Really??? What do you think?

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

I promise you that there are wives that can make your life hell. They are out there and that is what they thrive on. Yeah not some random PX lady and not necessairly even someone in your husband's unit but they are out there and look for people to prey on. You'll figure it out as you go. It is all some kind of political to a degree.

You'll meet great people that will stick with you forever and you are going to meet the people that will hold things over your head to make themselves more important and then you'll meet the ones who have nothing better to do then put others down by running their mouths at coffees, teas and other functions. It will be at all posts and don't think that somewhere like Hood it doesn't happen. The bigger the more political the worse it is.

Oh I understand that, but they weren't doing anything to really hurt hs career...I wasn't beating my kids in the store or anything really detrimental...

I mean it's not like they would make him pull extra duty or lose rank if an officer's wife doesn't like the fact that my DD feels the need to wear a snow cap with purple polka dots in July.............................right?

 

[monkeybug]

I am curious about this. Does an officer's wife have any authority over an enlisted man's wife? Do you have to give the officer's wife name, rank, and serial number? And what was she going to do with that information, go to the general and say, "I saw so and so enlisted man's wife at the PX with her little girl was wearing a pink tutu" and it's off to the stockade for the soldier? Seems like the spouses should not have a say so..but I am totally ignorant of military life. I appreciate all you guys have to go through to serve your country!

NO! The spouses should not have a say, and any high ranking official worth his salt does not encourage his spouse to be his eyes and ears!
I was Ombudsman once and I heard all sorts of crazy stuff from spouses about what other spouses were doing. I never told my husband anything, and he wouldn't have wanted me to! He evaluates his people based on their work performance, and occasionally when home life becomes an issue he has to deal with that too (but that would NEVER be about a childs wardrobe. More like unpaid rent, leaving a spouse with no means to care for the house or child, abuse, drugs...that sort of thing)
We spouses are a huge support to the military, but we are not members. We can be friends with who ever we want, dress how we'd like, and be as active or in active in the military life as we desire.
I personally like to have as little to do with my husbands career as I can, and most of my friends feel the same way. In my experience the wives who get so wrapped up in their husbands military life, are the ones who have none of their own!

 

[Allison]

Then it really isn't any different. If my kids were running around in the yard and were dirty from playing, big deal. If one of the big bosses stopped by and saw that it wouldn't phase me in the slightest as kids that are outside playing get dirty. If I brought the kids to the office, they would be presentable. Sorry, but even going to Walmart my kids would not have gone in Power Ranger costumes.

Mine would have and to each their own. Someone else certainly has no place to comment if my toddler wanted to be expressive that day and wear something like that. My kid loved his Power Ranger boots so if he wanted to wear them it certainly wasn't a big deal.

If someone doesn't let their child do that, good for them too. I certainly wouldn't comment on it or think a thing about it.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

NO! The spouses should not have a say, and any high ranking official worth his salt does not encourage his spouse to be his eyes and ears!
I was Ombudsman once and I heard all sorts of crazy stuff from spouses about what other spouses were doing. I never told my husband anything, and he wouldn't have wanted me to! He evaluates his people based on their work performance, and occasionally when home life becomes an issue he has to deal with that too (but that would NEVER be about a childs wardrobe. More like unpaid rent, leaving a spouse with no means to care for the house or child, abuse, drugs...that sort of thing)
We spouses are a huge support to the military, but we are not members. We can be friends with who ever we want, dress how we'd like, and be as active or in active in the military life as we desire.
I personally like to have as little to do with my husbands career as I can, and most of my friends feel the same way. In my experience the wives who get so wrapped up in their husbands military life, are the ones who have none of their own!

This is exactly how I feel...but maybe I'm still ignorant of the way it works...

 

[connorlevismom]

I loved Geranimals when I was a kid. My DH still needs them but they don't make them in his size

http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/


Then there is the other side, apparently DH was never taught appropriate. I need to dress that man every single day! LOL

I am seeing a trend here. My DH definately needs Geranimals! That is why I only buy him khaki pants to go with his shirts. That way I never worry if he is going to match at work.

Kristine

 

[lovemygoofy]

So is this just "pillow talk"-where the offended wife tells her military DH what she saw and he should do something about it? Or does the wife take it upon herself to go to higher up military and report? Maybe it's just gossip that finally gets around to someone who cares and has the power to do something?

I've seen some very "self important" wives but this isn't the issue they would take up. It would be something not about the children. Yes you can make comments during "pillow talk" but the children's dressing isn't an issue really.

I think it's a hard line to balance especially depending on the position. My husband is a senior enlisted guy. (the wedding pic is a hundred years old ;-))

We always have those people in our platoon that drive us silly because of things they are doing. During a deployment the stuff that these families do would amaze you. At that point if I'm leading the FRG then I try to talk to them, set them back on the right path before I'm "tattling" to someone else.

Back in the day just getting started, my husband's platoon sgt's wife used to call me everyday and tell me what a witch (probably not that word) I was and how I would never make it as an army spouse and that I was nothing but a do gooder. I cried everyday for weeks taking this as my husband was deployed and one day I had enough and told her to kiss my ***. She told me that she was going to tell her husband and mine would get in trouble and I said good tell him I said hello and that he has a fat ugly witch for a wife and hung up the phone.

I'm telling you it's like big wife/mommy wars with spouses that think they are super special.

 

[lovemygoofy]

Oh I understand that, but they weren't doing anything to really hurt hs career...I wasn't beating my kids in the store or anything really detrimental...

I mean it's not like they would make him pull extra duty or lose rank if an officer's wife doesn't like the fact that my DD feels the need to wear a snow cap with purple polka dots in July.............................right?

No I didn't mean it that way at all. I wasn't trying to criticize you or your children or your family. Please don't think that.

I'm just saying that there will always be those around you that will find ways to critique and judge and some can make it a horrible way.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

No I didn't mean it that way at all. I wasn't trying to criticize you or your children or your family. Please don't think that.

I'm just saying that there will always be those around you that will find ways to critique and judge and some can make it a horrible way.

Oh I know you weren't...besides...even if you were...I take things people say on the net very lightly...no harm done.

 

[Sleepy]

I
I have no experience living on a military base but I can't imagine that how your family presents themselves doesn't have in impact on your career, even if it is not anything formal. I would never have brought the kids to DH's office in grubby clothing or Power Ranger Costumes. It just isn't appropriate. Maybe living on base is different but I would be concerned if we did not present ourselves in socially accepted norms that it might have an impact on his career. I know FULL WELL some people at DH's old company did not get promotions because it would have meant their spouse had to socialize with customers and it would NOT have been good.

The way a family presents itself both in appearance and behavior absolutely does have an impact. The attitude is if the military member can't keep order at home, how can he/she be expected to keep order as a superior? I know things are more lax now than they were 30 years ago when I was a kid, but the basic idea still holds true.

 

[monkeybug]

This is exactly how I feel...but maybe I'm still ignorant of the way it works...

There are woman who will try and lord their husbands rank over you, and in some cases their husbands might listen to them (I can't figure out how to get mine to listen when I tell him to put the toilet seat down...I don't know how they do it).
In my (limited) experience those woman do more detriment to their husbands career than those that just mind their own business and lead their own lives.
When I was asked to be Ombudsman the XO told me "I'm asking you because your husband never seems to be up to speed on all the spousal drama, and I'm assuming that's either because he doesn't want to hear it, or you don't participate in it, and either way it makes you the perfect candidate!"
LOL! He was right on both accounts!
My neighbor (whose husband at that time out ranked mine) was trying to be Ombudsman, and was certain she would get it (because she was soooo exceedingly important to the Coast Guard, practically ran it herself )
I told the XO (because I thought maybe he was unaware that there was someone who was interested in volunteering for the job, and I wasn't sure I wanted it)
He rolled his eyes and said "No, I don't think she's a good fit, her husband is the biggest gossip on the ship"
Ha ha!! I never told her that!!!

 

[Sleepy]

We spouses are a huge support to the military, but we are not members. We can be friends with who ever we want, dress how we'd like, and be as active or in active in the military life as we desire.

Just don't have anything negative to say about the military. I once made that mistake. I suppose the wrong person heard me. This happened while the ship was out to sea. My husband sent me an e-mail within 5 hours telling me that my comment got him in trouble. I was like . Then, he told me what I said and how it got to the CO and that because he just made Chief, he was reminded that he was held to a higher standard and he should have more "control" of his wife. My friend who agreed with my comment.....her husband got the talk too.

So, while we might not be the military members, we are held to a standard and can get our spouses in trouble for things that seem extremely trivial. Of course, having your kid dress wierd is not one of them.

 

[Angelhalo]

When I say hot pants, I mean shorts (they cover her bottom but not any of her legs). Not sure if that is the same as you mean by hot pants

Here hot pants are booty shorts. So short your bum cheeks are about hanging out. Shorts are just called shorts.

ETA sorry just saw that this was already discussed LOL!

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

Just don't have anything negative to say about the military. I once made that mistake. I suppose the wrong person heard me. This happened while the ship was out to sea. My husband sent me an e-mail within 5 hours telling me that my comment got him in trouble. I was like . Then, he told me what I said and how it got to the CO and that because he just made Chief, he was reminded that he was held to a higher standard and he should have more "control" of his wife. My friend who agreed with my comment.....her husband got the talk too.

So, while we might not be the military members, we are held to a standard and can get our spouses in trouble for things that seem extremely trivial. Of course, having your kid dress wierd is not one of them.

And that's my problem...the way my kids dress just doesn't seem to be a big deal to me if they are well groomed and clean... I was in no way rude to the woman, I just told her it was none of her buisiness what unit my husband was in...

 

[mjkacmom]

I applaud you as a parent! So many parents treat their children as baby dolls, and won't let them dress themselves. Let's give them some independence! My kids were always so proud when the picked out their own clothes. My youngest are now 7, and rarely dress in clothing that stands out as wacky. They've learned to pick out matching clothes (and dd7 shares a room and clothes with dd8, and they're quite fashionable, especially with layering). Trust me - if I see a 3 year old wearing a princess dress with Uggs, I'm going to assume she has a mom who've doesn't micro-manage her children.

 

[mjkacmom]

My kids choose their own clothes but I do have the final say over what they wear. For instance, DS can wear jogging bottoms (not sure what you call them in the states) but not outside the house. If we are going out, he nedds to wear jeans or trousers.

I hope I have taught my kids what is appropriate to wear on what occasions and to which places.

Eldest DD is almost 17 and, just this morning, came down the stairs dressed for school in something I would never wear in this weather - hot pants over tights (pantyhose) with a t-shirt and cardigan. Not somethng I would choose as it's too darn cold but she looked presentable enough so I let it go.

I'm not saying your kids shouldn't choose their own outfits but I do think you have to have a hand in teaching them what is appropriate to wear.

As for an officer's wife reprimanding you, I don't think that's appropriate and no way would I have given my DH's number, rank and name either

Where I live, 99.9% of boys wear track pants every day to school, and then switch over to jeans in the middle school.

 

[kidshop]

NO! The spouses should not have a say, and any high ranking official worth his salt does not encourage his spouse to be his eyes and ears!
I was Ombudsman once and I heard all sorts of crazy stuff from spouses about what other spouses were doing. I never told my husband anything, and he wouldn't have wanted me to! He evaluates his people based on their work performance, and occasionally when home life becomes an issue he has to deal with that too (but that would NEVER be about a childs wardrobe. More like unpaid rent, leaving a spouse with no means to care for the house or child, abuse, drugs...that sort of thing)
We spouses are a huge support to the military, but we are not members. We can be friends with who ever we want, dress how we'd like, and be as active or in active in the military life as we desire.
I personally like to have as little to do with my husbands career as I can, and most of my friends feel the same way. In my experience the wives who get so wrapped up in their husbands military life, are the ones who have none of their own!

I am an 'officer's wife'. It really makes me cringe to write that to describe myself.....it's not how I think of myself at all! I am me and my dh happens to be in the military. I try to stay far away from all of them. Anyway, my young kids did/do pick out their own clothes; and they don't always match. sometimes I don't even comb their hair. Sometimes something has got to give!

 

[monkeybug]

Just don't have anything negative to say about the military. I once made that mistake. I suppose the wrong person heard me. This happened while the ship was out to sea. My husband sent me an e-mail within 5 hours telling me that my comment got him in trouble. I was like . Then, he told me what I said and how it got to the CO and that because he just made Chief, he was reminded that he was held to a higher standard and he should have more "control" of his wife. My friend who agreed with my comment.....her husband got the talk too.

So, while we might not be the military members, we are held to a standard and can get our spouses in trouble for things that seem extremely trivial. Of course, having your kid dress wierd is not one of them.

Maybe it's because the Coast Guard is "small" military, but that doesn't seem to be as big of a problem for us. People do try to get husbands in trouble over something the spouses say, but that usually results in the tattler getting in trouble, not the other way around.
That same neighbor I had who was so "important" to the military shared the letter I was writing for my husbands chiefs initiation with her husband because she thought it was "inappropriate and embarrassing". He e-mailed it to the master chief, who than e-mailed him back (and bcc'd my husband) that she in fact loved the letter, and that if she could give wives instruction on how to write a letter, she would just hand them mine! (which I'm sure she just said for my benefit, but it still made me feel good!)
My husband said when he read it the "judges" were laughing until they had tears in their eyes, and at the dinner I had a few people tell me it was the best letter they had ever read. And trust me...I may have said a few things about military life, and I certainly wasn't bowing down to the almighty chief!!!
Oh and at that same dinner there were husbands drinking home made moonshine out of mason jars and shoving dollar bills down some lady's 5 mile long cleavage (oh...but they did donate it to charity...so I guess that makes it OK). Talk about inappropriate and embarrassing!!!!

 

[Sleepy]

And that's my problem...the way my kids dress just doesn't seem to be a big deal to me if they are well groomed and clean... I was in no way rude to the woman, I just told her it was none of her buisiness what unit my husband was in...

I can only speak from experience. I was a military "brat" 30 some years ago. Back then, families were expected to present themselves a certain way. Wearing unwrinkled matching clean clothes was a must. They were also expected to have neatly combed hair. Their behavior was equal to a military school......no squealing, temper tantrums and running around the store. People just knew better. We were military, not civilian.

Times have changed and while things are more lax, I would not say everyone's expectations have changed. There are those who are still with the mind of the old school military and live life based on those old expectations. I know when I go on base these days I just shake my head thinking of what would have happened to all these kids if they acted this way 30 years ago. My husband is guilty of making comments about the way people dress their kids in public. He asked me just last week why someone would allow their daughter to leave the house without changing out of the pajamas. This comment was made in the commissary. Maybe depends on what base you have experience with and what those expectations were. Maybe people just don't care anymore.

 

[sbell111]

The way a family presents itself both in appearance and behavior absolutely does have an impact. The attitude is if the military member can't keep order at home, how can he/she be expected to keep order as a superior? I know things are more lax now than they were 30 years ago when I was a kid, but the basic idea still holds true.

 

[monkeybug]

I am an 'officer's wife'. It really makes me cringe to write that to describe myself.....it's not how I think of myself at all! I am me and my dh happens to be in the military. I try to stay far away from all of them. Anyway, my young kids did/do pick out their own clothes; and they don't always match. sometimes I don't even comb their hair. Sometimes something has got to give!

Maybe it's because the Coast Guard is a bit different, but I've rarely seen an officers wife lording her husbands rank over another wife, it's almost always on the enlisted side. Again though, I don't have very much interaction with "military" life so maybe I just don't notice it? I have to say, in my own personal experience, the higher up in rank, the less likely that is to happen. Which is part of what leads me to believe that those husbands that allow their wives to interfere are the ones putting their careers in jeopardy. Again though, I could be completely off base with that.