Question about parenting.

[Tink888]

I think people mean well but it may come off as wrong. Maybe your friend just wanted to help. I know it is annoying but sometimes things just come out. It's like when my sister has a headache and I ask her if she tok a tylenol for it. Well duh! It's not like she is an idiot and never had a headache before. It is just a reaction.

As for parents of onlies- No- I do not think that you are terrible parents without a clue. I do however believe that you don't know what it is like to have many children since you don't have many children. Having a sibling is not the same thing. It is not meant to be an insult. It's like me trying to give parenting advice about teens. My kids aren't teens yet so how could I possibly know what they are really like? KWIM?

I agree with the bolded part. Just from my experience going from one child to two, it was a huge change. I don't think a parent with an only child is any less of a parent than someone with six kids but I do think it's a different experience and a different dynamic.

 

[Indiana Rose Lee]

My DD was an excellent baby. We traveled to England at 8 mo and had no problem with her. At 18 months we came home for a visit and some people sitting in front of us didn't know she was there until we went to get off the plane. I had lots of compliments on her behavior when she was growing up so I know I did something right with her.

Lol, one perfect baby is probably the reason people with more think they know more. They do. Nothing personal, but the more you have dealt with, the more tactics you know for dealing with problems. It is like the couple that wrote the potty training book after their first. They thought they knew it all. Lol, then they had their second who did not respond in the same way.

That said, no one has the right to be rude about it. Nor, though, should moms take out tired kids and let them fuss and disturb others.

 

[minkydog]

I think people mean well but it may come off as wrong. Maybe your friend just wanted to help. I know it is annoying but sometimes things just come out. It's like when my sister has a headache and I ask her if she tok a tylenol for it. Well duh! It's not like she is an idiot and never had a headache before. It is just a reaction.

As for parents of onlies- No- I do not think that you are terrible parents without a clue. I do however believe that you don't know what it is like to have many children since you don't have many children. Having a sibling is not the same thing. It is not meant to be an insult. It's like me trying to give parenting advice about teens. My kids aren't teens yet so how could I possibly know what they are really like? KWIM?

Exactly. Parenting one kid was a piece of cake. Parenting 3 is more than 3 times the work, worry, and stress. My sister used to give me all kinds of unwanted parenting advice. Her claim to fame was she was a music teacher and saw 150 kids a week, for 30 minutes each. So that made her an expert, ya know. I just considered the source. Then she had a baby. One day she called me and begged forgiveness for being an idiot.

 

[minkydog]

Lol, one perfect baby is probably the reason people with more think they know more. They do. Nothing personal, but the more you have dealt with, the more tactics you know for dealing with problems. It is like the couple that wrote the potty training book after their first. They thought they knew it all. Lol, then they had their second who did not respond in the same way.

If I had had DD17 first I would have thought I had it going on~ She slept at night, nursed for 10 minutes every 3-4 hours, walked early, talked early, potty trained easily. But, noooo, I had to have DS23 first. He competely disabused me of any thought of bragging. We used to call him Attila the Hun. All he did was cry the first 2 years. I had NO illusions about winning Mother of the Year.

 

[Maridw]

I will admit that I did have some trying times with my DD. She would get constipated when she was a toddler, but we got through those things. But when we were out somewhere, we never seemed to have any trouble.

DD is an only because I was like my mother and had trouble getting pregnant. Unlike my sister who got pregnant at the drop of a hat - has 4 kids, ages 28 down to 22. Then my DH & I got divorced. I remarried a couple years later. New DH & I decided not to have any more kids.

I think part of the problem was that it was a very stressful time just after DGD was born. I help out at the dance school I go to. We were getting ready for our dance recital, trying to get costumes in, pictures done & the program done. But some of the problems came down to how my friend was handling things and that put some extra stress on me because I was doing the program. Pictures were on the 1st & 2nd, I had to have the program to the printer on the 3rd to be ready for the recital on the 5th. Sometimes telling her about deadlines is like talking to a brick wall.

I guess I am tired of the "Do as I say, Not as I do" policy she has been basically pulling.

 

[Robinrs]

People, well-meaning and not, will second guess you as a mother, I can guarantee it. The only way to deal with it is to be confident in your decisions. At the same time, you have to not be afraid to ask for advice from people whose parenting skills you admire.

I totally agree with this.

I had MANY Moms to get advice about when I had mine FINALLY at age 36. I only asked and listened to those who had proven their skills. In other words, I never listened to a THING my sisters said!!!

 

[Disneyrsh]

ok

 

[sunnyday123]

ugh...people are so inconsiderate sometimes. It's as if they speak before they think.
I am a parent to an only, she's 9. I was told several times by people who have more than one child "oh, you don't really understand" and I actually had someone say I wasn't really a parent because I only had one child to deal with. Well heck, I have an older brother so I know what it was like with the two of us.
Maybe it's because you are a new grandma? Not that it makes it better, but when I was a new parent I had people constantly telling me how to parent correctly. I made darn sure I wasn't like that with my friends when they became parents

I have people tell me that too. "You don't understand, you only have one." Didn't realize I had to have two before it counted.

My usual response is, "Well, I got it right the first time around, I didn't need to try again."