is to raise children alone until they have to. To the people that think its wrong for what my mom did, they don't matter. My mother did a wonderful job and I'm a strong individual because of it.

 

[mjkacmom]

I think this whole when to leave them alone/babysit, etc really isn't so much about fears of what might happen to my child, for me, but rather how well I think that child could handle an emergency.

An 11 year old might be red cross certified, which means that they *know* what to do, but do I trust that every 11 year old who *knows* can handle performing when my 3 year old is choking on her dinner?

Personally, I feel that way too many parents, in the interest of allowing their kids to "be independent" forget that kids are just that...KIDS. Kids do stupid things. Kids freak out sometimes. Kids forget. Even the good ones.

We are living in very different times than even 20-30 years ago when most of us were preteens. The entire neighborhood isn't watching out for every child (in my town, we roamed the streets until some adult told us to get home for bed, but I would NEVER let my girls do this...people don't CARE as much about other people anymore).

I think, too, that a lot of this has to do with WHERE you are...city/country/small town/suburb.....life is different in each place to be sure.

In any case....I'm with the crew that won't be allowing my less than 13 or so year old be alone. I just don't trust that *most* kids that age (these days at least) have the maturity to handle emergencies well. I'm not worried that a creep might try to hurt them as much as I worry about them being scared (after all they are KIDS) in an emergency. That's not worth a cup of coffee to me.

FYI...I also don't think that allowing them to "learn independence" at 8 puts them, as young adults, ahead of their peers who weren't "free" until 14. Four years is a lot of time to learn how to be on your own, and there are plenty of things you can teach without allowing them to be alone (my girls help cook food and know how to do laundry). Some kids aren't ready for it until then. You just have to know your child. It's a very individual thing.

I think the reason why some kids might get scared in a situation without an adult is because they've never been in a situation without an adult. I live in a "small town" of 27,000, and people here do care about each other. My kids start walking to school at the age of 8 - baby steps. My oldest, almost 13, walks around town with her friends, with confidence. They stop at blockbuster to rent movies, grab some sushi, stop at shoprite for some snacks. I see a huge difference between the sheltered kids, and those who have been allowed some independence. With cellphones, I think teens are much safer today than when I was a kid.

 

[santa's surpriz]

I ditto your response! Yes it was harder, but I have always thanked my mom and appreciated it. I remember the "we are a team" talks my mom used to give me and how much they helped me and also how much closer we were because of that. I think about how the kids went to college with behaved and my ex who was sheltered until college turned out. At age thirty-six he still has not grown up and cannot make his own decisions. Independence, self sufficiency and confidence is a hard thing for some parents to teach children, maybe it is thought of letting their babies grow up. That is a challenge every parent faces. Whatever the reason you are correct that every situation is different, we teach our kids what we feel is most important in our own ways and the type neighborhood, environement does makes a difference. You do what you gotta do because it is what it is.

I would love to be SAHM, but it's just not the cards for me. I could not begin to imagine how horrible her life would be right now if I were still married to her dad. I work hard and do what I do so she has good well rounded life. Sundays are our special days, church and something fun we can do or place we can go. She looks forward to it every time. I live in a very nice neighborhood and every one looks out for eachother and we do many social events together. So I do have more sense of comfort that other neighborhoods. We put alot of effort into entertaining our children so that do feel the need to seek it themselves.

I will never forget two years ago,I ended up with a fever of 103. She had turned 5 just a few months before. I could not move and she took care me the whole day. She got herself yougurt in the fridge and made herself a bowl of cereal , brought me grapes and water. She even put her dishes in the dishwasher and folded the towels in the dryer! She knew to get me a cold wash clothe to ease my fever. I regret that day but was so proud of her at the same time. It's reassuring to know that evening at that age she knew the basics.

 

[HerdOHuds]

I haven't read through the whole thread, but I thought I would share something that happened when I was in 5th grade. My family was visiting Las Vegas for a business-related event. We have family that lives there as well so we were meeting them for dinners then my parents would go someplace where it was not appropriate for me and I would be left in the hotel room to watch TV. I was just fine with this and would have never considered opening the door or leaving the room for any reason.

After a night away, the next night we went to the show in the hotel. After an intermission, men in dark suits came to the stage and had everyone evacuate the theater. We left the hotel seeing many men standing in an *empty* casino guarding the money. As we exited and looked up the sides of the hotel, there were people many many floors up hanging towels out the windows and waving at the firefighters that were pulled up in front.

We were staying at the Hilton and it was on fire. We stayed with our family while we waited to get back into our hotel room that was unaffected by the fire. Several days later we claimed our belongings-though my mom had some jewelry stolen.

If the fire had occurred the night before, I would have been alone in the room during the emergency. We always try to stay on the first floor whenever possible now. We always check the exits and count the doors to the closest stairwell. We never take jewelry that we might not be wearing.

I was a responsible 5th grader, but this could have turned out very badly for our family. I was never left alone in a hotel room again until I was 16. Even after the fire at the MGM a month or so before, we would never have been able to predict that event.

 

[kevschickee]

I haven't read through the whole thread, but I thought I would share something that happened when I was in 5th grade. My family was visiting Las Vegas for a business-related event. We have family that lives there as well so we were meeting them for dinners then my parents would go someplace where it was not appropriate for me and I would be left in the hotel room to watch TV. I was just fine with this and would have never considered opening the door or leaving the room for any reason.

After a night away, the next night we went to the show in the hotel. After an intermission, men in dark suits came to the stage and had everyone evacuate the theater. We left the hotel seeing many men standing in an *empty* casino guarding the money. As we exited and looked up the sides of the hotel, there were people many many floors up hanging towels out the windows and waving at the firefighters that were pulled up in front.

We were staying at the Hilton and it was on fire. We stayed with our family while we waited to get back into our hotel room that was unaffected by the fire. Several days later we claimed our belongings-though my mom had some jewelry stolen.

If the fire had occurred the night before, I would have been alone in the room during the emergency. We always try to stay on the first floor whenever possible now. We always check the exits and count the doors to the closest stairwell. We never take jewelry that we might not be wearing.

I was a responsible 5th grader, but this could have turned out very badly for our family. I was never left alone in a hotel room again until I was 16. Even after the fire at the MGM a month or so before, we would never have been able to predict that event.

Wow that is scary. I don't care how mature you think your 6 year old or 8 year old is. They are still children and in an emergency they will act as such. You can say no not my child they are mature it doesn't work like that. They still have the brain of a child.

 

[sk!mom]

I call a neighbor that we both trust on the way to a bank to check in on her in 30 minutes and to call my mom if I am not back by then bc something may have happened to me. So far she has stayed in my bed watching TV, no problems.

the two issues are unrelated, IMO. The last call was so long ago and the issue started all of sudden since he started seeing her again. The problem is I am required to accompany in the police officer in the building. Which leaves her in a dark parking lot alone if there are not two officers present. A neighbor guarding my door, is not really leaving totally her alone. My neighbor sits on my patio with their dog with the old baby monitor in hand. Much different that totally alone in a strange hotel room.

If your neighbor sits on your patio with a baby monitor guarding the door, then why didn't you say that to begin with? That's completely different than, "I call a neighbor to check in after 30 minutes." If that's truly what you do and you just neglected to mention it in your first post, then I recind my comments. A neighbor on the patio with a baby monitor isn't leaving a child alone.

 

[kevschickee]

If your neighbor sits on your patio with a baby monitor guarding the door then why didn't you say that to begin with? That's completely different than, "I call a neighbor to check in after 30 minutes." If that's truly what you do and you just neglected to mention it in your first post, then I recind my comments. A neighbor on the patio with a baby monitor isn't leaving a child alone.

I agree

 

[GoofyFairie]

I will admit I haven't read all the responses on here, but something popped into my memory that I wanted to throw out here and I'm sorry if it has already been mentioned. A few weeks ago I read in a thread on here about people coming back to there rooms and finding what I believe were employees lounging around in there rooms watching TV and such. Chances are probably slim of this happening, but what if your son encountered or was to be encountered by another person in the room? As an adult that would be alarming, can't imagine how a child would feel.

 

[crisi]

IMO children think differently and aren't as strong as a teen or young adult. We need to remember children are not little adults

IMO as an adult rape victim - that only goes so far - most teen girls and young women cannot beat off an attacker and young women from teen years to their twenties are at the highest risk for having a sex crime perpetrated against them - and we HAVE to stop blaming the victim for the actions of the criminal or the pervert.

 

[My5Mouseketeers]

An 11 year old might be red cross certified, which means that they *know* what to do, but do I trust that every 11 year old who *knows* can handle performing when my 3 year old is choking on her dinner?

I totally agree with this! But, I have to say I would trust one of my then 11 year olds with a choking 3 year old, before I would trust my 70 year old MIL. My MIL would be patting them on the back and trying to get them to drink some water. Everyone (and every situation) is different

 

[mybabesuz]

I couldn't do it. I wouldn't leave anyone under 13 (not even sure then) alone. Too many what ifs for me

I agree. I couldn't do it either.