Pregnant 20 year old

[Cooky]

.

 

[Hannathy]

the programs are in place for a reason and THERE IS NOTHING WRONG with using them to help make your life better in the long run!

The programs are in place to help people who need help through no fault of their own and would be hungry or homeless without them NOT to make your life better, not to take the easy and irresponsible way out, no to not own up to your own children who you created through you own desire. They didn't have to sleep together.

I don't read this as a rape situation so they chose to have this child because every time you CHOOSE to have sex you are risking creating a life that you are responsible for. That is why you are told not to have sex until you are ready to care for what could result. They are in college they are not stupid they made the child they should take care of it OR they should not have been sleeping together. Remember Nancy Reagan and just say no well it applies to sex also unless you are ready to live with the consequences.

 

[robinb]

wow!!!! I think I'm glad your not my mom!!! Sometimes people need help! Maybe by using these services and continuing to go to school fulltime they will be able to give their child a better life! Sometimes people who quit can get sidetracked and are never able to go back. it can be a never ending cycle. the programs are in place for a reason and THERE IS NOTHING WRONG with using them to help make your life better in the long run!

And, in turn, becoming a contributing member of society. Personally, I would prefer to see both of them stay in school rather than quit for a minimum wage job. A little help now will pay dividends when the mom and dad graduate and have higher paying jobs which will result in more taxes for the government.

 

[ceecee]

The programs are in place to help people who need help through no fault of their own and would be hungry or homeless without them NOT to make your life better, not to take the easy and irresponsible way out, no to not own up to your own children who you created through you own desire. They didn't have to sleep together.

I don't read this as a rape situation so they chose to have this child because every time you CHOOSE to have sex you are risking creating a life that you are responsible for. That is why you are told not to have sex until you are ready to care for what could result. They are in college they are not stupid they made the child they should take care of it OR they should not have been sleeping together. Remember Nancy Reagan and just say no well it applies to sex also unless you are ready to live with the consequences.

They are meant to be short term solutions ie: job loss. A girl that went to college with me was on her 3rd associate degree and getting WIC, free bus transport, free electric, rent and college. Some of us were struggling and she even got assistance w/book fees and day care. Sounds like one of them needs to get a job with benefits and THEN go back to college when they can. That's what used to happen to people in this situation before there were so many public assistance programs.

 

[AlexTina]

wow, I love how quick people are to judge. People who work and still qualify for programs like medicaid, foodstamps, and wic are not sponging off others. And should not be ashamed for applying for them.With the economy like it is how can we be so cold?

I was an unwed mother and wouldnt have survived without the help the government provided me. i worked until i was placed on bedrest and returned to work as soon as I was cleared to do so. My husband and I have had to turn to DSS for help more than once. Not because we dont work hard, plan ahead and try our best, but because of circumstance.

We are in better shape these days thanks to careful planning, saving and working hard.. (thus the planned Disney trip!)
But like most americans, we arent too many paychecks from disaster. Dont be so fast as to say that "you never would" or to shame someone for needing a hand. No one PLANS to get themselves into this position. Have a little compassion!

I have to agree with many of the OP. I think it is great that the aunt is willing to help out with child care but the buck stops with the parents of this new baby. They made a concious decision and now they are going to have to deal with the consequesnces of that decision, if that means that only one of them can continue a full time education then so be it. This is one of the major problems with out society, no one is made to be responsible for their actions.

ohanaMAMA, your post is a perfect example. You state that you and your DH have had to turn to DSS many times due to circumstances, apparently according to your post your doing better now and as a result have a trip coming up in less than 3 weeks, then you go on to state that you are not too many paychecks away from disaster but rather than pad that emergency fund a bit further and better your chances for avoiding disaster your going to spend the funds on a trip. Since you've had success in the past with DSS your probably not to worried because you figure you'll just request help again if needed. This is a perfect example of people becoming dependent on someone else to bail them out and doing what they want in the here and now rather than planning and insuring their future success.

I'm not saying you don't deserve your trip or that it is in anyway my business, but you put it out there.

 

[torinsmom]

I don't feel at all that what I did was wrong. Medicaid and WIC are there to help low income people who need them. I used them for the one year and we made sure in that time, we prepared for the long-term. I don't believe in these or food stamps and cash aid as a long term solution, but in a temporary situation, they can be a God send. I HAD a job and so did my then boyfriend, but what was I supposed to when neither of our jobs gave us insurance? And when I couldn't pay for formula(I could not BF due to medication)? Where were we supposed to get the money? I was already pregnant and you can't take that back. I was back working as a nanny when DS was 2 weeks old, and my ex had two jobs. I had worked since I was 16 and the longest I have ever been not employed is 3 weeks between graduating high school and starting college.

Everyone makes mistakes and I don't think we should judge without knowing all the circumstances.

Marsha

 

[Cooky]

.

 

[luvdzny]

They are young, healthy adults who are in all likelihood going to have a healthy baby. They chose to have sex. They are the ones who are responsible for providing for their own child. I see no reason whatsover that they would need to be dependant on anyone else whether it be extended family or taxpayers. This is not an extreme crisis situation that no one could have anticipated. Having a baby and caring for it is what people do.

I do think it's wonderful that the OP has offered to help with childcare - that is what family is for and it's wonderful that she can do that. But the buck stops with the child's parents.

My thoughts exactly, mom can work and still go to school part time. Is dad working? They should have thought about all of this before deciding to have sex.

 

[ceecee]

No one PLANS to get themselves into this position. Have a little compassion!

Unfortunately a lot of people don't PLAN NOT to be in that position either. We postponed many things until we had plenty saved "in case" something would happen...then we took vacations, fixed the house, bought new clothes or whatever. Our big treat 20 years ago was $1 movie and ice cream at McD's! While I'm glad those days are behind us, it does make you more aware of your situation and how you don't want to live.

 

[Tink-aholic]

I was already pregnant and you can't take that back.

What a ridiculous statement. No one who gets pregnant HAS to finish the pregnancy, nor does the woman have to raise that child. Just because neither may be choices that you chose, it doesn't mean that the "only" choice is welfare.

 

[Hannathy]

What a ridiculous statement. No one who gets pregnant HAS to finish the pregnancy, nor does the woman have to raise that child. Just because neither may be choices that you chose, it doesn't mean that the "only" choice is welfare.

That is a very good point. Maybe the best thing for the child and parents in this case would be adoption. Then they get to finish school and some family that really wants a child gets it.

 

[torinsmom]

What a ridiculous statement. No one who gets pregnant HAS to finish the pregnancy, nor does the woman have to raise that child. Just because neither may be choices that you chose, it doesn't mean that the "only" choice is welfare.

You still can't take back being pregnant, even if you have an abortion or give the child up. I do not believe in abortion and would never give my child up, so there was no other choice but to raise my son, who is now 16. I was talking about my situation.

I could have quit my job and gotten free housing, food stamps and cash aid in addition to the one years worth of Medicaid and WIC, but I did not do that. Both I and the baby's father worked our butts off so that when that year was up, we had insurance for all of us and enough money to pay for formula. We used the help we got as it was intended, as a hand up.

I guess you think no child should get free lunch or toys through the Toys for Tots program? I mean, its the parents fault for not making enough money to be able to pay for their lunch or buy them a toy. And what about homeless shelters? Should we shut them all down, since many who are homeless are homeless because they did not have an emergency fund?

 

[BubMunkeyBles]

That is a very good point. Maybe the best thing for the child and parents in this case would be adoption. Then they get to finish school and some family that really wants a child gets it.

I must have missed where the OP said they didn't want the child.

 

[torinsmom]

That is a very good point. Maybe the best thing for the child and parents in this case would be adoption. Then they get to finish school and some family that really wants a child gets it.

Just because a child isn't planned doesn't mean it isn't wanted. My son was very wanted and loved from the moment I found out I was pregnant, even though he was a surprise. He is great kid, and I don't regret asking for temporary help so that I could better care for him when he was an infant.

 

[Hannathy]

I must have missed where the OP said they didn't want the child.

Well I WANT a lot of things but if I can't afford them and haven't planned for them I need to look at all my options responsibly not just assume everyone else wants to pay for my lack of planning.

 

[BubMunkeyBles]

Well I WANT a lot of things but if I can't afford them and haven't planned for them I need to look at all my options responsibly not just assume everyone else wants to pay for my lack of planning.

Lots of people are poor and pay for their kids without living on the system, they just live very minimally. Because a few posters mentioned WIC and Medicaid etc people are assuming this couple can't, where none of that was mentioned in the OP.

There's lots of ways to save money on babies. We use generic formula (Sams Cub), cloth diaper, shop at consignment sales. Besides health insurance babies do not HAVE to cost a lot of money. People will sacrifice a lot for something they want is all I'm saying. I feel like people are being quick to judge.

 

[Cooky]

.

 

[Purseval]

In case people missed the original post it was asking for advice on insurance. The food stamps, welfare and other ways to leech off of the taxpayers were suggested by people other than the OP. I prefer to give them the benefit of the doubt and assume that applying for benefits would be a last resort and not a first.

 

[MomRN]

This could have almost been my story, 5 years ago.

However, let's go back 10 years ago, when my first husband and I were married. I was told by 3 separate doctors that in order to get pregnant there would need to be "medical intervention" (this was after trying for 2 years). Well through a divorce and remarriage, "unprotected" for a total of 5 years... I became pregnant.

It was my second year of nursing school and my husband had been laid off 2 months prior. We had no insurance. We were lucky to have $5 to our name. I debated about quitting school and getting a job, but around here the best you can do with a high school diploma is about $10/hr, and my husband was already searching for a job to no avail. There was one company I thought I may be able to get on, through a friend... but in the end I decided to finish school (the company I could have gotten a job at moved out of town a year later).

I alreay worked part-time, so I picked up another part-time job while in school. We used Medicaid, WIC, and for a few months, even food stamps. It was not pleasant, and not something I would want to do again. My MIL owned a daycare that my son to. A year after he was born my husband could still not find full-time employment, so he returned to school.

We survived in a large part due to student loans... I owe a lot, but I have a decent paying job that is pretty reliable.

And I figure this... after my husband is done with school we will probably make around $125,000/yr at our best earning potential. Without our degrees, we would probably make @40,000. Take the tax difference X 20-30 years, and I think we will have paid back what we used.

She should finish school, but hopefully she's going for a worthwhile degree.

 

[MrsPete]

I disagree. There is something wrong with using them because you don't feel like sacrificing. They got pregnant so they chose to mess up the go to school full time and be students. They need to figure out if either one of them can continue to be students and I doubt both can go full time. 1 needs to get a full time job and possibly 1 can go full time and finish quickly or maybe both need to work and go part time. sorry but there are consequences to every action. And making others pay for yours when you could be is not one of them I believe in.

Harshly worded, but not wrong.

They've chosen to have a child. They're adults, and they understand that sex leads to babies.

THEY should do what they can FIRST, then ask for help only when they've exhausted their own resources and abilities. Asking for help shouldn't be the first-string plan.