QWEST ADMITS SPELLING ERRORS
Promises To Resolve Matter Qwickly
Contributing a sour note to an otherwise powerful market rally, Qwest Communications announced today that in addition to accounting errors it had discovered major spelling errors in our financial statements for the last three qwarters.
A spokesman for Qwest said that the telecom giant hoped to resolve the spelling issues qwickly.
Stock in Qwest plummeted on the news of the companys spelling problems, with investors fearing that the company may have other unpleasant spelling news in the offing.
Frankly, the revelation that Qwest should be spelled with a u instead of a w is the last thing this stock needed, said securities analyst Zach Brannigan of Credit Suisse First Boston. Im seeing a lot of movement out of Qwest and into Qualcomm, a company that doesnt appear to have any spelling problems.
At the White House, President Bush made a characteristically stern statement about the misspellings at Qwest: The top executives at Qwest should answer some tough qwestions, or they should be forced to qwit.
Democratic strategists said that the Qwest revelations put Mr. Bush in a difficult situation, since spelling has never been his strong suit.
But Republican insiders downplayed the potential damage that a burgeoning corporate spelling scandal might have on the Presidents approval ratings.
Sure, President Bush is no spelling champ, one G.O.P. operative said. But hes no Dan Qwayle, either.
**** BOROWITZ IN THE NEW YORKER ****
Read Andy Borowitz on this summers dirtiest bestseller, The Sexual Life of Catherine M., in this weeks New Yorker magazine, on newsstands Monday. And read an exclusive interview with Andy at www.newyorker.com.
Promises To Resolve Matter Qwickly
Contributing a sour note to an otherwise powerful market rally, Qwest Communications announced today that in addition to accounting errors it had discovered major spelling errors in our financial statements for the last three qwarters.
A spokesman for Qwest said that the telecom giant hoped to resolve the spelling issues qwickly.
Stock in Qwest plummeted on the news of the companys spelling problems, with investors fearing that the company may have other unpleasant spelling news in the offing.
Frankly, the revelation that Qwest should be spelled with a u instead of a w is the last thing this stock needed, said securities analyst Zach Brannigan of Credit Suisse First Boston. Im seeing a lot of movement out of Qwest and into Qualcomm, a company that doesnt appear to have any spelling problems.
At the White House, President Bush made a characteristically stern statement about the misspellings at Qwest: The top executives at Qwest should answer some tough qwestions, or they should be forced to qwit.
Democratic strategists said that the Qwest revelations put Mr. Bush in a difficult situation, since spelling has never been his strong suit.
But Republican insiders downplayed the potential damage that a burgeoning corporate spelling scandal might have on the Presidents approval ratings.
Sure, President Bush is no spelling champ, one G.O.P. operative said. But hes no Dan Qwayle, either.
**** BOROWITZ IN THE NEW YORKER ****
Read Andy Borowitz on this summers dirtiest bestseller, The Sexual Life of Catherine M., in this weeks New Yorker magazine, on newsstands Monday. And read an exclusive interview with Andy at www.newyorker.com.