POSSIBLE DEBATE: Should parents hit their children in public??

[EsmeraldaX]

No they should not and to be honest, if I saw a child being hit by a parent and it was any more than a light tap on the butt I'd probably alert someone (security guard, store manager, etc. depending on where I was).

Parents should not take out their frustration on their child.

A light slap on the behind is probably okay, but I doubt it does much to deter the child from doing whatever they were doing.

And a lot of times kids are fussy in public because they are bored going shopping all day or doing other "grown up" things and so they fuss. Or because they want something and throw a tantrum if they are told no. Well, obviously if you take a small child to the toy aisle at Target she's going to want something!!!

I understand that the parents have to take the child with them when /if they can't/don't want to hire a sitter but skip the toy aisle if you don't want to hear the whining. These are children for pete's sake. If you show a 4 year old 3 aisles full of dolls, she's going to want one of them!

I have seen parents in the toy aisle at Target literally beating up their toddlers because the kid is whing that they want a toy. And yes, I have called security. Security can't do much, but at least it gets the parent to stop.

 

[caitycaity]

A light slap on the behind is probably okay, but I doubt it does much to deter the child from doing whatever they were doing.

were you spanked as a child?

seeing my dad come after me to give me a spanking (all of which were deserved) sure deterred me.

 

[EsmeraldaX]

Originally posted by caitycaity
were you spanked as a child?

seeing my dad come after me to give me a spanking (all of which were deserved) sure deterred me.

I was. And it never stopped me from what I was doing.



What really worked with me was either having privledges such as tv taken away or being told my parents were terribly dissapointed in me and lecturing me.

 

[stinkerbelle]

Originally posted by DisneyAddict_M
Swats on the bottom don't work for some (my dd just laughs at me, so she gets timeouts).

after a spanking my brother would turn to my mom and start singing "that didn't hu-urt, that didn't hu-urt!" hehehe

I once went to middle school with a fat lip after my mother slapped me just before school. (I had braces - so my lip swelled right up.) Teachers as me "why do you have a fat lip?"

I said "my mom slapped me"
"Why did your mother slap you?"
"I called her a witch" (umm- B-word actually)
"Oh - well, you deserved it"

that was in the late 80's...now if a kid goes to school with a fat lip, the department of child services is called.

 

[J/T Gramdma]

I have 3 kids 30/27/25/ and they turned out great with all the spanking they recieved. they never had a mark on them from any spanking they recieved. I agree they normally not be spanked in public but each situation is different. that said I also don't feel children after six deserve spanking as other corrections can be taken with more effective results, under six spanking is not the only correction but is taken when safety or respect is needed. basically use it under six when it is a last resort but never when angry .that said i know I will be flamed and disagreed with . I also never strike a chiold no matter what the reason if the child is not mine. What I do resent is parents that feel their childrens rights take precedence over any one elses including adults . imo they have the child that will grow up and try to to take my childs rights away by bullying or other methods.

 

[Miss Jasmine]

Same with me, Caity.

There is a BIG difference between a spanking and hitting.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I have to agree with Esmerelda's point, that obviously, in certain situations, small children will be prone to act-up... I firmly beleive that most of the time when children are acting up or having issues, that it is because the child is being pushed beyond their limits as children, or because there are underlying issues that the parent has not addressed. Sure, if a child is over-tired, hungry, on a sugar-high, stressed out by being pushed beyond their ability to deal with things... NEWS FLASH... Expect bad bahavior!!!

Spanking/Hitting does absolutely nothing to address the underlying causes and issues. Spanking/Hitting does absolutely nothing to discipline or 'teach' the child. If parents would spend a little more time being parents and meeting the needs of their small children, instead of automatically expecting them to act like tiny adults, or else be hit/spanked. I think this would make a huge difference!

 

[poohandwendy]

must....not...get...sucked...into....this...debate...yet...again....

 

[Miss Jasmine]

Well when I go to the store I see overly indulged spoiled brats that their parents bend over backwards to make happy. Some of them could use a little swat.

 

[nkjzmom]

I will agree that hitting and spanking are two completely different things. I agree that you should never hit your child, or verbally abuse them, ie scream, at home or in public. When I see that happen, I see the self-esteem of that child plunge and there goes the respect for the parent also. How can a child listen to/obey a parent they don't respect? That's how I feel.

I will be honest and state that we dole out the occasional spanking. This is after talking with, time-outs, warnings, etc. When it actually comes down to the spanking we will have given warning.

Now, I have a quiet voice, DH is loud and boisterous. I cringe when he raises his voice in public...I'm just sure that people think he's a terrible father. But that is, in fact, the complete opposite. He is one of the best fathers I've ever seen. He's just plain loud.

And like many of you I can't stand to see parents yelling/spanking their kids for doing KID things. That's bad parenting....If you take a child shopping at 11:30 at night you can expect them to act up THEY'RE TIRED!!!!!

 

[Pin Wizard]

I would much rather see a parent give one smack on the butt than see an unruly, disrepectful child. I know my own is great at home. When we're out, he pushes the limit to see what he can get away with. Usually, just the threat of taking TV away will be enough to straighten him out. Also depends on the age. At 11, I wouldn't. I can remember once as a kid, my mom came after me with a belt. No, never would even think of that one!!

 

[oogieboogie]

Hitting in public - Big No no

Spanking in public - that depends on the situation. For some kids, especially the under 5 crowd, sometimes spanking is the only way to get the message across.

I've seen time-outs work and I've seen them fail. I've also seen spanking work and fail too. I think it depends on the parent and the child. I don't approve of spanking in public, but I'm not going to say that the parent is abusive since I can relate and understand why they're doing it.

 

[Kallison]

When I grit my teeth, take them by the arm and gently steer them into a quiet area for an attitude adjustment -- that usually suffices.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Off Topic...

Hey PoohandWendy... I miss your old siggie thing... I LOVED it!!!

 

[meandtheguys2]

Originally posted by Kallison
When I grit my teeth, take them by the arm and gently steer them into a quiet area for an attitude adjustment -- that usually suffices.

Yeah...my kids hate the death grip, and my teeth grinding!

I think that about any consequence that is applied in a rational manner, consistently, works.

Did anyone bring out the popcorn yet?

 

[poohandwendy]

Originally posted by Wishing on a star
Off Topic...

Hey PoohandWendy... I miss your old siggie thing... I LOVED it!!!

LOL, thanks...totally appropriate for this thread, too. Hopefully when they (DIS gods of technical stuff) figure out the signature thing, it will be back...

 

[Robinrs]

Originally posted by Miss Jasmine
Well when I go to the store I see overly indulged spoiled brats that their parents bend over backwards to make happy. Some of them could use a little swat.

Amen!

I was spanked three times as a child and it taught me to NEVER do it again....

Nothing bothers me more than to see Mothers allowing children to run their lives while they whine and beg them to behave... see it everyday...

Abuse from an angry person and a spanking from a loving parent are NOT the same thing. Get a grip people. The difference is as far away as marital relations and rape.

 

[CEDmom]

Originally posted by Kallison
When I grit my teeth, take them by the arm and gently steer them into a quiet area for an attitude adjustment -- that usually suffices.

That works for DD as well. On a few occasions I have almost been reduced to using the old line "stop whining or I'll give you something to whine about".

 

[NMAmy]

I'm a little curious as to why people feel that it's ok in private, but not in public. If you're proud to be a spanker, why not just do it right out in the open?

My mother was borderline abusive with me as a child. I was spanked with a yardstick and yes, it left bruises. I was slapped with braces and had a fat lip. My mother and I have made peace with that but I swore I would never treat a child so disrespectfully and I haven't.

I remember my child telling a friend when she was young, "My mom is not a spanking mom; she's a talking mom." Sometimes I think she'd rather have the punishment be over with quickly as opposed to having to live with the consequences of her behavior for a longer period of time. I believe she learns more from this kind of punishment (timeouts and discussion when younger, removal of priviliges and discussion now that she's older) than I ever did from my mom's.

For the record, DD was never allowed to misbehave in public places. We would leave the area immediately and she would get a time out in the car.

 

[meandtheguys2]

I believe the difference is that spanking in public would be a humiliation to the child. That isn' the purpose of discipline. I am sorry that you suffered abuse. It sounds as though your mom had her own issues to deal with. Anger is never the way to handle anyone, IMO.