Please I need advice!!!

[mjkacmom]

Ok thats true. Lol! But I still think words can be just as powerful (if not MORE powerful) than a slap.

But at the same time, they can also be more hurtful.

 

[WebmasterMaryJo]

Hey guys,

Unfortunately, I have had to delete some rude responses on this thread. Please remember to be respectful of each other in your discussions. This way we won't have to close the thread. Thanks. (plus, it's just the right way to treat each other)

 

[FireDancer]

Can we look forward to the "my daughter is getting bullied by her former bff" thread in the fall when school starts again? Renege if you'd like but remember that actions have consequences and unless tween/teen girls have changed an awful lot since I was that age there is a good change this girl will take it out on your daughter for a long time.

 

[goofyintoronto]

But at the same time, they can also be more hurtful.

Yes this is also true.

 

[sam_gordon]

Hey guys,

Unfortunately, I have had to delete some rude responses on this thread. Please remember to be respectful of each other in your discussions. This way we won't have to close the thread. Thanks. (plus, it's just the right way to treat each other)

Can't we just slap each other?

 

[phorsenuf]

Can't we just slap each other?

 

[WebmasterMaryJo]

Can't we just slap each other?

:: snicker ::

 

[srferson]

OP, you have over a dozen pages of people describing this situation from every angle. Clearly it's complicated and there are a lot of unknowns. Please, for the sake of everyone involved, facilitate a discussion between the girls.

I understand that it's ultimately your decision, but I don't see how you can make the decision in a fair manner when there is so much unknown.

Does the friend even still want to come? Has your daughter actually forgiven the friend for slapping her? Can they get along for more than an hour? What is the reason they haven't talked since the end of school? Etc.

And please make sure your daughter is part of the discussion and the decision and the communication. It may not be convenient. It may be ackward or emotional. But just slinking away with some vague excuse doesn't seem to be the mature way to handle it for either you or your daughter.

 

[LBIJim]

The OP's dd needs to realize that if they take back this invitation, the likely hood of her and this girl being friends again isn't real high.

I just want to chime in with one other aspect I haven't seen brought up. Teenage girls can be very vindictive. If you cancel on this girl without your daughter having the manners to address why she is being uninvited, expect the girl to make your daughter's life less than stellar when school starts back up. Maybe the girl has enough manners that she won't, but if she is hurt by the trip being cancelled and her friend not telling her personally, then the girl will probably act out about it in whatever manner a 13 year old, hormonal brain chooses.

Best of luck in your decision.

And there's also the strong possibility of the OP's daughter losing many of her other friends when word gets out about the disinvite. Who wants to be friends with someone who goes back on her word about something like this? And rest assured, OP, that many parents will hear about this and will form their own opinions about you and your daughter. No, they won't know the details, but the opinions are unlikely to be favorable.

But you yourself already said that your daughter has to bring this friend no matter what, so there's no need to worry about the consequences of disinviting her.

Jim

 

[disykat]

I just want to chime in with one other aspect I haven't seen brought up. Teenage girls can be very vindictive. If you cancel on this girl without your daughter having the manners to address why she is being uninvited, expect the girl to make your daughter's life less than stellar when school starts back up. Maybe the girl has enough manners that she won't, but if she is hurt by the trip being cancelled and her friend not telling her personally, then the girl will probably act out about it in whatever manner a 13 year old, hormonal brain chooses.

Best of luck in your decision.

So by all means take this possible bully on your vacation!

 

[Hannathy]

So by all means take this possible bully on your vacation!

You do know that inviting someone and then at the last minute excluding them on purpose is also a form of bullying right?


I don't get why the girl getting dumped would be considered the bully? She is the one getting hurt.





And I definitely agree with word getting around, and with what impression will be formed.

 

[sam_gordon]

So by all means take this possible bully on your vacation!

So now the girl is a "possible bully"? I'm guessing this is because of the slap, which was in response to the DD saying something to the girl. We don't know whether the DD harassed the "friend" to prompt the slap. I guess DD could be a "possible bully" too.

 

[kwelch10377]

You do know that inviting someone and then at the last minute excluding them on purpose is also a form of bullying right?


QUOTE]

How the heck is that bullying??

It isn't like she invited the girl knowing that she was going to disinvite her. Something happened between them that caused a rift.

 

[Pigeon]

I've got a teenaged dd. If she were in this situation I'd be telling her to suck it up, buttercup. She invited the other girl, end of story.

 

[disykat]

So now the girl is a "possible bully"? I'm guessing this is because of the slap, which was in response to the DD saying something to the girl. We don't know whether the DD harassed the "friend" to prompt the slap. I guess DD could be a "possible bully" too.

I was responding to someone who told OP to take her because if she doesn't she might bully her child at school next year.

 

[Erin1700]

I would never allow my kid to invite someone on such a big trip who wasn't from a family we knew well.

 

[Tuffcookie]

Hi OP,

I have not ready all the other responses so please forgive me if I repeat what anyone else said.

This is clearly a situation where the girls drifted apart.

Vacations are suppose to be happy. If you take this girl with you, it has disaster written all over it.

It doesn't sound like you know this other family all that well.

If my child was invited to go with another family on their vacation, you can be sure I would have been talking to them to get specifics and information about how much money to send for incidentals. It doesn't sound like they've done any of that.

I would tell the girl's parents that your plans have changed and you will be unable to include their daughter. I wouldn't even worry about what will happen in the next school year. Deal with that then, if a problem arises.

Maybe from now on, vacations should just be family time.

TC

 

[leebee]

In recap, OP doesn't want to take her DD's classmate (not sure that they are still friends) on their Universal vacation with them because OP isn't comfortable with this decision, even though she was apparently OK with it at least ~8 weeks ago (figuring school's been out for over 6 weeks already). DD is OK with it, but OP is still upset about the slapping incident and worried that having the two girls together will make for a less-than-stellar vacation for the family. OP & DD haven't heard from the girl or her mom in 6+ weeks until the mom emailed this week asking if the vacation is still on- and it doesn't seem that much info about the vacation was shared nor plans made, except to tell the other mom the dates of the trip.

Let's remember, the daughter said she is OK with taking this other girl; it's the OP who is having very strong second thoughts about NOT taking the other girl. It's not OP's daughter who is changing her mind. Consequently, it's not the daughter who has to make "the phone call;" it's OP. Let's all stop calling the DD "snowflake" and other insensitive names when she really isn't the one who changed her mind! ALSO... OP strongly insinuated that the reason she didn't call the other girl's mom at the time of the slapping incident is because she was afraid the mom would resort to physical violence against the other girl, and OP didn't want to be the cause of that. I work in middle school and physical violence NEVER occurs (and yes, I'd know); this is NOT how the 12-14 year olds of my acquaintance roll. We don't really know if OP was EVER OK with the friend slapping her DD, we just know that she didn't want to bring it to the other mom's attention due to extenuating circumstances.

OP, please let us know what you decide to do. I DON'T think it's your DD's responsibility to make this phone call, or, actually, this decision. Sometimes as the mom, I have to make "unpopular" decisions based on what I think is best for my family or daughter. This is YOUR vacation, YOUR money, and YOU are the one who is uncomfortable taking this other child with you. The answer seems pretty clear to me. If you don't want to take her, call/email the kid's mom and tell her that you are sorry, but taking extra kids on your vacation isn't going to work out for you after all.

 

[goofyintoronto]

You do know that inviting someone and then at the last minute excluding them on purpose is also a form of bullying right?

How the heck is that bullying??

It isn't like she invited the girl knowing that she was going to disinvite her. Something happened between them that caused a rift.

I'd like to know how thats considered bullying as well. So she should take this girl just to avoid possibly being bullied when school starts?

I have a dilemma. My daughter invited one of her friends from school to accompany us on our first trip to Universal Studios. She has not spoken to this "friend" since school has let out (5-26). This morning I received an email from the mom asking if the trip was still planned. My dd now does not want this person to come and feels like their friendship is not as strong as it was. How do I respond to the mom? I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, and I'm sure the friendship will pick back up once school resumes, but my dd really does not want her to come. Please help!!!

In recap, OP doesn't want to take her DD's classmate (not sure that they are still friends) on their Universal vacation with them because OP isn't comfortable with this decision, even though she was apparently OK with it at least ~8 weeks ago (figuring school's been out for over 6 weeks already). DD is OK with it, but OP is still upset about the slapping incident and worried that having the two girls together will make for a less-than-stellar vacation for the family. OP & DD haven't heard from the girl or her mom in 6+ weeks until the mom emailed this week asking if the vacation is still on- and it doesn't seem that much info about the vacation was shared nor plans made, except to tell the other mom the dates of the trip.

Let's remember, the daughter said she is OK with taking this other girl; it's the OP who is having very strong second thoughts about NOT taking the other girl. It's not OP's daughter who is changing her mind. Consequently, it's not the daughter who has to make "the phone call;" it's OP. Let's all stop calling the DD "snowflake" and other insensitive names when she really isn't the one who changed her mind! ALSO... OP strongly insinuated that the reason she didn't call the other girl's mom at the time of the slapping incident is because she was afraid the mom would resort to physical violence against the other girl, and OP didn't want to be the cause of that. I work in middle school and physical violence NEVER occurs (and yes, I'd know); this is NOT how the 12-14 year olds of my acquaintance roll. We don't really know if OP was EVER OK with the friend slapping her DD, we just know that she didn't want to bring it to the other mom's attention due to extenuating circumstances.

OP, please let us know what you decide to do. I DON'T think it's your DD's responsibility to make this phone call, or, actually, this decision. Sometimes as the mom, I have to make "unpopular" decisions based on what I think is best for my family or daughter. This is YOUR vacation, YOUR money, and YOU are the one who is uncomfortable taking this other child with you. The answer seems pretty clear to me. If you don't want to take her, call/email the kid's mom and tell her that you are sorry, but taking extra kids on your vacation isn't going to work out for you after all.

On the contrary, read above. Her DD is in fact the one who doesnt want the girl to come.

 

[srferson]

In recap, OP doesn't want to take her DD's classmate (not sure that they are still friends) on their Universal vacation with them because OP isn't comfortable with this decision, even though she was apparently OK with it at least ~8 weeks ago (figuring school's been out for over 6 weeks already). DD is OK with it, but OP is still upset about the slapping incident and worried that having the two girls together will make for a less-than-stellar vacation for the family. OP & DD haven't heard from the girl or her mom in 6+ weeks until the mom emailed this week asking if the vacation is still on- and it doesn't seem that much info about the vacation was shared nor plans made, except to tell the other mom the dates of the trip.

Let's remember, the daughter said she is OK with taking this other girl; it's the OP who is having very strong second thoughts about NOT taking the other girl. It's not OP's daughter who is changing her mind. Consequently, it's not the daughter who has to make "the phone call;" it's OP. Let's all stop calling the DD "snowflake" and other insensitive names when she really isn't the one who changed her mind! ALSO... OP strongly insinuated that the reason she didn't call the other girl's mom at the time of the slapping incident is because she was afraid the mom would resort to physical violence against the other girl, and OP didn't want to be the cause of that. I work in middle school and physical violence NEVER occurs (and yes, I'd know); this is NOT how the 12-14 year olds of my acquaintance roll. We don't really know if OP was EVER OK with the friend slapping her DD, we just know that she didn't want to bring it to the other mom's attention due to extenuating circumstances.

OP, please let us know what you decide to do. I DON'T think it's your DD's responsibility to make this phone call, or, actually, this decision. Sometimes as the mom, I have to make "unpopular" decisions based on what I think is best for my family or daughter. This is YOUR vacation, YOUR money, and YOU are the one who is uncomfortable taking this other child with you. The answer seems pretty clear to me. If you don't want to take her, call/email the kid's mom and tell her that you are sorry, but taking extra kids on your vacation isn't going to work out for you after all.

What? That's not at all how I remember it.

DD does not want the friend to come along anymore.

OP seems uncomfortable, but says she originally told DD that she invited the friend, so the friend will be coming.

Then more details of a falling out were shared and now the OP isn't sure what to do.

Sorry. I'm not going to go back and read fourteen pages again, but that's what I remember. Am I misremembering?

(And I absolutely agree calling DD a snowflake is uncalled for and most likely not true. She's a teenager. As I recall, that ain't always sunshine and puppy dogs.)