Political Correctness ruins another holiday.....

[Poohgirl]

I for one can't stand all this PC and truely believe it is part of what is making intolerance worse instead of better. Instead of learning to like one another for our differences, oh, nope better not mention them -it many offend...bull. My sons school takes a different approach and I think all the children are much better off for it. Instead of this mass generic "holiday" they take the time to actually celebrate and explain the different traditions and holidays that any and all the children in the classroom celebrate. So now not only does my 7yo understand about christmas, but also that one of his friends celebrates Hanukah, and another celebrates Kwanza and so on. They don't really go into any sort of religous aspects just the traditons and celebrations, but at 7 thats enough. But he thinks thats cool. To me that goes alot farther towards teaching about individual differences and tolerance then any political correctness generic holiday could hope to.

 

[In a hurry]

The biggest joke of all is that this sort of mentality is not working. There are still just as many kids with self-esteem issues, just as many cliques and just as many bullies....there are still popular kids and the 'losers' that kids make fun of. It's obvious that this 'solution' of trying to eliminate competitiveness is not working.

That is so true. Telling kids that everyone is the same is a lie, and they know it. Instead emphasizing the good in each individual seems to benefit. At least with my first graders. They know that 1 kid reads better than they do, but they can do their math facts, tie shoes, run faster than another kid. Encouraging them to strive for their best, and teaching that they can't be best at everything...

Not a bad plan in life. Competition is natural. Teach them how to deal with it.

 

[LaLa]

I'm feelin' ya with the trend toward PC holidays. Both DD and DS are having Valentine's Day parties at their schools. One is at a Christian preschool and the other is at a public school. They are both exchanging Valentines with each member of the class. In DD's preschool class, we got a copied sheet of pics of all of the kids and the teacher. We were to cut them apart and tape the kids' pic on their valentines so it would be easier for the kids to hand them out. As the room parent for both classes, I organized both parties and we are bringing all the traditional Valentine fare. DS's teacher sent home a sheet with all the kids' names on it for sending Valentiens.

DD picked MICKEY AND THE GANG Valentines, BTW. We will attach a treat to each valentine she gives out. She was SO excited to be able to do this. I just don't see how anybody could have a problem with giving out Valentines.

They don't do this now, but I remember WAY back in Middle School being able to buy silk carnations, pink, white or red for $1.00 and being able to have them delivered to your friends/boyfiriend/girlfriend. It was always a lot of fun and we really looked forward to it. I do have to say that now I can see how this could make someone feel left out if they really wanted one and didn't get it. But then on the other hand, disappointment is a part of life, right? Don't ya have to learn to deal with it at some point?

 

[Bob Slydell]

Well then we need a third solution if ultra competiveness and ultra non-competitiveness does not seem to be working.

I think there already seems to be a proper mix these days (at least in sports). Around here, most sports have two levels of play -- "travelling" teams and "recreational" teams. The travel squads are ultra competitive and the rec leagues focus a little more on having fun. They usually still keep score and all that, but it's usually not as intense.

 

[poohandwendy]

Encouraging them to strive for their best, and teaching that they can't be best at everything...

Not a bad plan in life. Competition is natural. Teach them how to deal with it.

No doubt. And not only that, competition is what makes the world strive. If there was not competition, where would the world be right now?

 

[va32h]

I don't think that pre-schoolers or even K students associate Valentines Day with romantic love. It's just fun for them. They get a card and some candy. Life is good. It's the adults who are over reacting and reading all sorts of things into what to the kids is just a fun day.

I agree, which is why I don't think it is a big deal whether the day is called Valentine's Day or Friendship Day, or Tuesday.

Now the other issue that has morphed out of this thread - fostering non-competitiveness, I do have to agree has been taken to a ridiculous extreme.

Last year I was in charge of my then 4yo son's preschool Christmas party, and I was told to only have "non-competitive" games, no musical chairs, no pin the tail, etc. unless I could find a way to make everyone win.

Well I did, as a matter of fact, and fun was had all around, and the kids were little so it didn't really bother me. But when the same request was made for my 4th GRADE daughter, I had to roll my eyes.

A couple of years ago I read an article about a rash of suicides among college freshmen. One of the theories was that these young people, having spent their childhoods encouraged, promoted, and exalted, could not handle the pressure of a university system, where there were thousands of students, each just as "special" as the other. Without constant reinforcement of their own worth, they could hardly function.

Well, that's just a theory.

But it bears considering. My 9 yo dd figure skates, and she competes with girls at her own age/skill level. She works hard in preparation for a competition, and she wants to win. I used to tell her "just do your best", but one day she came back with "but what if someone else's best is better than my best?"

And I had to admit, that in fact, that is the way life goes sometimes. You do your best, and you still don't win. And it's disappointing, and it stinks, and there are no platitudes to make it feel any better. And let's go have some ice cream.

 

[cardaway]

I think there already seems to be a proper mix these days (at least in sports). Around here, most sports have two levels of play -- "travelling" teams and "recreational" teams. The travel squads are ultra competitive and the rec leagues focus a little more on having fun. They usually still keep score and all that, but it's usually not as intense.

Here they call them select teams, and do think they may be the solution. I know from experience that there is nothing worse than being on a team with a bunch of kids who have been all but forced onto the team. It's certainly going to create some class/status issues, but it solves so many others. All the win at all costs kids will be ripping into each other, not just the disinterested kid who the others see as costing them the game.

 

[SamIAm21]

No doubt. And not only that, competition is what makes the world strive. If there was not competition, where would the world be right now?

Sure would make the Olympics boring and meaningless!! Let's just give 'em all Gold medals and be done with it!

 

[Bob Slydell]

Here they call them select teams, and do think they may be the solution. I know from experience that there is nothing worse than being on a team with a bunch of kids who have been all but forced onto the team. It's certainly going to create some class/status issues, but it solves so many others. All the win at all costs kids will be ripping into each other, not just the disinterested kid who the others see as costing them the game.

You're right, it does unfortunately bring up issues/problems especially the class aspect (since selects/travel teams can tend to be expensive). But alas, nothing's perfect. The hope is that even with the highest level of competition, there's some semblance of perspective (e.g. it's not the end of the world if your team loses).

 

[indigoxtreme]

So you CHOSE money over your children not being able to have the wonderful childhood memories you had.

This is off topic. The original Post is not to debate SAHM to WORKING mom's, there have been enough of those threads.

 

[Planogirl]

This is off topic. The original Post is not to debate SAHM to WORKING mom's, there have been enough of those threads.

But we could add one more.

 

[C.Ann]

But it still happens. Even in the cases where everybody must bring x amount, close friends always make more and add to some but not others. Ask around, the kids will tell you how it still works out to some kids getting stuff others do not.

Wouldn't it be best just to stay out of it as a school and let the kids bring or not bring what they want?

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When my DD was in high school they would designate a day or two throughout the school year as "Flower Day" (no relation to any holiday, nor did it ever fall on a holiday) and you could buy a carnation or a rose to be delivered in school to someone special in your life.. Lots of kids got them and lots of kids didn't.. Had nothing to do with Valentine's Day..

Any teacher that I have ever had contact with has insisted that each child get a Valentine and I would be surprised to find that there would be any teacher out there that would say otherwise.. As long as each child gets one, it doesn't matter how fancy - or even if it's homemade..

Lots of kids wear designer clothes and others don't.. Should we make a rule that designer clothes aren't allowed because everyone doesn't have the same thing?

 

[Nancy]

The biggest joke of all is that this sort of mentality is not working. There are still just as many kids with self-esteem issues, just as many cliques and just as many bullies....there are still popular kids and the 'losers' that kids make fun of. It's obvious that this 'solution' of trying to eliminate competitiveness is not working.

I actually think there is more! or maybe it seems like more because there are more people? We had cliques, but nothing like I see wit my kids now. We had bullies, but I can only remember 1 boy that always was getting in fights. High school was more the in crowd than elementary school was.

We did all the fun things, we had Christmas (and got to sing real Christmas songs too), we dressed for Halloween and got lots of candy, we did Valentines Day, don't think we HAD to give to everyone (I remeber making sure the boys got the yuckier cards and the girls got the cute ones..and of course my friends got the best) We played games and had winners and losers. Amazingly I am not in therapy, I have not been tramatized by my childhood, it was not always great, but it made me the person I am today. (and I happen to think I'm pretty terrific)

 

[Nancy]

Oh, but the whole "no score" thing? It's all a technicality -- my 5 year old can quote me the final score of his scoreless games every single week.

And then there's my (at that time) 12 year old DD who played softball in a league that kept scores, she never knew the score of her games! When I would come late to her games, due to work, I'd ask her the score and she'd be clueless. I'd ask if they were winning or losing, she would not know. She didn't care, she was having fun.

 

[mommaU4]

I would think that not being recognized for accomplishments would be a blow to one's self esteem. I mean, what is really the point if everyone works hard and they all wind up the same?

This maybe off topic but your post made me think of DH's work situation. At his new job here when it is time for a raise they give them to everyone and all the same percentage no matter what. You are not given an idividual raise based on your work performance like they did at his job in CA.

He was so irritated with this because it means the slackers who refuse to get their job done get the same amount as those who work their butts off and take on extra work to boot! Like my DH. I don't get it. Why bother to do the work then?

Okay, vent over, back to the original discussion.

 

[mommaU4]

Amazingly I am not in therapy, I have not been tramatized by my childhood, it was not always great, but it made me the person I am today. (and I happen to think I'm pretty terrific)

You go girl!!!

 

[C.Ann]

We did all the fun things, we had Christmas (and got to sing real Christmas songs too), we dressed for Halloween and got lots of candy, we did Valentines Day, don't think we HAD to give to everyone (I remeber making sure the boys got the yuckier cards and the girls got the cute ones..and of course my friends got the best) We played games and had winners and losers. Amazingly I am not in therapy, I have not been tramatized by my childhood, it was not always great, but it made me the person I am today. (and I happen to think I'm pretty terrific)

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Me too.. Somehow I managed to survive - and even learned early on in life that there are going to be disappointments, not everyone is popular, when you play a game there is a winner and a loser, etc., etc..

I don't think I'm any worse for the wear.. Actually I think they were very valuable lessons..

 

[sodaseller]

Two disparate thoughts, perhaps linked on a subconscious level.

Love, yes, but what kind of love, esp. for preschoolers? May I refer all to Deus Caritas Est to delineate some of the differences which may be especially apropos here - Link

Second is James Taylor's take on the Day

Valentine’s Day Lyrics:
Beneath the tide the fishes glide
Fin to fin and side to side
For fishy love has now begun
Fishy love, finny fun

Paper moon, paper heart
Pink balloon, work of art
Al capone, bugs moran
Valentine’s day

Bootleg gin, porkpie hat
Dew drop inn, dirty rat
Through the heart, cupid’s dart
Valentine’s day

Day to repay the one that you love
Gentlemen take off your hats as I speak thereof
Just a brief break from the push and the shove
We may go a few rounds without boxing gloves

Land your punch, I stand my ground
We break for lunch and a second round
We set them up, we knock them down
Valentine’s day

Me and you, you and him
Him and her, us and them
We keep score, love as war
Valentine’s day

I lost my teeth, I lost my hair
I lost my mind, you don’t care
Love is war, all is fair
On valentine’s day

 

[Aidensmom]

As far as handing out Valentines in preschool, I support the idea that they should be given to all kids in the class. Its just their maturity level. Why should the teachers have to be dealing with a bunch of crying children because so-and-so didn't give them a Valentine? As they get older, they are more able to deal with the rejection. Sure, it still hurts, but they have the capability to deal with it.

As far as sports, I don't understand the non-score keeping, no winnners or losers concept. I think sports and other competition can be used to show children where their individual strengths are. They may not be good at baseball, they need to know that so they can focus on finding something that is their strength. My own son started going to local road races with me when he was 2 and running in them with me. He has gotten trophies at some for age group awards, at others he has not. He has learned that he is a good runner, but that some people may be faster than him. When I entered him in a children's only race where there were "no winners", he still knew what place he came in, and he was only 3.

 

[BeNJeNWaFFLe]

I actually think there is more! or maybe it seems like more because there are more people? We had cliques, but nothing like I see wit my kids now. We had bullies, but I can only remember 1 boy that always was getting in fights. High school was more the in crowd than elementary school was.

We did all the fun things, we had Christmas (and got to sing real Christmas songs too), we dressed for Halloween and got lots of candy, we did Valentines Day, don't think we HAD to give to everyone (I remeber making sure the boys got the yuckier cards and the girls got the cute ones..and of course my friends got the best) We played games and had winners and losers. Amazingly I am not in therapy, I have not been tramatized by my childhood, it was not always great, but it made me the person I am today. (and I happen to think I'm pretty terrific)

And look at that. Even after all those things you went through you still have self esteem!

Also, EXACTLY!