Promise rings, what do they mean?

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Yes, but in none of those is it "just a gift" -- which is what the poster I quoted said. I appreciate that you said it means whatever people choose it to mean, I don't disagree with that -- which is why i didn't quote you. If a person wants to give a gift that just happens to be a ring with no greater meaning attached, I doubt they'd call it a promise ring.

Ah ok I get what you're saying now and I can see what you're meaning because of using "gift".

 

[nkereina]

It's the added label that makes it different IMO. I don't think the OP's husband would feel the boy was trying to control his daughter if he had given her a watch.

Yet that seems to be precisely what many people here say a promise ring means. that's what makes it a "promise" ring instead of just a ring.

Everyone has their own interpretation of what a promise ring is. To me, and the way we chose to view it, was that it was just a symbol of our commitment. It's hard because there's no right or wrong answer. There's no clear definition of what a promise ring is or what it's meant to symbolize. There is no doubt that an engagement ring is a gift in contemplation of marriage, but a promise ring? That's more ambiguous and open to interpretation, IMO. But I do think it can just be an innocent gift of love and commitment and doesn't have to be viewed as seriously as engagement ring, from the OP's perspective.

 

[Magpie]

Ok I had no idea it was memegenerator(.net) where you can get all the memes. Seriously have I been living under a rock when it comes to making memes?? You learn something new everday

I used Google image search, actually.

 

[nkereina]

Yes, but in none of those is it "just a gift" -- which is what the poster I quoted said. I appreciate that you said it means whatever people choose it to mean, I don't disagree with that -- which is why i didn't quote you. If a person wants to give a gift that just happens to be a ring with no greater meaning attached, I doubt they'd call it a promise ring.

Technically, it's still just a gift though. Even if the man gives it with the intention of it saying "I promise to marry you someday", it's still not an engagement ring. No wedding plans ensue as a result of a promise ring gift. It just doesn't carry the same weight IMO so I guess I wouldn't be as concerned about it as the OP's DH is.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I used Google image search, actually.

Ohhh even easier..I like that

 

[Magpie]

Ohhh even easier..I like that

Yep! Just plug in what you're looking for and tack on "meme".

I found this one using "the last word meme".

 

[AppleDumpling]

A promise ring to me could be considered "pre-engagement", but it really depends on the couple. I don't think it's necessarily controlling. After two years of exclusive dating, hopefully their feelings for each other are mutual.

OP, your daughter's choice to go away to college says a lot, IMO. She could have stayed home to be with BF and attended a local college, but instead made her education a priority over the relationship. Although long-term relationships can be challenging, if it was meant to be, it will last, and if not, they will break up at some point.

Being committed to a boyfriend back home doesn't mean she can't have new friends and experiences at college. It just means she's not seeking out a romantic or sex partner. When I was in college, I knew many girls in this position, and they tended to be the ones who took their studies more seriously and partied less. Which is not a bad thing.

 

[kamik86]

When I was 17 and went away to college I had one. It was just a litten token my boyfriend gave me to look at and think of him.

We got engaged 2 years later when I was 19. Then married just shortly after I turned 22.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I don't really think of it as a control thing. I mean maybe he's worried about her being away from him and he wants other guys to know she's taken. Or maybe they have their own meaning.
For me- I do not want any of my kids to have promise rings, "serious" boyfriends or girlfriends etc when they go to college. So I will not be encouraging any of that. Now I'm not saying it's so they can go party down but I simply do not want them to have to consider anyone but themselves during that time of their life. I want them to go and see the world. Experience things. Meet interesting people. Take a fun class. All while only having to think of their own whims. Selfish? Maybe. But that's the time to be selfish. I want them to have that. Ymmv.

 

[shoney]

It is just a ring. It means nothing.
If they are going to stay together, they will....no promise ring, engagement ring or even wedding ring will do that.

 

[georgina]

It can be tough on a HS relationship when kids go to college. My HS BF did not go to college, and became very jealous and controlling of my time when I did. He didn't want me to spend time with anyone but him. By the end of the first semester I was done with it. I wanted to do things with my room mates and go to some campus events, which he did not want to do. So that was the end of him.

 

[bethbuchall]

In case it matters, when daughter got the ring she exclaimed "its not an engagement ring!". She also doesn't wear it on the left hand ring finger.

My daughter's boyfriend gave her a ring (I don't know that they actually called it a promise ring) after college graduation when they had to live apart while looking for jobs. She also doesn't wear it on her left hand. In her case, it was a symbol to her that he was committed. They know that they aren't financially stable enough yet for a wedding/marriage, but he wanted her to know that he is planning to stay with her. It's not for the world to see or to control her. (She now has a good job near him, but he is still looking for a more permanent position).

It all depends on this boy's thinking. Is he afraid she'll meet someone else in college and wants to "mark" her as his or is this ring a symbol of a promise to her? It could be either. Does she feel more beholden to him because he gave her a ring? They're in love. Of course, they think it's going to last forever and that this is one step along the way. The ring doesn't necessarily mean that they can't change their minds down the line. I don't see giving/receiving a ring as a form of control unless it was given with those intentions.

 

[Bluestars]

The way I've read it (and how it was applied to me at the time) was a promise to ask you to marry in the future. I got one midway through college. Of course, said BF was emotionally abusive and we had a terrible co-dependent relationship, and I broke it off half-way through senior year and he said I could keep the ring.

Less than a month later, during a drinking session with friends (or so I'm told, I had friends who were dating these friends) he had this "epiphany" that I had been cheating on him for YEARS, so he snapped, turned into a complete stalker, destroyed a window at a friend's house while ranting about me, would call for hours on end, leaving terrifying messages on my machine, and demanding the ring back. More than once he stood bellow the balcony of my apt while I had all the lights off and yelled for hours demanding the ring. I finally sent it back to him through my then boss.

So yeah. Promise rings. Of course, I've not gotten any promise or engagement rings again. *sigh*

Yikes! I would have sent it back the first time he asked!

 

[Kathryn Merteuil]

Back in my day it was a class ring and you had to wrap yarn around it, and coat it with nail polish

 

[Skywalker]

I don't think it means the guy is controlling or anything...I have known exactly two couples who had "promise rings" and it wasn't the guys idea in either case. The first time, the girlfriend was really pushing to get engaged /married and eventually she suggested a promise ring and he compromised and agreed to that. Second time, it was a "thing" apparently in their group at the time again it was girl that wanted that "symbol" so she could show it off around campus that she had someone snagged lol.

Basically, I would say promise rings are like a real life version of being "Facebook official" - some people think it gives the relationship a kind of status but they actually mean nothing lol.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I don't think it means the guy is controlling or anything...I have known exactly two couples who had "promise rings" and it wasn't the guys idea in either case. The first time, the girlfriend was really pushing to get engaged /married and eventually she suggested a promise ring and he compromised and agreed to that. Second time, it was a "thing" apparently in their group at the time again it was girl that wanted that "symbol" so she could show it off around campus that she had someone snagged lol.

In my case it was completely my husband (then boyfriend's) idea. I had no idea he was giving it me whatsoever. We hadn't talked about a promise ring prior to that though marriage had been talked about in that we see each other in the future getting married someday (see my first comment on this thread for details). It's not always the case that the girl is just pinning away for a promise ring nagging the guy to get it though I respect that that's your experience with it considering the two couples you knew that had it.

 

[xjillianpaige]

Promises can be broken.

 

[Skywalker]

In my case it was completely my husband (then boyfriend's) idea. I had no idea he was giving it me whatsoever. We hadn't talked about a promise ring prior to that though marriage had been talked about in that we see each other in the future getting married someday (see my first comment on this thread for details). It's not always the case that the girl is just pinning away for a promise ring nagging the guy to get it though I respect that that's your experience with it considering the two couples you knew that had it.

Yeah, I am by no means saying my examples are always the case! Sorry if it came off that way. I was really just responding to some of the comments that sounded like it was always about the just the guy's motivations and intentions...all situations are different of course.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Yeah, I am by no means saying my examples are always the case! Sorry if it came off that way. I was really just responding to some of the comments that sounded like it was always about the just the guy's motivations and intentions...all situations are different of course.

Oh you're totally fine . I knew that wasn't what you were saying. And you do make a good point though in what you were saying;it can for sure go both ways.