PreK and Kindergarten - when to hold your child back?

[monkeybug]

My daughter will be 3 on Wed. (sept. 30th) but I am thinking about what to do next year for PreK. If I should hold her back or start her in PreK.

If she is potty trained, why not try it? You could always have her repeat pre K if she struggles a little. Preschool is kind of like practice school. If she is mature enough by the end of pre k to sit and listen, and to follow simple directions, and if she plays well with the other kids, then she will probably be fine for kindergarten.

 

[HelenePA]

is your prek full days or half days? Oh how I wish mine were half days.. If she's potty trained I'd send her to prek next year.

 

[Becky2005]

My child had a Sept. 30th birthday....does anyone have an opinion as to whether I should hold her back or not?

Depends on the cut-off in your state. In our state, the cut-off is Sept. 1, so your child wouldn't be going to Kindergarten until they were almost 6.

My youngest birthday is October and he will be 6 next month.

No way would I have him out until he was going to be 7!

I also have the OTHER end of the spectrum too. My 9 year old is in 4th grade with a end of May birthday. He wasn't held back, he was in preschool through the school system and they did think I was a bit insane to ask about it since cut off is September 1 & they have kids with much later birthdays going. So far, it hasn't been an issue even though he is one of the younger ones.

 

[Crystal0608]

In my area, kids have to be 100% potty trained before starting 3 or 4 year old preschool.

DD's bday is in August, so she started kindergarten at a young 5 and is in AIG and makes all A's in 4th grade. My ds's bday is in December, so he turned 6 a couple months after starting K. He is in 2nd and still struggles, so in retrospect, I would have held him back until he was 6, though he would have been a 7 year old in K. It depends on the individual child, I guess.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Personally I do not think holding back a child is usually a good thing. I would not hold mine back and I was a late birthday myself. I did great in school academically. Socially I wasn't as great but another year would not have mattered. I preferred adult conversations to children's. I still gravitate towards people closer to my Mom's age than mine.
I think you are putting the horse before the cart. Your child is 3. You can't possibly know what they are going to be like in a year or so. I would never send a child to K that isn't potty trained (unless there was a medical issue) and most if not all pre-schools here require a child to be trained by age 3.
Personally I would wait and see. A year or two is a long time developmentally.

 

[barkley]

I had a school try to tell me my kid couldn't go to school till they were 100% potty trained. I get that a private school can say that, but a public school can't. There are a ton of kids out there who have incontinence and bladder issues. It's laughable to say that my SEVEN year old shouldn't be in school yet till she works it all out (and yes, she was under a dr's care, but she medical issues- you do what you can). We ended up having to do a medical plan for her.

BTW, if you are going to hold a kid back, I think to do preK twice is better.

Yes, I think there is a HUGE advantage to being one of the middle or older kids in the class, than to be one of the younger kids. To me, if your birthday is within 3 months of the cutoff you might want to consider sending the kid a year later. Every kid is different though!

i don't know what the rules for the public schools are in the state we live in now, but the public schools in our former state would require medical documentation and some kind of plan put in place to admit a child who was not entirely potty trained. the issue had to do with health and safety laws-as a teacher i was strictly forbidden by law to assist a child with anything dealing with bathroom issues so unless a plan was in place to deal with accidents and proper storage of soiled clothes (or disposal of pads and such), as well as clean up (if leakage occured) a kindergartener who did'nt have a documented medical issue would have been denied entry (or if we did'nt find out about it prior to admission, disenrolled).

i think the great 'out' that state had as many others do with kids that grade/general age is that kindergarten is'nt required (so the state is'nt in violation of a law if they deny enrollment) and/or the usual age for kindergarten is below the age the state is mandated to being obligated to school a child (k was'nt required in our former state/usual age for k was 5 but attendance is'nt required until age 6, in the state i'm in now k is'nt required/usual age for k is 5 BUT attendance is'nt required until age 8(yup, and believe me there are people who don't send kids to school here until they get close to that age, that's why dd's highschool classmates look like college students).

 

[mjkacmom]

My daughter will be 3 on Wed. (sept. 30th) but I am thinking about what to do next year for PreK. If I should hold her back or start her in PreK. As for potty training...she is still in diapers. I'm hoping that by the time she is 3.5 she will start knowing when to go to the bathroom. She still can't make the connection that she has to go to the toilet to pee.

Take off her diaper, put a potty chair in the room, and tell her to use it if she has to go. This is a fast and easy way to help them make the connection. If she has more than 2 accidents, she's not ready. I trained 3 kids this way before they turned 3, and they never expressed any interest in the potty before.

 

[Fabinva]

Originally posted by monkeybug
If she is potty trained, why not try it?

I was strugling when it was time to send my son to K with the decision of half day or full day. We tried full day and he adjusted fine. Sometimes when not sure it does not hurt to try.

You will know when the time comes if your daughter is ready or not. My second child is an Oct baby and she when to private K because public school cutoff is Sept 30. She is now in Second grade (public) and academically she is ahead of most in class, she loves school and has no problem making friends.
I knew she was ready.

 

[LisaNJ25]

My child had a Sept. 30th birthday....does anyone have an opinion as to whether I should hold her back or not?

Unless you see a problem I wouldn't.. my kids have a 8/19. 8/26. 9/1, and 10/3 birthdays. I also have an August birthday. All started on time or will start on time. The only difference was with my oldest with the 10/3 birthday. We did end up keeping him back in 3rd grade. It worked best for him. My school district has actually changed the cut off date since than so he wouldnt of made the cut off today.

I am glad I sent him on time and we than made the decision later on to hold him back. I wouldn't change that.

 

[KAMKIM]

Two questions:

1.) Should I hold my kid back from attending Pre K or K if they are not 100% potty trained?

2.) Do children with birthdays early in the year (Jan, Feb, March) have an advantage over children with birthdays in the last 3-5 months of the year when it comes to school? And has anyone held their child back from Kindergarten in order for them to be academically matched or on par with the other kids?

I'm all new to this stuff.

1.) in our school district the child must be fully potty trained to attend Pre K or K. Private Prek's may have a different policy

2.) My DD5's birthday is beginning of August so in Prek and K she just turned 4 and 5. She did well in prek and had no issues - they gave her a kindergarten assessment in Jan of last year and again in May - she passed both. She has been in K for 4 weeks now and seems to be developing at the same rate as the other kids.

I really think regardless of when the birthday occurs you'd be surprised how quickly they get caught up to the other kids.

 

[KAMKIM]

My child had a Sept. 30th birthday....does anyone have an opinion as to whether I should hold her back or not?

Is this your first child? If so, remember you have an entire year yet to potty train - while right now it may seem like it will never happen I would guess by mid year your child will be completely potty trained. Even if she is wearing diapers at night she can probably wear underwear during the day with little to no accidents. Also, most PreK's ask that you send in a change of clothes just in case because accidents do happen.

 

[NY Disney fan]

Take off her diaper, put a potty chair in the room, and tell her to use it if she has to go. This is a fast and easy way to help them make the connection. If she has more than 2 accidents, she's not ready. I trained 3 kids this way before they turned 3, and they never expressed any interest in the potty before.

That's a great idea

 

[KAMKIM]

That's a great idea

I always kept a bag of m&ms around - pee you got 2 m&ms and #2 got you 5! Worked like a charm for both my kids. And I didn't start potty training them until they turned 3, overnight potty training at 3.5

 

[NY Disney fan]

And I didn't start potty training them until they turned 3, overnight potty training at 3.5

That's a good idea too. I could afford to wait a little bit.

 

[wovenwonder]

Our district requires children be 5 by August 31st to begin KG.

I waited until both my kids were 6. DD turned 6 the end of June then started school in September. DS turned 6 in January then started school in September.

Both 'kids' have since graduated and both said they were glad we waited until they were 6 to start them in school and had no problem at all not graduating High School until they were 19.

 

[JVL1018]

Our cut off date here is Oct. 1.
My daughter has an October birthday,so she missed the cut off and did preschool at 4 and 5 and entered Kindergarten at 5, about to turn 6.
No issues socially or academically for her at all-she's always been at the top of her class, not sure how much that has to do with her, and how much thathas to do with her being one of the oldest in her grade.

My son is a September birthday, so just makes the cut off, but we didn't send him to school the first year he was allowed, in fact, we held him back in preschool, too-send him at 4 and 5 and then started K when he was about to turn 6.

I just had a feeling he'd need the extra time, I questioned numerous teachers, his own, and friends who were teachers, those who knew him and those who did not and not one teacher told me to send him. And I still agonized over it.

His PreK teacher told me he'd *probably* be okay, but it was good that I had waited.
He has done well in school, near the top, but not the smartest kid in class, socially he's fine as well.
I wanted him to do well, I didn't care if he was the smartest. I have no doubt he would have struggled a lot if he was a year ahead in school right now.

Re: sports-who even knows if their kid will like sports, let alone be good at it 10 years down the road..my son plays Little League, but spends his time filling his glove with dirt as he stands in the field, so we didn't do it for that reason. LOL

I do admit that having my children, who are almost 2 years apart in age, also be 2 years apart in school, is a plus,. I won't have them graduating and starting college one year after the other, but rather 2 years apart like it should be.

 

[ajk912]

i don't know what the rules for the public schools are in the state we live in now, but the public schools in our former state would require medical documentation and some kind of plan put in place to admit a child who was not entirely potty trained. the issue had to do with health and safety laws-as a teacher i was strictly forbidden by law to assist a child with anything dealing with bathroom issues so unless a plan was in place to deal with accidents and proper storage of soiled clothes (or disposal of pads and such), as well as clean up (if leakage occured) a kindergartener who did'nt have a documented medical issue would have been denied entry (or if we did'nt find out about it prior to admission, disenrolled).

i think the great 'out' that state had as many others do with kids that grade/general age is that kindergarten is'nt required (so the state is'nt in violation of a law if they deny enrollment) and/or the usual age for kindergarten is below the age the state is mandated to being obligated to school a child (k was'nt required in our former state/usual age for k was 5 but attendance is'nt required until age 6, in the state i'm in now k is'nt required/usual age for k is 5 BUT attendance is'nt required until age 8(yup, and believe me there are people who don't send kids to school here until they get close to that age, that's why dd's highschool classmates look like college students).

That's interesting that's how it works in your area because it seems like a violation of NCLB to tell a kid they CAN'T go to public school. I am sure it varies person to person BUT I would think that most kids who are 5+ who aren't potty training probably have SOME medical condition going on that needs to be addressed/considered. So if I was told my kid couldn't go, I would be barking up the chain-of-command. Oh wait, I did that. I did have to get a medical plan in place, which was no problem. But before that the assistant principal said my daughter shouldn't be here. Yeah, right, she's been in this school since she was 3 years old..all of a sudden now, that's she's 7, she can't come back till the problem is resolved? Obviously, she's 7, this is a medical issue and not something that she will get over tomorrow. I just feel bad for any parents/ kids out there that WOULD listen to the assistant principal..and just pull their kid out of first grade (the grade she was in at the time) because the assistant principal said to do that. In hindsight, I am not sure if she was just venting about the situation or serious?

 

[golfgal]

My child had a Sept. 30th birthday....does anyone have an opinion as to whether I should hold her back or not?

In our state your child wouldn't start kindergarten until right before her 6th birthday-we have a September 1st cutoff date. If you have doubts, hold her back but also keep in mind that there is a HUGE change coming between 3 and 4. It is amazing how much they learn in that year. I wouldn't hesitate to hold her back if it were me. I have a July birthday (our oldest son) who is now a senior in high school. Hindsight we should have held him back to start kindergarten but everyone said he was ready. Academically he was fine but the social/physical development is very different. That difference became very pronounced in about 5th grade.

 

[BCDisneyFanatic]

In our state your child wouldn't start kindergarten until right before her 6th birthday-we have a September 1st cutoff date. If you have doubts, hold her back but also keep in mind that there is a HUGE change coming between 3 and 4. It is amazing how much they learn in that year. I wouldn't hesitate to hold her back if it were me. I have a July birthday (our oldest son) who is now a senior in high school. Hindsight we should have held him back to start kindergarten but everyone said he was ready. Academically he was fine but the social/physical development is very different. That difference became very pronounced in about 5th grade.

My DD10 is a November birthday. She started Grade 1 in British Columbia, where the cut-off was December 31st, at the age of 5. She is now in Grade 6 in an American international school, where the cut-off is July 31st. Because of red-shirting, there are a lot of kids 18 months older than her in her grade. Although she is doing very well academically, she still looks like a little kid while many of her classmates look like teenagers. She's also behind a bit socially. Although being young doesn't seem to faze her too much, I worry about what the future years will bring.

I do think that if you are thinking about holding your child back, do it now. My DD's new school originally talked about having DD repeat 4th grade, and she wouldn't even consider it.

 

[golfgal]

That's interesting that's how it works in your area because it seems like a violation of NCLB to tell a kid they CAN'T go to public school. I am sure it varies person to person BUT I would think that most kids who are 5+ who aren't potty training probably have SOME medical condition going on that needs to be addressed/considered. So if I was told my kid couldn't go, I would be barking up the chain-of-command. Oh wait, I did that. I did have to get a medical plan in place, which was no problem. But before that the assistant principal said my daughter shouldn't be here. Yeah, right, she's been in this school since she was 3 years old..all of a sudden now, that's she's 7, she can't come back till the problem is resolved? Obviously, she's 7, this is a medical issue and not something that she will get over tomorrow. I just feel bad for any parents/ kids out there that WOULD listen to the assistant principal..and just pull their kid out of first grade (the grade she was in at the time) because the assistant principal said to do that. In hindsight, I am not sure if she was just venting about the situation or serious?

In most states kindergarten is not mandatory rather it is optional so if a child is not potty trained and doesn't have a medical reason for that they are probably not violating anything by denying admission.