Question for teachers who are also parents

[lyeag]

Hi, I am really facing a tough choice and would love some input from other teachers. A little background. I taught for 4 years before being a SAHM. I loved teaching, but I never felt like I was able to give 100 percent to my job or my family and I felt a terrible strain. Granted, during those four years I gave birth twice, and had one other child, but I felt like I never had time to catch my breath or reflect on my lessons, or plan the way I really should have.


Fast forward to now. My youngest is going to be entering kindergarten in the fall. I can sub (for really low pay) or take a job with the district where my children attend. The money would allow for a lot of the extras and pay off a few bills. My husband really would like to see me go back to teaching, but his job will always be the one that comes first because he is in the Army.

My question is-Do you feel like some area of your life is getting the short end of the stick? When I was teaching, I never felt like I was able to spend enough time with my kids. I never felt like I had enough time to research new lesson plans, or take classes. I don't think I was doing a very good job at either role. (My evals were all stellar and I have wonderful letters of recommendation should I choose to teach) My kids are doing very well now. My oldest is straight A's and very involved in band. My younger dd is in karate and softball, and my son is just starting karate. I am the one who makes sure they all get to where they need to be for these activities. Dh's schedule is just so crazy I can't count on him. I don't want to take a job that would end up in my children not being able to participate in things they really love.

Any advice or words of wisdom from those of you who have been there and done that?

 

[dizagain]

Well...the pay may even be less than sub work, not sure. I started teaching at the church preschool when my youngest was two and started attending two days a week. I built up from there gradually as she grew until I worked five days a week from 8-1. I worked at three different schools (because of moving) and all of them scheduled the beginning/ending of the school year a few days after/ahead of local public schools so moms wouldn't need child care. The holidays followed the public schools as well so I was never working when my kids were home. I had an hour or so to run errands before the kids got home and then we could go on with day. I did have lesson planning/preparation to do, but much of it was done at school or on weekends...not nearly as stressful as elementary school. When we moved last summer I was to be making about $1300 after taxes a month - not a lot, but more than 0!!

It's a hard decision! This works perfectly for us - even though more $$ would be incredibly nice, this suits our family the best.

Good luck!!

 

[Disney Ella]

I am not a teacher, but I don't think it's possible to work full-time and have kids and feel that everything is always getting all the attention it deserves. I only work part-time, but I still feel guilty sometimes that I'm not putting enough into my job, and then I feel guilty that I'm not devoting enough time to the kids.

As long as the kids are happy and healthy and I know what's going on in their lives and as long as everyone at work thinks I'm doing a good job, then it works. I don't think there's anything wrong with doing a good job now when you have less time and doing a great job later when your kids don't need you as much.

If you really want to go back, not for the money, but for the satisfaction of the actual job, I would do it. You would still be able to take your kids to their after school activities, right?

 

[lyeag]

If you really want to go back, not for the money, but for the satisfaction of the actual job, I would do it. You would still be able to take your kids to their after school activities, right?

Well, I am not so sure about that. At least when I taught before, I had a lot of requirements put upon me that happened after school- like parent meetings. Of course, they weren't during "contract time", but if you wanted to keep your job, you stayed for them. You were also frowned upon for not doing a lot of volunteer work after school involving the students, ie dances, clubs...

I don't want to teach and then end up having my own kids fall through the cracks. I guess that was how I felt before. I was told these kids needed us, because they were from low socio econmonic families. The district here isn't quite the same, but I can see the same discussions happening. Also, I am pretty much 100% in charge of everything in the house from bills to lawncare. Dh is gone a lot. I am getting a lot of pressure to go back to work from dh, friends, and family. I know other moms do it, but I hated that feeling of not being able to give my job or my kids the time they both deserved. I felt like I was treading water in both roles, and I am the type of person that if I can't do a job the way I think it should be done, I don't want to take it on at all. Does that make sense?

The money would help out in the college funds area, for sure, but I don't want to wind up feeling that way. On the other hand, sub pay is astonishingly low, around 45/day.

 

[luvflorida]

I can understand the ambivalence you're experiencing. I'm a parent and a former teacher.

I taught first grade for fifteen years. When I first started teaching, (I'm not counting the first few years when I held a teacher's assistant position that didn't require the full commitment that a full-time contracted position requires), we had one child who was almost a year old. Three years later, we had our second child. The first twelve years or so of teaching were terrific. I loved my job, my mother was my babysitter until the kids were old enough for school, and when they were school age, my kids attended the same school that I taught in. I never had to worry about daycare, and my mom lived just minutes from the school I taught at. Everything worked out great.

Now, I'm not going to say that there weren't moments when I felt like I was being pulled in ten different directions. My husband traveled a lot for business, still does, and there were times when it was hard to keep everything going smoothly. But, for the most part, it was an ideal situation. I felt I was providing everything in the right amounts to my students and to my own kids. The kids and I always had the same school vacations, and the summers were heaven. I loved having the entire summer off to spend with my own kids.

Then we had a third child, and everything fell apart! Well, it seemed that way at the time! Our oldest was 10 and our youngest was 6 1/2 when the baby came along. I knew she was our last child and I had a MAJOR case of separation anxiety when I went back to my classroom after having spent twelve weeks with my youngest. I continued to teach for two more years, but it just wasn't the same. I think it was a combination of wanting to spend time with my own three kids and teacher burn-out. When I went into that last year of teaching, I knew in my gut that it would be my last.

I loved my students and gave them everything I had that last year, but I didn't have that feeling of excitement that I usually had. I resigned at the end of the school year. My youngest turned two that summer.

It was the best decision I've ever made. Fortunately, my husband was behind me 100%, and could financially support us. I did attempt a little substitute teaching, but realized my heart just was not in it. I can't say enough how much I've appreciated the fact that I've been able to be there for all of my kids. Our third child has always been the one that has required the most attention, the feisty, but sensitive child. She is 15, and the only one still living at home with us. I love her with all my heart and I've probably smothered her a bit here and there knowing she is our last child. She is the most dependent and clingy of the three, probably my fault, too!

I'm not sure if I've answered your question or not. I guess what I'm trying to say is, make sure your mind AND soul is set to go back into the classroom. I know when that third child arrived, I had this intense desire to be home with her.

to you and whatever you decide.

 

[MinnieM3]

I've taught for 16 years and have had kids during the whole time. It was hardest when my youngest (then) was 3 and 4. Once he turned 5 and my oldest was 8 it was much easier (ie, they were at my school full time).

I found I had plenty of time for them after school. They did all the sports and stuff, too. It was difficult when I went through my divorce, though. Ugh! I was lucky enough to re marry a wonderful man shortly after that.

I have never really felt my own kids nor my classroom kids were shortchanged. The first year is rough, but after that it's old hat. I got all of my school work done at school and I rarely if ever brought anything home. We had very few faculty meetings, also. It's a lot of work, don't get me wrong, but it can be done successfully.

You must love children and learning (for yourself, also!) and you must have lots of patience! Good luck! Don't be afraid!

 

[kimkarli]

I only have one child, dd6, and I teach second grade. It does put a strain on time. HOWEVER, I think it is the most family friendly occupation that it is possible to have, especially if you are in the same district as your children. You are assured of weekends off, Thanksgiving, Christmas, sping break, and of course, SUMMER!!!! I would go for it!!!

 

[JoyG]

I would probably do it. The thing I really miss about teaching is I can't go to all the field trips that I'd like to, I can't be the room mother or get to know the teachers as well as I'd like to.

But, I'm always home when my kids are home so that's important.

If anything has to suffer, I make it my job not my family. I've gotten really good at grading papers and writing lesson plans during my lunch and break. I try at all costs not to bring work home. Sometimes it means paring down lessons so they're not so intricate, but my kids will only be young once.

 

[lyeag]

Thanks everyone. I loved teaching. I taught 7th grade social studies. Even though it was middle school and I taught 5 sections of the same subject, there was a lot of research and planning trying to keep 7th graders interested. (By that age either they LOVE ss or they HATE it) I am sure I could do a good job, but I am not so sure my whole heart will be in it because I will be stressing out about everything that needs to be done at home.


I guess I am going to have to do some serious soul searching on this. Thanks again for your thoughts everyone.

 

[daisyduck123]

Haven't read all the posts but...

I'm a 1st grade teacher. DD11 is in middle school (7th grade) & I bring DS8 with me to my school (besides being the best elem. school in the county, we get to spend alot of time together).

I've been teaching 15 years. I really don't "do school" after hours that much.
I can get most papers graded at school. I do most of my planning in the mornings...I get there very early.

DS9 & I leave school each day between 3:30 & 4:00 & we have the rest of the day to do whatever we like. It really does not stress me out.

I think a lot depends on what type of school environment/situation each teacher has. My school is awesome...lots of parent support, very affluent area, awesome principal. I don't have much stress there at all.

It also helps that DS8 is at my school...I'm friends with all of his teachers...know all the kids in his class, hey, some of them were my students last year. So I don't feel like I'm missing anything in regards to him.

But....now & then, I do get way behind in the laundry at home. (I won't let DH do mine or the kids....he totally messes it up, maybe on purpose?)

I wish you luck on such a difficult decision.

 

[chop456]

I teach first grade and have a DS in kinder and a DD in 2nd grade. My DH works 3rd shift with a minimum hour commute each way. He sleeps at his dad's house since it is quieter. The kids do not see him during the week since they are in school when he is up. So, I am mom and dad during the week. I MAKE it work. It HAS to work. We have no other choice. And it does work!

I get the kids on the bus at 7am and leave for work by 7:15. They are off the bus at 2:30 and my DFIL is here to greet them. I can be home by 3:30 but usually work a bit afterschool and am home by 4pm.

I believe you can do both things successfully. Manage your time well and it can work out great. I changed careers to have a more mom-friendly job and teaching is so well geared to working mothers.

Good Luck!

 

[Rock'n Robin]

I have taught since before the kids were born. Now they are 14,11 and 7 1/2. I never considered quitting because I am the benefit person of the family--if I quit, no one gets medical attention!
It is never easy. I am kind of a speed reader so grading is easy for me. I don't plan as much as I'd like--but I've taught the same courses for a while so I can fly by the seat of my pants if need be. I often get ideas in the car.
I think what suffers is not the job or the kids, but my house! It's never as clean as I'd like it to be, and the laundry is never close to done. DH works as a sale manager and some nights doesn't get home until after 7 or later, so I do 75% of the driving around for the kids as well. I also am trying to lose this extra weight and not eat fast food--that suffers too. I'll never be June Cleaver. But I'm home over Christmas, and I'm home by 3:30, and I'm home almost all summer (I start a week before they do ).
Robin M.

 

[lyeag]

My kids will be in 9th, 3rd and kindergarten next year. They are all doing so well, I worry about them losing the one stable parent they have in the family. I guess with dh's schedule being so unpredictable, I don't want our family to turn into the type that seems to do nothing but run between activities. Does that sound strange? I also don't want my oldest to turn into the house babysitter.


I think unless a social studies job opens up, (the one subject, I just love to teach) I will stick to subbing until the kids are a little older.

I have done the teaching with kids when my husband spent a year in Korea and it almost killed me. (I was still breastfeeding and pumping at work as well.) Subbing will allow me to be home if someone gets sick or has an appointment without having to deal with a fight between dh and myself over who has more to do that day. To be honest, I think that is part of it. He will always say his job is more important, and I really feel being a teacher you NEED to be there. You have a room full of kids counting on you. DH is not the teacher type and just can't understand where I am coming from on that one. Thanks for letting me ramble on and on over this. I keeping turning it over and over in my head.

 

[golfgal]

I was going to ask what grade you taught. I am going to reenter the workforce when we move, I think. I briefly thought about going back to teaching but then I thought about all the homework and decided I couldn't do it and have the kids do the things they want to do. I couldn't properly prepare for classes, correct all that needs to be corrected each night and do all the other stuff that goes along with teaching and be there for the kids as much as I need. I was a high school social studies teacher, but rarely did I get to teach one class, usually it was 2 or 3 different classes/subjects each day. Now I want to look for a job, probably as an aide or something in the schools where I don't have homework every night.

How low is the sub pay in your area? It might be better then you think. I know the public schools in our town pay $120/day. In our new town it is $150/day. Both have a bump of about $20/day after you have subbed for so many days.

 

[Kitty 34]

I made the decision to sub and have for the last 23 years. For me, that was what worked. I got to pick and choose my days, go on Field Trips with my kids (sometimes as their teacher!! ) be 100% home with them in the evening with no lesson plans or grading papers. It was the right choice for me and my family.

But......the pay is not very good but for me and DH we made it work.

Btw, now that my youngest is 17, I do a ton of long terms which, of course, is more pay.

 

[lyeag]

I was going to ask what grade you taught. I am going to reenter the workforce when we move, I think. I briefly thought about going back to teaching but then I thought about all the homework and decided I couldn't do it and have the kids do the things they want to do. I couldn't properly prepare for classes, correct all that needs to be corrected each night and do all the other stuff that goes along with teaching and be there for the kids as much as I need. I was a high school social studies teacher, but rarely did I get to teach one class, usually it was 2 or 3 different classes/subjects each day. Now I want to look for a job, probably as an aide or something in the schools where I don't have homework every night.

How low is the sub pay in your area? It might be better then you think. I know the public schools in our town pay $120/day. In our new town it is $150/day. Both have a bump of about $20/day after you have subbed for so many days.

NO. I asked the office staff. They weren't sure if it was 42 or 45/day. Scary, I know. I live in Oklahoma, and the district where my kids attend is very small. The city we live next to is Lawton and it is a very large district. When we moved here 3 years ago I emailed the human resources office to find out what their sub pay was. It was only 50 at the time. Where I taught (Davenport, Iowa) subs were getting paid around 90 a day and that was 4 years ago! The pay chart for someone like me- 4 years teaching and only a B.S. is only around 30K/year. Obviously I wouldn't be doing it for the money!


One year I did teach 6th and 7th grade. It was really dependent on the numbers each year. I wonder if I am jaded from my last job. The morale there was AWFUL, and we had very little support from the office.

 

[Bbgrizzle]

I teach Kindergarten. I was a stay at home mom for 8 years, then I started teaching 2 years ago. My youngest had just turned 3.

If I could afford to stay home I would do it in a heartbeat. I have noticed huge differences in my family since I started teaching. Besides the guilt that I feel, my kids act up a lot more, I feel like there is a distance between us now. I have to miss a lot of things, like field trips, volunteering in their classrooms, muffins with mom, etc. I feel like I"m really missing out on their childhood. We are fixing to move to Virginia, and when we do, I am thinking about just going back to subbing.

Someone said subs only get paid $45 where they live--that's low! We get $90 /day here, and in Virginia they get $80.

 

[lyeag]

Someone said subs only get paid $45 where they live--that's low! We get $90 /day here, and in Virginia they get $80.

That would be me. If you break it down it is the same pay as a fast food job.

 

[golfgal]

NO. I asked the office staff. They weren't sure if it was 42 or 45/day. Scary, I know. I live in Oklahoma, and the district where my kids attend is very small. The city we live next to is Lawton and it is a very large district. When we moved here 3 years ago I emailed the human resources office to find out what their sub pay was. It was only 50 at the time. Where I taught (Davenport, Iowa) subs were getting paid around 90 a day and that was 4 years ago! The pay chart for someone like me- 4 years teaching and only a B.S. is only around 30K/year. Obviously I wouldn't be doing it for the money!


One year I did teach 6th and 7th grade. It was really dependent on the numbers each year. I wonder if I am jaded from my last job. The morale there was AWFUL, and we had very little support from the office.

YIKES, that is low. I made more then that 20 years ago when I was just out of college and subbed until I got my first job. In our town you wouldn't make that much as a 4 year teacher with a BS though, you would be at about $25-27K. Teachers top out here at $45K. They pay the subs well because they have a hard time getting them because there aren't that many certified teachers that aren't teaching around here. They have permanent subs in our high school now. They go to school every day and cover what ever classes are in need that day. If they need more then 2 subs (which is how many permanent subs they have) the call from the list. It seems to be working out well. If they don't need a sub for a day, very unusual, they either farm them out to the middle school or they have them help in the office.
Ok, so the sub thing is out.

 

[Boston Tea Party]

My question is-Do you feel like some area of your life is getting the short end of the stick?

Yes, I do. I try and juggle who I am shorting but it kills me inside knowing that my kids won't be young forever.