Poll: Do you and your partner order the same thing at restaurants?

[tzolkin]

I don’t understand being horrified at the idea. I don’t understand why so many people won’t order the same thing. We don’t eat out often, but we get what we want from the menu, if it‘s the same, so what? Why is it a problem?

I think the majority of people who are set on ordering different things is not because they care what their spouse eats, but because they want to share. We very rarely eat out, so when we do we like to try a few different things on the menu. We have the same preferences, so it's usually easy to find at least two things that we both want to try so we each order one and then split them.

We have also had bad meals, so if it's somewhere we have never been, we don't really want to be stuck with two of the same crappy entrees.

We often split meals because portion sizes at American restaurants generally are large enough to feed two.

We do this a lot too. When we do get two full meals, we always take half home for lunch the next day. If we are on vacation or out somewhere that we can't take the leftovers home to refrigerate, we will usually just share one meal because we know we will waste the rest. Sometimes we will order an appetizer and one entree.

We joke that by the time we are old people we are going to only be able to eat one kids meal between the two of us.

Sometimes. We’ve been married 25 years and are vegetarians.

The vegetarian thing throws a bit of a wrench in it for us. We just changed our diet last August and have only gone out to maybe four restaurants since. The options are so limited, that we are likely going to wind up having to order the same thing at some places if we need two meals.

Over Christmas we went to a very nice restaurant for our company dinner and the only vegetarian option they had was that you could get a plate that consisted of a variety of side dishes (I think 3 or 4). My husband got that and I got the brussels sprouts appetizer with no bacon and we shared. Most restaurants that we have looked at the menu online only have a veggie burger, so we have just not gone there because we can just make something better at home. But if we are travelling and need to eat out, that may be the only option.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

but because they want to share. We very rarely eat out, so when we do we like to try a few different things on the menu.

Well so do my husband and I, as far as sharing stuff every now and then. But to have a stance of "never, not allowed", "must get approval" (maybe that last one was said sarcastically?) and having such a strong reaction to the idea is why people are a bit head scratching about it.

People are adults, order whatever you want to, nothing is actually stopping you nor should someone reproach you for doing so. If you want to share dishes go for it but at the end of the day that's two people choosing to share and I'm willing to bet that it's not the case 100% of the time for decades on end, at some point majority of people have ordered their own meals at some point and not had their spouse be aghast at it.

 

[SueInBoston]

We never order the same things, we agree on the choices and we switch plates midway through our meal. Sometimes the apps look more interesting, then we will get multiple apps to share and one entree to share. Many times the restaurant will split the plate for us.

 

[nene0182]

Very rarely. My husband is a red meat and potatoes guy with a fresh fish allergy while I don’t eat red meat and gravitate towards fish or chicken and dishes with more vegetables.

 

[RedAngie]

Well so do my husband and I, as far as sharing stuff every now and then. But to have a stance of "never, not allowed", "must get approval" (maybe that last one was said sarcastically?) and having such a strong reaction to the idea is why people are a bit head scratching about it.

People are adults, order whatever you want to, nothing is actually stopping you nor should someone reproach you for doing so. If you want to share dishes go for it but at the end of the day that's two people choosing to share and I'm willing to bet that it's not the case 100% of the time for decades on end, at some point majority of people have ordered their own meals at some point and not had their spouse be aghast at it.

I’m the one who said DH must get my approval before ordering the same item as me and yes it was sarcastic.

I was also being sarcastic when I said I’d stab anyone who tried to take a bite of my food.

In general, it’s one of my quirks that I don’t like DH ordering the same entree as me. But if he does it’s not a big deal; I give him an fake annoyed look then forget about it.

And if he asks, I’ll give him a taste of my meal.

It doesn’t bother me if the Bidens or any other couple order the same meal.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I’m the one who said DH must get my approval before ordering the same item as me and yes it was sarcastic.

I was also being sarcastic when I said I’d stab anyone who tried to take a bite of my food.

In general, it’s one of my quirks that I don’t like DH ordering the same entree as me. But if he does it’s not a big deal; I give him an fake annoyed look then forget about it.

And if he asks, I’ll give him a taste of my meal.

It doesn’t bother me if the Bidens or any other couple order the same meal.

I kinda figured it was sarcastic based on you as a poster lol (I say that in a good way trust me!)

 

[soccerdad72]

My boys like to make fun of me because I always have to be different. I generally like to order different things when we go to the same restaurant multiple times and I usually have to order something different from what others at the table are ordering. I personally don't care what everyone else orders, however. I just like to try different dishes.

 

[Praying Colonel]

A lot of the time we split an app/entree/dessert. That's enough food for us. Sometimes we just get our own entree. But there are certain places we go just for a particular entree and we'll each order the same--but that's the exception.

 

[LoveSpringsteen]

I had not given it much thought before, but I realize my husband and I don’t order the same things when we go out to eat at a sit-down restaurant. He’s more likely to eat less lean cuts of meat than I prefer and is definitely more adventurous of an eater than me.

 

[tzolkin]

Well so do my husband and I, as far as sharing stuff every now and then. But to have a stance of "never, not allowed", "must get approval" (maybe that last one was said sarcastically?) and having such a strong reaction to the idea is why people are a bit head scratching about it.

People are adults, order whatever you want to, nothing is actually stopping you nor should someone reproach you for doing so. If you want to share dishes go for it but at the end of the day that's two people choosing to share and I'm willing to bet that it's not the case 100% of the time for decades on end, at some point majority of people have ordered their own meals at some point and not had their spouse be aghast at it.

I assumed the "not allowed" type of posts to be joking. I can't fathom my spouse and I actually telling each other that they are not allowed to get what they want. Fortunately for us, we always tend to want to try the same things so it works out best to share. If, on a rare occasion something strikes one of us on the menu that the other one does not like, we would, of course, just order our own food and not share.

I also typically will share with my mom if we go out to eat. My dad has had celiac since I was an infant, but my mom loves carbs and trying various foods. She has never told me that I can't just order my own meal, but I know that it makes her happy for us to pick out a few things and share them. She's always excited if there's someone other than my dad dining so she has the rare opportunity to share meals, so I'm usually glad to oblige.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I assumed the "not allowed" type of posts to be joking. I can't fathom my spouse and I actually telling each other that they are not allowed to get what they want. Fortunately for us, we always tend to want to try the same things so it works out best to share. If, on a rare occasion something strikes one of us on the menu that the other one does not like, we would, of course, just order our own food and not share.

I also typically will share with my mom if we go out to eat. My dad has had celiac since I was an infant, but my mom loves carbs and trying various foods. She has never told me that I can't just order my own meal, but I know that it makes her happy for us to pick out a few things and share them. She's always excited if there's someone other than my dad dining so she has the rare opportunity to share meals, so I'm usually glad to oblige.

I figured about the one poster because that's their humor the other one I wouldn't assume right out of the gate and other posters not sure either on joking vs not.

But I think the several comments wondering why it's more just the idea that in general spouses actually care what the other is ordering as if it's not two different people but rather one person. As an aside you can share and still get the same entree either just to get more of something (perhaps if one is less hungry than the other) or to get different sides or both.

In your case of your mom no she may have never asked you but you felt compelled to none the less and as a norm, albeit for altruistic reasons

 

[TipsyTraveler]

It’s never crossed my mind that this is something people would care about or criticize.

Personally, sometimes we do, sometimes we don’t. My husband and I are vegan so we often don’t have the option of ordering different things because the menu only has one item we can eat anyway, if that. If we’re at a new place that has two or more choices for us, we’ll sometimes do the whole coordinate-the-meal-so-we-can-share thing if we’re both interested in trying more dishes than we could eat individually. Otherwise, we just get what we want. If that happens to be the same thing, so be it.

Never. My husband iften orders soup and salad. He’s just not a big eater unlike me. But if he does order an entree he usually asks me if I want to try it. I usually say no thanks because ‘if I wanted it I would have ordered it’. I usually let him have a bite of mine although I was often not kind about it during our early years together. He had a big mouth and takes what I consider huge bites. I’m an only child and never had to share with anyone. It’s taken me many years to be ok with it! He always tells me I order the most expensive thing which isn’t true but it’s always more than soup and salad.

Gross.

That sounds like my mother-in-law. It's an inside joke but one that we all kinda get irritated about. She'll ask to try something but have the fork or spoon basically already at the food, she's gotten only marginally better over the years.

However, I don't think being an only child means interacts with how you feel about sharing/portions I think that's just about mutual courtesy. Most people wait to be offered something and most people try to take a small amount because that's just being polite

That would absolutely cause friction in my relationship with her. I’d probably have to stop eating with them in the interest of family harmony.

I am weird in that I was raised to never share food or drink with anyone, and to this day, it’s just disgusting to even think about. The quickest way to no longer be my friend is to reach over and take something off my plate. If we want to split something, we split it on separate plates before we start eating.

I n my opinion, everyone should order what they want to eat, regardless of what others at their table are ordering. If it ends up being the same thing, that’s fine.

It’s the height of disrespect, IMO. I would seriously be less offended by someone spitting at me and calling me a slur than I would if someone I’m not that close with thought they could help themselves to the food off my plate. Maybe that makes me weird — don’t care. It’s such a clear violation of personal boundaries as far as I’m concerned.

 

[Babs Johnson]

Sometimes DW and I order the same items but not often.

HOWEVER, there is a rule.

<I> am allowed to order the same meal as her, but she CANNOT order the same as me. I always order last to ensure this. Sometimes I‘ll change my plans if she wants the same thing as I do.

The rule and ordering last also applies when we’re out with family or friends. A sister-in-law (wife’s brother’s wife) drives me crazy. She takes forever to read the menu then almost always whines “I don’t know what I want.” She‘ll often have everyone else go first then she still hesitates. About half the time she’ll complain after the meal is served “I should have ordered X instead of Y.”

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

That would absolutely cause friction in my relationship with her. I’d probably have to stop eating with them in the interest of family harmony.

Luckily ordering things with goat cheese among other items curbs that for me And she'll never want my dark beer either. But yeah I find it rude and entitled, but she's at least gotten somewhat of a hint to not be so aggressive about it at least with me. Until meeting my husband's family I had not been around someone who literally had their fork in their hand just about to touch the plate/food before even asking. It was rather abrupt but they cave to her all the time so yeah. The amount of time it takes to make plans for a place to eat with them combined with some of her behaviors does mean we are more picky than in the past of just when we choose to eat out with them.

 

[TipsyTraveler]

Luckily ordering things with goat cheese among other items curbs that for me And she'll never want my dark beer either. But yeah I find it rude and entitled, but she's at least gotten somewhat of a hint to not be so aggressive about it at least with me. Until meeting my husband's family I had not been around someone who literally had their fork in their hand just about to touch the plate/food before even asking. It was rather abrupt but they cave to her all the time so yeah. The amount of time it takes to make plans for a place to eat with them combined with some of her behaviors does mean we are more picky than in the past of just when we choose to eat out with them.

There’s a simple solution, you know.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

There’s a simple solution, you know.

View attachment 743347

I almost spit out my water, thanks for the laugh

 

[mjkacmom]

Why? I'm confused as to why what another person orders matters or something you would need to come to n agreement about??? My dh and I order what we want. It rarely is the same, but has been at times, but nothing either of us would really ever think about.

We enjoy trying different food, and always try what the other is having. We don’t eat out much, I cook at least 5 nights a week (rarely making something more than once a month). However, if we go out to brunch I’m going to get some type of eggs Benedict (smoked salmon is my favorite), he can taste it but I’m eating most of it (its my favorite breakfast item but not his).

 

[Bianca and Bernard]

Sometimes we do, but usually we don't.

If it's some place new to us, we make the effort to choose different dishes (other than things like a side salad, that may come with the meal) to get a better understanding of the food there.

For breakfast, we rarely order the same thing, unless we are at Metro Diner and both of us want the Shrimp N Grits (it's the only place I eat those; they fry the grit cakes, and the sauce is a white seafood gravy is so good).

We do share with each other, especially if we're at breakfast and one gets sweet, the other gets savory.

 

[mumto3girls]

This is something I never even thought of before. Sometimes we order the same food and sometimes we don’t. We don’t typically like the same things—I am more likely to order fish/seafood and he loves red meat—steaks, chops, burgers. If we go out for fish sandwiches during Lent on a Friday though, we probably will both get a fish sandwich. Likewise, if we go to a place known for their burgers, particularly the first time we go, we’ll probably each get a burger even though that’s not something I typically order. We rarely share an entree—more likely to save some for lunch the next day, but do occasionally try each other’s food—with permission of course.

 

[disykat]

Coming back on to add more about sharing meals. If DH and I are eating out locally, we don't share meals. We each order our own and take home any leftovers for lunch the next day. We might sometimes taste each other's food if our spouse thinks we'll love it and might want to order it next time, but in general we choose and eat our own meal. I'm certainly not going to order what I think DH will want to try, I get what I want and so does he. The exception to that is at restaurants where we order family style and share (like Chinese or Thai cuisine.)

The times we actually share is when out of town because it's expensive to eat out all the time and we don't see the need to have that much food knowing we're eating lots of restaurant meals and/or know we'll never be back at that restaurant again and have several things we both want to try.

I can't even imagine making a point of trying to find several things we both want to eat at every restaurant we go to together!