Question about 9-11 and young kids

[HelenePA]

Tomorrow the kids are supposed to wear red white or blue to school for 9-11. my son who is 4 really doesn't know anything about it. Do I show him a video? Do I just explain it to him? It didn't even dawn on me to do this. I have dad out picking up 3 flag pins if he can find them.

 

[a1tinkfans]

I would think that the school is likely preparing "something" if they asked the kids to participate in wearing patriotic colors. meanwhile 4 is so young that maybe just something about how much we love our country will suffice???

 

[teacups]

Well I dont know about a video, that may be too graphic for him. How would you explain Pearl Harbor to a 4 year old? Just very basic details, and focus on the fact that we remember and pay tribute to those people on 9/11. You dont want to scare him, but he is old enough to hear a VERY watered down explanation... like America lost a lot of people of 9/11 and we want to honor them, so we wear our country colors.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Here is what I would do....send him to school in the red, white and blue and see if he comes home with any questions. More like let him ask and you answer kind of thing. Four is pretty young to go into great detail. Make it more positive as PP said, more of a remembering people thing.

It is amazing to me that he was not born when it happened. Wow that is an eye opener.

 

[HelenePA]

Here is what I would do....send him to school in the red, white and blue and see if he comes home with any questions. More like let him ask and you answer kind of thing. Four is pretty young to go into great detail. Make it more positive as PP said, more of a remembering people thing.

It is amazing to me that he was not born when it happened. Wow that is an eye opener.

Actually only one of my kids were born and she was very young, not even a year old! I honestly dont even know how much my girls know about it. I think its one of those things I'll answer questions about but wont sit down and give details to unless they ask?

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Actually only one of my kids were born and she was very young, not even a year old! I honestly dont even know how much my girls know about it. I think its one of those things I'll answer questions about but wont sit down and give details to unless they ask?

I would just keep it simple and age appropriate according to what you think they could understand or want to understand.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I would not show the 4yo anything. Isn't the name of the day something like Patriot Day or something? Likely they are just doing patriotic things (maybe similar to 4th of July).

My oldest was the only one alive and she was only 14 months old at the time. I saved newspapers and recorded footage for later use. She is 9, I have yet to show her.

I tought a 3rd grade religious ed class last year at our church. We use these workbooks and weekly they have these stories. The "cheese" factor is pretty high as they were kind of hokey. One week, I was shocked that they suddenly had a relevant story. It was about someone who died on 9/11. It was so--disjointed from the rest of the stuff that I opted to not share it. I didn't know how much any of the kids knew and I used my best judgement to not to read the story since it had some specific information about the planes hitting the buildings and what not.

Here's a link of sample Patriot DAy activities. Several do not actually mention the specifics of 9/11/01.

http://www.fundraiseralley.com/teachers/patriotday.html

 

[Rora]

I agree with the others.. don't show him anything but tell him that 9/11 is a day when we honor great Americans. Even if the school has prepared some form of a 9/11 explination, at 4, I doubt he'll really realize what's happening.

 

[disney1990]

Interesting. I saw a couple of the children of those that died in the 9/11 attacks. They said that they wished that a big deal was NOT made every year on the anniversary.

I know it's sad that some many people died, and that people what to remember so that it is never repeated.

However, imagine what it is like to me a child that has to go through all of this year after year after year. They can't just remember privately; they have to live it all over again in newspapers and on television.

Now back to your question. I would dress him in Red, White and Blue and not say anything. He is only 4 and too young to understand at all.

 

[Sleepy]

No need to show children the horrible details of 9/11. It would only frighten them to never want to be in a building or fly in an airplane. My son was 9 when it happened and I showed him nothing. Visuals can be a powerful thing for the mind of a child.

When they are older, they will get age appropriate lessons. By then, it will be no different than many of our parents who learned about Pearl Harbor in school. Like all events, 9/11 will become just a page in the history book and a moment of silence on the anniversary.

 

[emma'smom]

I tell my daughters that something terrible happened in New York City (where they were born) and that many people died...that is was incredibly scary and sad for all of us and that it is important that we remember what happened, not only for those families directly affected, but as a reminder that lots of things happen that we don't anticipate and that means we need to make sure we love each other and are kind to each other everyday.

P.S. I don't go into "because it could be your last"....it's not about scaring her, but "you never know" was my biggest lesson-learned from 9/11 and the overall outcome of that message is that we should appreciate each other more (a message that isn't so scary, but important).

P.S. We found out we were expecting dd7 right around 9/11. She was proof for us that life would go on and that there was still a future to work for.

 

[redrosesix]

My DD was 2 1/2 when her uncle went to Bosnia with the UN Peacekeeping Forces, so she has always known about war, etc. She also knows people who will be going to Afghanistan, and 9/11 is a big part of that. I think that helping kids understand issues like this in a way that incorporates your families values is very important, and it needs to be done in an age appropriate way. If it were my child, I would dress them in the colours so they would be part of the day, but be prepared for questions like: Am I safe? Will it happen again? What happened to the people who died? Did kids die?

Just like most issues, kids don't need to know everything but it's also important to prepare them for the fact that bad things do happen to good people. Insulating them completely leaves them open to a huge shock when they finally find out that the world is bigger than their own backyard. But it's also a chance to reinforce things like the fact that you will always do everything in your power to protect them -- which at the age of 4, includes protecting them from the monsters under the bed.

 

[swald91]

I think telling young children is a very difficult thing-too many details, not enough....I do think that children should be told about it-it was a horrific act of terror, we lost so many people & could have lost many more. I also remember that you couldn't get a flag for months! We brought patriotism back & so powerful. People weren't complaining about praying-etc. Anyway I think only you as the parent can tell your child how much detail they can handle-but I do believe all children should know...very sad...

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

Interesting. I saw a couple of the children of those that died in the 9/11 attacks. They said that they wished that a big deal was NOT made every year on the anniversary...

I personally know about 40 children of friends that died on 9/11. Most participate in memorial services. I have never asked any of them how they feel about the ceremonies. I will do so today.

I remember their parents, and we talk about them a great deal this time of year. It helps us all...

 

[golfgal]

OP-to your child 9/11 will seem as "real" as WWII or Vietnam, it is something that happened "a long time ago" and isn't something they lived through. I would just say it is a day that remember some people that died. It isn't any different to him then Memorial Day.

 

[Deb in IA]

Interesting. I saw a couple of the children of those that died in the 9/11 attacks. They said that they wished that a big deal was NOT made every year on the anniversary.

I can understand their feelings. I cannot imagine a bigger heartache than to be reminded every year of the most devastating loss of their lives.

I hope and pray that with time, hope and healing come to these youngest and most innocent victims of that most horrible day.

 

[disney1990]

I personally know about 40 children of friends that died on 9/11. Most participate in memorial services. I have never asked any of them how they feel about the ceremonies. I will do so today.

I remember their parents, and we talk about them a great deal this time of year. It helps us all...

Yes, I will be interested to hear how these children feel.

I know one of the places that I saw this was a 60 minute special. Here's a link to the story and what one of the children said. Below this link is a link to a second story that mentions the same thing.

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2006...89753_page2.shtml?tag=contentMain;contentBody

The kids in Costa Rica told 60 Minutes some of the worst memories don’t fade because the media won’t let them. Pelley got an earful about showing those pictures of 9/11 over and over again.

"Even when you’re just sitting down like eating dinner and watching TV, you’ll just have a nice conversation and then all the sudden you’ll see like pictures of 9/11. You can’t escape it. It’s just like everywhere you go its always like you’re always reminded of it somehow even in the littlest thing," explains Amy Gardner.

"They’re showing my dad’s death and everyone else here. It’s just really offensive. Every time I see it, it brings up so much and it actually really hurts," says Erik Abrahamson.


http://www.nytimes.com/2004/09/11/nyregion/11kids.html

But all of the children of Sept. 11 are bound by at least one thing: the burden of mourning a private loss that is, at least for this country, historic in stature. Many of the children watched the attacks on television. Year after year, they are confronted with an ambush of reminders - at the movies, in classroom banter, on a poster at the supermarket. To the children, these are not the well-worn images of towers falling and planes crashing, but the deeply intimate, devastating scenes of a parent's death.

"It was seeing my dad die over and over and over again," said Sarah Van Auken, 15, whose father, Kenneth Van Auken, worked at Cantor Fitzgerald.

 

[HelenePA]

Thank you for all who answered. I dressed them all in red white and blue (well as much as possible my dd who is 7 has nothing that is plain so she wore something with a peace sign on it) I was asked no questions besides mom do you have our red white and blue clothes ready... mom did.. and off they went. Now I wonder what happened in school. Guess I'll find out in about 5 hours.

 

[KAMKIM]

at age 4? No I haven't even mentioned it to my 5 year old. She knows its Patriot Day and that to her is no different than the 4th of July...another day to celebrate American and being proud to be an American.

I frequently remind my girls how lucky they are (especially as females) to be living in a country that we can go to school, not hide our faces, or be taught to obey all men. I remind them of the men and women whose families are missing them terribly right now that are fighting for our freedom and to make sure our country stays as great as it is.

My oldest DD8 was just a newborn on 9/11 - I will never forget that day, she will never remember it. It will be no different than Pearl Harbor is to me, or even any war before the Gulf war really. It's history to them....

I have all my newspapers saved from the day after, and I hope one day to go through those with them and let them know what that day was like for me and every other American that could do nothing but sit infront of their TV for days and days....but in all honesty I'm glad they wont remember it. I dont want them to be thinking about how evil the world can be at such a young age.

 

[elizke]

DS was in kindergarten when it happened, and I did not tell him anything. He had fear and anxiety issues already, and I really didn't want to plant a seed of fear of flying or high buildings. I wanted him to have a childhood like I did, thinking the world was a small, good, safe place. In fact later that week the music teacher mentioned it to the class and DH called the principal and asked that parents be allowed to make the choice on what and when our young kids were told.

We spend most of our lives knowing every horrible thing that happens everywhere now, with 24 hour news. I think we should let them be kids as long as we can.

Over the years I'd answer in very simple terms when questions came up. He never really asked much about it until this year. They are learning about it in 7th grade, and he is obviously ready to know now.