Putting dog to sleep, help with DD (6)?

[tmarquez]

Sorry for the OT, but this is the only "family" board I know of.

My mom lives with us and has a german shepard who has cancer. Unfortunately, it is time to put her to sleep. My DD is 6 and loves the dogs like family members.

DD knows the dog is sick and will not get better. I'm not sure what to tell her. I don't want to lie to her, but I don't want her to think we took the dog to the vet so they could kill it. I mean, really, that is what happens.

My plan is to have DH take DD somewhere for a couple of hours, leaving the house before my mom and I take the dog to the vet. Then by the time they get home, the deed will be done and I can just explain that Kasey got sicker, we took her to the vet but it was too late and she died.

What do you guys think? Any advice or experiences? Also school starts on Monday (new teacher & new friends) so that's additional stress for her.

Thanks for any input.

 

[rotlex]

This is always rough of course. We had to put our 15 year old Lab down last year. Our DD loved that dog more than anything. (She was just about 6 at the time).

We had been prepping her for months as the dog was having major issues, surgery etc. My wife and I finally decided it was time, and we decided, after a LOT of discussion, to take our daughter with us to the vet.

We explained to her that Maverick, dog's name, was most likely not going to be returning home with us, and that is illness was not getting better. We told her the doctor was going to possibly take his pain away, by making him go to sleep, and to be with our other dog, a female we had to put down a few years before that my daughter was too young to remember.

She seemed OK with this, and when we finally got to the vet, I went into the room with the doc and the dog while they did the procedure. We brought our daughter in afterwards, and explained to her that he has gone to rest, and be with Lex. (The other dog). She sat with him while he lie sleeping for maybe 30 minutes, and said she was ready to go. She still talks about him as if he is still alive, but knows he is gone. We chose to take her as we thought it would be a good closure for the situation.

I won't lie, it was NOT easy, and I still don't know if it was the best way to do it, but she seemd OK afterwards, and other than wanting another dog very badly, seems OK today as well. We are against another dog at this point, as with two kids, we just don't have the time we feel you need to give to a pet.


Good luck to you in your decision, it's not an easy thing for adults, let alone young children.

 

[mom2travel]

Sorry for the OT, but this is the only "family" board I know of.

My mom lives with us and has a german shepard who has cancer. Unfortunately, it is time to put her to sleep. My DD is 6 and loves the dogs like family members.

DD knows the dog is sick and will not get better. I'm not sure what to tell her. I don't want to lie to her, but I don't want her to think we took the dog to the vet so they could kill it. I mean, really, that is what happens.

My plan is to have DH take DD somewhere for a couple of hours, leaving the house before my mom and I take the dog to the vet. Then by the time they get home, the deed will be done and I can just explain that Kasey got sicker, we took her to the vet but it was too late and she died.

What do you guys think? Any advice or experiences? Also school starts on Monday (new teacher & new friends) so that's additional stress for her.

Thanks for any input.

First, sorry you are going through this

We had to put our dog to sleep a few months ago because her cancer became too much for her. Our kids are a bit older and took it very hard, but they also understood that she was very sick. They could see she was tired and not enjoying life like she always did. DD(9) asked for another week, but we told her it wasn't fair to our dear dog, that she was suffering. We find for us honesty is best - shows the kids you are treating them as equal family members, not hiding things from them. Now sometimes you need to temper the words to suit their ages. But we would never have taken away their opportunity to say goodbye.

Maybe you can remind her in the days leading up that the dog has been very sick and is getting tired. Then before she goes out with her dad, let her know that the dog needs to visit the vet and because so sick, may not be able to come home again. This will give her a chance to say her goodbyes and prevent a shock to her when she returns home to find out the dog died.

With our dog and elderly relatives we have taken an open tact - providing age-appropriate information and letting them know they can come to us if they have questions or would just like to talk. Six is a tough age - too big to not "get it", but too small to process everything. You know your daughter best - tell her what she needs to know and give her the hugs she needs to grieve. And if you don't have some, you might want to take some photos of the dog (w/ or w/o your daughter) so she has them to remember. Good luck

 

[Hannathy]

I don't think you should lie to your child (you state you don't want to and then plan on telling a big one). Kids are smart she WILL find out. Don't deny her the opportunity to say good bye and have some closure. If she doesn't that will be an additional grief to deal with, when she is crying because she didn't get to give her one last pat or scratch. I would tell her about putting an animal to sleep, why we do it, how it is done and give her some control. Does she want to be there? or does she want to be home and give the dog her last yummy treat and a hug (if possible) or at least say bye. Then if you want your husband to take her somewhere ok but don't lie. Learning about death and difficult decisions is an important part of growing up.

She is going to be upset and sad no matter what you do, concentrate on what you can do with her after to help her grieve not how to keep it from her. Maybe buy 2 special frames for a picture of the dog and let her keep one and give Grandma the other. There is a great book about dogs in heaven you could give her. I'll try to remember the name and post but it is extremely cute about all the joy they find in heaven.

I'm sorry you have to go thru this, it is never easy no matter if you are 6 or 76.

 

[Hannathy]

I found the book it is called Dog Heaven by Cynthia Rylant and is great. One snippet from the book is "when dogs go to heaven they don't need wings, because God knows that dogs love running best. He gives them fields and fields and fields"

It is very comforting and light and warm all at the same time.

 

[VBAndrea]

I'm very sorry your Mom's dog is sick. It's so sad that our pets can't live as long as us.

I wouldn't lie to your dd. I think it's best to tell her you are taking the dog to the vet because she is now so sick and in so much pain and that the vet will give her some medicine to make her go to sleep forever. Let your dd know that with the medicine the dog will be peaceful and comfortable, but will never come to back to life. You might tell her it's a way for the dog to pass on (or even use the word "die" if that would be understandable for her) without suffering anymore.

You may also want to let her know that vets do this all the time with very sick animals that will never get better. Make it more of a standard that this is what is done with most all terminally ill animals.

No matter what it will be hard to deal with, but I think if you prepare dd as much as possible she will respect you for it and in the long run it will make things easier.

 

[StitchFanZ]

Give her a chance to say goodbye. She knows the dog is sick. Can you let her know that the vet thinks she doesn't have much time left but you are going to take her to the vet to see if they can do anything to help? It would give her a chance to draw the dog a picture and give them a special hug. Let her do something special for the dog that she can remember and talk about.

Some ideas for when she comes back:
- A few pictures that your DD can have and carry around
- Put a picture in a nice frame to put on her wall with a locket of hair or the dog's collar.
- A simple note with thoughts from the dog. i.e. I love you and will miss you.
- Take a locket of hair and go to Build a Bear and see if they will put the locket in with the heart. You might want to call first to make sure it will be OK.
- A christmas ornament with the dog's picture in it.

I'd let her new teacher know so she can be sensitive to your daughter's loss.

Prayers and thoughts are with you.

 

[PixiePlanner]

When I was 8, my parents took my dog to the vet to be "put to sleep" while I was at school. They didn't tell us in advance. We didn't get to say goodbye. I still remember and it has been 35 years. I know that it was extremely difficult for everyone but I think I would have been better off having said my goodbyes. I can't speak for my siblings.

It didn't help that our cat got hit by a car that night. It was Friday the 13th.

 

[momofrrr]

I would be honest with her. Tell her that the vet has a medicine that will put the dog to sleep peacefully. It does not hurt them and then they don't hurt anymore. I have always told my kids that it would be selfish to make our dogs suffer just so that we don't have to say goodby. They are a huge part of our family. It is not fun and it is not fair to have to go thruough this but sadly this is part of life, we can't live without dieing. I am so sorry. We had to have our Aussie put down the Monday before Christmas, she was 16 years old. Christmas morning was just not the same with out her sitting on the floor with the kids but on Father's day we got a new Aussie. She has certainly filled the void. Good Luck.

 

[frtchr]

I have no experience with this, but I have heard it's questionable to tell kids that animals have gone to sleep because the kids might be afraid if they go to sleep, they won't wake up, either. I don't know how much 6 year olds understand, though.

Good luck. I'm sorry this is happening.

 

[tlh0726]

You need to tell her and let her have the opportunities to say goodbye.

I agree with some of the previous posts
DO NOT use the words medicine or sleep. Having her associate these two things to death is the last thing you need.

Are you burying the dog or have it cremated? Our 12 yr old boxer/lab was cremated. Her ashes are in my son's bedroom. I think having that box of ashes really helped him deal with losing her.

Good luck.
Having to have your pet put down is one of the hardest thing I have ever done.

 

[nonzerosum]

I am so sorry about your situation, and am familiar with it as we are struggling with the same with our 6 year old DD and almost 14 year old dog. We have been very open with her about the impending end, but I have never talked with her about having her "put to sleep". I just haven't come up with the right phrasing so as not to scare her. She is the kind of child who would really become freaked about sleep being equated with death. If anyone has any suggestions about how to word this, I'm sure many of us would really appreciate it. Also, does anyone have any suggestions on how to explain creamation to a 6 year old. We plan to save the ashes in a special box, but I don't know how to explain this either. My daughter likes lots of details, but it's often not age appropriate.

 

[ckdsnynt]

My vote is for honesty. It is not the easiest way but then, nothing about losing a pet is easy. They become family memebers and it is like losing a piexe of your soul. It is the same way for your child. I remeber every one of my many pets from child hold and how I lost them. My parents lack of honesty (I eventually found out) made it worse.

Why can't they live as long as we do? My prayers are with you.

 

[WDWorBUST]

I think you should be honest with her too....but I agree that you shouldn't use the term "sleep" because it can cause fear about other people, herself, etc going to "sleep" and not waking up. I'm not sure how you do that though.....we were fortunate that we didn't have to make that decision since our 13 year old dog died naturally. I was extremely grateful that she didn't suffer, yet I didn't have to make that decision. Good luck. Our DD will still every so often comment that she misses Kikki.

 

[Princess Steph]

I am so sorry for your loss. We put our dog to sleep 3 weeks ago and it was the hardest thing I have ever been through. We have 2 boys, 7 + 3. We told them that the vet was going to send "Grampi" to heaven so he would not be in pain anymore. I did not want to tell them "put to sleep" for fear they would be afraid to go to sleep themsleves. We let them say goodbye and feed him special snacks. We took pictures with the dog. The next day we made a stepping stone (from a kit at the craft store) together. The kids signed their names and helped decorate it. We placed it in the garden and can go visit Grampi when we miss him. It was very therapeutic to have a project to work on. Also, someone recommended a childs book that deals with the loss of a pet. I wish you the best and hope your DD is OK.

 

[JerseyMamaBear]

i am so sorry for what you are going through. I agree with other posters, to allow your daughter to say good bye.

 

[pl71]

I’m so sorry about your family’s dog. How sad.

I just went through the same situation. We had to have our cat put to sleep and I had to break the news to my sons, ages 6 and 4. I sat them down and said “We need to talk about Bailey. You know she’s been very sick and the vet says she won’t get any better. She can’t eat and that isn’t a good life for a cat. Your daddy is going to take her to the vet this morning and the vet will give her medicine that will make her die.”

The 4 year didn’t care at all. The 6 year old started sobbing, “why?” I gave him a hug, we both cryed. I told him that pets just don’t live as long as people and they don’t understand why they have to take medicine they don’t like to try to make them better. She isn’t a happy cat. He asked if we were going to get a new cat. I told him maybe, but not right away, we need time to be sad first. I told him it was okay to be sad, and that he had some time to pet Bailey for a few hours and maybe we could take some pictures of them together.

The ideas of pictures cheered him up, and he ran over to hug her and pose for a few photos. After that, he seemed completely fine, no longer even acting sad.

Just be honest. I’ve always been open about death, he knows that everyone will die. It’s not easy, but telling my kids wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be.

 

[minnie2]

So sorry you family has to go through this!
When my DD was 6 and DS was 4our cat had cancer so he had to be put down. They knew he was sick and when DH came home from the vet with out him we where honest and just said he was sick and it was his time to go to heaven. DS asked if he could have a new pet chicken! DD freak and cried herself to sleep for a few nights and had some crying boughts in school if they read books about cats etc. The teachers would always comfort her and I would too when she got home.

Then last yr our Rhodesian Ridgeback got really sick and DD was now 8 and DS was 5. He was pretty bad off we tried to save him he was in the vet icu for 2 days and he would only eat or drink when we visited. So they sent him home but he got rapidly worse. It was the hardest thing we ever had to do is say good bye to him. Once again we where honest with the kids and said Rocky is now with Polo again. During his illness we where honest telling the kids he was very sick. They asked if he was going to die and I said I don't know but I hope not. Though he was 10 and a large dog so we have been kind of preparing the kids for a little bit even before he got sick saying big dogs don't always live to be that old. Once again they both cried alot and often say they miss Rocky and we talk about him all the time.

Even our other dog we ahd at the time was upset for a few days and if we mentioned his name she would look for her brother.

In the end IMO it is best to be honest and show the kids you are sad too and it is ok and part of life. Not a fun part of life but still...

 

[JackJack08]

So sorry. I agree give her a chance to say goodbye.
Also....we have lost many pets over the years....google THE RAINBOW BRIDGE. This put this my kids at ease and we speak about our lost pets often, waiting for us at the rainbow bridge.
Good luck.......

 

[dismiss]

Sorry for all of you facing these situations.

It is scary for a child to hear "put to sleep"

You might say something like The Vet will give a drug or injection to help the dog on his way to heaven, where he will meet ____ Other deceased pets or relatives.

It is never easy. Of the seven pets we have had; only one went naturally, all the others had to be euthanized due to suffering illnesses. At least there is time to grieve with the pet when you know what is coming.

Good Luck to you all in your grief.