Potty training son afraid of the high powered toilet

[Hillbeans]

Ugh....If you asked me 3.5 years ago when I had my son if I expected i'd still be buying pull-ups/diapers i'd have laughed in your face. I often think of the DIS poster Snoopy's quote about Dave Barry saying that the people who are perfect parents are the ones who offer advice but don't actually have children. That used to be me, and i'd have thought someone who had a 3.5 yo not trained was a bad parent.

I'm at my wits end. My son has been so hard to potty train. If it's not one thing it's the other. Just when I got him to learn how to stand, now he's afraid of the super flush toilets in restaurants. It never fails, anytime i'm at Target (or today Sports Authority) he goes # 2 in his pull-up. I just can't get him trained. I've tried Underwear, pull-ups, running around with no clothes, bribes, yelling, begging, pleading......

Right now he'll stay fairly dry at night (say 5 of 7 nights) and will go about 5 times a day (#1) but i'm so exasperated because I know he knows what to do and how to do it (he did # 2 for a whole week in March and then stopped).

Tell me there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

-Hillary

 

[Nancy]

There is a light....as the Mom of one of my best friends told me I've never seen an adult in diapers walking down the aisle to get married. Try not to stress..believe it or not these things usually take care of themselves somewhere down the line. Maybe he is sensing your anxiety and it's causing him to be nervous...but 3 yr olds don't know they are nervous.

My oldest had the hardest time with BM's...nothing worked, so I pretty much ignored it. I did take her shopping and she picked up some "special" undies. I then showed her the yucky stains in her undies at home that mommy just couldn't get clean so she can't wear her new ones until she starts going in the potty all the time. It was then up to her to go or not. It took a few weeks...a few times being told that "no, you can't wear the "special" undies yet". She did figure it out on her own not too much later.

 

[Kallison]

OK I was just reading this post to my 14 year old who was FOUR and still going poopy in his pants. He laughed and said tell her how you trained me? He had an 18 mos. old brother and a 1 mos. old sister and all three of them were still in diapers, plus I wanted him to go to preschool. When he pooped, I made him pull a stool up to the kitchen sink and wash out his own pants. It only happened once and he was done with that. The other two I just let them do their own thing, never even got the stupid potty seat out again. I have pictures of middle DS holding his sister up on the potty when she was 2. Youngest DS was terrified of the high power toilets at Disney. I would follow her in, and cover the light with my hand until she was done, off the pot and out the stall door. No kindergartener goes to school with diapers, so it will happen..............hang in there.

 

[piratesmate]

Those toilets are scary to kids even older than your DS!

Do you go into the stall & stay with him? If so, just put your hand in front of the sensor BEFORE he sits or stands. Don't remove it until he is finished & stands up. DD was about 5 when they started installing those things. This was the only way I could get her to use one.

Hang in there - it does get better.

 

[Jenn Lynn]

It took DD a while to get used to the "big potty" and the noisy flush.

Does he go on the "big potty" at home? It took me buying one of those seats that fit over it for kids for DD to go in the public restrooms. She just got used to the big one at home and will now do the public ones no problem.

As far as the noise. I talk to her about while she is going. I tell her it's going to flush, Mommy is right here, it's ok, etc. I also put myself between her and the toilet while I (she) pull up her pants.

We had to get rid of the pull-ups with DD in order to get her trained. Yes, it was scary going out in public with no security. We had a few accidents, but I did carry a change of clothes with me for a while. And we also had to start not making a big deal out of an accident used calm voices and reminded her where to go. And be consistent.

Good Luck!

 

[believe]

My oldest DD would not go on the self-flushing toilets...until I did what the above poster said. If the sensor is on the wall, put your hand over it. If the sensor is part of the toilet, put some toilet paper over it.

 

[Hillbeans]

Thanks everyone. I'm so frustrated and I really feel like i'm trying everything.

Last week at the Mall I had him in underwear and he wet the floor at the Sketchers shoe store. It was such a mess. I know other people have said to just get rid of the pullups once and for all, however he'll still "go" in his underwear.

He can hold it 9 hours some nights. I think the bigger factor here is that he doesn't care that he's in pull-ups. Ugh.

 

[Breezy_Carol]

My DD would only go in white toilets. It is amazing how many toilets in malls and restaurants are either stainless steel or black. We went to a friend's house and every toilet in their home was pink. She finally got over that one.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

My younger dd was just awful to train. She was almost 4!
She did have constipation issues which was part of the problem.

I stopped all pullups and put her back in diapers. She was happy about it. But it did give me enough of a break to figure out my next move.

I told her she was going to poop on the pot and that was that. She did it a couple of times and then never looked back.

Good Luck!

 

[zaxmom]

This is kind of a control issue. The parent just needs to realize that they do not have any! This is the only thing that the kid can control and you cannot make them do. I got my son to quit pooping in his pants by telling him before we went to Disney World that you can't do that there. They won't let you. It actually worked and he was trained from then on. My neighbor just tried this and her little girl had no accidents for the vacation and got home and went back to her normal routine. I had a major problem with my older son. He even had 2 accidents in kindergarten last year. You are not alone! Ask him what it is going to take. My friend's little girl is going to wait until she is 4. I think she may mean it, too.

 

[lacool]

I learned on these boards that you can cover the light on the self-flushing toilet with a band-aid or a post-it, but I guess just holding your hand there works too, as long as you don't have to move it to help your little one with the wiping. Good luck!

 

[HollyJoy]

There is!!! My oldest dd was afraid of them too! I remember she refused to use one at a rest stop because she was afraid of it. Try using the handicap stalls...they usually don't have the automatic flush. I tried making a game out of it... "try going before the potty flushes!" It eventually worked!

 

[jrydberg]

I've never known a kid to go to high school still in diapers Sooner or later it all works out (I know, you wish it was sooner). I had similar problems with my daughter for a variety of reasons. All I can really say is try to be patient and not get angry when accidents happen. My daughter did eventually sort it out, your son will too. Good luck with everything.

 

[HisEllyNelly]

LOL....sorry I just think its funny that my DD isnt the only one afraid of the "BIG FLUSHES"...and she is going to be 6. She always makes me cover the light or flush for her after she leaves the stall. She just doesnt like loud noises.

 

[mickeyboat]

My three year old will not use a port-a-potty. I can't say that I blame her, but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.

I was a lucky mommy as far as training for #2 goes. There was never a differentiation between #1 and #2, both girls started doing both at the same time. Nighttime training is another story. DD4 is completely trained, DD3 still has some issues, like when she drinks a lot before bedtime or falls asleep at night before she uses the potty. They still take naps at day care and the provider makes them wear pull-ups. When DD3 has them on, she knows she can pee in them so she does. But she almost never has an accident at night, so I know she is just being lazy.

Nap time will end when they go to Pre-K this year, so hopefully the problem will resolve itself.

Good luck to all of you!

Denae

 

[hipporina]

If you are having a problem at home too, I am dealing with a similar situation. We just got DS 4.5 to adopt 2 weeks ago. He came to us not potty trained. According to the foster parents, he had never pooped in the potty. I know that mine is a slightly different situation because he is older and has some emotional issues coming into play, but we are making huge progress and he hasn't pooped in his pants in days. Here's what we did/are doing:

- Put him in undies all day - Wearing Pull-ups tells them its okay

- Make him clean it up everytime he goes in undies. (This isn't fun, because he is messy, but I think it is important. When he got it all over himself, I showered him off then made him clean the shower out. He also rinses out his undies and puts them in the washing machine.)

- If he has never gone, get him a bribe for the first time. Mine was a Thomas the Train book (he loves trains). When he goes praise him HUGE!

- Offer a reward for every increment he goes only using the potty (make it a positive thing "If you go until lunch only going in the potty, you get this" not "If you go until lunch without going in your undies...") I use candy, but you can use whatever you want and will work for your kid.

- When he uses the potty, offer him another reward (we do another piece of candy) and praise, Praise, PRAISE!! Make a big deal out of it and overdo it.

Another key for us has been to not let our aggravation show when he goes in his pants. This part is hard for me, because I know he knows better, but I'm just very matter-of-fact about it and tell him, "Okay, go clean yourself up" then oversee the cleaning without giving him extra attention.

I know you must be feeling so frustrated. Good luck, and let us know how it goes.

 

[CEDmom]

My DD is afraid of those toilets as well. I go in the stall with her and help her so she can cover her ears. As long as she can do that she's ok. BTW, she's still in pullups at nights and at almost 5 is in no rush to get out of them. We've tried holding back liquids and having her go without the pullup several times for a few days each time. After trying it and getting up to change pj's and sheets several times a night we went back to the pullup.

As you know, each child is different and they don't come with owner manuals . I've heard from friends that this problem is common with boys. One friend did try the washing underpants threat and it worked.

We had problems recently with DD having frequent "accidents" because she didn't want to stop playing to go to the bathroom. My wise mother suggested that after DD did this to calmly explain that I wouldn't be able to take her to the playground/read her a story etc because I now had laundry to do. That and just waiting it out seemed to do the trick.

Good luck.

 

[CamColt]

There is light! And about 4 years ago I was right in your position. My DS was 3 1/2 and not trained. Of course I heard all those people.."well my kid was trained at 2 or 2 1/2...theres no reason he cant be".
The biggest lesson I learned was you cant force it on them. They will do it when they are ready and not before. We tried all the tricks in the book, shooting cereal, bribes, gifts, the running around naked, pull ups, no pull ups...everything we heard, we tried with no luck. Finally it just clicked one day and he got it...just in time for him to start preschool that fall.
The good thing about him being trained late was that he never had an accident.
Hang in there...it will happen!

 

[Pembo]

My pediatrician said that "he'll take off his diaper when he wants to go to prom".

Smile, this too shall pass. Good luck......

 

[piratesmate]

An aside to CEDmom: We had friends whose DD was having trouble at night - until she was like 6. I remembered reading that sometimes a milk allergy/sensitivity/whatever could contribute to it.

So when she stayed with us for a couple weeks, I asked her if she wanted to try skipping milk in the evenings to see if it helped. She agreed & had no milk after like 3 I think. Anyway, the whole time she was with us she had no accidents. Not scientific proof, of course, but it's a thought.

BTW - When she went home, her mother was very annoyed with me & insisted on milk with dinner & at bedtime. The problems started again...until her DD refused to drink milk in the evenings again.

Believe me, I'm well aware that the whole thing could have been psychological - this was the woman who "ran away from home" & left her kids home alone (2, 4 & 6 - the others were at school). Fortunately, she called me soon after she left & I went down to get the girls.

Back on topic ....

Hillbeans, how's it going?