POLL: Honey, you're fat.

[LuvsDragonflies]

Okay, so in conjunction with another thread. If your SO told you that you should find out what soandso was doing because they looked great, on more than one occasion AND in front of soandso, would you be hurt/angry?

Pardon me, that should read He/She has to sleep sometime.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Okay, so in conjunction with another thread. If your SO told you that you should find out what so and so was doing because they looked great, on more than one occasion AND in front of so and so, would you be hurt/angry?

Pardon me, that should read He/She has to sleep sometime.

Other, because that is me.

I would call my dh to the carpet in front of everyone and give him a public berating. He would either apologize profusely right away or we would be outside "discussing it".

I am not one to drag things out, I deal with life as it happens.

Believe me, it would only happen once.

 

[NikitaZee]

I chose other. First of all, I would be hurt that he would say that to me. I'd also be angry that he would ogle the other person in front of me, all the while complimenting her appearance at the sake of mine. Royally pissed off, is what I'd be.
However, I believe that it's important to try your best to remain fit and healthy and for me it's important to maintain myself and be attractive for my husband. So I'd like to think that after I dealt with my hurt/anger, I'd take the observations to heart and lose weight, if that was the issue in the first place.

 

[LuvsDragonflies]

Awesome answers!

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

About 15 years ago, my wife rubbed my belly and called me Buddha. We laughed it off, then I started losing weight the next day. I lost about 30 pounds over the next 6 months and have kept the weight off.

We are very honest with one another. I would accept it as a comment offered in love and take action to lose weight.

 

[EMom]

This would never happen in my marriage.

1. My husband is too kind to ever treat me this way.

2. He sees me as beautiful...and who am I to argue?

3. My husband is not an imbecile with a death wish.

If some temporary fit of lunacy overcame him and he DID act this way, he would soon find himself wishing he had sewn his lips shut before we even left the house that evening.

 

[NikitaZee]

This would never happen in my marriage.

1. My husband is too kind to ever treat me this way.

2. He sees me as beautiful...and who am I to argue?

3. My husband is not an imbecile with a death wish.

If some temporary fit of lunacy overcame him and he DID act this way, he would soon find himself wishing he had sewn his lips shut before we even left the house that evening.

LOL love it!!!

 

[BillSears]

As a guy I'd take a comment like that as a wake up call. I'd take an honest look at myself and decide if the remark was true. If I agreed then I'd do something about it...or maybe I'd say the heck with it and I'd live with knowing that I'm not as attractive as I could/should be to my SO.

 

[FireDancer]

I take great pride in staying in shape and if I started to let that slide I would want to be called on it. For me, that would be motivating. Of course I would hope they'd call me out privately instead of in front of people but either way I wouldn't get angry or upset.

Before anyone gets all up in arms I'm just speaking for myself here and no one else.

 

[The_Alice]

I'd wait until we get home and then he'd get an earful.

 

[Rafiki31]

I'd tell him to leave with her. He obviously would not be coming home with me.

I should also point out that as a couple, we do tend to gain and lose weight together since we eat the same stuff. So for us usually it is a "hey we are getting out of shape we need to work out" and then we do. It has never been one or the other, we both seem to gain and lose.

 

[disykat]

As a guy I'd take a comment like that as a wake up call. I'd take an honest look at myself and decide if the remark was true. If I agreed then I'd do something about it...or maybe I'd say the heck with it and I'd live with knowing that I'm not as attractive as I could/should be to my SO.

Yep - a real wake up call that I'm married to a giant jerk face!

A carefully worded honest conversation would be one thing, what was described here is inexcusable.

 

[DizBelle]

So, how do you approach your SO about their weight/health without sounding insulting?

 

[The_Alice]

So, how do you approach your SO about their weight/health without sounding insulting?

I love my DH, but he and I both struggle a bit with our weight. That being said when I want to clue him in without sounding insulting I change up what I am making for dinner to include more fresh vegetables, produce etc. I start taking the initiative and going for walks, going to the gym, being more active. It usually works that if I provide the example then he follows suit, but that is what works for our marriage. YMMV.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

So, how do you approach your SO about their weight/health without sounding insulting?

Depends on the person. We prefer open honesty in my marriage, but few couples that I know can handle that sort of honesty. Just read the threads about obesity on the Dis. People blame everyone but themselves for their weight. If someone points out their weight problems, that person is a jerk - spouse included.

 

[brockash]

Absolutely, it's completely disrespectful and totally inappropriate, let alone incredibly hurtful if it's coming from someone who supposedly loves you.

 

[NMAmy]

That's a conversation to have in private, IMO, not in front of other people.

In the last five years or so, DH and I had both begun to put on a bit of weight. This summer, I hit my limit and just had the discussion with him. He didn't have to try to lose weight with me but he asked to. I've always been a very healthy cook but once you hit middle age and that quick metabolism slows down, the weight can kind of sneak up on you even though you're eating the same things. I made some adjustments to our diet alone and with very little angst or effort, we're both down to a more comfortable weight and we both feel better for it.

He's grateful to me for instigating the changes but this is not something I'd have ever discussed in front of other people. That just seems purposely hurtful.

 

[ckay87]

I'd be mad at myself for being stupid enough to marry someone so woefully lacking in interpersonal skills.

 

[disykat]

There are times in a marriage when you have to say things. You think to yourself "how would I want someone to talk to me?" "how can I say this in the most loving way possible?" "is this conversation going to be helpful or hurtful?" etc.

I can't imagine how anyone would think oogling other people and publicly berating your spouse for not looking like them could be constructive.

 

[DawnM]

I can't imagine being with anyone that shallow.