PSA- Please never ask someone if they are expecting

[Hillbeans]

For the record, I am 5 foot 7 and weigh in the 150's. I have had two children and one of them is 16 months old, so I admit that I have some weight to lose - However, today I was asked while on line at the sub shop by the person assisting me if I were expecting a child. What the heck? I was wearing my coat, a sweater and slacks which in no way looked like maternity clothes.

Maybe someone is just trying to make conversation, but being on the other end of this comment (in fact it happened last fall from a co-worker as well) is embarassing and it makes me feel awful.

Please, for those people who are ever thinking of asking someone, especially someone they don't know well this question, please never do.

Thanks, back to your regularly scheduled DISing.

 

[elgerber]

This happened to me several months ago also. My youngest was 10 at the time, so no toddlers even around LOL. After I told her I wasn't, she responded by telling me how horrible my sweatshirt was, and how unflattering it was. That part I thought was worse than the pregnant question. I was wearing my big baggy Mickey Mouse sweatshirt, which I now call my maternity sweatshirt when I wear it to work. The woman who asked me was a sales rep for one of our lenders, who has no class.

Funny thing is, I was standing by the cube of a woman who was pregnant and she says " I am pregnant and she didn't ask me when I was due, how fat does she think I usually am???".

 

[chris1gill]

This makes me chuckle a little (sorry).... I remember back when I had my son (he's almost 12), I went into a baby store with him. In fact, I was carrying him in his car seat.... so here I am in the aisle with the six week old & this lady came over to me & asked me if I was expecting a child Umm, yes, but he's six weeks old and I'm holding him



Can you imagine?? I'M HOLDING THE SIX WEEK OLD & she asked me if I was expecting... I still about it...

But, you're right, generally not good form to ask a woman you don't know if she is expecting!

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Someone recently asked me and it was almost too funny b/c as pregnant as I am I would HOPE they figured that was the reason. I don't tend to stuff my shirts with basketballs.


But agreed--never ask...watch..observe...listen...but don't come right out and ask.


There is a woman in our church who I think is pregnant and I want to ask..but I won't. Signs are pointing that way--but just too awkward to ask.

 

[willis37862]

This happened to me several months ago also. My youngest was 10 at the time, so no toddlers even around LOL. After I told her I wasn't, she responded by telling me how horrible my sweatshirt was, and how unflattering it was. That part I thought was worse than the pregnant question. I was wearing my big baggy Mickey Mouse sweatshirt, which I now call my maternity sweatshirt when I wear it to work. The woman who asked me was a sales rep for one of our lenders, who has no class.

Funny thing is, I was standing by the cube of a woman who was pregnant and she says " I am pregnant and she didn't ask me when I was due, how fat does she think I usually am???".

WOW, that was a classy thing to say So I guess to cover her stupid remark she set out to make you feel bad about your clothing choices I bet she has lots of friends.

 

[arminnie]

I don't tend to stuff my shirts with basketballs.

But agreed--never ask...watch..observe...listen...but don't come right out and ask.

I was introduced to a couple once where the woman looked like she was 9 months pregnant - that basketball in a shirt look. She was not a large woman except for the basketball.

She had a couple of glasses of wine with dinner which I thought was unusual for a pregnant woman, but I just kept my mouth shut period.

Thank goodness I did not say anything as she was NOT pregnant.

 

[willis37862]

When in doubt , keep your mouth shut. It will save you having to make apologizes later.

 

[Jen_in_NH]

Hmm, just the opposite here. I'm 28 weeks pregnant, and unless you know me, would not really be able to tell. I'm 5'7, and not thin (how's that for almost polite ). So I just look like I've gained some weight.

Another patient at the doctor's office told me I couldn't be pregnant - I didn't look right. I'm pretty sure that there's a kid in there kicking my bladder, and not just gas.....

Jen

 

[ChristmasElf]

I was in a store doing a return and the cashier was visably pregnant. The person ahead of me asked when the baby was due and if she had a name picked out yet.
(Why would someone want to know this of someone they obviously did not know is another question)
The cashier then replied that she was pregnant with twins, due in about 2 months and was actually having them for someone else, as she already had 2 at home and didn't want anymore.

First I was surprised the cashier would share this info with a total stranger
Second I was glad when the cashier was done with that person and then changed the subject with me.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Hmm, just the opposite here. I'm 28 weeks pregnant, and unless you know me, would not really be able to tell. I'm 5'7, and not thin (how's that for almost polite ). So I just look like I've gained some weight.

Another patient at the doctor's office told me I couldn't be pregnant - I didn't look right. I'm pretty sure that there's a kid in there kicking my bladder, and not just gas.....

Jen

On another note of inappropriate things to say to a woman....

I am pregnant...I was overweight at the start--but not really pooh sized.

Myself and another lady in my homeschool group are 1 month apart. She's a skinny one.

Around the time that you start "showing" and you "pop"---about thanksgiving so I was about 26 weeks I think or so....our bellies looked the same.

We were comparing notes expressing how we both were popping.

Well--another woman in the group...a pooh sized one tells her..OH MY--you have really popped!!! And I all proud--mentioned that I did too...she goes...oh no...you haven't popped--you still looked questionable. IOW---I looked FAT.

I was none too happy with that comment.

 

[JunieJay]

I'll never forget once years ago we were in an elevator with a girl who looked pregnant. DH cheerfully asked her, "wehn are you due?" before I had a chance to shut him up.

She very calmly looked at him and said, "I'm not pregnant, I'm just fat". DH's face turned almost purple he was so mortified. That had to be longest elevator ride of his life.

Needless to say, its a mistake he has never repeated.

 

[Makdyn]

When I was at work one day a girl I went to high school with started talking to me and asked if I was pregnant. I said no. So then she said well you just got fat then. I could not believe that she said that. I replied with I have two children. after I picked my mouth up off the floor. I did not even have my fat clothes on that day

 

[azgal81]

I never ask someone this! I know the answer might be no and then I'll just look stupid and I'll upset them for asking.

 

[Tazicket]

I've shared this story on the boards before, but it's really funny (now) and is usually good for a laugh. A couple of years ago, DH and I went to my Grandma's birthday party (or Grandma and Grandpa's anniversary- I don't remember which it was). My Uncle's girlfriend came up to me, put her hand on my stomach, and here is what transpired from there:

Uncle's crazy girlfriend: "Somebody's pregnant!!"
Me: "No, I'm not."
UCG: "But, that doesn't feel like regular fat, that feels like baby!"
Me: "No- it feels like pizza and doritos."

I know I'd gained a little weight after DH and I got married, but come on! How is she going to stand there and insist that I'm pregnant when I already told her I'm not?! I was so angry at the time, but now I just look back and laugh.

 

[Disney-Kim]

I have had this happen to me too
I was on a flight to WDW...stood up and put my hand on my lower back and complained of my back pain...well the position I was standing pushed my stomach out even more than it already does....
my seatmate asked when I was due?

I said "I am not pregnant, just fat". It just came out...I was embarassed...she didn't talk to me for the rest of that flight.

It really is insulting.

 

[JadenLayne]

I'm so sorry, I would have felt awful too!

When I was 9 months pregnant with my son one of my mother's friends said,

"Wow, Beth sure is getting fat isn't she!" My mom was in disbelief and said,

"Yes she is she's 9 months pregnant!"

Oh and with the adoption when I say I'm expecting it's funny to watch everyone's eyes go to my stomach. I'm a big girl but I don't look pregnant. People look so confused. I love it though.

 

[Mrs.Toad]

Aw, I'll bet they just said it because you were glowing . You don't sound like you could possibly look pregnant at your height and weight.

In high school, I worked in the children's department of a department store, and heard about many of these kinds of mistakes, so I've always been very careful not to say anything, no matter how pregnant a woman looks.

 

[Evil Genius]

Here's my "are you pregnant story" Dh and I were married for about 6 months when we went to a party. A girl that had been trying to date dh before we met came running up to me, rubbed my belly and asked when I was due. At this point in time I was 5'9" and about 175. I removed her hand from my stomach and told her I wasn't pregnant. She never batted an eye just turned her back on me and started to flirt with dh. I guess if I wasn't pregnant she figured she still had a chance!!!

 

[Mrs.Toad]

Oh and with the adoption when I say I'm expecting it's funny to watch everyone's eyes go to my stomach. I'm a big girl but I don't look pregnant. People look so confused. I love it though.

When we first adopted dd as a newborn, people asked how old she was and I'd answer "a week", "three weeks", etc. They'd look right at my belly, with their eyes popping out of their heads and say "Wow! You look great!"

I almost always just said "thank you". The one time I decided to tell the stranger that we adopted her, the woman was an adoptive mom too, and we had a great conversation. Funny how something about her just made me want to tell her.

 

[Grumpy's Gal]

This makes me chuckle a little (sorry).... I remember back when I had my son (he's almost 12), I went into a baby store with him. In fact, I was carrying him in his car seat.... so here I am in the aisle with the six week old & this lady came over to me & asked me if I was expecting a child Umm, yes, but he's six weeks old and I'm holding him



Can you imagine?? I'M HOLDING THE SIX WEEK OLD & she asked me if I was expecting... I still about it...

But, you're right, generally not good form to ask a woman you don't know if she is expecting!

I would have said, "well, it's twins. This one came out 6 weeks ago and we're still waiting on the other one...."