Qwest Admits Spelling Errors

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QWEST ADMITS SPELLING ERRORS

Promises To Resolve Matter ‘Qwickly’

Contributing a sour note to an otherwise powerful market rally, Qwest Communications announced today that in addition to accounting errors it had discovered “major spelling errors in our financial statements for the last three qwarters.”

A spokesman for Qwest said that the telecom giant hoped to resolve the spelling issues “qwickly.”

Stock in Qwest plummeted on the news of the company’s spelling problems, with investors fearing that the company may have other unpleasant spelling news in the offing.

“Frankly, the revelation that ‘Qwest’ should be spelled with a ‘u’ instead of a ‘w’ is the last thing this stock needed,” said securities analyst Zach Brannigan of Credit Suisse First Boston. “I’m seeing a lot of movement out of Qwest and into Qualcomm, a company that doesn’t appear to have any spelling problems.”

At the White House, President Bush made a characteristically stern statement about the misspellings at Qwest: “The top executives at Qwest should answer some tough qwestions, or they should be forced to qwit.”

Democratic strategists said that the Qwest revelations put Mr. Bush in a difficult situation, since spelling has never been his strong suit.

But Republican insiders downplayed the potential damage that a burgeoning corporate spelling scandal might have on the President’s approval ratings.

“Sure, President Bush is no spelling champ,” one G.O.P. operative said. “But he’s no Dan Qwayle, either.”

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