Rant - Stepkids & Husband

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

So you seriously were going to leave your husband for a week with no transportation and you "didn't care"?

Really?

I've just been following along with this thread and caught up this morning.

I actually LOL'd when I read that comment. My DH would have laughed in my face too if I basically said, "Have fun getting to work! Peace out!"

Takes all kinds to make the world go 'round I suppose.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I think that titling the thread as a rant about step kids and husband and focusing on the poor kids instead of on just that you were mad at your husband for being a jerk in this case is what derailed things (and, honestly, does seem to indicate not so pretty things about your feelings towards your stepkids). KWIM?

 

[Suvadoo]

I've just been following along with this thread and caught up this morning.

I actually LOL'd when I read that comment. My DH would have laughed in my face too if I basically said, "Have fun getting to work! Peace out!"

Takes all kinds to make the world go 'round I suppose.

everyone is fixated on the car situation and that's because we're Americans and most of us rely on cars, not public transportation. OP said they do not live in the US, her husband may be able to walk to work. Who knows?

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

everyone is fixated on the car situation and that's because we're Americans and most of us rely on cars, not public transportation. OP said they do not live in the US, her husband may be able to walk to work. Who knows?

I did miss that post.

The way she worded it still seemed pretty uncaring though.

 

[SirDuff]

everyone is fixated on the car situation and that's because we're Americans and most of us rely on cars, not public transportation. OP said they do not live in the US, her husband may be able to walk to work. Who knows?

Though you'll notice that none of the options the OP listed was walk - you may be right, but it does sound like he isn't close enough to walk.

 

[NHdisneylover]

everyone is fixated on the car situation and that's because we're Americans and most of us rely on cars, not public transportation. OP said they do not live in the US, her husband may be able to walk to work. Who knows?

I don't live in the US. We only have one car. We often bike, walk or use public transit (which is readily available in our area and including to where DH works). Nonetheless, DH normally uses the car to get to and from work, and as that is the norm I would NEVER decide to take off with it without talking it over with him and making sure it worked with his schedule, even for a day, much less a week.

IMO, that is just as inconsiderate as assuming her having extra kids to care for during the week was. It sounds like a couple who are both horribly inconsiderate of one another; so I lose some sympathy when I see that such behaviour seems par for the course with the OP and her DH.

 

[World Showcaser]

I don't live in the US. We only have one car. We often bike, walk or use public transit (which is readily available in our area and including to where DH works). Nonetheless, DH normally uses the car to get to and from work, and as that is the norm I would NEVER decide to take off with it without talking it over with him and making sure it worked with his schedule, even for a day, much less a week.

IMO, that is just as inconsiderate as assuming her having extra kids to care for during the week was. It sounds like a couple who are both horribly inconsiderate of one another; so I lose some sympathy when I see that such behaviour seems par for the course with the OP and her DH.

Oh for goodness sake. I wasn't planning on taking the car without discussing it. He knew I was taking the car, like I always do when I go out of town and he does when he goes out of town. It is very easy for both of us to get to work. And it's not an issue. If we never left town, we probably wouldn't even own a car.

I answered flippantly because, as indicated, it seemed like a question that had nothing to do with anything. And it does have absolutely nothing to do with the topic.

 

[ronandannette]

I don't live in the US. We only have one car. We often bike, walk or use public transit (which is readily available in our area and including to where DH works). Nonetheless, DH normally uses the car to get to and from work, and as that is the norm I would NEVER decide to take off with it without talking it over with him and making sure it worked with his schedule, even for a day, much less a week.

IMO, that is just as inconsiderate as assuming her having extra kids to care for during the week was. It sounds like a couple who are both horribly inconsiderate of one another; so I lose some sympathy when I see that such behaviour seems par for the course with the OP and her DH.

After reading along with this whole thread I think maybe the OP is using rethoric that's harsher than the actual situation calls for because she's become defensive about the replies she's getting. There's been more than one time she's posted to clarify something that has been "read wrong" by somebody who comments on it. In a calmer frame of mind "I don't care" would have maybe been worded more accurately as "He will make other transportation arrangements that week and we're both fine with that."

FWIW, an excellent illustration of this point is the comment you made up-thread about the title itself, which being so aggressive (and ultimately a little inaccurate) was what lead down all the rabbit-trails that got the OP defensive in the first place.

 

[World Showcaser]

All I can figure is that whereve you live cars are mighty important because many of you seem obsessed with that detail. Where I live there are lots of people who don't own cars and there are many ways to get around with out on. My husband takes the car every day and doesn't ask me how I'm going to get around because it's a nonissue. Are we the only people who walk anywhere on here? I have two feet and a heart beat. There are cabs everywhere. There are buses. Yes, if I wanted to go away and take the car, it would be an absolute nonissue with my husband. I just asked him about it and told him your comments and he literally laughed out loud to think that some of you would sit and arrange transportation for your grown partner.

Also, as for the grocery store thing, must also be a cultural thing. Children are very much welcome in grocery stores around here. We go to the grocery store almost every day. It would never occur to me to find someone to watch my child just to pick up some food. If my DH was home when we went shopping, he would likely just come too because we enjoy spending the time we have together.

 

[AnAmericanInDisney]

My husband used to make plans for my time, especially my weekends, without asking me. Drove me nuts, and we don't even have step kids. He doesn't do that anymore.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Oh for goodness sake. I wasn't planning on taking the car without discussing it. He knew I was taking the car, like I always do when I go out of town and he does when he goes out of town. It is very easy for both of us to get to work. And it's not an issue. If we never left town, we probably wouldn't even own a car.

I answered flippantly because, as indicated, it seemed like a question that had nothing to do with anything. And it does have absolutely nothing to do with the topic.

Oh, sorry. I must have missed something in skimming--I read that as you meant that you literally did not discuss with him at all and somewhere along the line I got the impression that he was not aware you planned on going out of town (thus him thinking you would be around to watch all the kids each day).

Then I will go back to your husband was wrong not to talk to you about the situation and be sure it worked for you before agreeing to change plans and have the kids while he was going to be at work. And I am glad you spoke with him and he sees the light and will not pull such a stunt again.

 

[World Showcaser]

It was a rant did have to do with my husband and my stepkids. There is nothing I inherently negative about that? I didn't think I needed to spend an hour coming up with something that captured the situation perfectly as a title because I went on to extensively describe the situation in my OP. Who just reads the title and comments??

 

[AriesAriel]

All I can figure is that whereve you live cars are mighty important because many of you seem obsessed with that detail. Where I live there are lots of people who don't own cars and there are many ways to get around with out on. My husband takes the car every day and doesn't ask me how I'm going to get around because it's a nonissue. Are we the only people who walk anywhere on here? I have two feet and a heart beat. There are cabs everywhere. There are buses. Yes, if I wanted to go away and take the car, it would be an absolute nonissue with my husband. I just asked him about it and told him your comments and he literally laughed out loud to think that some of you would sit and arrange transportation for your grown partner.

LOL! Indeed - this is an example of the codependency mindset I mentioned in my other reply.

Cars are mighty important in the US because of the suburbs. Many of us live at least 5 miles from our nearest stores. The only place within walking distance of my home is a gas station convenience store and its still at least 2 miles away. And milk there will cost twice as much as at the regular store.

Also, as for the grocery store thing, must also be a cultural thing. Children are very much welcome in grocery stores around here. We go to the grocery store almost every day. It would never occur to me to find someone to watch my child just to pick up some food. If my DH was home when we went shopping, he would likely just come too because we enjoy spending the time we have together.

I have 2 kids and I dislike taking them to the grocery store with me. Whenever possible, I leave them with someone so I can shop in peace. But then again, I'm a stay at home mom - so grocery shopping alone is my escape!!

 

[World Showcaser]

My husband used to make plans for my time, especially my weekends, without asking me. Drove me nuts, and we don't even have step kids. He doesn't do that anymore.

It is unbelievable the number of people on here who think that is perfectly fine. I wonder if they would be ok having someone do that to them if they were unmarried. It's almost like they think when you become married, you belong to someone. Well...at least if you're a woman. It is disrespectful and I'm glad you nipped it in the bud.

 

[piccolopat]

Wow, how horrible to have a man who wants to have his kids with him even when it's not "your turn." Sorry, but this sounds like a horribly selfish complaint especially since your child lives with you.

I think the problem was that she planned time off for herself but her husband not only volunteered to take the kids while his ex vacationed and didn't talk to her first, but he also did not take time off from his work so that HE could take care of them. Most people only get a set number of days off each year and this was not the way she planned on using hers.

 

[AriesAriel]

Let's do a bit of role playing so that people can see what went wrong and where!

What I'm assuming the conversation went like:
Phone rings...
WS Husband: "Hello?"
Ex-Wife: "hey. Do you mind taking the kids over Christmas break?"
WS Husband: "No problem. WS is off work anyways."
Ex-Wife: "thanks"

What the conversation SHOULD have looked like:
WH Husband: "Hello?"
Ex-Wife: "Hey, do you mind taking the kids over Christmas break?"
WS Husband: "I don't mind, but let me check with WS because I think she might have made plans to go out of town."
Ex-Wife: "ok, just let me know soon or I'll make other arrangements"
(now, the ex-wife could have responded in a total crappy, manipulative way about him not loving his kids, etc - but we'll give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she's normal and sane)

WS and her husband have a conversation and she communicates that she is ok with watching the kids but that she expects him to contribute, etc. She explains her boundaries UP FRONT.

This is what normal, healthy, communicative relationships would look like.

 

[World Showcaser]

I have 2 kids and I dislike taking them to the grocery store with me. Whenever possible, I leave them with someone so I can shop in peace. But then again, I'm a stay at home mom - so grocery shopping alone is my escape!!

To be fair, I should say that I often go to the grocery store when my son is in school and my DH has been known to pick up items on his way home from work. But I don't hesitate when I have to bring my son. I just thought it was weird that people thought I should leave my son and husband at home. That has never occurred to me.

 

[World Showcaser]

You are all going to love this. Dropped kids off to find out the the kids' mother didn't go anywhere. She was at home the entire time. According to her partner, there never was a vacation. She told DH she needed us to watch them because she was going away on vacation.

That makes me a little sad because they were asking why they couldn't spend any of their break with her and I kept telling them that mommy was away on a much needed vacation. Apparently she was sitting at home and just didn't want them there.

She could have been honest.

 

[Suvadoo]

To be fair, I should say that I often go to the grocery store when my son is in school and my DH has been known to pick up items on his way home from work. But I don't hesitate when I have to bring my son. I just thought it was weird that people thought I should leave my son and husband at home. That has never occurred to me.

OP, I am dying of curosity. Where do you live? It's really none of my business, but that doesn't stop me from asking.

 

[AriesAriel]

You are all going to love this. Dropped kids off to find out the the kids' mother didn't go anywhere. She was at home the entire time. According to her partner, there never was a vacation. She told DH she needed us to watch them because she was going away on vacation.

That makes me a little sad because they were asking why they couldn't spend any of their break with her and I kept telling them that mommy was away on a much needed vacation. Apparently she was sitting at home and just didn't want them there.

She could have been honest.

Does not surprise me...

I hope this helps your husband realize how even more unfair what he did was. I bet if he had asked her to split child care costs the truth would have come out. Again, if you had been at work over the break - who would have watched them?