Question---should I forgive her?

[meeshi]

I have to agree with Robinrs also. When you hold a grudge, the person you're hurting the most is yourself.

 

[RitaZ.]

I totally agree with what Robin said. Forgiving doesn't mean that you have to be best friends with this woman. Your grandmother and grandfather are now gone, you are the only one that is holding on to the pain. Just let it go for your own peace of mind. Go to her house with your head held up high, be cordial/polite and gather your grandmother's belongings. {{{hugs}}}

 

[Joanne M]

Go get your stuff and get out of there. And do it ASAP or you may find you have nothing sentimental from that part of the family.

As for forgive and forget? As I understand it, you are not related to this woman, correct? So as I see it, she isn't necessarily part of your family, other than being the parent of step and half relatives. You don't have to include her in your life if you don't care to. She was supposedly a responsible adult when she made the decision to become involved and have children with a married man.

For your own sanity, I would suggest you let go of the anger here. It isn't helping you any and it is controlling how you run your own life. You don't need to be this woman's friend or accept her behavior, but you could be polite to her. It is in your best interests to do so and not let her relationship with your grandfather continue to control your actions. Show her you are better than that by rising above the poor decisions and poor judgement she and your grandfather exhibited.

 

[UrsulasDaBomb]

Thanks for the support guys,since this is such a tough decision.
In response to what betz said...we knew right from the beginning that she was the 'other woman' in his life.He was good at hiding it from us before my grandmother's death but once my grandmother was out of the picture,Yen(might as well call her by name)made it well known that SHE this great asian beauty(which I never thought she was...anyway),snagged a married white guy.A married white guy with a government pension no less.A war hero(he was in WWII and 'Nam).In broken english,she would always put my sister and I down as the 'white trash' of the family whenever we visited and there was even a rumor that went around that my grandfather had ordered the plug pulled on my grandmother at the end.Not to spare her any further pain but so that he could get on with his life and marry this woman.It seems to me a little suspicious that they got married three months to the very DAY of my grandmother's funeral,but again..that's just me being suspicious.We were never made to feel very welcome the few times we visted after they got married.Even her children treated us like white trash and made fun of us.I finally gave up and avoided visiting my grandfather after that.I couldn't take it.I guess if I do make a time to go over there and get my stuff,I will try my very hardest to be polite to her.It won't be easy,for sure.
But I promise to try.