Question about what to do for a Wake?

[cgcw]

I think the bagels are a wonderful idea. One of our relatives brought a basket of nice munchie type things to my FIL wake on Sunday. It was a very thoughtful gift. And, became dinner for most of us that night. If I had thought about it before now, I would have ordered bagels to have before the funeral Monday. That's a wonderful gesture.

I'm sorry for your loss.

 

[Mishetta]

FOJMO ~ I didn't mean to make you cry. Really, I'm not crying for the deceased, I know he has no more pain & he's in a far better place, I am in so much pain for his wife (my cousin) & their children.

Before Cousin's DH died, he called each one of his children into his bedroom & had a private talk with each one. We don't know everything he said to them but these are a few things he told each one of them:

1. Be good to your mother & take good care of her.

2. Be hardworking all your life & your family will respect you.

3. Don't cry or be mad that I'm leaving you now. I'm just so grateful it was ME & not your mother or one of you.

(Oh boy....get the kleenex!)

He & my cousin were very young when they married. They have grown children ~ youngest one is 20. His oldest son is married & has a small child & his wife was due with their second child tomorrow but she ended up delivering last week, so he was able to meet his 2nd granddaughter & he held her all weekend I understand. Almost seems like he hung in there until he got to see his precious new grandchild.

The bagel/breakfast idea was not mine. I asked for help on this board & I received that as a suggestion by many DISers so I'm so grateful since I didn't know what else to do besides flowers or $$. This was such a great thought & I thank those of you who suggested a food basket.

 

[Mishetta]

I just remembered something else...I do vaguely remember the manager of the bagel shop saying she would also include all sorts of paper products! Wow! I had completely blanked that out in all my grief!

I will have to remember to send that manager a thank you card since she not only trusts me to pay her when I'm "all together" but she has thought of things that I'm unable to at the moment.

 

[cgcw]

Oh, I thought of another thing. Since you are Catholic, maybe you'll like this idea.

One of the floral arrangements my FIL received was a huge continuous circle of red roses - FIL was a florist at one time and there must have been 12 dozen roses in it. My aunt told me that the roses could be made into a rosary and I am going to have one made for my MIL. The brochure the funeral home gave me is for the House of Rose Rosaries and Jewelry. They are located out of Rockford, IL, and their toll free # is 1-888-249-5095. Maybe this is something your cousin or her family might appreciate.

 

[Mishetta]

cgcw ~ that is such a beautiful sentiment. How do they do it though? They dry the roses & use them? I will have to call that number you forwarded.

Thank you.

 

[Kallison]

Could you pay for a cleaning service when all the hub bub has ceased. I think when everyone leaves and everything quiets down it is the hardest and I'm sure she won't feel like cleaning.

 

[cgcw]

Originally posted by Mishetta
cgcw ~ that is such a beautiful sentiment. How do they do it though? They dry the roses & use them? I will have to call that number you forwarded.

I'm not exactly sure what the process is. I asked whether it made a difference whether we used the red roses or should we select the colored roses from other arrangements. The funeral home said that it didn't matter....they all turned out black. My aunt told me the rosary she had made after my uncle passed away still smells like roses -- five years later. The funeral home has to save the roses and put them in the refrigerator. If your at all interested, I would talk to the funeral director and see if maybe they have a recommendation in your area as to who can do these. They are also done by the Carmilite's.

 

[Mishetta]

OMG, we just got back from the funeral home.....there were hundreds of people there. I can't even imagine what the day of the funeral will be like. The smell of the flowers was making me ill. The amount of tears in the room.....could have equaled another Lake here in Michigan. There was a line to get to the family & the deceased, even when we were leaving at 9pm! I've never seen such a thing.

I'm glad I didn't do flowers though. There were SO many that they were all so squashed together since it didn't look like they'd all fit in the room.

Again, thank you for the suggestion of the food baskets, etc...my flowers would not have been noticed anyway.

 

[RUDisney]

Looks like I'll be taking the advice that I gave you this weekend. My BIL's father died and is being waked on Sunday and buried on Monday. The priest and he argued that he would make it into Lent, but sister's FIL disagreed... he was right.

My heart breaks for you and your family. It is so hard to lose someone so young. You just get married assuming that you'll grow old together. I'm sure your cousin will find strength within herself that she never believed was there, but that doesn't make things easier.

I feel very bad for BIL's mother. Instead of being able to grieve, herself, she has two children in their 30s who are mentally 4 and 14. They are taking this very hard. She is trying to be strong for them, but that can't be easy for her. At least she has most of her children living locally, so they can help her with these two children, even if it means taking them for an overnight "sleepover" or for awhile during the day so she can have some time alone with her thoughts.

OK, I'll stop being morose. We'll be doing the bagel basket, and also sending a donation to his church. He has given gobs of money over the years to it, so I'm sure the family will appreciate the gesture.

 

[cgcw]

Originally posted by RUDisney
I feel very bad for BIL's mother. Instead of being able to grieve, herself, she has two children in their 30s who are mentally 4 and 14. They are taking this very hard. She is trying to be strong for them, but that can't be easy for her. At least she has most of her children living locally, so they can help her with these two children, even if it means taking them for an overnight "sleepover" or for awhile during the day so she can have some time alone with her thoughts.

This can be the worst.....my BIL has down syndrome and although he was in the room when my FIL passed away, he still didn't understand. We thought he did because he talked about Dad dying and all. But, the heart breaker was when we got to the wake and he looked at me, tears in his eyes, and said "I don't think Dad's going to make it". He didn't understand. It makes me cry because it's not his fault he can't understand. Even though he's been through the process, it's going to be tough on him. It's going to be very difficult for us to re-explain everything to him over and over again. My heart goes out to your BIL's mother and his family.

 

[Mishetta]

I'm so sorry for your family's loss RUDisney. It would truly be hard if someone didn't understand. My sympathies to you & your BIL's family.

My cousin called me this morning after receiving the Bagels/Muffins/Cream Cheese delivery to thank me. She was overwhelmed with the amount & presentation & thought. It was even delivered the time I expressed would be the best for the family, even though this bagel shop had an enormous amount of deliveries this morning. The manager personnally made the delivery herself since she knew her driver would not be able to get it there early enough.

The manager of the bagel shop (Elaine's Bagels in Clinton Twp, MI) arranged whatever amount she could on each of the 2 trays I ordered & even though at the time I placed the order, she didn't know what would fit (& look presentable), she told me she would get back to me after the delivery was made to let me know what I owed her. In light of my grief & not knowing exactly how things would turn out, I am so grateful there is still some trust left between strangers that she let me leave without paying until we knew exactly what would be delivered. She just called me to let me know what the total price was & I'm on my way to go pay her (& tip her ~ if she will accept a tip.)

Again, thank you DIS family for all your wonderful suggestions. I was overwhelmed with all these wonderful ideas you gave me. I think in this case, I made the best choice out of all the great ideas. You people are so wonderful. Plz send PD to help us get through this weekend. (Funeral is tomorrow.)