Preschoolers playing "guns"

[disykat]

Everyone excuse me, I must be in a bad mood today. I just get so tired of a parent telling a story or asking questions on these boards and then other posters come up with a reason to say that the parent is not hearing the whole story and the child is either exaggerating it, leaving out details, making it up, etc. Can anything ever be taken at face value anymore? Obviously the OP's son was shaken up about what the teacher said. Rather or not the son got the exact phrasing or not is not relevant. The teacher apparently told the boys something that had the OP's son worried he was going to be arrested. An adult doesn't have to use silly, unreal stories to make a child follow a rule. A rule is a rule. Kids don't have to know the reasons, they just need to learn to follow them.

Ok, soap box over.

I totally disagree. The key word here is that the teacher "apparently" told the kids... I'm in the camp that you need to talk to the teacher. Certainly I agree that it is a possibility the teacher told the boys something that made the boy worried. However, it's also a possibility that one of the boys brought up the police thing and the teacher wasn't able to rid them of the notion.

Talk to the teacher! My soap box stand is that, in my experience, there are often misunderstandings when dealing with young children. I think the best way to deal with it is to go straight to the source. If it turns out the teacher DID say that, then it is important that she/he understands how the kids heard that information.

As a parent, would you want to take the risk that the teacher would take everything your preschooler said about you "at face value"?

 

[Aidensmom]

This whole situation just seems much too obvious to me. Why aren't you and your husband sitting down with the teacher and your son and talking this thing out? Your son was scared by her story, he could have misunderstood, she could have made a mistake, there's just too many options. So, just talk about it!! I wouldn't waste one minute fretting about it, I'd just get to the bottom of it and clear the air. I bet it would take about 5 minutes of everyone's time and everyone would feel better. If you don't feel that you can communicate with your son's teacher in this way then you've got wayyy bigger problems than this particular incident.

We have talked to my son, and he understands that if we say something is OK to play with, then it is not something bad or dangerous. He also understands that some things are not allowed to be played at school, and this is one of them. And we have previously discussed with him that real guns are "bad" if they are used to shoot people. (Regardless how some people may feel about guns, in our family they are perfectly OK for hunting, etc.)

Last night I was angry and intended to tell the teacher how inappropriate that I found that to be. But this morning I thought maybe the fact that Aiden understands how his parents feel about toy guns, and that policemen are good people, was enough.

 

[Cindyluwho]

Last night I was angry and intended to tell the teacher how inappropriate that I found that to be. But this morning I thought maybe the fact that Aiden understands how his parents feel about toy guns, and that policemen are good people, was enough.

I just want to make sure I'm understanding this correctly.
You still believe the teacher did something inappropriate but you're not going to discuss it with her and get her side of the story? Comunication is so important, you and your son's teacher are a team and should be able to talk about anything. All it needs to be is a lighthearted conversation about how kids react to situations. Sweeping it under the carpet and pretending it didn't happen but still quietly blaming the teacher is what's "innapropriate" IMHO.

 

[MouseWorshipin]

We have talked to my son, and he understands that if we say something is OK to play with, then it is not something bad or dangerous. He also understands that some things are not allowed to be played at school, and this is one of them. And we have previously discussed with him that real guns are "bad" if they are used to shoot people. (Regardless how some people may feel about guns, in our family they are perfectly OK for hunting, etc.)

Last night I was angry and intended to tell the teacher how inappropriate that I found that to be. But this morning I thought maybe the fact that Aiden understands how his parents feel about toy guns, and that policemen are good people, was enough.

I wouldn't go in angry, but I'd probably talk to her and find out what she said. But it is your situation, you know best how to handle it!

This is OT, sorry! -- DH is a hunter, too. I don't mind the guns themselves...it is that cleaning stuff that stinks. And don't get me started on the deer head.

 

[MouseWorshipin]

you and your son's teacher are a team

"There is no 'I' in team. But there is a 'me', if you jumble it up." -Dr. Gregory House

 

[Aidensmom]

I just want to make sure I'm understanding this correctly.
You still believe the teacher did something inappropriate but you're not going to discuss it with her and get her side of the story? Comunication is so important, you and your son's teacher are a team and should be able to talk about anything. All it needs to be is a lighthearted conversation about how kids react to situations. Sweeping it under the carpet and pretending it didn't happen but still quietly blaming the teacher is what's "innapropriate" IMHO.

Well, I apparantly posted this in the first place to get opinions on how others would react. I did not say there is no way I will talk to the teacher. I have gone back and forth thinking that I should, and then thinking it may just be a waste of my time, as my son understands now. I am still in the decision-making process.

 

[Froggyswife]

Poor baby. I'm sorry he was so upset over what his teacher told him. BTW I think you are a great mom.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Well, I apparantly posted this in the first place to get opinions on how others would react. I did not say there is no way I will talk to the teacher. I have gone back and forth thinking that I should, and then thinking it may just be a waste of my time, as my son understands now. I am still in the decision-making process.

I might want to talk to the teacher to "clarify what was said". I would say something to effect that I understand and agree with the no gun play in preschool, but ask her to clarify what else was said. I would be clear that what goes on in your home, assuming it's a legal activity, is your business and that you were concerned since your son was upset. If she admits, or at least doesn't deny her comments you could say something like, "Afterall, we don't want the kids to have a fear of police officers". That might make an impression and will let her know that you do all want the same goal (kind of )

 

[Hannathy]

I would definately say something because whatever she said or another child said your chld came home afraid of the police and that is not good. She needs to be aware of this because children have to know they can trust police or fireman-how many children have died hiding from fireman? It is her classroom and if it came from another child she needs to know so she can counter this info with the truth, and if it was from her she needs some more training on what she is leading the kids to believe. You don't have to be angry-although I would want to be-but I would tell her. Schools go out of their way usually to convince kids that emergency personell are their friends.

I have no problem with kids playing with guns, in fact my DS's favorite Disney souvenier is a wooden rifle from the shop by Indiana Jones. He plays with it constantly. And yes boys make guns out of anything, there is one boy in the neighborhood who doesn't have guns at home but at all the other houses he is the first to use everyone elses and last summer had a pretty good replica made out of wood and sticks he kept outside!

 

[mom2boys]

He's in preK, so he's like what, 4? And you are trusting what he said was exactly what happened?

If it IS true, it's terrible. I would think what REALLY happened is not exactly what you are hearing.

The child's perception is everything in this case. The child was left believing that he was going to go to jail. That is totally unacceptable. I doubt that was the teacher's intent. I think I would have a calm FYI talk with the teacher. Let her know how your son interpurted the conversation and ask her if she could talk to him again to reassure him that he is not going to jail.

 

[BuzzBoyMom]

Yes, yes, yes - go in and talk to the teacher...don't acuse...ask. Ask what happened. Ask what was said. THEN, and only then, I would express your opinion, if different, and if the teacher still can't see that what they said was inappropriate, I would bump the issue up to the administration. Who knows what other inappropriate things the teacher might be saying. But no one will ever know until you ask.

 

[Acklander]

I think part of the problem is that young kids have this warped idea of the actual function/powers of the police. When I was around 5, (back in the day before car seats and seatbelts) I was in the back seat banging on an empty ice cream tub as if it was a drum. After I got bored with that I was wearing the tub on my head, like a hat. I leaned to looked out the open window and the plastic tub blew off my head. My older brother was quick to point out one of the signs on the side of the road stating that there was a $50.00 fine for littering. Being that I had no where near $50.00 in my piggy bank I developed this phobia where I went for months and months of not being able to go to bed unless the light was left on. I was afraid that the police would show up in the middle of the night to take me away unless I could fork over the fine.
I think it would help your child if you could stress to him that the police do not go around locking up little boys for playing with fake water guns. If he doesn't believe you see if you can find a cop that would reassure him. I assume that most cops, at some point in their young lives, may have played with fake guns. They might take a moment out of their day to reassure a 4 year old that there is nothing to worry about.

 

[Aidensmom]

Thank you for your replies.

I think on Monday I will mention to her that Aiden got the idea in his head that he was going to go to jail for playing with his squirt guns and let the conversation go from there.

 

[Mkaz]

for your son. Kids can sometimes misinterpret our words. When DD was little she did this. In first grade they had guidance once a week. Each week they would have little lessons about respecting others, etc.

One day the guidance counselor called me because he was concerned about dd. He said that she barely spoke at school. I found that quite odd because she had always been a chatter box, and could strike up a conversation with anyone. I told him that I would have a talk with her to find out what was going on. When DD came home that day I asked her why she wasn't talking while she was at school. She told me that they were told that they had to be quiet and zipper their lips. She said that she was afraid that if she talked to anyone she was going to go to the office.

I called the guidance counselor back the next day and told him why she wasn't saying a word at school. He kind of chuckled and said that their lesson a few weeks earlier was about raising your hand when they wanted to speak etc. He did tell them that they had to zipper their lips, but he also said that it was only when it wasn't their turn to talk. DD didn't quite catch that part of the lesson.

 

[ENSOCK]

I know that this thread is a little old but I just had to put in my 2 cents. My DS's teacher sent me a note when he was in K. It seems that he and 3 other boys were playing with stick guns and were sent in timeout. Her note requested that we discuss with our son that this was not the right thing to do. I spoke with her and explained that I understood the rules for no gun play at school but she needed to understand that boys will be boys and it was the beginning of hunting season. After Christmas she would see the boys playing baseball or other activites for that time of the year. My DS understands that he can not play guns at school and he is not allowed to play with Real guns at anytime without his dad with him.
Also, my DH is a Sgt. with the State Police.(So proud of him) He really discusses guns with both of our boys. One thing that really bothers him is the fact that so many adults teach kids to be afraid of the police. One halloween night he got home from work and answered the door to give out candy, (still in uniform) the kids ran from our house screaming in terror. (He's cute trust me)
My DH and other policemen go to local schools to explain to the children about their jobs. You might want to see if that is possible where you live. Good luck!

 

[Miss Jasmine]

One thing that really bothers him is the fact that so many adults teach kids to be afraid of the police.

Same with my DH...he gets so mad when he overhears parents saying to their kids, "If you don't start behaving, that policeman is going to take you to jail." I mean, how stupid is that?

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Same with my DH...he gets so mad when he overhears parents saying to their kids, "If you don't start behaving, that policeman is going to take you to jail." I mean, how stupid is that?

That's awful!

Reminds me of many years ago when I used to work in a kid's clothing store. A child was misbehaving (nothing terrible) and the mother told the child that if they didn't behave that I was going to spank them. I approached the child and told her that I would never do that. I couldn't believe the mother trying to scare the child into behaving by using me.

 

[mrsltg]

We had a similar experience when our older dd was 3. She was told that all guns are bad and that anyone who had one was bad, too. There was also something else about guns killing people but I don't remember the wording exactly. The reason it was such a big deal is because dh is a cop. Our dd was very upset that her daddy was "bad" and was going to die because of a gun. We were livid and told the preschool so. We also had a long discussion with our dd about how guns are things and are therefore incapable of being good or bad. We also discussed how Daddy's gun helped keep him safe and the people he protects. It was definitely not a subject we were ready to broach but did so because we had to. I feel for you, Aidensmom.

 

[Miss Jasmine]

That's awful!

Reminds me of many years ago when I used to work in a kid's clothing store. A child was misbehaving (nothing terrible) and the mother told the child that if they didn't behave that I was going to spank them. I approached the child and told her that I would never do that. I couldn't believe the mother trying to scare the child into behaving by using me.

Yeah, usually DH will go up to that child, give him or her a badge sticker and explain that there is no reason for the kid to be afraid of him. Then he gives the parent the "hairy eyeball".

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Yeah, usually DH will go up to that child, give him or her a badge sticker and explain that there is no reason for the kid to be afraid of him. Then he gives the parent the "hairy eyeball".

Jake is anything but afraid of police officers. We were recently at a "community day" in our town and there were police officers (some with their police dogs), fire fighters, etc. Jake loved talking with the officers and asked oodles of questions. One of the police officers especially enjoyed talking with Jake and commented that his son who is the same age never asks questions. Jake was facinated with the different types of police dogs. Yep, no problem with police officers for Jake.