Question about friendship...and a secret phone call

[Disneylover79]

So one of my best friend's mother messages me through facebook and says that my friend is going through a lot right now and she wants me to call her, without my friend knowing, so she can fill me in on what is going on..so I do admit I haven't called my friend everyday but what would be going on that my friend would not tell me about...even though her mom says she is going to tell me soon..my friend knows that I am here for her but is the kind of person that doesn't want to bother anyone....so here is my question and if you answer please tell me why you decided to give that answer...

Should I not tell my friend and just call her mom to see what is going on?

Should I tell my friend after I call her mom?

Should I tell my friend that her mom is trying to contact me about stuff that is going on and she what she says?

Please help TIA

 

[dakcp2001]

Call her mom. SOunds like she is concerned and it prob took a lot for her to reach out to you. Maybe you can help your friend? I have a pretty good relationship with my best friends mom, so I would call her.

 

[iwrbnd]

I would just call your friend to say hi and hope she opens up.

 

[disykat]

Unless you have reason to believe the mom is "off," I would call the mom and let her have her say. You can base your actions on what is said.

It could be as simple as she thinks she's been stressed out and wants to surprise her with something. If she starts in on something you think is invading your friend's privacy, you can stop her and tell her you're not comfortable talking about your friend without her knowledge/permission.

 

[SandrA9810]

i would call. But ask for a brief explanation. Like is this a good or bad thing (surprise trip maybe her mom wants to plan to help relieve stress), are there other people involved (relationship issues), and is this a life and death situation (got dianosed with cancer or something)....

I would stay out of relationship issues until your friend brings it up. Unless there's abuse or something to warrent outside help.
Surprise trip or something, i would want to know all about it. Maybe she wants your help in making it happen.
Life or death situation... I'd probably want to know, but i'd wait till the friend said something rather than saying you already knew from her mom.
Financial troubles, house getting forclosed on or job loss, i'd stay out of.


I'd say start the conversation off with, on a scale from 1 to 10, how bad is it that i need to know?
Then ask for a vauge overview, and if it seems you need to know, let her spill the beans.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Hmmmm that is a tough one. I do not like playing games so not sure what I would do.

If the mom was contacting you via Facebook, why wouldn't she tell you right there and then what the issue is? I take umbrage with her delivery. It seems like she is instigating, even though she may not be.

I would probably let it chill a few days and see what happens. Then I would call your friend and see what she says.

I would not get involved with the mother any further unless I was given a good reason to from her.

 

[ncmickeyluvr]

I would message the Mother back and say that I was uncomfortable discussing my Friend behind her back. If it were me, I would not like my Mother contacting my friends and speaking about me without my knowledge.

I would then call my Friend. Maybe suggest we meet for lunch. I wouldn't mention that her Mother had contacted me.

 

[Rora]

First, I would call my friend. Talk casually, see if she mentions anything. If she doesn't, I'd call her mom, find out what's going on, and then determine if it's necessary to bring up with your friend. Maybe the mom is just overreacting, or maybe there is something happening. Regardless, if you do talk to your friend AFTER I'd tell her the truth right off the bat, saying something like "Your mom contacted me and asked me to call her. She was concerned about you which worried me. I don't like talking behind anyone's back, especially yours, but since she seemed rather upset, I thought it'd be best to hear what she had to say".. or something along those lines.

I'm sure her mother is just genuinely concerned. Although I'm not sure if this is the best way for the mom to handle the situation, perhaps she's at her wits end about what to do about her daughter's situation.

This is a sticky situation.. good luck OP!