Rant - Over-Achieving Parents!

[suzannen]

Okay, I just have to get this off my chest. My 8 yr old DD just finished an assignment where they were supposed to design and build a bridge out of pasta. They have been learning about sizes, shapes and structures. The teacher not only told the parents personally, but reminded them in the homework handout that the children were supposed to design and construct their own bridges, NOT the parents. When I went to pick my DD up from school, I went to see all of the bridges the kids had made. Almost all were very simple designs using lasagne, rigatoni and a few spaghetti noodles. Except for one - where the so-called child recreated the entire George Washington Suspension Bridge!!! As another mother remarked to me when she saw it "Yeah, I'm sure she did that all by herself!" Last month when they were supposed to "make" a shoebox forest diorama displaying their favorite forest animal, the little girl's mother told me she went to FAO Schwarz and bought out the entire small forest section from the train display so it would look realistic and her daughter's would be perfect. This year they are still graded on the "S, S+..." scale, so it's not too horrible, but next year they will be receiving real grades. Why do some parents insist on doing their children's work for them? Whenever my DD pleads with me to finish her homework because she is tired, I tell her, I will help her understand it, but I cannot do her work for her. One mother wants to say something to this over-achieving mother, but I'm thinking of discussing it with the teacher instead. Surely, she must know this mother is doing most of the work. What do you think? Am I over reacting?

 

[snoopy]

Ugh. I think this is a universal problem, there is always one in every grade. Last year's over-achieving parent was a carpenter who made woodwork projects for his son that were of the finest craftsmanship. This year, we have a seamstress who makes beautiful things on her very elaborate sewing machine for school projects.

I don't know, I just don't get this. I am an artist, so I could make things for my kids for their projects that would show up the whole class. But what would be the point? Its just incredible to me that these parents have no qualms about doing this. I did say something to the carpenter last year, and he said the teacher encouraged the parents to help, so he felt the need to do it since his son was only in first grade. I'm sorry, but helping does not mean doing.

I think you could approach the parent, or approach the teacher, and neither will do a darned bit of good. There are always going to be parents that want their kids to be the best, regardless of the cost to the child.

 

[Krisu]

Have seen this too when DS was younger making dioramas and it was obvious 1st, 2nd and 3rd graders didn't make them. I'm curious what any DIS teachers have to say about this. How do they handle it?

 

[Mary Anne]

I personally am tired of these types of assignments being handed out by the teachers. I'd much prefer to see an actual homework assignment done in pencil and paper that you know the child does not the parent.

I will never forget the time a teacher said to me "I can't believe so and so actually did the child's homework for them" I looked her straight in the eye and said “…and who exactly do you think does 1st grade theses papers on Japan?????”

Sorry I put as much blame on the teacher as the parent. They know it's going on and allow and encourage it. I've seen it over and over again.

 

[WilmaBud]

Whenever that happened in a class I taught, I didn't give a grade any higher to the child with the "professional-looking" project. I usually just did a pass/fail type of grading (if it was an earnest effort, it passed). Actually, though, I rarely gave assigments like that anyway. I'm "artistically challenged," so I HATE those projects! Plus, I don't really that there's too much to learn from them (unless it's an art class). My son has a diorama due next week, and he's on his own because I'd be of no help anyway. I don't think I'd discuss it with the teacher, though, because that's an issue between the teacher and that particular parent. Now, if that kid gets a much higher grade than anyone else, I'd HAVE to speak to the teacher about it.

 

[ang]

When a teacher say, NO help from parents, parents should listen...There is at time where teachers say, parents can help. So, I do. Last year my daughter class did states project. They did all the written part in school...the project part we did at home. I did help, because i made the clay from scratch...then, I was showing her how to be created. Then the rest was up to her. I helped her make Mountrushmore....molding out of clay....which I should her how to do it...using pencils and her fingers.
when I got to the school I checked out the projects, I was laughing because you new the parents where all in doing it....Hay, everyone knows.....
I admit I give my daughter help by giving her my 2 cents how to do it....My daughter like doing projects..LOL...she hide from me because she want to it on her own. Which is fine and I let her...

Would not say anything to the teacher or the parent....the parent feel they are helping their child in there own way...and the teacher knows...don't let it bother you.....

 

[goofy4tink]

This has been an ongoing peeve of mine since my now 9 y/o DD was in pre-school!!! The latest? All the class had to do a time-line from their birth to present day, using photos, drawings, etc. They could either use their own handwriting for the captions or do their own word-processing. Key words here....THEIR OWN!!! Well, my DD did everything on her own. From cutting out photos, to drawing pictures if she didn't have the 'right' photo for the particular event. Was hers the most perfect on the wall? Not by a long-shot. I volunteer in the school, so I see all the displayed things. Well. They just brought them home, with their grades. The teacher asks them on a sheet of paper with the parameters of the project for them to go by, what grade they thought they should get. My DD says she should get a 4 since she did everything herself! The scores were 1-not so great to 4-the best score. The teacher gave her a 4. My DD says that there were mostly 3's and 4's given out. But I have to tell you, some of those time-lines were incredible. I know that kids today are smarter, but I don't think they're that good!!! I'd also like to here what any dis teachers have to say about parents doing the work.

 

[suzannen]

I'm sure most of you are correct about nothing changing if I bring it up to the teacher or parent. But, like others here, I would love to hear from any teachers on the DIS for their perspective and how they grade under these circumstances.
And Goofy4Tink, I love that your DD both felt that she should receive a 4 because she did the work, and that her teacher agreed!

 

[Betsyt82]

I have to say this.........not all parents are going to play by the rules. The down side is that they are teaching thier own kids that it is okay to do what you want reguardless of the rules or instructions. That to me is the sad part of the delema, I say that to speak to the teacher or the parent will do you no good. The parent will most likely not fess up to helping and/or doing the project and really the only thing the teacher can do is grade on what they get......what if it was your child that was suspect and she really did the work. How would you feel if she or you were approached and told that her work could not be hers and that she had been helped by the parent. Or how about the teacher being "told" that she is not competent to see or deal with an issue you might suspect to be not of the childs own doing. Rather a sticky situation don't you think. I would let it go...........the child in question is really the only one to suffer in the long run.

 

[CRB#33]

What bothers me, and I believe another poster said something similar, is why certain types of "artistic" projects are giving out in subjects like Social Studies and English. My DS can't draw a cat, unless it's a stick figure. He hates to draw, has since he was able to hold a crayon and he will never be talented in this way.

He gets an assignment that is going to be graded on it's artistic look in a class other than art. I think it's unfair to him and many times I will draw the object, let him copy from it as I explain how to draw it, or help him put it together. I make him come up with the idea, come up with everything he is going to need in the way of supplies, and we have to do it together. I don't think a child's grade should suffer because they can't mold a clay dinosaur.

 

[RitaZ.]

I'm sure the teacher is used to it by now, I'm not saying that makes it right. I think that some of the projects assigned to the kids are beyond their ability.

When my son was in 3rd grade that's when the big projects started. One of the grades was always based on neatness, well most 3rd graders aren't very neat. So the teacher knew the kids would get help from the parents and in the instructions she specified that the child was to do the bulk of the work. To me, that was her way of saying that she knew the parents would help and accepting it. His 4th grade teacher also emphasized that the child do the bulk of the work. All of the projects that my DS has ever done were graded on several things; creativity, neatness, oral presentation & idea.

I have had other moms tell me how they stayed up until 2 in the morning finishing the kid's project. My neighbor across the street made this elaborate electrical design for one of his DD's projects. There is no way that a child in 4th grade is able to do something like that and it was rather obvious. Frankly, I don't see that it will ever stop.

Then on the other side of this issue... there is always that one child that shows up the morning that the project is due with no project.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

One mother wants to say something to this over-achieving mother, but I'm thinking of discussing it with the teacher instead. Surely, she must know this mother is doing most of the work. What do you think? Am I over reacting?

Well I think privately discussing with the teacher is ok (without children around). Confronting the parent is way out of line. What would be the benefit of that?

There will always be parents that do this for whatever reason, assignment is pointless, time, problems at home, kid can't handle the assignment, the parent that only wants their kid to get an "A", etc... So yea you can be mad (don't blame you...makes the other kids feel like their work is nothing) but it is up to the teacher to handle this.

 

[disykat]

I get irritated too when some parents obviously do the projects.

The problem is that most of the projects DO require the parent to help. I take my kids to the library, help them do internet research, buy materials etc. Sometimes I feel like I deserve a grade! I've tried hard to just help on the sidelines though. It seems like there are three categories - kids who have absolutely no help, kids who have support, kids whose parents pretty much did the project. I try to fall in the middle - "support".

 

[Talking Hands]

This why I will not give A, B, C grades on this type of assignment normally. If it is something that must be graded that way the kid would not get an A because it is obvious it was not done on his own. The child who obviously has done it himself and worked hard will get the A. He would get the C.

 

[RUDisney]

A friend of mine told me about an assignment that her 15 yo daughter was given. She had to contact 3 government officials, councilmen, school directors, county commissioners, etc., to get their biographies from them and ask them some questions about what they had done to positively affect their consituents.

My friend wound up doing this assignment for her daughter because her husband is an attorney and has the connections to get to talk with these people. No one would return the daughters calls, but they returned her Mom's calls.

What would this do to the student whose family has no friends of friends who could get them connected with the politicians?

So, the moral to my story is that strange assignments are not only handed out at the elementary school level. Besides, how unfair of it for the teacher to assume that the area's politicians would have the time to talk to the 200 or so students who would be calling. After a few calls, I'd be calling the principal to find out what is going on and how many more calls I should expect.

 

[suzannen]

RUDisney, I agree there are strange assignments at all levels of school. I feel for those kids that did not have a connection in the one you mentioned.

Meanwhile, next time this mother tells me all the work she did for a project (like the shopping spree at FAO Schwarz while her daughter was in school for the forest project), do I keep my mouth shut, or nicely say something clueless like "Oh, I thought Ms. Teacher didn't want the parents to help much?" (I can play dumb blonde when needed). Or, is even that asking for trouble? We are not friends, but she seems compelled to tell me these things!

 

[Mouseteacher]

WOW what a hot topic for me as a teacher and as a parent.

First, as a parent - I am definitely challenged when it comes to creative projects and I always cringed when my children had one. I was of no help - so they were truly on their own and did their own work. Besides, I always taught my children do their own work with me as their resource person only.

Now - as the teacher... what a tough place to be. Of course, we want the students to do their own work whether it be a project, a paper or a homework assignment. I have met so many parents who do the work and when it is addressed with them - well... let me just say the confrontation or the defensive reaction is not pretty! Sometimes we teachers are at a loss and just can't fight this trend that seems to be building in elementary schools from my experience. Some parents can get very nasty. Some even try to convince you that it is the student's not their work. Aaah, the challenges we face !