PSA: Declutter your house

[barkley]

My mom had decluttered at various points - EXCEPT for the paperwork and photos.

when encouraging a family member to declutter we learned AFTER THE FACT of their passing that it is vital to define what 'important paperwork' means to both b/c while dh and i consider it to be asset, income, debt, tax, identification, vital medical...records it never entered our minds that our family member defined it strictly as their dog's years old vaccination papers and servicing and repair receipts for a car sold over a decade prior. those papers were carefully set aside in the folder designated 'important paperwork' which we were repeatedly reminded of 'for when my time comes' while everything else was kerfuffled in drawers, boxes, old bags... wish we had been allowed to look through the 'important paperwork' file BEFORE we needed actualy needed it.

 

[disykat]

Yikes, Barkley! We were lucky in that our parents were pretty organized with their paperwork. They just kept EVERYTHING.

I'm editing to add that maybe we were fortunate (I've never thought of it this way) in our experience with dementia and the "long goodbye" and the caregiving that entailed that I had the gift of time to sort through everything over a period of years. I need to think about that way of reframing for a while.

 

[Owlpost23]

My parents have passed. I just spent 3 full days working with my siblings to pull truckload after truckload of stuff (junk, really) from my parents' stifling, dusty, cruddy, hot attic and dirty, slimy crawl space. At least 90% of it was junk that my parents couldn't bear to part with for some reason, or had sat there for so long that it had deteriorated and had to be thrown away.

The thing I came away with (other than truckload after truckload of junk) is that DW and I can't do this to our kids! No one likes to declutter, but man is it tough on those you leave behind.

I've been there.4 bedroom victorian filled from attic to basement.Dad died and mom was absolutely no help at all.We resorted to pitching things out the windows into several dumpsters.NEVER AGAIN.

 

[PollyannaMom]

And buying one was a much better feeling than lugging 20 around that I was never going to use.

I too have replaced a few things that I'd thrown out only a year or two earlier. But that has been a small price to pay for the "emotional lightness" of having much less actual stuff in my life.

This is what I really need to work on. I am a person who keeps too much - not everything, not to an unsafe level, but still way more than I need. (And quite often, something does come in handy, which reinforces that behavior. )

I go on decluttering binges every so often, feel really good about the spaces I do get to, then get busy/distracted, and forgot how good it felt and don't keep up the momentum. - I need to really work on remembering that I will get more good feelings from the "lightness" than I will from the "oh, I have just the thing" moments.

 

[Meriweather]

I declutter once a year, but somethings I just can't part with.I need to sell or do something with all my Disney things. My kids will not want all I have.

 

[Owlpost23]

We had terrible storms last week-Chicago area.Ended up with 3 feet of water in the basement.It subsided,but left a path of destruction that was shocking.There's not much you can do with waterlogged items-especially books and the like.Got a dumpster and started filling it up.It's 16 yarder,and we've almost filled it.It's freeing in an odd way because there's nothing you can do but toss things out.

 

[Travel60]

Dh's parents were packrats. They bought stuff cheap then when it broke or didn't work they bought more and didn't get rid of the old. They also frequented casinos that gifted them with a lot of branded junk.

We moved them from original home to smaller home then nine years later to continuing care community, ultimately nursing home. In cleaning out the smaller home, I actually found a piano we didn't know was there - gives you a clue to how much stuff. My kids said to me "Don't you do this to us - we will hire someone to haul it all away."

Unfortunately, DH inherited those packrat tendencies. And he brought to our home a lot of their junk (sentimental). Over the years, I've convinced him to get rid of some of it and have packed most of what's left in labeled, plastic bins. But it's a daily struggle. When he wants to buy something - a painting or a piece of furniture - I ask "Where will it go?" If he can't answer, we don't buy.

Tastes have changed - kids don't want our very traditional cherry and oak furniture or our many signed paintings (no Picasso or Rembrandt but some decent stuff). Maybe they'll have an auction??

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

We had terrible storms last week-Chicago area.Ended up with 3 feet of water in the basement.It subsided,but left a path of destruction that was shocking.There's not much you can do with waterlogged items-especially books and the like.Got a dumpster and started filling it up.It's 16 yarder,and we've almost filled it.It's freeing in an odd way because there's nothing you can do but toss things out.

My mom learned after a few times of the basement (the lowest part which is the part that gets flooded is unfinished) being flooded or sewer backups (mostly due to tree roots in the clay pipes from out by the street) to 1) not store things too much on the floor 2) put things in tubs. Any actual item that could (like not counting the exercise bike or the large spare piece of carpet on one side) be stored in a tub that was on the ground was.

But if your basement is finished there's only so much of the above that can realistically apply

 

[HopperFan]

Loving all these posts! Keep them coming.

I am a lifelong pack rat. My kids have said when I go they are just lighting a match.

I am now SLOWLY going through all ~ toss, save, donate or sell. Now that kids are adults I know what they want and some they don't want has value so I'm selling on eBay. I'd rather have the cash now (DISNEY TRIPS) if they are just going to toss or sell. Actually have started selling Disney items, lots of pins and stuff. Last week sold a "coin" I got at PoC for $55, a Bug's Life Pin for $75 ~ that alone paid for one night at ASSP in Sept.

Photographing all the family stuff in to a book with notes of what they are, and if there is something they won't want ~ ask all the cousins. Have a designation list with our will of the "big" items and who they go to, like jewelry, pieces of family furniture ... All important is together in binders so they only have to go through those for all the info they need for VIP stuff.

Luckily inlaws had already moved and purged, while it was still a full house and LOTS of work for DH & I because of how we distributed all (5 kids) it could have been so much worse. Mom passed a few years ago but all stays put (except her jewelry) until "stepdad" is done with it or passes. Now he is moving to independent living and has to downsize. I'm really the only person helping him and trying to keep a 90's man focused on his and hers, you need and you don't need, that is trash, PLEASE let me donate and that is before we get to the 60 years of workshop stuff. He is a depression era kid and holds on to all, like used tin foil, even though financially he doesn't need to AT ALL. Working with him has put my own chaos right in front of my nose. Time to walk the walk.

But this is one of my favorite sayings .... I have my work cut out for me.

 

[lovesmurfs]

The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning. Mentioned above, but a fantastic little book.

DH and I just moved from the Illinois house we've been in since 1998 (complete with full basement) to a larger house in Florida, but we got rid of STUFF! At least 10 carloads to Goodwill, many, many bags of garbage, and a full 15 yard dumpster. DS and DDIL took a bedroom set for their daughter.

We do need to purchase furniture for the extra rooms, but we did a great job on going through the more personal stuff that will be a challenge. The basement was particularly bad, as that was our place to store stuff that didn't have a home. What a freaking mess. I didn't realize all of the nooks and crannies our old house had!

My mother is a travel agent for guilt trips, and she keeps asking (she's in Maryland) what happened to this or that. "Mom, it didn't make the move. Mom, we couldn't. Mom, I don't care if it was worth money. It'll make someone's day at Goodwill. Mom, just stop." Gah.

 

[HopperFan]

I am struggling to figure out what to do with dead peoples crap. My dad died when I was a teen, then my mom died when I was 19. We needed to get the house cleaned out pretty quickly, so I ended up with a bunch of stuff we didn't know what to do with. Then my grandmother died the year after that. The assisted living place she was at wanted her stuff out asap, so it all just got loaded into a trailer and moved to my house. That was in 98 and 99 and it's all still in boxes/tubs in our shop. Some of it should just be chucked, like fake plastic flowers and crap. But then some of it is like handmade doilies and stuff, that is cool, but what the heck do you do with it?? It feels wrong to throw it away, but it's also just more clutter that we will never use.

I can feel this. It's like holding on to the last physical piece of them. When my Grandma died I was 13. We drive the long distance and my aunt had removed most from the house (it had only been a couple days). I was very close to her and I grabbed a set of her dishes (from Japan) and here I am 50+ years later not wanting to let them go because I didn't want to let her go. Bright yellow with roosters so only the collectors want, not my kids. So this year I kept a few pieces for my porch and then started selling piece by piece. I want someone to really want them! And they are selling. And I am content with it. If you don't want and they are not throwaway stuff - sell or donate, let someone else enjoy them! Let their adventure continue.

 

[PollyannaMom]

We had terrible storms last week-Chicago area.Ended up with 3 feet of water in the basement.It subsided,but left a path of destruction that was shocking.There's not much you can do with waterlogged items-especially books and the like.Got a dumpster and started filling it up.It's 16 yarder,and we've almost filled it.It's freeing in an odd way because there's nothing you can do but toss things out.

I get that. We had a mold problem in our attic a few years back, and it helped that a) we had to get rid of some stuff, and b) it had to be done right then, so no dreading it and putting it off.

In cleaning out the smaller home, I actually found a piano we didn't know was there

 

[PollyannaMom]

The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning. Mentioned above, but a fantastic little book.

Thanks for the recommendation! - I just downloaded it on Audible.

 

[bobbiwoz]

We've experienced this twice in the past few years, and it's not fun, especially for how long they lived in the homes. In the long run, what we saw as junk or unimportant, they viewed as something they wished to keep or have in the house. No matter the reason, we knew it was important to not force a clean-up while they were living in the place - in their place. They certainly didn't view it as clutter!

Thank you for these thoughts.

 

[Lumpy1106]

Group hug to OP - so true. DD passed about 3 years ago and left behind a house with a bunch of...stuff. DM is half-way between hiring a junk crew to just get rid of everything and being completely unable to let go because it was DD's stuff and he saw value in it.

DBs are of different minds - one want to hire the junk crew and never step foot in the house, the other devotes small amounts of time but not the effort it will take to complete the job. I don't think DM will be able to move beyond it until at least one of us spends a week and goes through every last thing. Ultimately it looks like it will fall on me to schedule a week and just do it - but that doesn't really fix the mental issue DM is having.

Massive positive vibes to everyone going through something similar - this sucks.

 

[DisneyHardin]

Don't get me started on armoires! Even consignment shops won't even consider them.

Yes!! We had a big, solid cherry TV armoire that we got rid of a few years ago. We finally ended up giving it to a guy who was a woodworker who dismantled it and used the wood for another project.

 

[barkley]

Yikes, Barkley! We were lucky in that our parents were pretty organized with their paperwork. They just kept EVERYTHING.

a friend's mom kept EVERY appliance booklet she ever got-great for me who got her old kitchenaide but when friend was searching for vital documents he was going nuts with it.

I actually found a piano we didn't know was there

another item none of the thrift or charity stores will take here (says so on their websites). no schools or churches want them as donations so we counted ourselves lucky when a friend said he would take the one we needed to rid ourselves of.

 

[focusondisney]

That's the most recent thing my mother-in-law has gotten into, she's bought hutches only to swap it for another one and then placing the prior one somewhere else the house (and asking my husband to come move it all for her including picking it up from the place she bought it from). I believe she has 5 now with 4 having full matching plates sets in them one of them being in the basement where she never goes to.

So you're saying that your area doesn't have any places that will take them? Gosh I hope that wouldn't be the same in our area in the future. That's actually pretty sad to think of the beautiful plates being used that way even if they don't really have much place in modern times as much

It’s been a little over 2 years since my mom passed. She was a pack rat & inherited things from her parents & 2 aunts. My parents had a big house built in 1915, with 2 rooms in the attic, 5 bedrooms on the 2nd floor, an enclosed porch & bedroom plus the living room, dining room & kitchen on the first floor & a full basement. Mom just kept piling stuff into all those rooms. She absolutely refused to let us get rid of anything. We spent a year going thru most of the rooms after she died to just see what was there. Last year my DIL’s uncle came & went thru the house. He has an antique & estate sale business. He took a small van of stuff. He didn’t want any of the 4 hutches/ china cabinets, old china or porcelain tea cups my great aunt had collected. He said there’s just no market for them. Older people that previously wanted & bought them are downsizing or dying & young people want nothing to do with them. So far we’ve tossed one. My sister still lives at the house so she’s using the others. We’ll deal with them when she moves out. These things are big & the doorways are narrow. We actually have no idea how our parents even got most of them in the house.

I certainly have empathy for everyone going thru this. My husband & I have been gradually going thru our house too. Like many of you, going thru my mother’s house made me positive I don’t want my kids to go thru this when we’re gone.

 

[jdb in AZ]

A woman i know locally would qualify for the show Hoarders. She collects dolls, never opens the packaging because that would devalue them. Even if she sold them in their boxes she'd just get pennies on the dollar. Her DH was an invalid for years and when he needed emergency hospitalization the paramedics couldn't get the gurney down the hallway to their bedroom because of the clutter. They did carry him out and he died a few days later. The city got wind of it and told the widow she'd have to clean out the house enough to allow access to the paramedics. That was more than a year ago and she keeps asking for extensions to the deadline.

 

[Travel60]

a friend's mom kept EVERY appliance booklet she ever got-great for me who got her old kitchenaide but when friend was searching for vital documents he was going nuts with it.



another item none of the thrift or charity stores will take here (says so on their websites). no schools or churches want them as donations so we counted ourselves lucky when a friend said he would take the one we needed to rid ourselves of.

It was an old player piano (and we had some rolls). We called everyone from museums to churches to music schools to the manufacturer .

Finally, I sadly watched it go into a 1-800-got-Junk truck.