Please I need advice!!!

[MrsDuck]

I would just tell the Mom that the trip is still on, but you've decided that you won't be able to have DD bring anyone this time after all. No need to get into details. Good luck!

Exactly the route I'd take.

 

[DisneyFan32WI]

I think it would be so incredibly rude to uninvite her on this trip. I think as a parent you could step in and try to get the girls together for a "play date" before the trip.

 

[Arielle22]

Since the only issue is they have drifted apart, I would go the "you asked her so she is going" route.

It would be very rude to invite the girl and then uninvite her only when her mom asked. Why hasn't someone from your family been in touch with the girl and her family, either to go over details or explain why she could no longer go?

My younger DD has a large group of friends that she rotates among. She likes them all but depending on commitments, they may drift apart and then together. That is normal.

 

[luvsJack]

I agree. While you shouldn't normally uninvite someone to something, a trip is a big expensive deal and I wouldn't want to bring along any drama. Now I wouldn't let her invite a different friend though. It's either this friend or no one.

Seems awfully unfair to the child who was planning on going on this trip.

If the girls were actually arguing or something, I would say call off the invite; but they just haven't talked. Dd has several friends she hasn't talked to since school let out but as soon as they see each other on a church trip or something, all will be well.

 

[Hannathy]

I am on the *you invited and now you stick with it* train. The communication goes both ways. Your daughter could have contacted her just as the girl could have contacted your daughter.

How cruel, rude and just plain wrong to not take the child now.

There is no way I would allow my DD to be so cruel, That is just mean and will hurt the other girls feelings terribly.

I would nip this way of thinking towards others now "in the bud" as Barney would say or you are going to have a real brat on your hands as a teen or if she is a teen she fits right into the mean girl mold.

 

[kirstenb1]

I don't have enough info to tell what I'd do. An out of state overnight trip is a huge deal. Did you talk with the other Mom about the trip back in May? Do you know her well? Did you guys go over details? How old is your dd? Did she check with you before inviting the girl?

 

[ols386]

If your daughter was the one who wanted to invite her friend, and the friend has already been invited, then I think you have to go through with the plans the way they are.

It would be rude to the girl who was invited to now, all of a sudden, be told she's not going with you.

 

[Stacy_C]

I am sure we all know how kids are when they are excited about a trip -- especially with friends. I would envision this other girl counting down the days with anticipation. There is NO way I could take that away from her just because my daughter changed her mind for no justifiable reason.

 

[JessicaR]

Since you believe once school starts the relationship will be back on track again I would stick with this invite.

There doesnt seem to be any real reason to not have her along. Maybe you can invite her over a few times prior to the trip.

I bet the girl would be upset to find she was no longer invited.

 

[gabby99girl]

let me add some needed info. the girls are both 13 years old. the friend of my daughter is going the "boy crazy" route. my daughter (so far thank you thank you thank you) is not. there was an incident right before school let out where the friend was talking about a particular boy and my daughter said "ok! nobody wants to hear about this anymore. and the friend slapped my daughter in the face. now she did apologize to my daughter and my daughter accepted the apology and that's what led to the drifting apart thing. also, the friend is with her father for the summer - but they both have facebooks and have not communicated there either. i do not know the mom well, and was actually very surprised that she would let her daughter go. my main concern is that my daughter has said that she does not want to spend her entire vacation hearing about all these boys - and i'm worried about what may or may not happen.

now i don't believe the mom knows about the incident - and i would rather not tell her because....well, let's just say the mother is very physical with her discipline. personally, i agree with the "you made your bed" logic, but i don't want this vacation to be miserable. my daughter has wanted to go to WWOHP for 3 years now - and i want it to be perfect for her.

maybe that will help with the advice!!!!

 

[JessicaR]

let me add some needed info. the girls are both 13 years old. the friend of my daughter is going the "boy crazy" route. my daughter (so far thank you thank you thank you) is not. there was an incident right before school let out where the friend was talking about a particular boy and my daughter said "ok! nobody wants to hear about this anymore. and the friend slapped my daughter in the face. now she did apologize to my daughter and my daughter accepted the apology and that's what led to the drifting apart thing. also, the friend is with her father for the summer - but they both have facebooks and have not communicated there either. i do not know the mom well, and was actually very surprised that she would let her daughter go. my main concern is that my daughter has said that she does not want to spend her entire vacation hearing about all these boys - and i'm worried about what may or may not happen.

now i don't believe the mom knows about the incident - and i would rather not tell her because....well, let's just say the mother is very physical with her discipline. personally, i agree with the "you made your bed" logic, but i don't want this vacation to be miserable. my daughter has wanted to go to WWOHP for 3 years now - and i want it to be perfect for her.

maybe that will help with the advice!!!!

Your daughter is 13 - let her handle this.

 

[kwelch10377]

let me add some needed info. the girls are both 13 years old. the friend of my daughter is going the "boy crazy" route. my daughter (so far thank you thank you thank you) is not. there was an incident right before school let out where the friend was talking about a particular boy and my daughter said "ok! nobody wants to hear about this anymore. and the friend slapped my daughter in the face. now she did apologize to my daughter and my daughter accepted the apology and that's what led to the drifting apart thing. also, the friend is with her father for the summer - but they both have facebooks and have not communicated there either. i do not know the mom well, and was actually very surprised that she would let her daughter go. my main concern is that my daughter has said that she does not want to spend her entire vacation hearing about all these boys - and i'm worried about what may or may not happen.

now i don't believe the mom knows about the incident - and i would rather not tell her because....well, let's just say the mother is very physical with her discipline. personally, i agree with the "you made your bed" logic, but i don't want this vacation to be miserable. my daughter has wanted to go to WWOHP for 3 years now - and i want it to be perfect for her.

maybe that will help with the advice!!!!

OK, after hearing that I can understand why your DD doesn't want her to go and honestly I would not want someone who slapped my DD in the face to go, apology or not. Your DD is old enough to talk to the girl herself and say look after what happened I don't think it would be a good idea to go and have the girl tell her mom that she isn't going. While I think maybe you should tell the mom what happened, if you are really against it I would just respond to the mom that apparently there was a disagreement between the girls and it was decided that your DD would not be going and the her DD can fill her in on what happened.

 

[rascooby]

I would be honest with the mom about everything. Tell her your daughter had wanted her to come, but there was an incident, and also the girls have not talked since school let out. Maybe arrange a get-together before you decide and let the girls see if they can work it out. I wouldn't want any drama on a family trip, so if they can't work it out, I'd explain to the parents that you're sorry but you've changed your mind.

If my daughter were going on a trip with someone and it was important to her, I would be a lot more involved than they seem to be, and my daughter would be too. The other girl might need to learn a lesson about how to treat others. You can't expect to be going on trips with people that you aren't even really communicating with and since she seemed to cause the rift, she should be smoothing it over.

 

[srferson]

Your daughter is 13 - let her handle this.

This.

I wouldn't force her to take the friend. But if she is deciding she doesn't want to, she needs to talk to the friend.

I do sympathize with her. It sounds like a rough situation. But thirteen seems just a little too old to have mommy handle it.

(Disclaimer: I don't have kids. Doesn't make my opinion wrong, but it's a relevant detail.)

 

[luvmy2sams]

let me add some needed info. the girls are both 13 years old. the friend of my daughter is going the "boy crazy" route. my daughter (so far thank you thank you thank you) is not. there was an incident right before school let out where the friend was talking about a particular boy and my daughter said "ok! nobody wants to hear about this anymore. and the friend slapped my daughter in the face. now she did apologize to my daughter and my daughter accepted the apology and that's what led to the drifting apart thing. also, the friend is with her father for the summer - but they both have facebooks and have not communicated there either. i do not know the mom well, and was actually very surprised that she would let her daughter go. my main concern is that my daughter has said that she does not want to spend her entire vacation hearing about all these boys - and i'm worried about what may or may not happen.

now i don't believe the mom knows about the incident - and i would rather not tell her because....well, let's just say the mother is very physical with her discipline. personally, i agree with the "you made your bed" logic, but i don't want this vacation to be miserable. my daughter has wanted to go to WWOHP for 3 years now - and i want it to be perfect for her.

maybe that will help with the advice!!!!

I wouldn't want this child along on a much-anticipated family trip, especially after reading the additional information you provided. I'd explain to the mom that the girls had a falling out at school and leave it at that. I wouldn't want any child who had laid her hands on my daughter (apology or not) to be part of the trip. Too much potential drama!

 

[phorsenuf]

Sounds like typical 13 year old behavior to me, especially the boys part.

 

[harleyquinn]

While I totally agree that it's rude to uninvite, there is no way I'd be taking a child who slapped my DD in the face anywhere with me, let alone on an expensive family vacation. I probably would have made it clear after the incident though. I wouldn't have waited this long. Are you paying for this girl or was her family contributing?

I do think your DD needs to tell the girl.

 

[Ceila]

Sorry, but I'm really having trouble with the update. The other girl supposedly slapping the DD wasn't important enough to make it into the initial post? That's a little more than just "drifting apart." If it's true, the OP's daughter sounds like she was pretty rude to her friend, not that it justifies being slapped, but knowing how teen girls tend to exaggerate, I wonder if it was really even a slap or just being silly. Plus, the OP's daughter did accept the apology, so there's that. If the supposed slap was enough to drop her from the trip, it should have happened back when the incident occurred. Canceling on her now is wrong, IMO.

It really sounds like this is one of those threads where the OP doesn't get the advice they wanted and pulls out "extra information" to sway everyone to their side.

 

[sms]

Just tell the mom its a family only vacation and leave it at that. I would not make the daughter handle it if she has not been communicating with the "friend". I would not want them getting in touch with each other after what the "friend" did. Hope you have a great trip!!!

 

[Hannathy]

Sorry, but I'm really having trouble with the update. The other girl supposedly slapping the DD wasn't important enough to make it into the initial post? That's a little more than just "drifting apart." If it's true, the OP's daughter sounds like she was pretty rude to her friend, not that it justifies being slapped, but knowing how teen girls tend to exaggerate, I wonder if it was really even a slap or just being silly. Plus, the OP's daughter did accept the apology, so there's that. If the supposed slap was enough to drop her from the trip, it should have happened back when the incident occurred. Canceling on her now is wrong, IMO.

It really sounds like this is one of those threads where the OP doesn't get the advice they wanted and pulls out "extra information" to sway everyone to their side.

I agree and I still stand with my initial advise

If it was such a big deal the trip should have been cancelled when the "slap" happened. You have had months. It is terribly rude and cruel to cancel now.


Is she going to do this when she starts dating if a better boy asks her after accepting with another?