Please. Need help with a teacher problem (long)

[midge3426]

I need advice from other moms with children in public school. My DD is in the fifth grade and has always done relatively well in school. Mostly As and Bs with an occassional C. She had an absolutely fabulous teacher in the second and third grades. This academic year she is being team taught. The teacher she has for most of her classes is not very good. Before this year she taught first grade. The school did not have as many students as normal so they transferred the new teachers to other schools. My daughter's teacher, that she liked, got moved and they moved the first grade teacher to teach fifth grade.

She teaches my daughter Science, Math, and Reading. She does not seem to spend enough time going over the material. I have been helping her as much as I can. Her grades in this teacher's class have dropped. She routinely sends math papers home to be redone and I usually explain how to do the problems. My DD is not the only child having problems. Monday, I had to go to an event with my DS. My DH works nights so he was sleeping She did her homework on her on. I got her Take Home folder last night and I saw a note from the teacher that DD did not complete Monday night's work. I asked her about it and discovered she did do one portion of her work but did not complete correcting a math paper because she was confused.

I looked at the paper which was multplying mixed numbers and everything was incorrect. The problems she attempted to correct were still wrong. She stated that her teacher did not go over the fractions very much and she was confused. I told her we would study them this weekend. Well I was bent and wrote a note on the report form (I wish I had kept my pencil to my myself). I stated that it was obvious that my daughter did not know how to do the problems and that I would help her this weekend study mixed fractions and that if she wished we would redo the sheet at that time. I opened up a can of worms.

My daughter told me that she slammed down the folder, moved her to the front seat, and sent home a note requesting a conference next week. My DD now absolutely is certain that the teacher hates her and she wants to be moved. Her best friends are in that class and I am afraid that she will be unhappy in another class. There are only three months left.

I feel bad leaving her in that class so long. I knew there was a problem in September. Me and some other moms discussed this topic, but we were going to cut her some slack since she was a new fifth grade teacher. She has never got better. At this point, we all decided that this was a life lesson that all your teachers, unfortunately, are not going to be reasonable or good, quality teachers. Was my note so hateful? Should I move DD so late in the year? What to do--I am so upset. I now feel my DD is going to be picked on because of me.

 

[shortbun]

I don't see ANYTHING wrong with your note, nothing. Frankly, the teacher should be greatful you are willing to get involved and teach your daughter how to do the work. We are dealing with our first lackluster teacher, also 5th grade, also 1st time teaching 5th. I've talked to the principal and several other parents have too. We have even formed a bi-weekly parent meeting outside the school to keep up to date on goings on in the classroom. We are teaching science and math in our household. I'm so happy I can still do this stuff, aren't you? Good luck.
I wouldn't move her. Let the school see to the social. As long as you can do the academic at home, your daughter will be fine.

 

[Mermaid02]

I'd have the conference all right.... I'd also request the Principal attend. There was NOTHING wrong with your note- the fact that she didn't like the note, and took it out on your daughter is a huge problem. I'd possibly get some other parents together too- sounds like you might end up with a group of kids not ready for next years academics....

 

[MeMom]

Conference with the teacher before you make any assumptions. I have been a teacher for many years, and a parent for many more. Kids sometimes have skewed views of what really takes place, and they don't realize their own socializing, drawing, playing in their purses and pockets, etc. contributes to them not knowing what to do on paper after the teacher has just gone over something in detail on the board. A teacher who is accustomed to a first-grade curriculum may be uncomfortable with a fifth-grade curriculum, and she may not know the best way to teach the material. I'm willing to bet it could be a little of both with your daughter and her teacher. I would conference with the teacher alone and with your child. Both should know you will be actively involved in your daughter's schoolwork for the rest of the year. That will make both of them more accountable for their own jobs in the process. Go in kindly and in full support of both parties. Some parents tend to come in blasting a teacher for something a child has said, and when confronted with this, the child will usually come out with a milder version of what really happened. I take nothing away from your daughter. My kids have had some teachers through the years who were not the best, but they muddled through and lived to tell about it. I think it would be more dramatic and traumatic with your daughter among her peers if you were to take her out of the class this late in the game. I hope nothing I said was offensive, because I only meant to open up both views of the school situation. Offer to come in and sit in the class or to observe from the window of a closed door to both your child and the teacher. If they are both doing their jobs correctly, neither of them should be opposed in any way to that. I have always had an open door policy, and I welcome parents who feel uncomfortable with a situation to sit in. They get a much clearer view of what really happens at school. Most of them leave saying they could never do my job. Try hard not to stress about it in front of your daughter so that she doesn't sense your worry. Please keep us posted on how it turns out. I will be very interested to know how things go.

 

[shirleyb]

Conference with the teacher before you make any assumptions. I have been a teacher for many years, and a parent for many more. Kids sometimes have skewed views of what really takes place, and they don't realize their own socializing, drawing, playing in their purses and pockets, etc. contributes to them not knowing what to do on paper after the teacher has just gone over something in detail on the board. A teacher who is accustomed to a first-grade curriculum may be uncomfortable with a fifth-grade curriculum, and she may not know the best way to teach the material. I'm willing to bet it could be a little of both with your daughter and her teacher. I would conference with the teacher alone and with your child. Both should know you will be actively involved in your daughter's schoolwork for the rest of the year. That will make both of them more accountable for their own jobs in the process. Go in kindly and in full support of both parties. Some parents tend to come in blasting a teacher for something a child has said, and when confronted with this, the child will usually come out with a milder version of what really happened. I take nothing away from your daughter. My kids have had some teachers through the years who were not the best, but they muddled through and lived to tell about it. I think it would be more dramatic and traumatic with your daughter among her peers if you were to take her out of the class this late in the game. I hope nothing I said was offensive, because I only meant to open up both views of the school situation. Offer to come in and sit in the class or to observe from the window of a closed door to both your child and the teacher. If they are both doing their jobs correctly, neither of them should be opposed in any way to that. I have always had an open door policy, and I welcome parents who feel uncomfortable with a situation to sit in. They get a much clearer view of what really happens at school. Most of them leave saying they could never do my job. Try hard not to stress about it in front of your daughter so that she doesn't sense your worry. Please keep us posted on how it turns out. I will be very interested to know how things go.

Sounds like very good advice. What I would have said, but not so eloquently.

 

[MALE*RN*777]

Your note sounded good to me but there is always two sides and as posted don't assume anything until you get both sides. I find alot of teachers get frustrated because some kids don't understand the work and the teacher either can't understand why the kids can't or the teachers aren't skilled in presenting the work/material in a different manner for students to understand. Also don't you remember that every (not every) teacher seems to feel that their class is the most important. Lastly, this just might be a difficult part or section of the class for your DD. No matter how hard or easy the work, we sit down with the boy and look over his school work every night to make sure he is getting it right. Stay on top of things and she should get through without having to move her. I have to give my wife credit on this because she does a great job with the boy and homework. I am kind of like the teacher at times and just can't understand why he can't understand. But after I sit back for a moment I remember what it was like in school.

 

[golfgal]

Conference with the teacher before you make any assumptions. I have been a teacher for many years, and a parent for many more. Kids sometimes have skewed views of what really takes place, and they don't realize their own socializing, drawing, playing in their purses and pockets, etc. contributes to them not knowing what to do on paper after the teacher has just gone over something in detail on the board. A teacher who is accustomed to a first-grade curriculum may be uncomfortable with a fifth-grade curriculum, and she may not know the best way to teach the material. I'm willing to bet it could be a little of both with your daughter and her teacher. I would conference with the teacher alone and with your child. Both should know you will be actively involved in your daughter's schoolwork for the rest of the year. That will make both of them more accountable for their own jobs in the process. Go in kindly and in full support of both parties. Some parents tend to come in blasting a teacher for something a child has said, and when confronted with this, the child will usually come out with a milder version of what really happened. I take nothing away from your daughter. My kids have had some teachers through the years who were not the best, but they muddled through and lived to tell about it. I think it would be more dramatic and traumatic with your daughter among her peers if you were to take her out of the class this late in the game. I hope nothing I said was offensive, because I only meant to open up both views of the school situation. Offer to come in and sit in the class or to observe from the window of a closed door to both your child and the teacher. If they are both doing their jobs correctly, neither of them should be opposed in any way to that. I have always had an open door policy, and I welcome parents who feel uncomfortable with a situation to sit in. They get a much clearer view of what really happens at school. Most of them leave saying they could never do my job. Try hard not to stress about it in front of your daughter so that she doesn't sense your worry. Please keep us posted on how it turns out. I will be very interested to know how things go.

I completly agree. Your dd's version of what happened may not be 100% accurate/complete, not that she is not telling the truth just that her perception is of what happened is different. Over the years I have also been on both sides of things as a parent and a teacher. I have heard some really interesting stories from parents as to what happened in my classroom. When I relay the true story their attitude suddenly changes.

In our own home our DS14 had us completly convinced they were getting lunch in pre-school, would tell us every day what they ate, who he sat by, etc. They never had lunch. Often kids in the 4,5,6th grades or so will make comments like "the teacher yelled at everyone today because no one was working" when what really happened is they were working on a group projects and the teacher said in a loud voice it is time for everyone to pick things up.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

The thing that stands out with me is that you have been helping your dd all along and you are aware that your dd is not "getting it".

Whether the teacher stinks or is great your dd is falling short. A conference should have been called long ago to correct your dd's issues.

So that being said, you now have to apologize to the teacher and then turn this into the best way to help your dd.
Find a solution to the problem, not a blame hunt on who is at "fault".
Remember as you are sitting there only focus on how you can get your dd help.

Oh and request a counselor and a principal at this conference....that way they can mediate.

 

[pcshamm]

Hi!
I teach and no, I don't think you note was unreasonable. I certainly welcome parental involvement ANYTIME. Don't feel guilty for not jumping in sooner. We all hope things will improve. I do think perspective is important in this situation. It is only three more months. Other classes are established. You have no idea what is really going on with administration or other students that you or your daughter may not be aware of...not that this is an excuse for poor instruction. Just understand there may be more to the situation. Also, understand that one year of mediocre instruction won't make or break her entire school career. Continue to help your daughter so she keeps up with the material. Also, try to keep her (even if you don't believe it) focused on the positive. I truly believe the worst thing for a child is to see his or her parent question the teacher. This should be an adult only conversation.

Also, I have an issue with the post that said teachers should be "grateful" when parents are involved. In all the years I've taught I've always wished someone could explain to me why teachers should get down and kiss the feet of involved parents. I mean yes it is helpful but don't expect me to jump up and down because you are doing your job!!

 

[BuckNaked]

So that being said, you now have to apologize to the teacher and then turn this into the best way to help your dd.

While I do agree with the posters that said have the conference and find out what happened in the classroom, why in the world should the OP apologize to the teacher????? There was nothing in that note that should have caused any kind of negative reaction.

 

[RitaZ.]

So that being said, you now have to apologize to the teacher and then turn this into the best way to help your dd.

Why does the OP need to apologize to the teacher?

I didn't find the OP's note to the teacher offensive at all.

Many kids have difficulty with fractions. Even in college, give the students a problem with fractions and most will freak out. Just keep practicing with your DD.

 

[mickeyboat]

While I do agree with the posters that said have the conference and find out what happened in the classroom, why in the world should the OP apologize to the teacher????? There was nothing in that note that should have caused any kind of negative reaction.

We aren't seeing the note, but the OP said she was "bent," so it might have been more upsetting to the teacher than it appears to us. The note could have been interpreted to say "clearly you can't teach this material, so I will do it myself this weekend." She never suggested that she was willing to discuss what might be the cause of the problem, or offer any collaborative solutions to the teacher, like having her DD stay for extra help.

I think the OP realizes she may have been a little harsh, and I think she should make sure the teacher knows that she is amenable to working with her to find a solution.

Good luck to you!

Denae

 

[Wishing on a star]

Here are my thoughts:

1. From what you have posted, I see no problem at all with your note. I really can not see why anyone would think that you should apologize to the teacher for being 'concerned' and 'involved'.

2. At this point in the year, I would be very hesitant to try to make any classroom change. I really do not think that most administrators would even consider a change at this point, unless there were 'dire' issues. My experience has been that this type of request is routinely and adamantly denied.

3. While this teacher may be lacking, and I can see that you are a little angry after hearing what your DD has said. At this point I am not so sure it would be productive to go into this conference like a 'mama bear'. First, I think you should remember that this is not the end of the world, and this teacher has not, to our knowledge, actually made any inappropriate comments towards your DD or anything. Go into the conference and calmly let the teacher have her say.

4. If you are really that upset and think that these problems are serious and want to discuss this teachers abilities/methods/etc... Then you should NOT go into this without having others present.

I suggest you go into it with the attitude of a concerned parent, asking, what can you all do to help my DD with these academics. See what their answer is. Then go from there.

PS: My DS has a teacher who sounds similar to this. Very little 'teaching' and 'practice'. Just presents the material and expects the kids to do it. But, this is 2nd Grade, which is considered a 'review' year. So I am just gritting my teeth, counting down the days, and hoping for a decent teacher next year.

PS: My son is on an IEP, and yes, earlier in the year I did request an IEP meeting where I very seriously questioned this teachers curriculum (or LACK of one) and her methods. Did no good at all. I wouldn't encourage you to have any idea that you can improve things.

 

[Wishing on a star]

OP,

Is your daughter in danger of failing?
Failing math is automatically grounds for retention, repeating 5th grade.

If so, I would call a meeting with the Principal and anyone else involved, and I would simply say that I do not want to see my child held back until I see that the school has done everything possible to assist her with this Math. Let them know that your daughter has not had this kind of difficulty before. Ask them how they will be addressing this problem.

The meeting should be all about your concern for your daughters success. The issues you have with this teacher should be secondary to that.

 

[Wishing on a star]

We aren't seeing the note, but the OP said she was "bent," so it might have been more upsetting to the teacher than it appears to us. The note could have been interpreted to say "clearly you can't teach this material, so I will do it myself this weekend." She never suggested that she was willing to discuss what might be the cause of the problem, or offer any collaborative solutions to the teacher, like having her DD stay for extra help.

I think the OP realizes she may have been a little harsh, and I think she should make sure the teacher knows that she is amenable to working with her to find a solution.

Good luck to you!

Denae

Good point!
However, even if the OP sent a note that said 'you are an incompetant witch', the teacher should not have reacted in a way that appeared 'hostile' in front of the the DD and the whole classroom.

She should have addressed it thru the Principal after school, simply reassigned the desk for class the next day, etc....

 

[mickeyboat]

Good point!
However, even if the OP sent a note that said 'you are an incompetant witch', the teacher should not have reacted in a way that appeared 'hostile' in front of the the DD and the whole classroom.

You are right on that one. I would have been really embarassed as a student seeing my teacher so upset about a note my mother sent in. I would definitely think she hated me. That was totally unprofessional.

Denae

 

[poohs_hunny]

Also, I have an issue with the post that said teachers should be "grateful" when parents are involved. In all the years I've taught I've always wished someone could explain to me why teachers should get down and kiss the feet of involved parents. I mean yes it is helpful but don't expect me to jump up and down because you are doing your job!!

While I understand your point, remember that gratitude goes both ways. I try my best to be sure that all of my students understand what is being taught, giving extra/revised explanations when necessary. Am I just doing my job? Sure. But I'd like to think that parents are grateful for this, though. I am always grateful for parental involvement.

 

[midge3426]

I thank everyone for their input. I sincerely appreciate everyone's point. I mulled over this situation until the wee hours of the morning. I had to send in a note this morning because we were not able to go to the appointment she had set for us because of previous commitments. I think everyone is right about not moving her and I do think that this is one of those life lessons that we all need to learn. So I tried to write a note that was not hateful but made a few points. Basically here is what is said: I told her that I was sorry that my note upset her and that I simply wanted to state that my daughter did not understand the math. I stated that fractions can be very difficult and can take time to grasp. I told her that I was more than willing to assist her with the work this weekend and that we would redo the worksheet if she so desires. And I ended requesting that she please not be angry with my DD. My DD thinks that she does not like her anyway and has been thinking that way since the beginning of the school year. I ended saying that DD was a good child, a bit lazy, but good.

Apparently, this smoothed her feathers. My daughter tried to claim that she had eaten our tainted Peter Pan Peanut Butter and that she was feeling ill. I told her that did not work and to get ready for school. She had an extremely long face going to school. This afternoon she was chipper and she said that her teacher was nice to her today and that she had even hugged her. The teacher told her that she did like her and just looked stern because she wanted all her students to do better.

DD is not failing math, but she is not doing as well as she should If she gets upset about a situation, she disengages and thats what she has been doing. I guess I am going to have a fun weekend relearning fractions and teaching them to my DD. Thanks for all the hellp.