Pre-K bullying

[Disney Doll]

My kids aren't perfect by any means LOL. I have found what works best for my kids which is discussing there actions and how they affect others. I just don't see how yelling at a child is going to help anyone

It helped me just fine. WhenI did something wrong, I got yelled at. Again, it was that whole "cause/effect" thing. Amazingly enough, I am not a serial killer or homeless. I am gainfully employed, happily married and love and get along with my parents pretty well.

 

[SnowWhite607]

My kids aren't perfect by any means LOL. I have found what works best for my kids which is discussing there actions and how they affect others. I just don't see how yelling at a child is going to help anyone

Thast real nice....BUT when talking and exploring our feelings and putting ourselves int he shoes of others isnt working, then perhaps its time to try something else.

I dont know about the case of the OP, but for my personal experience, nothing had been done about this kid, my DD told her to stop and she didnt, the teacher told her to stop and she STILL pushed her backstage so apparently she wasnt getting the message.

 

[happygirl]

Snowwhite I'm sure you are a great teacher I just see things differently then you do. I think it's the parents job to make the kids mind if they don't do it I'm not sure what comes next but I don't think it a stranger place to do it.

 

[SnowWhite607]

You don't think kids with IEP need special discpline?? I just wanna know so I'm not making assumptions here

I was a special ed teacher for 15 years so I know all about special ed discipline. (this was back when they called them behavior disordered)

Lets just agree to disagree and move on......

 

[happygirl]

It helped me just fine. WhenI did something wrong, I got yelled at. Again, it was that whole "cause/effect" thing. Amazingly enough, I am not a serial killer or homeless. I am gainfully employed, happily married and love and get along with my parents pretty well.

I'm happy for you. That isn't the case for everyone

 

[happygirl]

I was a special ed teacher for 15 years. (back when they used to call them behavior disordered) You do not want to go there and debate special ed discipline with me.

It amazes me how some people just spend their time logging onto threads so they can . I have seen several posts on different threads by you and it seems that you just want to purposely disagree with whatever the original topic was. Not everything has to be an argument. Some people think one way, you think another. Fine. Log on, state your opinion but you dont have to stick around to negate every thing that someone else says. Geez.

Lets just agree to disagree and move on......uness you want to "talk about our feelings".

I'm sorry I don't just agree to disagree if I feel strongly about something. I think that would make the board boring if everyone agreeded to disagree. I had left the post all day and just got back on when you are the one who took the time to quote and respond to me. I wonder who really stirring the pot by quoting me so much I'm flattered you spend so much time remember where I post and what I post about. If you don't like what I post ignore me.

 

[SnowWhite607]

gee, so hostile! I remember you because extreme negativism in every situation is hard to forget.

 

[happygirl]

gee, so hostile! I remember you because extreme negativism in every situation is hard to forget.

I love the personal slams

 

[mjkacmom]

Please show me in my above post where I said it was okay to yell at a child or that I, myself had yelled at a child. Perhaps we are reading 2 different posts??

I said I TOLD the girl not to put her hands on my child, not yelled or screamed at her. You have no way of knowing what tone or volume I used.

I also said SOME of the anger should be focused on the bully's parents. I dont ever remember saying that I approved of yelling at a small child. But thank you for making assumptions and then insulting my teaching skills. Nice.

Wow - you need to get over your dd being pushed into the cake! This little boy pushes a child (because that never happens), and not only is he now a bully, but anger needs to be directed towards his parents, because obviously they're not doing a good job, because preschoolers never push, unless they're subjected to bad parenting. My children have (of course) been pushed, hit, bitten, tripped, kicked, etc., by other children. Kids need to learn proper behavior, but it takes time. I don't assume kids are bullies, just because they can't control their impulses when they're little.

 

[DisneyMomx7]

Excuse me, but how do you know this is PRE START TIME? Do you know the exact set up of every school situation and the exact role of the teacher at that time of the morning? And she isn't dumping him on anyone, so please do not insinuate that. How rude and presumptuous.

I came in on this thread late, but I have to tell you, Java is the last poster who would ever by rude and/or presumptuous. She was merely giving her advice and opinion.

If you post on a board be prepared for responses that aren't exactly the way you want them to be.

BTW I have 7 kids and I do think your sister over-reacted. She could have told the child not to push her son but to yell and scare a pre-schooler could also be interpreted as bullying.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Well, I don't want to label Java as rude or presumptuous...

But, she is indeed very wrong on this issue.
I don't think it matters what State she is in.

Either the place is open for drop offs, with appropriate staff on duty, or it should be locked up.

I don't care what the details are.

I think that in any state it would be a crime for any parent or day-care center to leave (or allow) unsupervised three year olds.

 

[Wishing on a star]

About the whole IEP issue.

My son has a serious learning disability, he has been on an IEP....

I can guarantee you that a disability does NOT prohibit discipline.

There may be alternative methods, etc...
But, IEP or not.... It is NEVER okay for a child to physically accost (push, shove, hit, kick, spit, etc...)

According to the law, these things can still be grounds for immediate dismissal. Just under a slightly different process.

 

[Wishing on a star]

And truthfully, I can't believe that you think it's acceptable for a larger child to be allowed to push a smaller child repeatedly and have the smaller child's mother stand there and watch or run and get the teacher.

Ummmm, stand there and watch....
You failed to mention the one appropriate option....

The parent should take their own young child and remove them from the situation. While informing the staff of the situation. This is not something happened in an open public area. There were staff on hand.

I think it might be okay for a parent to say something like "Please keep your hands to yourself...." It is not like one can't say anything at all. But, if we are going to debate parenting techniques and boundaries here... It probably is not okay to raise your voice to somebody else's small child.

 

[SnowWhite607]

Wow - you need to get over your dd being pushed into the cake! This little boy pushes a child (because that never happens), and not only is he now a bully, but anger needs to be directed towards his parents, because obviously they're not doing a good job, because preschoolers never push, unless they're subjected to bad parenting. My children have (of course) been pushed, hit, bitten, tripped, kicked, etc., by other children. Kids need to learn proper behavior, but it takes time. I don't assume kids are bullies, just because they can't control their impulses when they're little.

Well you try to have your DD ready to dance on stage at her recital and have someone do something to her for no good reason (this child is 9 years old so she definitely knew better) and then she would have to dance on stage with chocolate cake on her butt so bad that it looks like she had an accident in her pants......THEN you can say to "get over it".

 

[jpaxton1118]

Sorry but this thread cracks me up. How can a mother drop off her child at a daycare facility before you are allowed? That is not possible. So if she did drop him off before his class started it was with another adult who would supervise. No one can just drop off their kid anytime on the playground. Give me a break. So there was a techer there, maybe she was not paying attention which is a common thing when there are other kids there. If it were my kid I would not have yelled but I would have said something to the kid and the teacher.

And this whole thing about just talking to a young child about their actions is stupid. Children need discipline. Oh lets talk about your actions and you understand is nuts. People talk about how these kids don't know that they are wrong and you should talk to them about it. Well I talk to my kids and tell them they are wrong but they are also disciplined if they do it again. If they are old enough to just be talked to then they are old enough to know that being physical with another child is wrong. There are other ways of disciplining a child then spanking also, so don't think that is where I am coming from.

What it comes down to is there is no right or wrong way of handling this kind of situtation. It is not like she hit the kid or anything.

 

[shellybaxter]

And this whole thing about just talking to a young child about their actions is stupid. Children need discipline.

What it comes down to is there is no right or wrong way of handling this kind of situtation. It is not like she hit the kid or anything.

Discipline comes from the word disciple which loosely translated means "to be lead". Leadership is about development and discussion, not about punishment. Children do need discipline, which begins with discussion and understanding.

There is a right way of handling a situation in a preschool setting. Whether she hit the child or not is irrelivant. The school could be sanctioned for allowing harsh screaming that freightens a child.

 

[jpaxton1118]

Discipline comes from the word disciple which loosely translated means "to be lead". Leadership is about development and discussion, not about punishment. Children do need discipline, which begins with discussion and understanding.

I did say that. I said I tell my children when they are wrong and punish when they do it again. I think that just saying discussion is the only way is silly.

 

[dogluva]

I came in on this thread late, but I have to tell you, Java is the last poster who would ever by rude and/or presumptuous. She was merely giving her advice and opinion.

If you post on a board be prepared for responses that aren't exactly the way you want them to be.

BTW I have 7 kids and I do think your sister over-reacted. She could have told the child not to push her son but to yell and scare a pre-schooler could also be interpreted as bullying.

I have six kids and I also think she over reacted. Especially where she said the little boy was about to wet his pants. That really bothered me. I have seen kids push, shove, hit, whatever my kids and my kids have probably done the same to other kids. It sometimes is a stage they go through. Doesn't mean there is bad parenting or the kids is going to grow up to be a murder. The shoved kids isn't going to be traumatized for the rest of his life (it actually might toughen him up).

Some of you are taking this to the extreme. Yes, sorry, but kids will be kids.

 

[allison443]

I have six kids and I also think she over reacted. Especially where she said the little boy was about to wet his pants. That really bothered me. I have seen kids push, shove, hit, whatever my kids and my kids have probably done the same to other kids. It sometimes is a stage they go through. Doesn't mean there is bad parenting or the kids is going to grow up to be a murder. The shoved kids isn't going to be traumatized for the rest of his life (it actually might toughen him up).

Some of you are taking this to the extreme. Yes, sorry, but kids will be kids.

I agree with you, I think it was an overreaction. The OP seemed so proud about her sister "scaring the poop out of the bully" and yelling so loud the 5 year old almost wet his pants. I don't think the sister was wrong to say something, but an adult feeling so righteous and self-satisfied about scaring a five year old kid? Why couldn't she just say something in a normal tone of voice? Sounds like the adult was a bully too! JMO.

 

[donald&daisy]

I'm not a parent. Therefore my opinion probably carries no weight but I didn't think the OP's sister was totally out of line. I would said something to the kid and the teacher. It also sounds like she only said one sentence to the kid and as far as the "about to wet his pants" thing goes, it sounded like an exageration. If I was the parent of the kid doing the pushing I wouldn't have a problem with what the sister did, but I wouldn't have condoned anything further than her giving my kid a stern warning. The best course of action would have been to tell the teacher.