Quitting a job...

[gotomu212]

I am resurrecting this thread because it applies to an issue I am having and I don't want to start a new thread. Kind of want to hide among this thread, LOL. My DH has a demanding career. It pays well and there is high demand for people who can do it so he is always being recruited and can find a job almost anywhere. I have mostly been a SAHM so he could focus on his career (I took care of almost everything domestic while he worked hard). Anyway, DH has switched companies (many times moving us out of state) a lot. In 22 years, he has worked for about 7 companies (a couple of them more than once) in 4 states (we even moved in and out of same state more than once). We have had 10 addresses. He averages about 2 years per time at a job. Early on the job moves would get him a higher salary but the past couple were lateral moves.

I won't go into detail but the last job move was almost 4 years ago. Long story but it was tough and we had to move states too (this is his third time working at this company). It was against my wishes and he promised it to be the last job until retirement. But now he's back to looking at job listings and talking to recruiter. I was not interested at all until he mentioned a job closer to our old home, where family is and closer to where our two DDs go to college, and it would be a jump up in job and salary (to a VP position). I was very slightly open to it. Then next thing I know that job is out and another job is in and it's even farther away, 10 hours from here and 18 hours from our two college kids. And it's another lateral move. I said, nope, that's out and he agreed. It seemed to register that it's not worth it for a lateral move. We also had both our moms have medical issues recently that DH agreed with me that it would have been nice to still be close to home since we were needed so much the past few months. I had pointed out that possibility back when he wanted to take this current job and he poo pooed it because his parents had been healthy and only mine had issues. Well then his mom was diagnosed with cancer in the fall and he seemed to realize how I felt about needing to be close.

So I thought, okay good, that's done. He gets it and will drop the talk about switching jobs and moving. Nope. Now he's doing the stuff he did back when I didn't want him to take this current job. He started working all hours. He'd eat dinner and go in his home office about 8pm and work until 2am and then come to bed noisily and wake me up and then he'd wake up at 4-5am and again wake me up as he would go back in his home office and work. If I'd complain about him waking me, he'd snap "I can't help it, it's this awful job". He'd say he couldn't do things cause he'd have to work...in evenings and on weekends, no matter when. And he'd walk around all moody and grumpy and snap that his job was just miserable and unbearable. Finally I said....'whatever, if you need to switch jobs, fine, whatever, do what you want'. He made life so miserable. I tried to ignore and the more I'd ignore the more miserable he'd make things. Well, he's starting that crap again. He came home mad on Friday and claimed they took away his underling (assistant/support, not sure what he was called) during a demanding project that his CEO was needing done. So now he 'has to work 24/7 to get done what's needed and requested by the CEO'. And they are throwing other stupid projects at him on top of that. So he's back to going in the home office all hours to 'get the work done'. And walking around all grumpy. Since Friday. So I know it will continue until I give in and say 'fine, interview for that new job'.

I am tired of the moving. And NOT for more pay. Like ***. I have a suspicion on why he does this...I think he can't stand when things are settled and calm so he needs to create change and chaos. We got all settled in the perfect townhome to grow old in. Our moms went through big health issues and we just got through all that and are settled again. We are about to take our two up to college and drop them off for another year. All we have on tap for the next several months is just chilling with the two of us and a couple trips. And he's now adding this drama. He's been at this job for about 4 years now, almost, and I think he's bored. It's like someone who has to move furniture around often and/or paint often. And it's getting to be too tiring to live with.

Any suggestions on how I respond to properly shut this down? The ignoring him, or even flat out saying NO, has him make things more and more miserable. (gosh, now realizing where my DS gets that from...he is same).

How many more years is he planning on working before retirement? Does he have any hobbies or activities outside of work?

I once went through a period when I was unhappy at work and that was also my main outlet for energy so I would throw myself more and more into the work while getting angrier and angrier. I backed off and found something outside of work to challenge me and that let off a ton of the steam. If he needs some “chaos” and “challenge” it might be helpful to create that in a space where it doesn’t affect where you live.

 

[kaytieeldr]

Any suggestions on how I respond to properly shut this down?

Talk with him. It sounds like he's miserable in his current job.

I don't really have a career so I wouldn't make enough to make it worthwhile. I'd be lucky to find a job making $12-15/hour. Last job was at least 10 years ago and like $8/hour.

$25K-$31K isn't chump change.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I am resurrecting this thread because it applies to an issue I am having and I don't want to start a new thread. Kind of want to hide among this thread, LOL. My DH has a demanding career. It pays well and there is high demand for people who can do it so he is always being recruited and can find a job almost anywhere. I have mostly been a SAHM so he could focus on his career (I took care of almost everything domestic while he worked hard). Anyway, DH has switched companies (many times moving us out of state) a lot. In 22 years, he has worked for about 7 companies (a couple of them more than once) in 4 states (we even moved in and out of same state more than once). We have had 10 addresses. He averages about 2 years per time at a job. Early on the job moves would get him a higher salary but the past couple were lateral moves.

I won't go into detail but the last job move was almost 4 years ago. Long story but it was tough and we had to move states too (this is his third time working at this company). It was against my wishes and he promised it to be the last job until retirement. But now he's back to looking at job listings and talking to recruiter. I was not interested at all until he mentioned a job closer to our old home, where family is and closer to where our two DDs go to college, and it would be a jump up in job and salary (to a VP position). I was very slightly open to it. Then next thing I know that job is out and another job is in and it's even farther away, 10 hours from here and 18 hours from our two college kids. And it's another lateral move. I said, nope, that's out and he agreed. It seemed to register that it's not worth it for a lateral move. We also had both our moms have medical issues recently that DH agreed with me that it would have been nice to still be close to home since we were needed so much the past few months. I had pointed out that possibility back when he wanted to take this current job and he poo pooed it because his parents had been healthy and only mine had issues. Well then his mom was diagnosed with cancer in the fall and he seemed to realize how I felt about needing to be close.

So I thought, okay good, that's done. He gets it and will drop the talk about switching jobs and moving. Nope. Now he's doing the stuff he did back when I didn't want him to take this current job. He started working all hours. He'd eat dinner and go in his home office about 8pm and work until 2am and then come to bed noisily and wake me up and then he'd wake up at 4-5am and again wake me up as he would go back in his home office and work. If I'd complain about him waking me, he'd snap "I can't help it, it's this awful job". He'd say he couldn't do things cause he'd have to work...in evenings and on weekends, no matter when. And he'd walk around all moody and grumpy and snap that his job was just miserable and unbearable. Finally I said....'whatever, if you need to switch jobs, fine, whatever, do what you want'. He made life so miserable. I tried to ignore and the more I'd ignore the more miserable he'd make things. Well, he's starting that crap again. He came home mad on Friday and claimed they took away his underling (assistant/support, not sure what he was called) during a demanding project that his CEO was needing done. So now he 'has to work 24/7 to get done what's needed and requested by the CEO'. And they are throwing other stupid projects at him on top of that. So he's back to going in the home office all hours to 'get the work done'. And walking around all grumpy. Since Friday. So I know it will continue until I give in and say 'fine, interview for that new job'.

I am tired of the moving. And NOT for more pay. Like ***. I have a suspicion on why he does this...I think he can't stand when things are settled and calm so he needs to create change and chaos. We got all settled in the perfect townhome to grow old in. Our moms went through big health issues and we just got through all that and are settled again. We are about to take our two up to college and drop them off for another year. All we have on tap for the next several months is just chilling with the two of us and a couple trips. And he's now adding this drama. He's been at this job for about 4 years now, almost, and I think he's bored. It's like someone who has to move furniture around often and/or paint often. And it's getting to be too tiring to live with.

Any suggestions on how I respond to properly shut this down? The ignoring him, or even flat out saying NO, has him make things more and more miserable. (gosh, now realizing where my DS gets that from...he is same).

It sounds to me like perhaps he is comfortable in that "new guy" or "outsider" role but doesn'T know how to form more lasting meaningful relationships at work (or maybe outside work beyond your family). As the new person, people notice you---many conversations focus on where you are from, what is your experience, who your family is, basic fill in the information gap things where the script is pretty easy and predictable. After a couple of years, that type of information is all known and conversations needs to be more focused on mutual interests, etc--perhaps he struggles with this?

There also tends to be a lot of praise at work when you are new---all of your skills are new to the workplace and people notice them and compliment them---which can be a great feeling. After a while, everyone just takes the various skills of each coworker more or less for granted and no longer mention every time and instead come to rely on it. Does he crave/need that rush of external praise? That might also explain why he works longer and longer hours and is still miserable---isn't understanding that praise ebbing off is normal and is taking it personally and looking for that next "hit"

Similarly, when we'Ve moved, at home for a good few months before and after most of our conversations revolve around the logistics of moving (buying or selling a home, school districts, setting up electricity, getting furniture to fit finding new doctors, figuring out new insurance and so on). How is he at interacting on a more "normal" and mundane level with you and your son? Does he need to learn ways to maintain your relationship without the forced conversation topics and find that intimidating?

I am playing armchair psychologist here---but really the only experince i have is that of also being a "corporate wife" whose career went by the wayside as we made five inter-state moves in the first 8 years of our marraige chasing Dh's career. Four years later we made one last move, overseas, also a career move. Our situation was a bit different becuase the only move that was not for a promotion or considerably better pay was the last one---that was due to the 2008 economic crisis and the plant he worked at was shutting down, he could not find work elsewhere and the only position his same company had to offer him was overseas---so it was not a moving out of boredom/desire so much as out of need to stay employed.

DH now loves his job and never wants to move again. BUT, he travels 80% and enjoy that---I think it gives him many of the things moving did (noted above) without having to move. And he is a restless person---we take a lot of weekend rips because 2-3 days at home drives him crazy. Maybe if your DH can figure out, with your help (or that of a therapist) what he is seeking when he moves for work, he can figure out a job he can do that provides that without uprooting you.

"The ignoring him, or even flat out saying NO, has him make things more and more miserable" Ignoring a problem nearly always makes it worse---I hope you can figure out how to help him truly address HIS issues and also consider and address YOUR needs (desire to stay put) in the process. Good luck,

​

 

[PollyannaMom]

I am resurrecting this thread because it applies to an issue I am having and I don't want to start a new thread. Kind of want to hide among this thread, LOL. My DH has a demanding career. It pays well and there is high demand for people who can do it so he is always being recruited and can find a job almost anywhere. I have mostly been a SAHM so he could focus on his career (I took care of almost everything domestic while he worked hard). Anyway, DH has switched companies (many times moving us out of state) a lot. In 22 years, he has worked for about 7 companies (a couple of them more than once) in 4 states (we even moved in and out of same state more than once). We have had 10 addresses. He averages about 2 years per time at a job. Early on the job moves would get him a higher salary but the past couple were lateral moves.

I won't go into detail but the last job move was almost 4 years ago. Long story but it was tough and we had to move states too (this is his third time working at this company). It was against my wishes and he promised it to be the last job until retirement. But now he's back to looking at job listings and talking to recruiter. I was not interested at all until he mentioned a job closer to our old home, where family is and closer to where our two DDs go to college, and it would be a jump up in job and salary (to a VP position). I was very slightly open to it. Then next thing I know that job is out and another job is in and it's even farther away, 10 hours from here and 18 hours from our two college kids. And it's another lateral move. I said, nope, that's out and he agreed. It seemed to register that it's not worth it for a lateral move. We also had both our moms have medical issues recently that DH agreed with me that it would have been nice to still be close to home since we were needed so much the past few months. I had pointed out that possibility back when he wanted to take this current job and he poo pooed it because his parents had been healthy and only mine had issues. Well then his mom was diagnosed with cancer in the fall and he seemed to realize how I felt about needing to be close.

So I thought, okay good, that's done. He gets it and will drop the talk about switching jobs and moving. Nope. Now he's doing the stuff he did back when I didn't want him to take this current job. He started working all hours. He'd eat dinner and go in his home office about 8pm and work until 2am and then come to bed noisily and wake me up and then he'd wake up at 4-5am and again wake me up as he would go back in his home office and work. If I'd complain about him waking me, he'd snap "I can't help it, it's this awful job". He'd say he couldn't do things cause he'd have to work...in evenings and on weekends, no matter when. And he'd walk around all moody and grumpy and snap that his job was just miserable and unbearable. Finally I said....'whatever, if you need to switch jobs, fine, whatever, do what you want'. He made life so miserable. I tried to ignore and the more I'd ignore the more miserable he'd make things. Well, he's starting that crap again. He came home mad on Friday and claimed they took away his underling (assistant/support, not sure what he was called) during a demanding project that his CEO was needing done. So now he 'has to work 24/7 to get done what's needed and requested by the CEO'. And they are throwing other stupid projects at him on top of that. So he's back to going in the home office all hours to 'get the work done'. And walking around all grumpy. Since Friday. So I know it will continue until I give in and say 'fine, interview for that new job'.

I am tired of the moving. And NOT for more pay. Like ***. I have a suspicion on why he does this...I think he can't stand when things are settled and calm so he needs to create change and chaos. We got all settled in the perfect townhome to grow old in. Our moms went through big health issues and we just got through all that and are settled again. We are about to take our two up to college and drop them off for another year. All we have on tap for the next several months is just chilling with the two of us and a couple trips. And he's now adding this drama. He's been at this job for about 4 years now, almost, and I think he's bored. It's like someone who has to move furniture around often and/or paint often. And it's getting to be too tiring to live with.

Any suggestions on how I respond to properly shut this down? The ignoring him, or even flat out saying NO, has him make things more and more miserable. (gosh, now realizing where my DS gets that from...he is same).

My DH has a similar pattern, where he's only truly happy somewhere for so long. (But thankfully, there are a lot of companies in our area that do the same thing, so it doesn't involve constant moves for us.) For him, I think it's directly related to stress and amount of work. When you're new, you don't know everything, so you're not the "go-to" person for all the extra requests and emergencies. You can work fairly normal hours. But the longer he stays somewhere, the more hours he ends up working - until he feels like he has no time to relax and nothing in his life that isn't an obligation. That's when he seems to need a fresh start.

 

[lovin'fl]

My DH has a similar pattern, where he's only truly happy somewhere for so long. (But thankfully, there are a lot of companies in our area that do the same thing, so it doesn't involve constant moves for us.) For him, I think it's directly related to stress and amount of work. When you're new, you don't know everything, so you're not the "go-to" person for all the extra requests and emergencies. You can work fairly normal hours. But the longer he stays somewhere, the more hours he ends up working - until he feels like he has no time to relax and nothing in his life that isn't an obligation. That's when he seems to need a fresh start.

Yes, this is like DH. This company he's at now is actually his 3rd time there, been at this company the most time, and he just keeps getting work piled on him. I also think he's not a squeaky wheel so he just takes it. Like his assistant they took away and put on another project was due to the lead on the other project complaining and not getting his project moving. DH will now just work more and more hours to get his project done and he then is bitter about it (and just thinks about finding a new job) but he would never complain at work. We talked last night and he actually is in agreement with my thoughts...no lateral job moves and no moving farther away from aging parents (and also our college kids). He also is working on something new and wants to learn it well as that will help him get a good VP job in a couple/few years. So he does want to stay put for a while. And for someone who asked up thread, he will be retiring in about 14 years.

 

[cabanafrau]

Maybe if your DH can figure out, with your help (or that of a therapist) what he is seeking when he moves for work, he can figure out a job he can do that provides that without uprooting you.

"The ignoring him, or even flat out saying NO, has him make things more and more miserable" Ignoring a problem nearly always makes it worse---I hope you can figure out how to help him truly address HIS issues and also consider and address YOUR needs (desire to stay put) in the process. Good luck,​

​

You may well be onto something regarding what the husband is getting out of the constant job hopping/uprooting the family and I agree ignoring the problem makes it worse. Ignoring the problem may have led to a breakdown of the partnership where each party's needs/wants are factors considered in decision making.

Unfortunately I think there may be a bit of a problem with a personality always determined to have their needs met, while being absolutely unwilling to consider the feelings of a spouse and family. One of the things that jumped out at me from @lovinFL's post was the detail about discussing the desire/need to be closer to family when her mother had health issues. Nope, absolutely not. When the shoe was suddenly on DH's foot and his parents were ill it suddenly would have been a benefit to be living closer to family. Frankly that seems to go beyond a spouse who can be a bit tone deaf because their head is in the clouds.

Somehow or another over the years the DH has either become so entitled and completely absorbed by his self interest that he sees nothing wrong with actively ignoring his wife's needs/wants -- or a system has been ingrained where the spouse has surrendered actively expressing strong needs/wants because only DH's needs and wants are to be considered.

 

[lovin'fl]

Well...in all fairness with the parents thing I have bent over backwards and gone above and beyond for my mom and she doesn't reciprocate. I had a bunch of examples but deleted as that is a topic for a whole other thread, lol. So he does, reasonably so, get a bit bent about making my mom a consideration in our decision making on where we live since she really never considers us.

As far as he and I...we are pretty even in getting the things we want. Its a balance and I do think we do it well most of the time. I just long for a quiet settled life but he seems to be more ADHD and needs, what I call, chaos. We did have 3 kids close in age and he was involved in a year round activity with two of them and that ended and kids all went off to college and things are more laid back, like I like, now and he's probably bored. We do have several mini, and a couple big, trips coming up. Should help.

 

[Squirlz]

I know you wrote this in May, but I just saw it. I have Xd out your former boss's full first and last name and place of employment in my quote so if you think better of it and want to delete it in your post it will be gone.
I get that he was a total jerk and you hated him, but I still think posting his full name and employer in a post acusing him of being an addict, etc is wrong and want to suggest you change/delete it. Maybe you were not really thinking about what you were posting and where when you wrote it?

((I hope I do not come across as preachy here, I do not mean to, it just seemed off, but also like the kind of thing posted in the moment and not really thought about))

It was 100% on purpose.

 

[cabanafrau]

Well...in all fairness with the parents thing I have bent over backwards and gone above and beyond for my mom and she doesn't reciprocate. I had a bunch of examples but deleted as that is a topic for a whole other thread, lol. So he does, reasonably so, get a bit bent about making my mom a consideration in our decision making on where we live since she really never considers us.

As far as he and I...we are pretty even in getting the things we want. Its a balance and I do think we do it well most of the time. I just long for a quiet settled life but he seems to be more ADHD and needs, what I call, chaos. We did have 3 kids close in age and he was involved in a year round activity with two of them and that ended and kids all went off to college and things are more laid back, like I like, now and he's probably bored. We do have several mini, and a couple big, trips coming up. Should help.

Still seems like some counseling might help the two of you understand better what the other really needs and wants, and negotiate a joint plan that maximizes the most optimal outcome for both of you together.

 

[lovin'fl]

Still seems like some counseling might help the two of you understand better what the other really needs and wants, and negotiate a joint plan that maximizes the most optimal outcome for both of you together.

Agreed.

 

[ronandannette]

Well...in all fairness with the parents thing I have bent over backwards and gone above and beyond for my mom and she doesn't reciprocate. I had a bunch of examples but deleted as that is a topic for a whole other thread, lol. So he does, reasonably so, get a bit bent about making my mom a consideration in our decision making on where we live since she really never considers us.

As far as he and I...we are pretty even in getting the things we want. Its a balance and I do think we do it well most of the time. I just long for a quiet settled life but he seems to be more ADHD and needs, what I call, chaos. We did have 3 kids close in age and he was involved in a year round activity with two of them and that ended and kids all went off to college and things are more laid back, like I like, now and he's probably bored. We do have several mini, and a couple big, trips coming up. Should help.

FWIW, I think you've already got a great deal of insight into your husband's temperament and I also feel like marriage isn't 50/50 all the time. It's about an overall balance in satisfaction; not every situation can be a perfect compromise every time. You sound like a really good wife!

As to the bolded, there was a PP upthread with an excellent suggestion - your DH needs a challenge outside his workplace. Be it a hobby, a volunteer opportunity or some new social contacts, something that takes a little bit of effort and keeps him on his toes will also serve to take his mind off his work and give him a little bit of the "managed chaos" he craves. I hope he finds it and I wish you both well.

 

[AlohaNow]

I will be doing this in the next few weeks or months. It is unnerving, but I know at this point on a cosmic level that I need a change. I will be working towards becoming a financial planner, which is probably what I should have been doing all these years.

And when I leave my current job I will be blasting George Michael’s FREEDOM!

 

[Eeyore daily]

I want to so badly at my current job. I've been here for almost two years yet even with amazing reviews I'm still not "good enough" to be promoted yet people hired after me have already moved into higher positions above me. It doesn't help that where I work is essentially a call center but it's gotten to the point where I'm not challenged mentally and I'm expected to be a robot. I've started crying on my way to/from work but I feel like I can't unless I found something better but even though I have a degree it feels like my options are limited. I'm the main provider for my husband and I so that also makes me feel restricted.

As for your husband I can only suggest talking to him. Not much help from me but still

 

[Hrhpd]

I am resurrecting this thread because it applies to an issue I am having and I don't want to start a new thread. Kind of want to hide among this thread, LOL. My DH has a demanding career. It pays well and there is high demand for people who can do it so he is always being recruited and can find a job almost anywhere. I have mostly been a SAHM so he could focus on his career (I took care of almost everything domestic while he worked hard). Anyway, DH has switched companies (many times moving us out of state) a lot. In 22 years, he has worked for about 7 companies (a couple of them more than once) in 4 states (we even moved in and out of same state more than once). We have had 10 addresses. He averages about 2 years per time at a job. Early on the job moves would get him a higher salary but the past couple were lateral moves.

I won't go into detail but the last job move was almost 4 years ago. Long story but it was tough and we had to move states too (this is his third time working at this company). It was against my wishes and he promised it to be the last job until retirement. But now he's back to looking at job listings and talking to recruiter. I was not interested at all until he mentioned a job closer to our old home, where family is and closer to where our two DDs go to college, and it would be a jump up in job and salary (to a VP position). I was very slightly open to it. Then next thing I know that job is out and another job is in and it's even farther away, 10 hours from here and 18 hours from our two college kids. And it's another lateral move. I said, nope, that's out and he agreed. It seemed to register that it's not worth it for a lateral move. We also had both our moms have medical issues recently that DH agreed with me that it would have been nice to still be close to home since we were needed so much the past few months. I had pointed out that possibility back when he wanted to take this current job and he poo pooed it because his parents had been healthy and only mine had issues. Well then his mom was diagnosed with cancer in the fall and he seemed to realize how I felt about needing to be close.

So I thought, okay good, that's done. He gets it and will drop the talk about switching jobs and moving. Nope. Now he's doing the stuff he did back when I didn't want him to take this current job. He started working all hours. He'd eat dinner and go in his home office about 8pm and work until 2am and then come to bed noisily and wake me up and then he'd wake up at 4-5am and again wake me up as he would go back in his home office and work. If I'd complain about him waking me, he'd snap "I can't help it, it's this awful job". He'd say he couldn't do things cause he'd have to work...in evenings and on weekends, no matter when. And he'd walk around all moody and grumpy and snap that his job was just miserable and unbearable. Finally I said....'whatever, if you need to switch jobs, fine, whatever, do what you want'. He made life so miserable. I tried to ignore and the more I'd ignore the more miserable he'd make things. Well, he's starting that crap again. He came home mad on Friday and claimed they took away his underling (assistant/support, not sure what he was called) during a demanding project that his CEO was needing done. So now he 'has to work 24/7 to get done what's needed and requested by the CEO'. And they are throwing other stupid projects at him on top of that. So he's back to going in the home office all hours to 'get the work done'. And walking around all grumpy. Since Friday. So I know it will continue until I give in and say 'fine, interview for that new job'.

I am tired of the moving. And NOT for more pay. Like ***. I have a suspicion on why he does this...I think he can't stand when things are settled and calm so he needs to create change and chaos. We got all settled in the perfect townhome to grow old in. Our moms went through big health issues and we just got through all that and are settled again. We are about to take our two up to college and drop them off for another year. All we have on tap for the next several months is just chilling with the two of us and a couple trips. And he's now adding this drama. He's been at this job for about 4 years now, almost, and I think he's bored. It's like someone who has to move furniture around often and/or paint often. And it's getting to be too tiring to live with.

Any suggestions on how I respond to properly shut this down? The ignoring him, or even flat out saying NO, has him make things more and more miserable. (gosh, now realizing where my DS gets that from...he is same).

I know you wrote this back in August and I hope things have settled down a bit for your husband.

But I did want to offer a different perspective than your marriage needs counseling, it is his temperament, or he is throwing a fit to get his own way. My husband sounds a lot like yours but the work load is really there.

If he is actively being recruited for a VP position and he is in project development, I am assuming he is a director level or up. 4 years is a long time to be at the same company in an upper management position. Every few years, companies tend to reevaluate departments, management, etc. Execs want new challenges and companies want fresh eyes.

It is not uncommon for upper management to trade places in companies every few years. In many companies, it is almost expected to move around every few years to gain broader experience. There are certain companies and industries where staying loyal to a company for many years can actually hurt your growth.

If his department is being restructured and moving people around, it is very common for execs to dig in and help get the work done. I am intimately familiar with the working insane hours 24x7, never unplugging on vacations, etc, to get the work done. If his assistant was moved, the work is still there, which means more work for those left. I would bet his working till 2am is more a function of an increased work load which he is ultimately accountable for getting done. And it is probably one of the reasons why he is motivated to switch. Until they restructure the new company's department, then time to switch again. Pretty common.

 

[lovin'fl]

I know you wrote this back in August and I hope things have settled down a bit for your husband.

But I did want to offer a different perspective than your marriage needs counseling, it is his temperament, or he is throwing a fit to get his own way. My husband sounds a lot like yours but the work load is really there.

If he is actively being recruited for a VP position and he is in project development, I am assuming he is a director level or up. 4 years is a long time to be at the same company in an upper management position. Every few years, companies tend to reevaluate departments, management, etc. Execs want new challenges and companies want fresh eyes.

It is not uncommon for upper management to trade places in companies every few years. In many companies, it is almost expected to move around every few years to gain broader experience. There are certain companies and industries where staying loyal to a company for many years can actually hurt your growth.

If his department is being restructured and moving people around, it is very common for execs to dig in and help get the work done. I am intimately familiar with the working insane hours 24x7, never unplugging on vacations, etc, to get the work done. If his assistant was moved, the work is still there, which means more work for those left. I would bet his working till 2am is more a function of an increased work load which he is ultimately accountable for getting done. And it is probably one of the reasons why he is motivated to switch. Until they restructure the new company's department, then time to switch again. Pretty common.

Well, he is still at same job. There is a merge happening so who knows what will happen. He did recently interview for a VP job where he could telecommute. He didn't get that job. But he and I seem to be on same page. We don't want to have to move, unless it's within PA, MD, VA or NC. And he's not interested in a lateral move. If he had gotten the job he just interviewed for we were looking at buying a second place near our folks (and closer to 2 of our kids in college). The recruiter has many other opportunities for him to look into but it has to be the right opportunity. If I know him well, he will likely interview for another. Yes, he is currently director level. At any rate, the urgency he had (not sure why) back in August has dissipated. He sees it more rationally now.