Please I need advice!!!

[mercydisney]

Or the slap was a huge deal to the OP's dd and that is why she hasn't spoken to her friend in the last 2 months. I don't see anything right about forcing my child to go on a trip with a girl she clearly has an issue with, whether or not I think the slap is a big deal.

Honestly I'm amazed at the people who pass this off as normal teen drama. Where I come from that is not normal drama, and if it happened to my dd I'd respect her and her choice to not want to spend her summer vacation with a girl who has no problem slapping her in the face.
The age of the girls doesn't excuse the behavior. There is a lesson to be learned, slapping people has consequences, in this case you don't get to go to WDW with the one you hit.

I have 2 teenage girls. This is how I would of handled it. How can you respect someone who slaps you on the face. Yes, she did accept the apology but that was the mature thing to do. Would you want the OP's daughter to hit the girl back?

 

[VeganCupcake]

i called the mom this morning to let her know that we had decided it was to be a family only trip and that i was so sorry our plans had changed. she responded by telling me that her dd had decided she wanted to stay at her dad's longer and didn't want my dd to be hurt. we did both say that if the occasion ever happened again, we would BOTH do a better job of communicating with eachother. now both girls are happy and nobody got their feelings hurt and the girls are still friends.

I didn't comment until now, but read the whole thread today. Seems like the whole thing worked out perfectly! Enjoy your vacation, Oh- and I think I speak for most of us when I say we would like pictures and a trip report!

 

[kwelch10377]

hopefully, this will end all the nasty talk. had i known this would lead to people calling me a liar and calling my dd names, i would have never asked for advice.

i called the mom this morning to let her know that we had decided it was to be a family only trip and that i was so sorry our plans had changed. she responded by telling me that her dd had decided she wanted to stay at her dad's longer and didn't want my dd to be hurt. we did both say that if the occasion ever happened again, we would BOTH do a better job of communicating with eachother. now both girls are happy and nobody got their feelings hurt and the girls are still friends.

so thank you to everyone who offered real advice - and as for the name callers, maybe you're the real bullies here.

I am sorry this thread turned so sour. I am glad everything worked out and I hope you guys have a great trip to Universal!

 

[phorsenuf]

[/B]

Rusty couldn't have said it better himself

 

[phorsenuf]

hopefully, this will end all the nasty talk. had i known this would lead to people calling me a liar and calling my dd names, i would have never asked for advice.

i called the mom this morning to let her know that we had decided it was to be a family only trip and that i was so sorry our plans had changed. she responded by telling me that her dd had decided she wanted to stay at her dad's longer and didn't want my dd to be hurt. we did both say that if the occasion ever happened again, we would BOTH do a better job of communicating with eachother. now both girls are happy and nobody got their feelings hurt and the girls are still friends.

so thank you to everyone who offered real advice - and as for the name callers, maybe you're the real bullies here.

How perfectly perfect for everyone involved.

 

[smitch425]

hopefully, this will end all the nasty talk. had i known this would lead to people calling me a liar and calling my dd names, i would have never asked for advice.

i called the mom this morning to let her know that we had decided it was to be a family only trip and that i was so sorry our plans had changed. she responded by telling me that her dd had decided she wanted to stay at her dad's longer and didn't want my dd to be hurt. we did both say that if the occasion ever happened again, we would BOTH do a better job of communicating with eachother. now both girls are happy and nobody got their feelings hurt and the girls are still friends.

so thank you to everyone who offered real advice - and as for the name callers, maybe you're the real bullies here.

So glad it all worked out for you. Don't pay one bit of attention to the people who called you and your DD liars. Some people like to stir the pot and are quick to expect the worst in people all the time. Sad, but true. I hope you guys have an amazing trip! Hopefully the girls will have a great school year together.

 

[maryliz]

As the parent I would take the blame by saying that the plan has changed. However, I would make darn sure my DD would never do this again. This would be a one time pass. I would use this as a teachable moment on values.

My thoughts exactly ... I am astonished at how many think that the OP's 13 year old daughter is old enough to deal with the "uninvite" ... this is NOT backing out on a shopping trip to the mall ... this is a vacation, where the parents are the ones responsible for the entire trip. And if it were my DD, no problem, I would make the call to the other parent, I would then have my DD contact the friend to say "sorry, it's now just our own family going", and then I doubt that I would allow my kid to convince me take along a friend on a trip for a very long time. Again, we're not talking a trip to the mall here.

Sounds like the OP has dealt with it, and that it appears to all have worked out in the end as far as the girls and their disappointment. OP - have a great time at Universal! WWOHP is fabulous!

 

[mjc05]

So by all means take this possible bully on your vacation!

I wouldn't take anyone else's child on vacation, which I've had to explain to my own daughter, just because I don't want to handle multiple magical meltdowns on an expensive vacation.

 

[mjc05]

I was responding to someone who told OP to take her because if she doesn't she might bully her child at school next year.

Just to clarify, at no time did I tell the OP to take her, I said that her daughter needed to address the girl about why she was taking back the invitation because teenage girls are vindictive. But the OP has posted that the situation is resolved, so it's all moot. Just wanted to clarify my post.

 

[Nancy for Disney]

Yeah the heck with that pesky Golden Rule, as long as my kids happy.

I was trying to figure out how to say this. Thank you. There seems to be a lot of "My kid comes first". I don't think that is a very good lesson for our children. This world would be a better place if people didn't have such "me first" mentality.

I haven't read all the posts but I think since there was communication between the parents about having the girl on the trip is a done deal. If the OP had been the first to contact the mother with a "I am so sorry to have to tell you this but the circumstances have changed and we won't be able to take "slap happy susie" with us on our trip after all" it would have been different. Then again maybe "susie" is also looking for a way out of the trip. Maybe OP can go contact the mother with something like "We are still planning the trip. We have had concerns because "susie" and my daughter haven't had much contact over the summer. Is susie still interested? We can be very flexible if she isn't. If susie is still interested in coming maybe we can all get together to iron out the details".

Oh, just saw the situation was resolved. So glad everyone is happy happy happy!

 

[handinpocket]

No way in shinona would I bring a child that might possibly ruin a family vacation!! So glad it turned out OP!

 

[sam_gordon]

No way in shinona would I bring a child that might possibly ruin a family vacation!! So glad it turned out OP!

So you wouldn't bring YOUR kids on a family vacation? Any child, especially a teenager, could possibly "ruin" a vacation.

I'm glad everything worked out.

I still don't see why it's bad that some of us wanted DD to accept responsibility for her decisions (inviting someone on a major trip then wanting to "uninvite" that someone).

 

[goofyintoronto]

I'm sorry but I wouldn't be worried about the ethical and moral thing to do for someone who is so caviler about slapping another person. Someone definitely needs a lesson in ethics and morality, and it wouldn't be the OP's dd.

Well said. I agree. I cant believe some ppl just dont see that.

A vacation is a time to make memories, it is not a time to punish your daughter because she made the mistake of inviting a friend she doesn't speak to anymore. If the 2 don't get along on the trip the whole family will suffer. I would have your daughter be the one to tell her friend. I would also email the mom and tell her your DD will contact her DD.

Yup. Exactly what i would do.

hopefully, this will end all the nasty talk. had i known this would lead to people calling me a liar and calling my dd names, i would have never asked for advice.

i called the mom this morning to let her know that we had decided it was to be a family only trip and that i was so sorry our plans had changed. she responded by telling me that her dd had decided she wanted to stay at her dad's longer and didn't want my dd to be hurt. we did both say that if the occasion ever happened again, we would BOTH do a better job of communicating with eachother. now both girls are happy and nobody got their feelings hurt and the girls are still friends.

so thank you to everyone who offered real advice - and as for the name callers, maybe you're the real bullies here.

Very well done. You did the right thing. Im so glad it all worked out in the end and that the girls are still friends. Good for you. Have a great vacation!

 

[mickeysgal]

Glad to see that the communication between the parents have occurred and that all is resolved. If this should every happen again, talk to the other parent sooner, rather than later. It avoids a lot of miscommunication and assumptions. Have a great trip.

 

[Ceila]

I can see why OP left out the slapping incident in her first post. She wanted UNBIASED opinions. Had she led off with that story, most everyone would have said not to take the girl on the trip. She wanted help, not validation. It's really sad that people are so quick to judge and have to be so negative all the time. Seems like it would make life awfully depressing to always assume the worst in people.

But, if it really happened, how could it NOT be an important part of the story? That's what makes no sense to many of us. It isn't a matter of trying to get an unbiased opinion. You don't get that by leaving out major aspects of the story.

She only posted that story after many people disagreed with her. I look for the best in people, too, but I'm not blind to those who try to manipulate information and situations to their advantage, and that's what this looks like to quite a few on here, including me.

 

[smitch425]

But, if it really happened, how could it NOT be an important part of the story? That's what makes no sense to many of us. It isn't a matter of trying to get an unbiased opinion. You don't get that by leaving out major aspects of the story.

She only posted that story after many people disagreed with her. I look for the best in people, too, but I'm not blind to those who try to manipulate information and situations to their advantage, and that's what this looks like to quite a few on here, including me.

The slapping incident was said to be forgiven by the daughter. OP said she herself still held a slight grudge. Op didn't want her grudge to sway opinions. She was then asked what the reasoning was behind backing out of the offer, so she provided additional info. I see nothing sinister about that. She also thanked people on both sides of the issue for giving her good things to think about. Maybe it's just me, but my conscience doesn't allow me to think someone is a liar unless I have absolute proof.

 

[sam_gordon]

The slapping incident was said to be forgiven by the daughter. OP said she herself still held a slight grudge. Op didn't want her grudge to sway opinions. She was then asked what the reasoning was behind backing out of the offer, so she provided additional info. I see nothing sinister about that. She also thanked people on both sides of the issue for giving her good things to think about. Maybe it's just me, but my conscience doesn't allow me to think someone is a liar unless I have absolute proof.

I'm not calling the OP (or the DD) a liar. I'm not convinced we (or the OP) have the full story on the slap incident, but I do believe something happened.

However, the slap incident *DID* affect many people's decision. I do feel it should have been included in the OP, as it does factor into the decision.

Answer me this... assuming the slap incident NEVER happened, just that the girls haven't talked since school let out, would your opinion on whether the friend should go change?

 

[goofyintoronto]

Well I'm not a newbie and I totally agree with this.

I still hold fast to you don't go back on your word, you keep your promises. Changing your mind isn't good enough.

A persons word should mean something.

I do agree with you (believe it or not). Lol! To a certain extend thou. Things happen, things change, sometimes you get assaulted and you change your mind about taking the person. I wouldnt feel the least bit guilty backing out, some ppl would, but not me. Different strokes for different folks I guess.

 

[goofyintoronto]

I think the only person who got their happy ending was mom.

DD too. She didnt want the friend to come anymore apparently. And now the friend also didnt wanna go (she wants to stay with dad), that means everyone is happy, no??

 

[smitch425]

Answer me this... assuming the slap incident NEVER happened, just that the girls haven't talked since school let out, would your opinion on whether the friend should go change?

This was my original post in this thread...

OP, if it were me, I would arrange for the girls to reconnect well in advance of the trip and perhaps more than once. I would email the mother back and tell her that the girls had a bit of a falling out and that your DD is hesitant to have her come on the trip. Let her know that you think the girls can work it out and arrange for them to get together. The girls need to work out their issuses themselves, but there is no reason you can't give the mother some insight into the situation. You don't need to give her the details of what happened, but just let her know that you were not even sure her daughter was still interested in going since she has not even talked to your DD all summer.

Best of luck. It's a tough spot. In the end, you need to do what is best for your DD and your family to enjoy the vacation you worked hard to pay for.

My opinion remains the exact same.