Please I need advice!!!

[leebee]

NO! That is not my intention. You have no idea how I've agonized over this. I have told my daughter that she has to bring this friend, no matter what. But I don't want my daughter to be miserable on a trip she has waited 3 years for. Yes, it was important enough to include in the original post, but I didn't want that info to influence anybody's advice. My daughter has moved past it, it's ME that still dwells on it. And since we are financially responsible for this trip - I want it to be worthwhile.

This is what I was remembering... that the daughter has moved on but the mom still dwells on the slapping incident. (but I would have sworn that her DD said "whatever" but it's mom who is reneging.. not sure I have time to reread all 14 pages or are talented enough to use "search" so perhaps I have incorrectly read or forgotten what was said. Just wanted to recap as so many people have jumped into the middle of the thread!)

 

[srferson]

This is what I was remembering... that the daughter has moved on but the mom still dwells on the slapping incident. (but I would have sworn that her DD said "whatever" but it's mom who is reneging.. not sure I have time to reread all 14 pages or are talented enough to use "search" so perhaps I have incorrectly read or forgotten what was said. Just wanted to recap as so many people have jumped into the middle of the thread!)

Yeah, apparently the friend offered an apology for the slap which DD accepted.

But DD still doesn't want the friend to come on the trip because she's afraid the friend will talk about nothing but boys and drive her crazy.

 

[leebee]

Let's remember, the daughter said she is OK with taking this other girl; it's the OP who is having very strong second thoughts about NOT taking the other girl. It's not OP's daughter who is changing her mind. Consequently, it's not the daughter who has to make "the phone call;" it's OP. Let's all stop calling the DD "snowflake" and other insensitive names when she really isn't the one who changed her mind! ALSO... OP strongly insinuated that the reason she didn't call the other girl's mom at the time of the slapping incident is because she was afraid the mom would resort to physical violence against the other girl, and OP didn't want to be the cause of that. I work in middle school and physical violence NEVER occurs (and yes, I'd know); this is NOT how the 12-14 year olds of my acquaintance roll. We don't really know if OP was EVER OK with the friend slapping her DD, we just know that she didn't want to bring it to the other mom's attention due to extenuating circumstances.

OP, please let us know what you decide to do. I DON'T think it's your DD's responsibility to make this phone call, or, actually, this decision. Sometimes as the mom, I have to make "unpopular" decisions based on what I think is best for my family or daughter. This is YOUR vacation, YOUR money, and YOU are the one who is uncomfortable taking this other child with you. The answer seems pretty clear to me. If you don't want to take her, call/email the kid's mom and tell her that you are sorry, but taking extra kids on your vacation isn't going to work out for you after all.

OK, I misspoke here. I would have SWORN I read that the DD had said she'd be OK with the other girl going (perhaps it was in a post deleted by the moderator?). Anyhow, I "stand" (because I am actually sitting) corrected about the DD being OK with the friend going. Sorry!

 

[sam_gordon]

OK, I misspoke here. I would have SWORN I read that the DD had said she'd be OK with the other girl going (perhaps it was in a post deleted by the moderator?). Anyhow, I "stand" (because I am actually sitting) corrected about the DD being OK with the friend going. Sorry!

I suggest editing your previous "recap" post so people AREN'T confused by jumping into the middle of the thread.

My "recap"...

OP's family (including 13yo DD) makes plans to visit universal.
DD invites "friend" on the trip.
OP & friends family exchange information on the trip (dates, etc)
DD & Friend get into a disagreement at school and friend slaps DD
Friend apologizes for slap and is forgiven by DD.
DD & Friend don't talk over summer.
Friend's mom contacts OP via email asking if trip is still on.
DD now says she doesn't want friend to come on trip.

How'd I do?

 

[goofyintoronto]

I suggest editing your previous "recap" post so people AREN'T confused by jumping into the middle of the thread.

My "recap"...

OP's family (including 13yo DD) makes plans to visit universal.
DD invites "friend" on the trip shortly before school lets out.
OP & friends family exchange information on the trip (dates, etc)
DD & Friend get into a disagreement at school and friend slaps DD
Friend apologizes for slap and is forgiven by DD.
DD & Friend don't talk over summer.
Friend's mom contacts OP via email asking if trip is still on.
DD now says she doesn't want friend to come on trip.

How'd I do?

LOL! Perfect!! Clap! clap! clap!

 

[crashbb]

I suggest editing your previous "recap" post so people AREN'T confused by jumping into the middle of the thread.

My "recap"...

OP's family (including 13yo DD) makes plans to visit universal.
DD invites "friend" on the trip shortly before school lets out.OP & friends family exchange information on the trip (dates, etc)
DD & Friend get into a disagreement at school and friend slaps DD
Friend apologizes for slap and is forgiven by DD.
DD & Friend don't talk over summer.
Friend's mom contacts OP via email asking if trip is still on.
DD now says she doesn't want friend to come on trip.

How'd I do?

The only bit I'm not sure of is the bit I bolded. Do we know when the original offer was made?

 

[Becky2005]

If you reneg on the invite, I'm not so sure of that.

Never mind...I jumped in too soon. I do know I was on the receiving end of an univite to Disney trip by my best friend but we never got into any altercation. I'm still friends with her but I don't trust her to show up for plans 20+ something later due to the invite to go on vacation, never mind not going now yet their family still went.

 

[sam_gordon]

The only bit I'm not sure of is the bit I bolded. Do we know when the original offer was made?

You are correct. I changed my recap so that time reference is eliminated.

 

[Hannathy]

So she should take this girl just to avoid possibly being bullied when school starts?

No because it is the right thing to do. It is the ethical and morally right thing to do. you don't go back on your word , you don't break promises.

 

[happygirl]

I would let the girl go. Your daughter forgave her for the slap, you need to do the same. Have a great time

 

[kwelch10377]

I would let the girl go. Your daughter forgave her for the slap, you need to do the same. Have a great time

The DD doesn't want the girl to go, it has nothing to do with the OP forgiving the girl for slapping her DD.

 

[DisneyFan32WI]

I suggest editing your previous "recap" post so people AREN'T confused by jumping into the middle of the thread.

My "recap"...

OP's family (including 13yo DD) makes plans to visit universal.
DD invites "friend" on the trip.
OP & friends family exchange information on the trip (dates, etc)
DD & Friend get into a disagreement at school and friend slaps DD
Friend apologizes for slap and is forgiven by DD.
DD & Friend don't talk over summer.
Friend's mom contacts OP via email asking if trip is still on.
DD now says she doesn't want friend to come on trip.

How'd I do?

Rusty couldn't have said it better himself

 

[DisneyFan32WI]

Reading this thread is like playing the telephone game when we were kids...

 

[disykat]

I don't think the timeline matters. What it comes down to is whether people think it's okay to uninvite someone after an invitation has been issued.

Some people say NEVER. Some people say it's okay in certain circumstances and this qualifies.

 

[luvmy3]

No because it is the right thing to do. It is the ethical and morally right thing to do. you don't go back on your word , you don't break promises.

I'm sorry but I wouldn't be worried about the ethical and moral thing to do for someone who is so caviler about slapping another person. Someone definitely needs a lesson in ethics and morality, and it wouldn't be the OP's dd.

 

[sam_gordon]

I'm sorry but I wouldn't be worried about the ethical and moral thing to do for someone who is so caviler about slapping another person. Someone definitely needs a lesson in ethics and morality, and it wouldn't be the OP's dd.

That's assuming DD told the "truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth" about the altercation before school let out.

 

[luvmy3]

That's assuming DD told the "truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth" about the altercation before school let out.

True, but my opinions are based on what the OP has written here in this thread, not what could be.

 

[mercydisney]

A vacation is a time to make memories, it is not a time to punish your daughter because she made the mistake of inviting a friend she doesn't speak to anymore. If the 2 don't get along on the trip the whole family will suffer. I would have your daughter be the one to tell her friend. I would also email the mom and tell her your DD will contact her DD.

 

[disykat]

hopefully, this will end all the nasty talk. had i known this would lead to people calling me a liar and calling my dd names, i would have never asked for advice.

i called the mom this morning to let her know that we had decided it was to be a family only trip and that i was so sorry our plans had changed. she responded by telling me that her dd had decided she wanted to stay at her dad's longer and didn't want my dd to be hurt. we did both say that if the occasion ever happened again, we would BOTH do a better job of communicating with eachother. now both girls are happy and nobody got their feelings hurt and the girls are still friends.

so thank you to everyone who offered real advice - and as for the name callers, maybe you're the real bullies here.

Yay! Great post, you're spot on.

 

[::danielle::]

hopefully, this will end all the nasty talk. had i known this would lead to people calling me a liar and calling my dd names, i would have never asked for advice.

i called the mom this morning to let her know that we had decided it was to be a family only trip and that i was so sorry our plans had changed. she responded by telling me that her dd had decided she wanted to stay at her dad's longer and didn't want my dd to be hurt. we did both say that if the occasion ever happened again, we would BOTH do a better job of communicating with eachother. now both girls are happy and nobody got their feelings hurt and the girls are still friends.

so thank you to everyone who offered real advice - and as for the name callers, maybe you're the real bullies here.

I'm glad it all worked out for you all! I'm sorry your thread turned sour. Hopefully this will die down now that the issue has been resolved.