Potty accidents and PreK

[FranP]

I need some advice. My GS3.5 started PreK in September. He is doing well with potty training, but has had two small BM accidents while at school. Everything else at school seems to be going well - this is his first time away from home, no daycare, etc. and he is riding the bus and getting better at his listening skills, etc. Now the teacher has sent my daughter a "threatening" message saying she will have to speak to the principal about this. What happened to positive reinforcement and encouragement?? We are trying very hard to help him get this and the pressure on her is not going to help him at all. Can they kick a kid out of preK for this??? It is in a public school, but my daughter has to pay for it. Help!!!!!!!!

 

[Erin1700]

Honestly, yes they can kick a kid out of PreK for not being potty trained. Was he fully trained before school started or did your daughter have to hurry up and train him so he could go to school? (lots of people do that, nothing against your daughter)
The teacher should try to identify ways to help him not mess his pants. But if that doesn't work, they may have to try him again next year. The Health Burearu (sp?) sets the regulations usually about if kids need to be potty trained to attend.

 

[mytwotinks]

They would probably not be making such a big deal if it had been two accidents where he just got wet. Preschools don't really have the staff to take one out of the room for extended periods of time to clean up the mess.

If he was potty trained and this was just from the stress, I'd talk to the teacher about it. But, like the earlier poster said, if he wasn't "really" all the way potty trained your daughter may be out of luck. He's got plenty of time for preschool though.

 

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

When my DS was that age he had surgery on his thumb. I told the teacher he might need some help getting his pants up and down while his thumb/hand were still wrapped. She said the teachers aren't allowed to help with bathroom issues - they have to call an administrator to come down and assist the child. Luckily the office was very understanding and they didn't mind helping DS.
The regulations for things like that are very clear, and the school would be risking their license if they didn't follow the rules. If there is just one teacher in the classroom then she really can't stop teaching to clean up potty accidents. Good luck!

 

[DisneyAddict_M]

When my dd was in Pre-K she wet her pants a few times. Her teacher called Child Services on me and my house had to be inspected and my dd looked over to make sure I wasn't abusing her. I was never more embarrassed, appalled and disgusted. She was 3, for heaven's sake! Luckily the teacher only lasted another month.

 

[FranP]

The kid is extremely intelligent - already knows the alphabet (sounds and words begniing with A, etc.), all the colors, shapes, numbers, etc. He has an extensive vocabulary for a 3 year old. We want him to have the socialization he needs, etc. He has a 9 month old sister (the reason why we delayed starting the training, books said not to try bit while a traumatic event like the birth of a sibling was going on), and she gets along with him well, but he needs kids his own age. He was doing very well with the training, so we can only assume that the stress of being in school might have a little to do with it. It would be a waste of the kid's intelligence to keep him home, I think. We just keep trying to help him get better at potty time.

 

[mytwotinks]

When my dd was in Pre-K she wet her pants a few times. Her teacher called Child Services on me and my house had to be inspected and my dd looked over to make sure I wasn't abusing her. I was never more embarrassed, appalled and disgusted. She was 3, for heaven's sake! Luckily the teacher only lasted another month.

That is crazy! Elementary school kids wet their pants at the begining of the year from the stress! Mine did it twice in Kind pretty much just because she didn't "feel" like stopping and going potty.

I can only imagine how scary that was for you. It sounds like whoever made the call shared a little more than just the potty accidents. I hope she doesn't make a practice of disrupting people's lives like that often.

 

[mickeyboat]

Try a reward chart. It worked well for my kids. Also talk to the teacher about their "potty procedure." Do they wait for the kids to say they need to go? Are there scheduled potty breaks throughout the day? Is there a certain time of day when your DGS is having accidents?

I am sure the school will work with you to an extent, but they are not in the business of potty training, and I can understand why they cannot have a child in the classroom who is frequently not making it to the bathroom.

Good luck.

Denae

 

[KAMLEM]

What happened to positive reinforcement and encouragement?? We are trying very hard to help him get this and the pressure on her is not going to help him at all.

The issue is that most teachers don't have time to deal with issues like this individually. The teacher may also be a little frustrated if she was told that the child was potty trained and now he is having accidents. It's very different than just wetting.

 

[taximomfor4]

lots of illnesses are spread by bm contamination. My youngest, for whatever reason, had trouble potty training completely (still having accidents at 5). She couldn't go to preschool or pre-k at all. Went straight to K, and now in 1st is top of the class. Kids don't all NEED preschool. HTH some.

 

[Michelle67]

When my dd was in Pre-K she wet her pants a few times. Her teacher called Child Services on me and my house had to be inspected and my dd looked over to make sure I wasn't abusing her. I was never more embarrassed, appalled and disgusted. She was 3, for heaven's sake! Luckily the teacher only lasted another month.

That's insane! Kids are all different. Some take longer to train than others, and a lot of basically PT kids take a few steps backward when they go to school because they are in an unfamiliar situation and because they get too busy having fun to stop.

My son went to pre-K last year and was not fully potty trained yet. He didn't have to be. They reinforced potty training by sending the kids potty several times a day without the kids asking to go, and of course by allowing them to get up and go any time they needed to. But at least half of the kids there had a stash of pullups at school and sometimes needed them. They also kept spare underpants at school for accidents. This is our local public school, not a daycare Pre-K.

Best wishes, OP. I hope the situation works out for your grandson. It doesn't help to be embarrassed or pressured.

 

[jd_mouse]

In our school district, the child must be potty trained...not "in the process of being potty trained", but potty trained. Sure, kids have accidents, but
I think "doing well with potty training" suggests that maybe he is not to that point yet? Not knocking you or your GS, OP...maybe he just needs more time?

 

[FranP]

The teacher asked for a complete set of clothing at the beginning of the school year, so I would think that they expect accidents. These accidents were so slight, that they did not even change his underwear (I guess they just removed the little bit of poop that he did) - and he went a full poop today when he came home, after they said he had a BM in school - He's not that big a kid,I don't think he can make that much poop less than two hours apart. I appreciate your support, and no, we do not expect the school to train him, we just would hope for a little understanding.

 

[mamamary]

Both my kids went to pre-school at age 3. It was a private school. The rules were that you had to be potty trained to go. If the child was not potty trained then they recommended you wait another year. It was a small school and I can understand that they did not have the time to deal with kids having accidents.

 

[mamamary]

The teacher asked for a complete set of clothing at the beginning of the school year, so I would think that they expect accidents. These accidents were so slight, that they did not even change his underwear (I guess they just removed the little bit of poop that he did) - and he went a full poop today when he came home, after they said he had a BM in school - He's not that big a kid,I don't think he can make that much poop less than two hours apart. I appreciate your support, and no, we do not expect the school to train him, we just would hope for a little understanding.

We also had to supply a set a clothing but I think it was in case kids spilled something on their clothes or sometimes I heard that kids got sick and vomited and needed to change. I don't think the clothes were for potty accidents.

 

[bumbershoot]

The kid is extremely intelligent - already knows the alphabet (sounds and words begniing with A, etc.), all the colors, shapes, numbers, etc. He has an extensive vocabulary for a 3 year old. We want him to have the socialization he needs, etc. He has a 9 month old sister (the reason why we delayed starting the training, books said not to try bit while a traumatic event like the birth of a sibling was going on), and she gets along with him well, but he needs kids his own age. He was doing very well with the training, so we can only assume that the stress of being in school might have a little to do with it. It would be a waste of the kid's intelligence to keep him home, I think. We just keep trying to help him get better at potty time.

Honestly, it sounds like he was doing marvelously at home, with the help of you or his mom, or whoever else was helping him learn. Seems to me that if he joined in a group or two to meet other kids, but continued learning at home, he would probably continue on that amazing learning curve, rather than being pulled back to where the other 3.5 year olds are. And he wouldn't have whatever stress that's causing these accidents.

Full disclosure: I'm a current and future homeschooler, with a 4 year old who is thriving in his "academic" development (I would be fine with being really relaxed, since in WA official school doesn't even have to start until the age of 8, but he is requesting, nay, demanding, "school work" every day that hubby works, and will do that work for hours on end!) and who does want to have more social interaction (so we'll be joining some classes asap). I also didn't go to preschool, but went to Montessori from 4-6, and as soon as I started 1st grade I had to slow my learning WAY down, to fit in with the rest of the class.

 

[JimmyPicker]

My childrens school is very clear. They must be potty trained completely, no ifs, ands, or buts.

I doubt very seriously that they weuld freak out if a child had an accident (I know most of the staff very well, it's a small town), but it's not something they want to happen.

They asked for a change of clothing at the beginning of the year, but they also explained that it was in case they went outside and got muddy, or soiled their clothes while painting an art project, etc.

Best of luck, OP.

 

[FranP]

Well, my daughter got a call from the principal's office and he wants to meet with her and the teacher so they can determine whether or not he should be "dismissed" from PreK. She is really upset and can't believe that they would give up on him this quick - after all it's only been 3 weeks.

Also, I don't think it's impossible for a kid who's completely trained - no ifs, ands or buts - to have an accident, no kid is perfect.

Other than this, his behavior, on the bus and in class, has been fine - he goes to school happy and comes home happy. The classroom aide told her husband last week at open house that he was the cutest little boy. So from this past Thursday to today, he is worthy of dismissal.

 

[java]

Around here they have to be potty trained to attend preschool. Many "licensing laws" do not allow for diapering or changing a child.

So if he isn't trained sorry but maybe he should not be at preschool.

The change of clothes thing is for spills - or a bathroom accident. If it was a one time thing then maybe they would have let it slide- 2 times in 3 weeks(and I assuming he is going only 3 days a week?) so that's 2 in 9 days with an accident? Or does he go 5 days?

Just wanted to say that around here it is the law that forces this upon the schools. So they could potentially lose their licensing here if they have poop accidents.

 

[FranP]

This is public school, not private. This is a very bright child, with one problem - well, maybe "two" since he had two accidents. One earlier poster mentioned that the teacher would probably give my daughter some suggestions to help him - no, she didn't give any suggestions, she went right to the principal. I would have hoped there would have been a way to try to help the kid.