Recovering from a bad freshman year at college....

[disney314]

Thanks everyone. Good to hear there is hope. I just hate to give up on them yet especially since once they get full time jobs and are no longer 'dependents' they can't get my DH's discount at the college which is really good.

As for my DD with ADD. She was able to handle high school without meds. Her first semester at college was so bad we talked to the doctor and did have her start using the medicine in December over Christmas break. It has helped, but she is still having problems. Perhaps it takes a while for everything to click.

I mean, they are still teenagers.....and they still have a lot of growing up to do. I am just so glad to hear that there have been successful turnarounds. I sometimes feel like that family on Modern Family but we have 2 of the older DD in college.

 

[runsandjumps]

What works best for me is to take one really challenging course each quarter. So if your child needs microbiology and say organic chemistry- help them choose which one. If your child is having trouble with due dates then they are pretty much on their own. You can give them all the planning apps and online links- but they will be the one to utilize them.

They have to want it and be willing to take the responsibility.

I agree with a pp who recommends only working during breaks- if at all.

 

[minkydog]

OK, I posted then deleted....because I am having a frustrating day. I have twins who just had a horrible Freshman year and I am wondering if anyone else experienced that and if they saw their kids turn it around the next year. They don't party (they live at home so I see them at night when they go to bed). One is just in a very hard/competitive major and the other has a learning disability (ADD) and is having a hard time figuring all of this out. So this year was pretty much a total waste, and if we were paying full price I would feel like giving up. But my husband works at the university so we only have to pay fees and books (not tuition) so we can afford to let them keep going.......just wondering if anyone can give me 'hope' with a story of others who had a bad freshman year that turned it around the next year.

My DD20 had a wretched freshman year. She went to a good state college with a fabulous theater program which she thought, and we thought, would be a good match. It was not. Halfway through her first semester, she was so depressed and homesick I went down there to see her. Poor girl, she had lost about 15-lbs (down to 98-lbs!) and she just cried and vomited for hours in our hotel room. I wanted to bring her home on the spot but by the end of the weekend she was eating better, no longer weeping, and SHE decided to stick it out until the end of the semester, only a few weeks more. In the end, DD stayed for the second semester too and although she didn't make great grades, I was very proud of her for accomplishing her goal to stick out the year.

DD decided not to go back to the state school last fall. She took the whole semester off so she could try to sort things out for herself. What became evident to all of us is that DD *needs* to cook. Not that she loves to cook. She lives to cook. DD found a community college about 2 miles from the house that has a great culinary program. She has elected to live at home so she won't have to take out student loans and she is finishing up her first semester of culinary school now. She couldn't be happier, which makes us very happy indeed.

OP, it's pretty common for kids to flounder during their freshman year. I did, myself, and then I went on to find a smaller school with a much more intimate setting where I thrived. I know you'd really like for your kids to attend the college where they could go for free. But you all probably need to have a sit-down and evaluate what's going wrong and whether changing schools or changing majors might be in order.

 

[Pooh Girl 71]

How large is the school? I know you get a great deal but it could be too large for one or both of them. Also, some kids need to experience the real world in order to appreciate college.

I work with people with disabilities. I would never sponsor someone for a nursing program if they did not have experience. I always send them to CNA school first. They need that basic knowledge.

As for the child with ADD. Does she have any sort of accommodations? Does she have a Live Scribe pen and notebooks? They are a HUGE help to my clients who have ADD/ADHD.

 

[chloelovesdisney]

Do you think this college is the best environment for them? I realize it is free, would it have been chosen by the your dds otherwise? If so, like a pp said I would cut back on some other activites (work, volunteer position) and focus more on studies.

For your dd that is missing assignments, she can get a note taker as an accomodation so she doesn't miss information.

 

[LilyWDW]

I had a horrible time early on in my college career.

-I was in a major that I thought I wanted to do (premed) but I realized later I was doing it to make others proud of me... not for myself.

-I was just getting a taste of freedom as I came from a strict household and I took it too far.

-I was suffering from depression and OCD but had not be diagnosed yet.

-I was ill and hospitalized multiple times for nausea and dehydration.

So there was a lot in my way.

But there is hope. I graduated (after a few extra years I admit) with a degree in Interior Design. On May 11, I will be graduating with my Masters in Business Administration. So, don't lose out on hope. Support your girls and see if you all can figure out what exactly is going on.

 

[kidzmom3]

Nursing school is extremely competitive in my state. If you cannot keep up, you will be dropped. I am actually shocked they haven't dropped her with only 9 credits per semester. It is a high stress field with science being the main component of both schooling and work. Is this the right field for her? Did she ever work at a hospital and see what nursing is really like?

Having a passion for something can help with the motivations to do well.

 

[Buckalew11]

I know you had concern before they started--esp. for your daughter with ADD. Does she still have her BF? Do you think, if she does, that she is distracted. You said that he was a your home everyday (or almost). My DD is a FR in college and there is no way she could have a steady BF & see him every day with her schedule.

I hope they get help and pull thru. I know being able to send them for free is a wonderful thing! Your DH teaches there? Does he have connections to someone who might be able to help. My DD has a huge network of professors, librarians, administration, etc. that she goes to--not just knows she can go to, but GOES to. I'm sure there must be some more help at their school. Good luck!

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I know you had concern before they started--esp. for your daughter with ADD. Does she still have her BF? Do you think, if she does, that she is distracted. You said that he was a your home everyday (or almost). My DD is a FR in college and there is no way she could have a steady BF & see him every day with her schedule.

I was wondering about this, too. How were his grades? I remember his mom having concerns about the amount of time they were spending together.

 

[minniecarousel]

Just another word of consolation: both of mine were in what we called "the 5 year plan". Neither went into college with that idea, but it turned out that way (they are both currently employed in fields that have nohting to do with their majors. They're happy and earning good money.)

There is hope.
Good luck.

 

[disneydee6]

Just offering some food for thought.

I know with my sister, who had a very difficult and grueling major, working was not in the cards, because her studies took up so much time that earning money had to be sacrificed. Perhaps your DD with the harder major needs to reevaluate her time, spend less time working or volunteering so she isn't overwhelmed with school work.

I also struggled a lot with college, and frankly, now that I have so many years perspective, I know it's because I picked a major I wasn't passionate enough for. Don't get me wrong, I'm so happy I went through with my education degree, and I love teaching. But I was never one of those people who claimed to be 'born to be a teacher' and I wish my advisers had given me a better idea of the market, because I would have chosen something else, a job that was hiring. Now the pool of teachers who need jobs is SO large, that my 3.1 GPA is tossed aside for the many that have far better grades than I did. Struggling in some classes is not an option in certain majors, and mine was one. Luckily, all this time OUT of college has given me the chance to really stop and think about what I TRULY want to do with my career. And I'm happy I had the time to think about what I want to do.

Honestly, it might be that college isn't for your child, but what you can do is give them options if they choose not to continue. Have a plan of action if college isn't in the cards, apprenticeship for workers union? Manager track at a retail store? There are ways to make money without going to college, but it's important to make these plans if they no longer want to go.

Perhaps your kids just need more time to find what they are best at, what they REALLY want a career in, and then take the steps to pursue it, instead of going to classes, not liking college, and remain unsure and unhappy with their choices.

Good luck with everything! Career choices are so difficult, I feel their struggle!