Please weigh in on sensitive family situation

[LuLuO]

I MYOB in other people's marriage. I don't know what goes on behind closed doors or people's minds. I choose not to live in the drama of other people's lives.

Now I might not agree with you and your actions but I am not going to make a "stand". WTH good does that do? All is does is create more drama, which I stay out of as my personal policy.

 

[MichelleVW]

Nobody is innocent and I do not link my integrity with others. Again I MYOB. I choose to live that way on purpose.

Just because I choose to live that way does not mean I would be happy or agree with sister's actions. However since she is my sister, I would support her decisions.

Because afterall if you are TRULY invested in the nephew then you should be smart enough to know that going against your sister in a divorce situation will find yourself on the "outs" and unable to give support to the nephew.

And that is how I see it.

Exactly. While I may not be thrilled with her choice, I will stand by my sister no matter what.

Divorce is sad. Living a life that's a lie is sadder. Accept your sister and welcome her new partner.

Exactly...I just don't understand all the people that wouldn't support their own family in their decision. I'm sure it wasn't a decision taken lightly after 21 years. When I left my husband I found someone quickly, but in my mind the marriage was over years before I officially ended it.

 

[Southerngirl71]

Just my opinion but I would invite them. I come from a huge family and if I had to agree with the way any of them live their lives as a requirement to get together for the holidays, DH and I would be spending every holiday alone....lol.

 

[Erin1700]

I would put the nephew first in this matter, even if it means you let your sister and her partner go away for the holidays and let nephew stay with you.

 

[MichelleVW]

I would put the nephew first in this matter, even if it means you let your sister and her partner go away for the holidays and let nephew stay with you.

Sorry, but the nephew should be with his mother or father...

 

[Tiggeroo]

Cheating and hurting people bothers me. If she had realized that her marriage was a mistake, explained the situation to her dh and son and left. And then later, even if it's only a little later she met somebody, I'd be ok with it. Even if she met the person and delayed pursuing it until she left the marriage and took it slow, because she has a son and a man she lived with for many years to consider. I would perhaps invite sis and her friend over for a small meal during the holidays but I would exclude the new gf from the family holiday meal. I'd even invite her soon to be ex over with the son. They are still family and the new gf could be gone in a short time.
Oh and this doesn't mean you don't support your sis. Tell her you love her, hug her. Tell her you are not condemning her choice. You just are concerned about the way she went about it and would feel better bringing the new gf around at a less intimate gathering.
It bothers me that so many people are acting hypocritical in this situation. I know very well that if it had been a man cheating on his wife with another woman, who announced that he was leaving his wife and son two months before the holidays and wanted to bring the new girl who he said made him happy to the family dinner, this thread would look much different.

 

[hopemax]

Since Sis is close enough to visit, I would meet Sis and partner before the holidays. So the holiday isn't the first time partner is thrust into the spotlight. I would also try to have a couple long talks with Sis to try and get a read on the situation.

If Sis has been struggling with her sexual identity for years, and finally found someone special enough to overcome all the doubts and barriers society places on people and be honest with herself, her family, I think new partner should be welcomed as much as possible. Obviously, this is not the situation people like to see, and dream about; but sometimes life is messy and awkward and you work with what you have.

If Sis is engaging in "grass is greener" type of behavior, and you get more of a "this is a phase," then I would lean more toward, making other plans.

 

[Erin1700]

Sorry, but the nephew should be with his mother or father...

Of course first with the father, but I meant if the mom insisted on going away with the new partner, and DN did not want to go, then I would welcome him to stay with me.

Sounded like the sister said she would go away for the holidays with the new partner.

 

[MichelleVW]

Cheating and hurting people bothers me. If she had realized that her marriage was a mistake, explained the situation to her dh and son and left. And then later, even if it's only a little later she met somebody, I'd be ok with it. Even if she met the person and delayed pursuing it until she left the marriage and took it slow, because she has a son and a man she lived with for many years to consider. I would perhaps invite sis and her friend over for a small meal during the holidays but I would exclude the new gf from the family holiday meal. I'd even invite her soon to be ex over with the son. They are still family and the new gf could be gone in a short time.
Oh and this doesn't mean you don't support your sis. Tell her you love her, hug her. Tell her you are not condemning her choice. You just are concerned about the way she went about it and would feel better bringing the new gf around at a less intimate gathering.
It bothers me that so many people are acting hypocritical in this situation. I know very well that if it had been a man cheating on his wife with another woman, who announced that he was leaving his wife and son two months before the holidays and wanted to bring the new girl who he said made him happy to the family dinner, this thread would look much different.

Omg...I would have been livid if any of my family invited my ex over for dinner. That is not ok...you may not like the choice, but I'm sorry...you chose family first and her ex (even if the divorce is not final) is not family anymore.

I am not the morality police when it comes to my family.

 

[kirstenb1]

I would put the nephew first in this matter, even if it means you let your sister and her partner go away for the holidays and let nephew stay with you.

OMG, I was thinking the same thing!!! I"m so close with my nieces and nephews, I'd want to preserve traditions with them. I seriously doubt any 15 yr old is going to want to go away for Christmas with the woman, or man, that his mother is leaving his father for. Putting myself in his shoes, I'd rather spend Christmas in outer Mongolia!!!!

Ask your sister and nephew if he can stay with you for the holidays. If she chooses her partner over his emotional well-being so be it. Then spoil the heck out of him!

 

[Tiggeroo]

Omg...I would have been livid if any of my family invited my ex over for dinner. That is not ok...you may not like the choice, but I'm sorry...you chose family first and her ex (even if the divorce is not final) is not family anymore.

I am not the morality police when it comes to my family.

I don't think the holidays is a time to cut this man out. He has been in the family for 21 years and there is a child involved. Unless the sis says there is abuse or mistreatment or a reason to keep him away. Yes you take the sis's side. But for a holiday dinner you have him and the son over. Frequently men are closer to their wife's family then theirs.

 

[Dee77]

I would be surprised if my sibling took the stance that the new SO is either invited or we are heading out of town for the holidays. I would probably say "have a nice trip, maybe we can get together on a less significant day of the year."

 

[MichelleVW]

I don't think the holidays is a time to cut this man out. He has been in the family for 21 years and there is a child involved. Unless the sis says there is abuse or mistreatment or a reason to keep him away. Yes you take the sis's side. But for a holiday dinner you have him and the son over. Frequently men are closer to their wife's family then theirs.

Sorry, but we'll have to agree to disagree because that would NOT be ok in my family.

 

[Tiggeroo]

Sorry, but we'll have to agree to disagree because that would NOT be ok in my family.

I understand. I can certainly see that point of view.

 

[Erin1700]

Sorry, but we'll have to agree to disagree because that would NOT be ok in my family.

I agree with you that you should not invite the ex husband, but I think the nephew should be welcome to attend.

 

[Maryr1]

OP has not said if her sister has introduced or even told their mother, her son etc. about this new person.... I feel like the sister is putting the OP in a very difficult situation. What if the sister is using the OP to do this for her-what a mess that could be. It is the OP's party. Her decision as to whom to invite. I would be honest with the sister-if she had been open and honest with the other members of the family, then I would invite EVERYBODY to the party. Sister, new person, not yet ex husband, nephew and then let each one decide if they want to participate. The sister is the one who is involved with a new person while still married to someone else. If there is heat to be taken, let her take it as she sees fit-or stay home. She may be just asking to bring the new person so OP will say no and then be the "bad" person. This type of situation is never easy but all the adults involved are responsable for their own response. Good luck OP.

 

[Jennasis]

So...Your sister has an affair with another person and then decides she loves this person more than her DH so she walks out on him?

Then she calls and says, can I bring the new love of my life to Christmas dinner?

If she can't come to dinner, she will go out of town...leaving bewildered and devastated teenage son at home alone with distraught dad?????

Your sister sounds like a real piece of work.

 

[luvmy3]

I would ask your sister what she has told your nephew. If he is dealing with the changes ok, then I would say that I'd like to meet her SO before the holidays. Seems like your sister is pretty set on spending the holidays with her even if it means skipping the family dinner. I would also ask why this is so. As a parent of a teenage son, she should be more concerned about preserving the traditions for her son and softening the blow of divorce than being this concerned over a holiday that is still almost 2 months away.

Of course first with the father, but I meant if the mom insisted on going away with the new partner, and DN did not want to go, then I would welcome him to stay with me.

Sounded like the sister said she would go away for the holidays with the new partner.

I wonder if the nephew already has plans to spend Christmas with his dad and thats why OP's sis is going to go away if her and her girlfriend aren't welcome.

As far as asking her why she wants to spend the holidays with her GF even if that means skipping the family dinner I don't think I would need to. I would think she didn't feel welcomed and supported and therefore wouldn't want to spend it with the family, and I wouldn't blame her.

 

[luvmy3]

So...Your sister has an affair with another person and then decides she loves this person more than her DH so she walks out on him?

Then she calls and says, can I bring the new love of my life to Christmas dinner?

If she can't come to dinner, she will go out of town...leaving bewildered and devastated teenage son at home alone with distraught dad?????

Your sister sounds like a real piece of work.

Seems pretty judgemental seeing how you don't know all the facts in this situation, dontcha think

 

[Jennasis]

Seems pretty judgemental seeing how you don't know all the facts in this situation, dontcha think

Yes. Absolutely. but I'm just going on the info we've been given by the OP who asked us to weigh in on her family situation.