PrincessAuroras Weird and Freaky Trip Report - Final Installment

[javamom]

oops read it wrong.... disregard.

 

[PrincessAurora]

As we were standing outside Akershus, waiting for our name to be called for lunch, I notice a nice lady standing behind me with a little girl in a frilly princess dress. She looked a bit confused and asked if you needed reservations for lunch. I put on my best helpful Disney manner and told her that people usually make reservations 90 days in advance for dining, especially for a Princess meal but since Norway wasn't as popular as Cindy's Table yet, they may get lucky.

She told me that she hadn't been here since she was 16 and things have changed a lot (no kidding) and her husband was in charge of making the plans which involved him putting on pants and yelling "Let's go!"

It was 11:30am when the harried husband arrived and said Akershus could take them at 2:30pm. Mom just looked as husband, pointed at me and said "this nice lady said people make these reservations 90 days in advance. Why didn't you know this?" During all of this her little girl, who was about 3 years old, just happily playing with her shoes, a small rock, her dress; the very picture of carefree ignorance. The wife now points at her daughter "See? She is devastated!" The little girl continued to not care one bit. Yup, that was devastation if ever I saw it. She then looked up, gazing across the sea of little princesses, and what did she say? "Water!" She gleefully toddled off towards the lake with Mom hissing "She is sooo upset." Yuppers, ignoring all that Princess action to watch the water.

Our name is called and we are told we can take a picture with Ariel in her ball dress or be taken to our table. We vote for the table. No offense, we just needed to get to the food.

The food here is amazing. All the flavors are just soooo good. I take a bit of everything from the cold buffet, put my order in for my entrée and get an iced tea. Grumpy is gleefully loading his plate with pickled herring. Yes, gleefully. He loves the food of his people.

Now here come the Princesses. First is Aurora. I tell her that The Mouse needs to get her in the right color dress because that pink just is not right! She agreed with me but didn’t want to hurt Flora’s feelings. I said, “Hurt her feelings. Honestly, what did she ever do for you?” She was very pretty and personable. Now you know that I just get all pissy if I’m not the only Aurora in the place but she was very cool and won me over. I think it was because she called me Princess. But wait! Before she moved on she said “I like your lime green Mickey Head.”

(Scooby Doo voice) Arrrroo?

I think this Princess is on these boards somewhere. Come out, come out wherever you are. I mean honestly, who makes a point of complimenting a PAINT CHIP, even if it is shaped like Mickey’s head with DIS and my scvreen name written on it AND calling it LIME green. Not green or light green but LIME GREEN. Alright, this is going to be fun.

Next up is Belle in her French blue dress. She is very sweet and chatted us up. She passes muster. Now who’s up next?

Jasmine! OK, Jasmine is hot. She has all that bare skin and tummy and everything. Grumpy was really enjoying this lunch and his soup surrounded by his ancestral ambiance. He also appreciated the whole Jasmine thing. Maybe we should hire Jasmine to follow us around and keep Grumpy on an even keel.

Now here comes Aladdin. I took this opportunity to get chatty with him as well. Character lunches aren’t just for little kids anymore. I asked him why he was at a Princess Lunch and was there something Jasmine needed to know. He was a really good sport. He was secure with his manhood and could wear pajama pants and a little fez and be good with it. You GO Aladdin!

As he traveled to the next table behind us, I hear this little boy say to Aladdin "Do you have a weiner?" I am hoping the boy was talking about his lunch selection or maybe I wasn't that far off in my first thought.

Now during a chat with one of the characters, they asked if I liked things better now or before the Princesses. I said “No offense because you all do a great job but no Princesses for lunch and dinner.” And the cast member said “Thank you!” in a “Right on, you go girl” kind of way. I am starting to notice the undercurrent with the characters and the cast. They all obviously like their job but REALLY wish the Princesses would go somewhere else or just be breakfast when Akershus wasn’t even OPEN normally anyway. They are as disappointed in turning Akershus into “All Princess, all the time” as we are. It is obvious that the Norwegian cast members have a great deal of pride for their country and their food and now they are getting a whole different kind of customer.

These are people who are just there for the Princesses, could care less about the food and just eat hot dogs while those of us who LOVE this place stay away for fear of the Princess factor. What I am afraid of is that over time they will dumb down the menu to appeal to the majority if we don’t go and SUPPORT this place vocally regarding how much we love this food.

The atmosphere now is noisy, screamy and shrill. Gone are the relaxing days of wonderful food in a soothing setting. In spite of it all, I would struggle through for the food. The characters are first rate and REALLY appreciate adults that do come for the food and are supportive. SOLIDARITY!

Damn, where did THAT come from? I really don’t live in Berkeley, honest. Damn hippies. Back to going on about the restaurant.

I also want to mention that we have the best server. He is just so funny and is sooo helpful. I figure that I have nothing to lose because its Disney and whatever happens in Disney stays in Disney. OK, maybe not but I was operating on that assumption. I told him if he married me he could get a green card, leave the land of ice and snow for the land of fruits and nuts and sun and wine. He said his father is American. Well, I guess since he is a citizen he doesn’t need a green card. Damn. Don’t worry we haven’t heard the last of him yet. Sometimes things get very weird when you are in The World.

NEXT: Drinking around the World, What is grumpy doing NOW and Pigeon Milk.

 

[PrincessAurora]

Thanks to Javamom who cleaned up my photo so I no longer have red eyes. Wouldn't want to scare the children.

 

[Sleeping Jedi Beauty]

Now here come the Princesses. First is Aurora. I tell her that The Mouse needs to get her in the right color dress because that pink just is not right! She agreed with me but didn’t want to hurt Flora’s feelings. I said, “Hurt her feelings. Honestly, what did she ever do for you?” She was very pretty and personable. Now you know that I just get all pissy if I’m not the only Aurora in the place but she was very cool and won me over. I think it was because she called me Princess. But wait! Before she moved on she said “I like your lime green Mickey Head.”

I just knew that blue was the right color for Aurora. Ha!

 

[bbump]

Can't wait to read more as your writing style is great. Glad to hear you had so many adventures on your trip!

 

[debaudrn]

More...More...More...Please?!

 

[PrincessAurora]

I'm about half way through the next installment. However I must go drink with a few guys tonight because that is a moral imperative. The last time we went drinking I had an interesting blog entry titled "Irish Car Bombs and Gay Ale". That was a FUN night.

Back with the end of day 3 tomorrow morning. Whew! I better start writing.

 

[javamom]

Thanks to Javamom who cleaned up my photo so I no longer have red eyes. Wouldn't want to scare the children.

Most welcome, it is such a fun picture

 

[javamom]

My daughter likes Sleeping Beauty because in the movie, the fairies keep changing her dress color... pink, blue, green, pink, blue, green. She thinks that is a hoot! So I assume Disney settled on pink so that she wouldn't look so much like Cindy.

 

[PrincessAurora]

So true Javamom, don't get me started. OK, too late. Disney did decide that since they made cindy's dress blue (which it is NOT - another of my psycho rants) that was Cindy's "Signature Color" and that meant Aurora had to be in the pink dress. Even though Aurora was in blue the entire movie and was only in pink when the dress was changing back and forth. Cindy's dress is white with the barest whisper of an ice blue cast but it "looks" blue when she is in shadow. The dress is NOT blue.

Also Cindy's hair is sooo not yellow. It is strawberry which makes a HUGE difference to the little red haired girls who have very few Princesses that look like them. OK now there is Ariel but when I was little who did we have as role models? Pippi Longstockings? Wacky Lucille Ball? Red heads were always the "fun friend", never the "hot Barbie".

Gee, is my paranoia showing?

Yup, I am the Princess Police, hear me roar.

 

[javamom]

Also Cindy's hair is sooo not yellow. It is strawberry which makes a HUGE difference to the little red haired girls who have very few Princesses that look like them. OK now there is Ariel but when I was little who did we have as role models? Pippi Longstockings? Wacky Lucille Ball? Red heads were always the "fun friend", never the "hot Barbie".

Gee, is my paranoia showing?

Yup, I am the Princess Police, hear me roar.

Yes, I never could figure out when they decided she was blonde, as she is clearly a strawberry in the movie. I decided it must just be that there are way more blondes to cast as Cindy than trying to match that perfect strawberry. Although I assume most of them wear wigs anyhow.

BTW, I had my hair done strawberry for my wedding...lol

 

[a*lil*bit*goofy]

ohhhhhhhhh waiting for more of your report! *tap tap tap* lol

 

[Dooda]

I'm also waiting patiently *ahem*(looking at my watch)

I am really enjoying your report! Great reading!!!

 

[Sleeping Jedi Beauty]

So true Javamom, don't get me started. OK, too late. Disney did decide that since they made cindy's dress blue (which it is NOT - another of my psycho rants) that was Cindy's "Signature Color" and that meant Aurora had to be in the pink dress. Even though Aurora was in blue the entire movie and was only in pink when the dress was changing back and forth. Cindy's dress is white with the barest whisper of an ice blue cast but it "looks" blue when she is in shadow. The dress is NOT blue.

Also Cindy's hair is sooo not yellow. It is strawberry which makes a HUGE difference to the little red haired girls who have very few Princesses that look like them. OK now there is Ariel but when I was little who did we have as role models? Pippi Longstockings? Wacky Lucille Ball? Red heads were always the "fun friend", never the "hot Barbie".

Gee, is my paranoia showing?

Yup, I am the Princess Police, hear me roar.

I also think that the recent Princess craze and the lack of any Princess who wears a pink dress made Disney go for changing Aurora's dress color, even on the DVD cover, which shows her sleeping in pink. You're not the only one who is bitter about Disney not knowing their own history.

 

[PrincessAurora]

Well off we go on our “Drink Around The World” day. I should also say that this trip has been “celebrate me being free of a liar and a cheat” trip. I think that deserves a few drinks at least. I need to rewrite stuff in my head. I think this is a good reason to never take a date to Disney World until Mickey Mouse himself has interrogated him in order to prove himself worthy. In all fairness, this goes for girls too so you guys can stop emailing me unless its with proposals of marriage and offers to live in your fabulous trust fund estate.

First we back track to Mexico. We stop at the margarita stand. Tink gets a layered one and Grumpy and I get the kiwi ones. Now I know this is going to be an unpopular view but those dogs suck. I mean, those margaritas suck. They really do. They come out of an ICEE machine and god only knows how clean that gets or what lives in there. My fear of germs is now starting to rear their ugly heads.

Grumpy seems placated by the drink so I don’t want to rock the boat. I also don’t believe in wasting good alcohol. However this is not good alcohol. The determining factor is my good friend Tink, who I adore, bought it so I don’t want to waste her hard earned cash. I try to choke it down while we look at folk art inside the pyramid.

The art is pretty cool but nothing would go in my house. Nothing. This reminds me of when I went to Jamaica many moons ago and was trying to explain to the locals that while that is a lovely 3 ft. tall carving of Bob Marley, it just doesn’t go with my décor. Mexican folk art is the same way. This is why I don’t live in Arizona or New Mexico. I don’t do the Southwest themeing very well, whether it is traditional art or those annoying turquoise coyotes with bandanas around their necks.

The margarita is way too sweet and now the cup has sprung a leak or a crack or something because it is leaking on my hand and making it sticky. ICK! I really hate sticky things. Yes, even cinnamon rolls. I like eating them but don’t like holding them. I have to go the knife and fork route like a big priss and before you ask, no – I don’t do licking. That is just, ummm, eewwwww.

Alright enough of my germ phobic paranoid delutions, Grumpy and Tink are shopping which gives me an opportunity to suck down as much of this demon drink as I can (maybe 1/3) and dispose of the rest in the nearest trashcan due to a containment malfunction.

We are now going to ride River of Time and I REALLY wish I was way drunker. This ride is only good for sitting down and resting or tripping while you are very drunk. OK, my experience on this ride has not really changed at all since the last time and now I have added Grumpy as a convert to the "Small World on Drugs" concept of a Disney ride obviously put together in the 70's and not refabed since.

This ride is lame but it's great if you are hot, tired, drunk or just plain cranky. You can relax, there has never been a line when I've been there and they did lower the volume. You float by a restaurant (WDW's version of the Blue Bayou & Pirates of the Caribbean) with a dark, romantic atmosphere with a smoking volcano in the background. I thought that having human sacrifice on the Aztec pyramid with a head rolling down it would add to the ride but it would scare the children. Grumpy actually is debating the human sacrifice angle. I thought he would be all for it but he is on the fence. Score one for me.

The boat ride is ala Small World. The First part is the most promising. A large Aztec warrior, standing Godlike in his feathers and gold and tiny little loin cloth talking (I think) about the great scientists, mathmaticians and poodle breeders (hey, I don't know, the sound was bad) that the civilization had. However, it started to go downhill with the next section, "Aztec Interpretive Dance". We had no idea what the point was since you couldn't hear the narration. There was no human sacrifice. We were bummed. They you enter the room of It's A Small World rejects. That is not nearly as scary as the actual Small World but it's getting there. Hey! I think I saw one of the kids from Akershus that was having a meltdown in this ride. Maybe The Mouse does drug naughty children and stick them in these rides.

THEN you get to see bad film clips from the 70's of girls water skiing, people getting drunk and a Mexican couple trying to sell you stuff. Next they have this large room where a festival is going on. What are they celebrating? I don't know. It's a carousel of marionette people in the center of a modern town with fireworks overhead. Maybe they are celebrating that we left the peddlers in the next room. Either that or this is what they do with the drunks they fish out of the lagoon each night. “Yeah Pete, stringem up and make them dance around. No one will notice.”

(Editorial non-PC rant: I am assuming that these rides are to educate guests about the glorious history of the country represented and give others a sense of why this is a neat place. To me it's really cheapening the history of Mexico and it's people to portray them as annoying peddlers that are always trying to sell you stuff. Sure I go to Mexico and have the beat off the herds of youngsters that are trying to sell me Chiclets or a paper mache donkey but this is suppose to be an INCENTIVE to go to Mexico. Mexico has a rich history and I DIDN'T SEE ANY OF IT! I saw "interpretive dance" and that's it. How about the art of Mesoamerica or festivals specific to that region. NO! I get water skiing bikini babes and people "running" next to your boat tying to sell you junk! That is really insulting to the people of Mexico. End rant)

NEXT: More drinking, more shopping, more insulting - can't wait.....

 

[PrincessAurora]

Once the mystery and horror that is Mexico was seen and done, it was back to Norway because there is Maelstrom to ride. Unfortunately, we are in the same boat with foreigners. I mean the nerve not to speak English! LOLOLOL! Actually I couldn’t figure out where they were from. They weren’t speaking Spanish, French, German, Italian, Chinese, Korean, Japanese, Canadian (hey, to us in the US of A you do speak a different language, I think I’ll also lump people from Minnesota in here too). It wasn’t Dutch or Norwegian or that African click language. It wasn’t Klingon. I am at a loss. Why should I care? Well let me tell you. Because they talked the ENTIRE TIME, LOUDLY and since we couldn’t understand them, we couldn’t (a) benefit from their conversation or (b) tell them to shut up.

I mean on what planet is it OK to go on a ride with other people and talk so loudly that no one can enjoy themselves? Maybe they are from Seti Alpha V. Nope, couldn’t be. Those people are suppose to have superior intellects.

OK, which geek out there gets that reference?

Onward and upward. I sprint from the ride to the bakery and load up. I get a schoolbread to go, some lefse, a veiled maiden and a glass of California wine. I have no idea what California wine is doing in Norway but I’m going with it and expanding my waist by 2” at the same time.

Tink is making a wee wewe stop…. Again. No she is not pregnant. I am sitting with Grumpy, scarfing on my food and writing in my book. Grumpy wants to talk about my wine. Huh? My WINE? WHY? He wants to know about how they grew it. Ummm, on a vine… in the ground…. WHEN is Tink coming back?

Well it is the fairy to the rescue. Tink returns from the loo and leads us over to China. Now I have always said “friends don’t let friends eat in China” and I still agree with this. However Tink & I DID go to the Lotus Blossom Café (where cold, greasy noodles go to die) and get Lotus Peach Ice Teas. They were good and counted as a drink. I know it didn’t have booze in it but Plum Wine was too sweet and I am still babying my stomach.

While Tink shopped and Grumpy watched the cement dry, I checked out the Hong Kong Disneyland exhibit. It was pretty cool. The hotels look amazing. Their flagship Deluxe looked like the hotel Del Coronado in San Diego with a very art deco flair, just gorgeous. There was also a layout of the park with the rides. The only ride omission of note was that there was no Haunted Mansion. I know in the other parks the Haunted Mansion is in a different land.
· Disneyland – New Orleans Square
· Magic Kingdom – Liberty Square
· Disneyland Paris – Frontierland
· Tokyo Disneyland – Fantasyland (because “ghosts aren’t real”. Obviously they have never been to my house. I know lots of dead people.)

I mentioned this to Grumpy and he said something very insightful. That in the Chinese culture (as evidenced by Mulan) they don’t have the same understanding of ghosts as we do. Their ancestors are very much a part of their lives, in shrines, in ceremony and having a ride with “wacky” ghosts and Woooooooooooooooooo would just annoy them. Hong Kong also has a whole different world outlook as opposed to mainland China.

Who would have thought that Grumpy would be my window to the UN and international relations? However I wouldn’t ever send him to negotiate peace in the Middle East. The whole conversation would start with “Those dogs suck” and go quickly downhill from there.

Note to self: Keep Grumpy away from any Middle East Peace Negotiations.

NEXT: Germany, Italy and the great Grumpy Blowup

 

[amburger]

(hey, to us in the US of A you do speak a different language, I think I’ll also lump people from Minnesota in here too)

Hey now. What's that supposed to mean?

 

[Chapter 11]

OK, which geek out there gets that reference?

Star Trek II -- The Wrath of Kahn. But just to show my geekiness further, it was actually Seti Alpha VI (Seti Alpha V blew up and altered the orbit of Seti Alpha VI). Good lord, I am the biggest geek.

 

[disneymom3]

Okay, now I am from CA, now reside--for 18 years in MN--and all you Californians with your "He was like this and then, like I did like that." are the ones speaking a different language.

And, hey, not only did I learn today that I speak another foreign language (Do you think I can add that to my resume??) but I also got the Star Trek reference. I lead such an exciting life....

Love the report!

 

[Philadisney]

wow, i just stumbled onto your report, it rules!!! reading it is way more fun than working.