Reality check please?

[The Sweetness]

I was in shock this afternoon when I picked up my 14 yr old neighbor after school today. She had a bruise on her neck about the size of a quarter (looked like the kind that come from sucking/biting)

She didnt say anything until we were almost home, she asked me if I saw it, which ofcourse I did. She asked me what I thought about it and I told her that that mark on her neck was between her, the person who did it, and her mother. I added that it is a good thing that I am not her mother as that would mean big trouble in my house. When she asked me why, I told her that I just didnt think that that behavior was appropriate for her age. Upon further reflection, I remembered getting a similar mark on my neck for the first time when I was 16.

I decided not to say anything to the girls mother to save u7s both an uncomfortable conversation. Besides its huge, and mom will see it for sure. Am I out of my mind for thinking that this is inappropriate for the 14 yr old?

 

[Buckalew]

It would be inappropriate for my 14yo dd. (she is only 9yo now)

 

[Beauty]

Honestly yes I do, there is a lot of growing up done between 14 and 16 and even though I do believe I was 16 when I got my first hickey (from my now DH) I still wasn't old enough. We thought it was neat because someone told us how to do it so we had to see what it looked like. Needless to say I wore a turtle neck for a few days.

Do you think this was curiosity or could she be more sexually active. I think thats what would scare me the most.....being sexually active at 14 is a scary thought.

 

[RitaZ.]

We would have a problem if our DD came home with one at that age.

 

[Tony-NJ]

for anybody. Then what Beauty said made sense too, that at that age - ( and we were all there!!) you do things that you believe are "cool". That should be the worst I did at that age . The part that would be a real concern is, if she is sexually active.

 

[The Sweetness]

This girl has been a friend of my dd for a few years, and they are close friends. She changed so much last year, both physically (losing about 50 lbs) and emotionally maturing, I am affraid for her of what she may be doing.

I am not terribly close to her mother, though she may not reaize that there is some distance between us. I am always as warm and friendly as I can be to her, and any time that she needs a favor, I am always willing to help her out if there is any way that I can manage. The reason why her mother and I arent closer, is because a couple of her basic values are the polar opposite of mine. I realize that everyone is entitled to their opinions and to make their own choices. I also feel that some of the things that she does and says may effect my daughter. So far this hasnt become a problem, simply because when she (mom) does or says something that my daughter thinks is wrong or doesnt understand, she will tell me about it when the girls mom isnt around. I sometimes feel a little funny talking to my 11 year old about things like equality, and fidelity, but I am glad that she disagrees with these opinions, and still has the tact not to try to argue with her friends mom about them.

As far as if the 14 yr old is *expiramenting* I have no idea. She sees her mother dating at least 1 or sometimes more men in any given week and is teaching her that when she does get married that she had better make sure that her husband can support her. Really, I feel sorry for the girl, as she may well believe that finances are more important than companionship and love.