question for parents of 4 year olds--bedtimes

[LisaNJ25]

ould never get my kids in bed that early. My 4 and 5yo are usually asleep by 9.

 

[mommy2allyandaveri]

I have a 3 and 6 year old, we go upstairs to brush teeth and read stories at 7pm. They are usually quiet in their room at 7:30. Both kids get up about 6:30am.

 

[bumbershoot]

The important question is how much sleep are they getting overall?

they wake up between 6 and 7 AM.

Not enough, especially if they are acting out like it seems they are.

 

[tasha99]

It doesn't matter when they go to bed--it matters how much later they wake up. Their bed time sounds fine for a family that is trying to maximize family time due to a late work schedule, but if they get up at 6 or 7, they're not getting enough sleep. Not sure what you can do about it, though.

 

[5lilfish]

If they do not nap, then it seems odd. I have 2 1/2 yr old twins (and 3 older kids). I'm at the in-between stage of nap vs no nap. If my girls nap, even for 20 minutes, during the day then they will not fall asleep at night until after 11pm....even though I put them upstairs by 9pm. They do, however sleep in...past 9am (sometimes until 10am). That works great for my family. I would rather have the extra time in the morning than at night (because my older kids are up at night too...so it's not really free time for me). On the other hand, if they do not nap, they are falling asleep when I put them in their chairs for dinner. Once we make it through dinner (keeping them awake), they will go upstairs around 7:30 and fall asleep fairly quickly.

The twin thing also makes things more interesting. My girls will keep each other entertained for over an hour in their room. We take advantage of this right now. Even though they usually do not fall asleep (which is good since I don't want them up until midnight), we do put them upstairs for quiet time. They will play nicely in their room from 1:30-3:30pm. They also play nicely for quite a while when they wake up in the morning.

Jess

 

[SDFgirl]

My kids are 2.5 and 8 months. Their bedtime is 8 or 8:30. But, I'm a SAHM and let them sleep in. They usually sleep until 8:30am or so.

That's all going to change in a few months. I'm going back to work soon - so we're going to have to start MUCH earlier bedtimes so we can all get out the door at a decent hour.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I have a question for parents of 4 year olds concerning bedtimes.

A family that I babysit for has a 4 year old twins and they do not go into their room until 9PM. They are usually not asleep until between 10:30 and 11:00. They just have to be in their rooms with lights off at 9 but they can get out of bed and play with toys,etc.

This seems really strange to me.

Ive babysat for 4 other families with 4 year olds before and their bedtimes were between 7:30 and 8PM...that seemed more logical to me.
One of teh other families I sit for has an 8 year old and she goes to bed between 8:30 and 9PM and another family I used to sit for had a 7 and 10 year old who went to bed at 9PM and 9:15PM.

Is it only me, or does a 4 year old not being asleep before 11PM seem odd?

I dont have kids, I only have previous babysitting experience so i was just wondering from parents if bedtimes of 9PM and later are common for 4 year olds?

My kids have never gone to bed at 7:30-8pm, so no it is not strange to me. They are night owls and now they are 13 and 18 and still night owls.

At least older dd is at college now in a dorm. With younger dd, I go to bed and she sets her own bedtime. I am NOT a nightowl so I am asleep.

 

[puffkin]

My soon to be 4 year old goes to bed at 8pm. Sometimes he falls asleep immediately and other times he is playing/talking (he doesn't have toys in his room but he will talk, sing etc). I wake him at 6:45am.

We both work FT and he goes to daycare. We don't get home until at least 5:45 so an earlier bedtime is just not practical or we wouldn't see him at all. He still takes great naps on the weekends and will usually nap about an hour a day at school during the week. He does stay up much later on the weekends, but he is up by 7:30 no matter how late he goes to bed.

During the summer it is especially difficult because it is light outside until 9pm. He plays outside and always needs a bath. We have to drag him in. Plus he can hear all the neighborhood kids running around and playing at night and he wants to be out there. We are lucky to get him in bed by 9 during the summer although he still needs to be up for daycare at 6:45. He sleeps like a log during those months!

 

[AustinTink]

For most normal 4 year olds, 11 to 12 hours of sleep would be the norm. My DD at that age had a bedtime of 6:30pm and woke up at 7:00am. She is 6 and now has a bedtime of 7:15 - 7:30 pm and wakes up at 7:00 am.

I have read dozens of books on children's sleep issues and all of them consistently say the same thing: kids need an early bedtime and they need more sleep than adults.

Your description of the twins' behaviour as being too tired to sleep is bang on. They need to be put to bed BEFORE they show symptoms of tiredness.

The only time in my life I was sleep deprived was the first 4 months after my DD was born - I was beside myself with exhaustion. And cranky!!! I can't imagine what being chronically sleep deprived would do to a child who needs their sleep to grow, not just repair & replenish their bodies.

I'm glad to see I'm not the only one who thinks this. When my DS was 4 he went to bed (quite happily) at 6:30. Then he was up at 6:30. He required a full 12 hours ,as was recommended by his doctor. All the books will tell you 11-12 hours is necessary.

It was easy for us, since I was as stay-home mom and his daily schedule was very full. By dinnertime, he was so tired. I can see how work/day care schedules would make it difficult to get the kids to bed early.

BTW, my son is 11 now and still goes to bed between 7:30 and 8:30 and wakes up at 6:30. He is happy, content and excels in school. Sleep is so important... I feel like a nap right now.

 

[5lilfish]

I'm glad to see I'm not the only one who thinks this. When my DS was 4 he went to bed (quite happily) at 6:30. Then he was up at 6:30. He required a full 12 hours ,as was recommended by his doctor. All the books will tell you 11-12 hours is necessary.

It was easy for us, since I was as stay-home mom and his daily schedule was very full. By dinnertime, he was so tired. I can see how work/day care schedules would make it difficult to get the kids to bed early.

BTW, my son is 11 now and still goes to bed between 7:30 and 8:30 and wakes up at 6:30. He is happy, content and excels in school. Sleep is so important... I feel like a nap right now.

I agree about the amount of sleep....but a child can get 11-12 hrs of sleep in many different ways. Going to bed early is just one of them. A child could also go to bed later and sleep in Or go to bed later but also nap....and still get 12 hrs of sleep.

Our twin 2 1/2 yr olds have 3 older siblings (12, 11 and 10 yrs old). Half of the time (esp in the spring/summer) we aren't even home until 8:30pm. Plus, it doesn't benefit me to put the little ones down early if that means they are going to wake up early. At 8pm, I still have 3 kids up. On the other hand, it is wonderful to have the twins sleep in. I can get the older 3 off to school, do the dishes, have a cup of tea, throw in some laundry...all before the little ones wake up. Or if it was a bad night (not feeling well or something), I can crawl back in bed for an hour.

Jess

 

[PollyannaMom]

they wake up between 6 and 7 AM.

The thing is...I think these kids are over tired by the time they get into their room. Too tired to fall asleep. (if you know what I mean).

They can be absolute terrors at night beginning around 7. They are out of control, crying, throwing tantrums and miserable most nights.
They are great during the day....but they dont nap so my feeling has been that they are so tired at night that they just melt down but then by the time bedtime comes, they are so overtired that they are just not going to sleep.

It just seems that 8 hours of sleep a day for 4 year olds seems like not enough

I think you are spot on in figuring they're overtired! DS usually went to bed much earlier at that age, but I do remember dreading those times when we "missed the window" because it was so much harder to get him to sleep.

I'm sure there are kids out there who need less sleep than average (just as there are adults) but based on the behavior you're describing, I don't think that's these kids. And I do think you're correct that 11 hours is a good guess for the age.

If their parents feel as you do - next time you babysit, turn the clock ahead, so the kids think it is 9:00 at 7:00, or even a little before. See if they fall asleep better. (And of course, fix the clock after.)

If their parents want the late bedtime - try darkening the windows in their room. Maybe they're waking up early because the light is coming in? You can drape a blanket over the curtain rod.

Best of luck!

 

[mjkacmom]

I'm a SAHM, and DH gets home before 6, so our bedtimes are 8:00 for our 7 and 8 year olds (actually, dd8, almost 9, was bumped to 8:30, but then ended up rooming with dd7, so she went back to 8, although it's really more like 8:30 by the time she's actually in bed). Ds11 (almost 12) is 9, and dd13 is whenever she wants, because she's usually in bed by 9, and is old enough to know the consequences of staying up too late.

I know other working families who have later bedtimes. I don't know how they get their kids up in the morning - at 7:45, I have at least one who needs to be woken up.

 

[mjkacmom]

Without reading the other posts and as a mom of 4yr old twins I can tell you this mom is probably picking her battles. I have a 13yr old DD who was unbelievably easy. These two are a whole new ball game so the rules that applied to her can't always apply to them. Not that they are allowed to do whatever they want but there are things that I'm not willing to make myself insane over, kwim? So this may be one of those things that mom decided not to make herself crazy about. They may be taking very long naps to make up for it.

That said I put my two down between 7:30-8:00. DS is a sleeper and may play with toys for a bit but he's usually out by 9pm. DD, that child just does NOT sleep. She will play around and ask to go potty etc. until at least 10pm sometimes 11pm. Naps the same DS will go right down DD will play. I don't fight it too much because she's not a crank during the day. However she is to remain in her room until her brother wakes up.

Hope this helps and gives a little insight.

Ds7 has always needed 1 more hour of sleep than dd7. They shared a room up until this summer, and I told her she had to leave the room when she woke up, and not wake her brother (he had to endure her CIO when she was a baby, too). Fortunatey, dd8 was on the same sleep schedule as dd7, so they could play together (since mom and dad were still sleeping!).

 

[rotlex]

Average time for our daughter, when she was 4, was probably between 9 and 10. She's 7 now, and it's still the same. Our son, only 1 1/2, is also about the same.

We have never had a problem with this, and don't plan on changing it. Even if the kid is in bed by 10, on a school night, they don't need to get up until 7 anyway. That's 9+ hours depending, and that's plenty.

We have a few friends who do the 8pm thing, even in the spring and summer. (Of course, with a 4 year old, it doesn't matter as they are most likely not in school yet anyway). Regardless, I can't see how anyone can be in bed, especially a kid, at 8pm, when the sun can still be out, LOL.

 

[MomNeedsVacay]

Maybe these people haven't dropped they twins nap yet?? If these kids are taking some crazy 2 hour afternoon nap, then this bedtime makes sense...but kids should pry drop naps at this age (if they haven't already) in preparation for Kindergarten. My kids all dropped naps by age 2- 2 1/2....

 

[disfan07]

They have already dropped naps.

I know I aksed about what time your kids go to sleep but Im glad I got a lot of answers about HOW MUCH sleep your kids actually get.

The twins are 4 and they are only getting about 7 hours of sleep wihtin an entire day.

I was just curious at how much sleep kids that age usually need on average.
Im babysitting them again this weekend and if its just as bad as it was last weekend, Im very tempted to tell the parents that I am not willing to babysit at night anymore and tell them why. and if they dont want me to sit at all anymore than thats their choice.
Would it be wrong of me to tell them this?

Ive been sitting for this family for 4 months. Ive watched the kids 5 times at night. Each time, when the parents come home they ask how they were and I tell them about their behavior and their response is that they are always like that at night. I mean, I love these kids during the day but they are just out of control at night and the parents dont seem to want to change anything about it.


I have never stopped babysitting for a family becasue of a childs behavior before....in 9 years, this would be a first for me. But i just dont relaly look foward to going to their house anymore.

 

[wenrob]

I would tell them you can't babysit at night anymore but I sure wouldn't tell them why. You do and they won't have you baby sit at any time period. If you don't agree with how they do things that's fine but it's not your place to point it out. (unless it's abusive then you what you have to do) Those are their kids and most parents don't appreciate being told how to do things. They may smile and tell you'll they'll consider what you're saying but you'll never hear from them again, I guarantee it.

 

[disfan07]

I would tell them you can't babysit at night anymore but I sure wouldn't tell them why. You do and they won't have you baby sit at any time period. If you don't agree with how they do things that's fine but it's not your place to point it out. (unless it's abusive then you what you have to do) Those are their kids and most parents don't appreciate being told how to do things. They may smile and tell you'll they'll consider what you're saying but you'll never hear from them again, I guarantee it.

so if they ask why, should i just not answer that? Thats what I trying to figure out. If I tell them that I can't babysit at night and they ask why, should I lie?
I mean I can't say that in general I will not be babysitting at night because they know two of the other families I sit for and they all know when I'm babysitting for who.

 

[*pixie*dust*]

My ds is a night person. He always has been. (He is a bear in the morning regardless of how much sleep he gets!) We start the nightime routine at 8:30 and he is usually asleep by 9:30.
For a while I tried putting him down earlier but he would just be awake until 9 or 9:30 anyway. I even went so far as to have daycare not have him take a nap. It still didn't matter. Whether he gets a nap or not he is never asleep before 9, unless he is sick.

 

[wenrob]

so if they ask why, should i just not answer that? Thats what I trying to figure out. If I tell them that I can't babysit at night and they ask why, should I lie?
I mean I can't say that in general I will not be babysitting at night because they know two of the other families I sit for and they all know when I'm babysitting for who.

I would just say it's too much for you right now and that's it's nothing personal. You really don't owe them any more then that. If you try to broach the subject of their kids not getting enough sleep in the kindest way possible they're going to hear two things: 1)Your kids are little brats and 2)You suck as parents. It's not what you think of course but it's what they'll hear, kwim? Even the most open, objective parents don't want to hear they're doing something wrong. It may go down a little smoother with a close relative but not from the baby sitter even if you just have the kids best interest at heart.